Newbies Nest

[mario]

Good morning nesters, As always its great to see so many posting here & sharing & helping others.

Today for me is me day.

As 8 years ago today, I made a decision that changed my life forever, I decided to get clean & sober after years upon years of self abuse, Thanks for all your support .

What lies behind us & what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us :-)

Have a great day folks as me so happy.

[mario]

I also like to add that there is no way I would have got to where I am today without the support & help & encouragement that I got from MWO, Thank you all. It can be done.

[j-vo]

Congratulations, Mario, on your 8 years!!! How awesome that is, and so glad to have you here helping and supporting the newbies. Thank you.

LC, I said to my husband yesterday, I just wish I could take time off, a month, a semester, but I can't. There's no way we'd be able to do it financially.

Have a Good Friday.

[daisy45]

Morning everyone.
On day 13 today. I am still going to the counsellor and each week I come away with something new. It is so helpful.....making me see things about myself that I have been oblivious to. Since starting I have to say I feel lighter....learning how to accept and respect myself.
I feel strongly that I do not want to waste the help that I have and am pulling out all the tools I have. Exercising almost daily, swimming and the gym. One thing I have learned is not to expect perfection. If I forego a couple of days without exercise, as in relapse drinking, it does not make me a failure....I must accept what I have done so far as an achievement and build on it.
I have felt like a failure for the past 6 years trying to get sober......now I realise I have not stopped trying, learning, building, and that is something to be proud of. Now I am getting to the bottom of what has been keeping me in the cycle of stop/start.
I listen to podcasts when I go to the gym, The Bubble Hour, ROCovery Fitness, Facing Addiction. I have a list of films about addiction which I am working through.
When I feel weak and want a drink I go to MWO and find someone is feeling just like me......keeps me grounded.
Just thought I'd pop in with an update.....my life has been so busy recently.......my 2 beautiful grandbabies are delightful.
I have a free day today so will get reading back to see how you guys are doing. Stay strong! Catch ye' laters!

Mario, you are the man! So well done and so happy you are back here!

[Lost Soul]

Morning all,
I'm tired & cold today so am enjoying a self indulgent tea morning.
Lovely to see you Nursie - glad your step daughter has settled in well x
Well done on day 10 Belle, I think the beginning of becoming sober again is most definitely the most difficult so well done getting through. I relapsed at about 4 years and four months and I was both frustrated & sad to have done so but try to take the positive from it & learn from it. It's great that you recognised that you needed to come back here & put a plan in place so quickly x
LC, glad your managing so well & hope your sleep settles soon :hug:
8 years is awesome Mario, Congratulations x It's really encouraging to hear really all your special milestones, with Ava & Pav reaching 3 years recently along shortly after by Jane's 6 years. Lav, I am also looking forward to you celebrating your wonderful 8 years in March & Byrdie, your 6 years very soon - I'm sure it's really good to look back & see how far you've come x
A very mixed last couple of days for me, I decided to try going to a local AA meeting on Wednesday. I tried AA about 12 years ago when I was 19 but felt really out of place so I didn't continue with it - but thought it might be worth trying again as it had been so long! On the whole it was a positive experience but surreal as my perspective has changed alot since I'd been before. My most definite rock bottom was between the ages of 18-20. I didn't drink mornings or everyday but I binge drank like my death depended on it & was hospitalised at times. Ive read this, lots https://www.mywayout.org/community/lo...lcoholism.html and initially associate 4th stage alcoholism with outwards signs of chronic loss of control i.e. the wino on the streets. However, I can identify with internal feelings of having no control & powerless being where the danger lies, as I didn't have a plan or see any positive in the future. My first 2 years of sobriety followed at 20 with pregnancy & my son arriving & separating from my partner was the start of my recovery & time moved quickly with few thoughts of the past or AL ... but taking some time to remember my rock bottom today not in the usual 'eugh what a mess/gross, glad I'm not there' but with a little more compassion for my struggling young self & grateful to be finding a way out x
Wishing all a safe & sober Friday
LS

[Elvis]

Great job on 8 years Mario!

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,LC,you made a great point about being here everyday no matter what,MWO is here for us to use,how can it help us if we don't use it? I get guilty of the flybys,or someone says something small that irritates me and I don't feel like posting but who does it hurt? ME! Sometimes I don't have much to say I think but then I start posting and the words just flow,the other day hubs asked what I was reading, I kind of snapped on him cuz I was on here and this is my sanctuary, I immediately apologized and told him its my anti-acoholic site,he told me I shouldn't go on here cuz the past is the past,forget the drinking its over but I told him its not like we go on and on about drinking/not drinking, its more about being surrounded by good,non drinking peeps and trying to live a more positive life,etc,he agreed with me on that and said its a good thing then, I said yes it is cold here(for us Vegas people) supposed to rain, 99 cent store and lunch with daughter and Lou,I think we're gonna go to Sweet Tomatoes cut we haven't been in awhile, its like a soup and salad buffet which sounds healthy but by the time I put all the crap I like on my salad..cheese,bacon bits,croutons,black olives and ranch..its not very healthy and a Big Mac would probably have less calories wishing us all a peaceful, positive, AF day

[NoSugar]

glad I'm not there' but with a little more compassion for my struggling young self & grateful to be finding a way out x Wishing all a safe & sober Friday
LS

We all should feel compassion for our misguided selves who became addicted, LS. None of deliberately got ourselves into this mess! No one on earth would choose a life shackled by the chains of addiction. We all became addicted because our attempts to feel better, which is a completely normal and healthy thing to strive for, got out of our control.

We are constantly exposed to the message that there are benefits to drinking alcohol. So, many people do and some notice that feelings they didn't like of anxiety, depression, frustration, boredom, isolation, anger, sorrow, or fear seem to go away. They feel better. And feeling good is what we all want and deserve. So we do it again. And again. But with an addictive substance (or behavior), that repeated stimulus wires the brain to need and demand that substance. Eventually, most of us weren't drinking to feel good anymore, but to try to at least get ourselves back to a baseline where we could function.

What starts out as an innocent attempt to get back to the good feelings of love, confidence, and security we once had gradually and almost imperceptibly turns into the nightmare of addiction. We should all feel compassion for all addicts, including ourselves - there is nothing weak or morally flawed about wanting to feel better.

[Roobs]

Good morning nesters,

A big fat CONGRATULATIONS to you Mario! Thank you so much for continuing to stick around and help all of us. You and all the other long timers are such a gift. Thank you, thank you! Enjoy your day.

Pauly, I feel like such a boob for not having acknowledged the awful situation your daughter went through. Thank goodness you were fully present for her. Hugs.

Ls and daisy, you must be maturing. I think many of us look back on our experiences as failing or at least very negatively. We need to learn the whys of our issues and practice compassion towards ourselves, not hate. I'm trying, certainly a work in progress.

Happy AF Friday! Day 60 for me! Boo yah!
Roobs

[paulywogg]

Oh Roobs,don't feel like a boob haha,it was in September and we've healed I think, I was just trying to point out that I'm very happy that I was there for her instead of drinking through it to dull the pain.A huge congratulations on 60 days!!!!

[dyingtobealive]

Catching up from yesterday afternoon - had no time in the evening to get on. Toddlers are nuts sometimes.

I know I keep saying it, but the positivity and support here is amazing and quite frankly, really inspiring. You all aren't afraid to admit your setbacks and I love seeing all the good things! This makes me feel very at home here and like I can be more open.

I've seen 8 years, 173 days, etc - congratulations to you all! What an achievement.

I will be checking out the toolbox and the podcasts, thank you.

I'm currently on day 2. Last night was not as hard as I thought it might be, but I was running around quite a bit as well. I did not get up and run like I wanted, but like someone else said (sorry, still getting used to usernames here) - I'm trying not to see this as a failure. 2 days sober is a pretty big deal, so I'll focus on that.

I have a difficult phone call coming up with my dad this afternoon that I've been putting off, but know has been coming for a long time. Long story short - my parents divorced about 6 years ago now (I'm 31). Bad, messy, ugly divorce. Everything was fine for awhile until my dad started seeing someone (keep in mind he cheated on my mom, thus the reason for the divorce, but kept saying he loved her then suddenly started seeing someone else.) My mom basically flat out refuses to be anywhere where this other woman is present. My daughter's 2nd birthday is in a week and of course everyone is invited, but my dad keeps pushing for this women to come. He says it's been long enough (they've been together about 4 years) that she should be able to come to family events. I have no issues with this woman (she and my brother got into it and I fully support my brother, but that's another story.) We see them fairly regularly when it's just me, husband, daughter, dad and his girlfriend. Although I feel like yes, everyone should get a long for the grandkids sake, I also feel that it will cause major stress and a sense of "uncomfortable-ness" in the air if this woman comes. My dad has not said he refuses to come if she's not invited, but I have a feeling it's come to this. I, admittedly, got fairly drunk at my daughter's 1st birthday (definitely not proud of that) and this year I hope to be AF. But if this woman comes, I'm not sure if I can handle my mom's volatility, possible outbursts of drama (as she tends to drink too much as well) at such a small event with immediate family. That kind of stress will, without a doubt, send me over the edge. Of course I can't tell my dad why, but I know he's stuck between his family and his girlfriend sometimes. I don't know. I just don't know what to do. I want the day to be about my daughter - not about divorced grandparents, a grandmother in tears and a drunk mother.

[wagmor]

Mario - Huge congrats on your 8 years!!! Celebrate your "Me Day" in super sober style! :yay:

Roobs - Glad you're aware of the complacency that might be setting in. That's definitely a vulnerable time, unexpectedly, when we're feeling so strong and solid. Hang tight to your quit and don't let it go!

DTBA - Yes, our stories do sound very similar. Like you, I also have had unhealthy coping mechanisms since about the age of 12 or 13, starting with an eating disorder, and quickly adding al to my unhealthy toolkit. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling with the same and more. These are all tough paths individually, but I think it's not uncommon for people to have more than one such addiction. My heart goes out to you. If there's anything I can do to help support you on your journey, please feel free to PM me. I think your idea of using the marathon as an "excuse" for taking a break is a great start. From my own similar path, I also encourage you to think ahead and come up with the next few steps. For me, I started with taking a full break from al and wheat - kind of a modified version of the "Whole 30" plan that has been popular recently. Then I simply transitioned into "I feel so much better I'm gonna continue for awhile..." Now at almost 6 months, people have just started to assume I'm not drinking, and they also give me sh*t if I want to cheat and have a piece of pizza

For what it's worth, we have all been on Day 2. It's a step on a long journey. From the vantage point of single digits, thinking ahead to weeks, months, years, or forever can seem daunting. Embrace your quit and celebrate every hard-fought day you get. This is YOUR victory, and every single day matters.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Lost Soul - I was so taken by your post, especially the quote that NS pulled out (I was going to pull out the same one, of course). We need to have compassion for ourselves first - can't beat ourselves up. A lot of us here are perfectionists, and giving that up - in essence humbling ourselves to admit that we're not perfect and we DO need help - has been key for me. Imagine talking to your child who had made a mistake the way you talk to yourselves? At the same time, we hold a child responsible for his or her own behavior that IS in her control. A fine line to walk. Keep it up. I found a relaxing bath with lavender bath salts a key to my first few weeks. It gave me some alone time, as well as meditation/relaxing. Interestingly, my drinking ramped up when I had young kids, too. I bet that is common...

DTBA - That sounds like a terrible situation you're in. One thing I try to remember - I can't control anyone's behavior, only my own reaction to it. Four years sounds like a long time for your mom to be making a scene about. Have you expressed your concern to your dad? Maybe your family with your dad and his girlfriend could have a separate birthday get together - you could ask him as a favor to keep the peace for now? On the other hand, having your drunk mom participate at a different time sounds enticing as well. I hope you can detach yourself from their behavior, figure out what is best for you and your daughter, and make decisions/plans accordingly. Good luck.

MARIO!!! Congratulations on 8 years. That is amazing. Thanks also for coming back and showing us the way. I hope you have a nice celebration for yourself.

Daisy - Fabulous to see you. You sound upbeat and positive. Way to go.

Happy SOBER Friday the 13th. No ticket to Boozeville here, right, G?

Pav

[scottish lass]

MARIO!!! WooHoo!!

So many posts to read - I will have to find a quiet hour and read back, this nest is hopping!

I really wanted to have a drink last night - no cravings, no stress - just wanted to have a glass of wine....it was peaceful, gentle and very lulling - it was almost too easy to give in. The cravings seem to be more of a challenge and something to fight - this was different. I held fast, but in reflection it was a little scary - I have got my long weekend grocery shop done nice and early in case that feeling comes back later today.

Stay safe and strong everyone - in both the Friday 13th realm, and a full moon!!

[Guitarista]

Morning everyone.
On day 13 today. I am still going to the counsellor and each week I come away with something new. It is so helpful.....making me see things about myself that I have been oblivious to. Since starting I have to say I feel lighter....learning how to accept and respect myself.
I feel strongly that I do not want to waste the help that I have and am pulling out all the tools I have. Exercising almost daily, swimming and the gym. One thing I have learned is not to expect perfection. If I forego a couple of days without exercise, as in relapse drinking, it does not make me a failure....I must accept what I have done so far as an achievement and build on it.
I have felt like a failure for the past 6 years trying to get sober......now I realise I have not stopped trying, learning, building, and that is something to be proud of. Now I am getting to the bottom of what has been keeping me in the cycle of stop/start.
I listen to podcasts when I go to the gym, The Bubble Hour, ROCovery Fitness, Facing Addiction. I have a list of films about addiction which I am working through.
When I feel weak and want a drink I go to MWO and find someone is feeling just like me......keeps me grounded.
Just thought I'd pop in with an update.....my life has been so busy recently.......my 2 beautiful grandbabies are delightful.
I have a free day today so will get reading back to see how you guys are doing. Stay strong! Catch ye' laters!

Mario, you are the man! So well done and so happy you are back here!

Daisy. This is so cool to hear. You are amazing, and so you should be very, very proud of yourself. Congratulations on 13 days off the freakin' sauce! You raaawk my friend. :thumbsup:

We all should feel compassion for our misguided selves who became addicted, LS. None of deliberately got ourselves into this mess! No one on earth would choose a life shackled by the chains of addiction. We all became addicted because our attempts to feel better, which is a completely normal and healthy thing to strive for, got out of our control.

We are constantly exposed to the message that there are benefits to drinking alcohol. So, many people do and some notice that feelings they didn't like of anxiety, depression, frustration, boredom, isolation, anger, sorrow, or fear seem to go away. They feel better. And feeling good is what we all want and deserve. So we do it again. And again. But with an addictive substance (or behavior), that repeated stimulus wires the brain to need and demand that substance. Eventually, most of us weren't drinking to feel good anymore, but to try to at least get ourselves back to a baseline where we could function.

What starts out as an innocent attempt to get back to the good feelings of love, confidence, and security we once had gradually and almost imperceptibly turns into the nightmare of addiction. We should all feel compassion for all addicts, including ourselves - there is nothing weak or morally flawed about wanting to feel better.

NS. Your words have resonated strongly with me over here at the beach pad on a cool saturday morning. Thanks, and right on sister.

Mario! Congrats again big buddy. We're lucky to have you around this joint.

Hi DTBAlive. Congrats on 2 maybe 3 days now days booze free! That's a great achievement. Keep it going friend. Tricky situation with your dad. Can you tell him exactly how you feel and why? Good luck.

Fab posts all round. Wow, what a bunch.

Day 154. Go git it pilgrims. :llama: