Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Happy Friday the 13th!
Heading out of town for the weekend. Nothing like a weekend trip when I've been out of town all week.
DTBA, welcome aboard. 2 days is massive in our world. I tell you, nothing can drive you nuts like family! Half of mine aren't speaking. That's such a shame. All I can do is manage my relationships with them, not theirs with each other. It's a real trick. We are so glad you are here.
Mario, 8 years! I'm right behind you, well almost! You were among the first to welcome me way back then! I will never forget your help! No going backwards now! :horse:
Hope everyone has an easy Friday. It's just another day, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Byrdie

[Lost Soul]

Evening all,
We got takeaway food tonight & I stuffed my fat face & can't move!
Roobs congratulations on 60 days! :hug:
DTBA, good luck with your call with your dad, I will be thinking of you x Families can be so difficult. What do you really want? You're quite right, it is a special day for your daugter & that's what the focus should be on. With a difficult situation where its not easy to meet everyones needs or wants, I have found it helpful to use the 51% rule which basically just means we have to consider our needs just a little bit more than those of others. It's not related to alcoholism but very helpful in difficult relationships so didn't know if it may help. Congratulations on day 2 as well! You're the same age as me btw!
Congrats SL on getting through last night. I have had intrusive drinking thoughts like what you describe too, not a relief from stress or a f*** it, but call them my 'romantical' thoughts of AL. Al was my best buddy at times, there to make me happy/relaxed. But as an alcoholic I find it helpful to remember just how shortlived the romantical relationship was, maybe half an hour? Sending thoughts of strength to you, you've had alot of worry with your daughter xx
Thank you NS & Pav, I agree compassion & forgiveness of ourselves is a big step in letting go of feelings of self blame & shame in addiction. But as you rightly mentioned as well Pav, not absolution of responsibility. If I knowingly make 'bad or unhealthy' choices & feel guilty & seek to make amends by taking responsibility of my bad choices rather than, 'woe is me'. I think the difference between guilt & shame and anger & resentment are important to me & help with healthy boundaries too x
Thank you all for your positive words & support
Nitey
L.S

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a fairly good Friday the 13th
It's turning cold here again & a little snow is predicted for tomorrow, just like real winter again, ha ha.

Roobs, Congrats on your 60 AF days, yay!!!
Keep that good feeling going

DTBA, I read your post & immediately thought - why have any alcohol at all at a two year old's birthday party? I would just skip it all together, to be perfectly honest. We have dealt with family dynamics similar to yours & it was never easy. I decided I had enough when it got to the point that my husband's grandmother was telling me that if I invited certain people to our party - she wouldn't come. So we decided to stop inviting HER & that resolved a lot of issues! The bottom line is it's your party, you invite the people you want & let them figure it out. Hopefully everyone will behave in an adult fashion!

LS, you are sounding pretty good & I am glad

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!
Happy travels Byrdie!

Lav

[Orimus]

GMAE all.

Way to go on 8 years Mario!!! Congrats on 60 days Roob!!

Just reading through tonight.

[paulywogg]

Lav,they had a twelve pack at Louie's 3rd birthday,split between 6 adults, if I had been drinking there's no way that would have flown..I'd need my own 12 pack,gross!

[dyingtobealive]

Pavati - our goal has been to not have separate birthday parties. Not only is that more work on us (usually it’s hosted at our house which means cleaning, preparing food, etc, not to mention my insane anxiety.) We feel like everyone should be able to get along and be adults. I had a good talk with a coworker and she helped me come up with some things to say to my dad. That helped quite a bit - especially when I got home and had the urge to drink.

Lost Soul - Honestly what I want is everyone to start acting like adults. Right now I’m put in the middle of my parent’s divorce and as a 31 year old grown up it’s very odd. I’ve learned things I never wanted to know. I want everyone to be able to be in the same room without tension. And ultimately I want to stop feeling guilty. My mom is great, but she’s very good at playing the woe is me victim card, which ropes me into feeling guilty for not being a better daughter. When ultimately, I need to push back and tell her to grow up at this point. It’s just hard because my siblings and I disagree on this approach. We respect each other’s decisions very much, but they haven’t seen the side of my mom that I have. It’s been a rough ride. Good to have someone else here my age!

Lavande - I can’t tell you why we’d have alcohol at a 2 year olds birthday party. Just kind of something that my family always did - we treat birthdays like parties and BBQs, so the wine and beer is just always flowing for the adults. I grew up that way.

Ultimately I didn’t get a chance to talk to my dad tonight. Once we picked the kiddo up from daycare she got even more sick, so been dealing with that. Mad rushes to the grocery store for goodies to make her feel better. I knew tonight would be hard, and it was. But I kept telling myself that one more night of being sober wouldn’t hurt anything. Hopefully I can continue to tell myself that every night.

I know I won’t sleep much tonight with a sick baby, but I’m happy to at least be sober and not sleeping. Whenever I’d drink and have to get up multiple times I was less than thrilled. While it’s not ideal, I don’t think I’ll be as irritated. And yes, I know I shouldn’t be irritated because she’s sick, she can’t help it. Cue guilt train!

Hubby went to bed, so I’m left alone to finish up some tasks I wanted to do. Trying to keep myself busy and so far it’s working. I think the last time I was AF this many days in a row was when I was pregnant. Usually when I’m cleaning or working on house projects, I have a drink in my hand. Tonight I did not. Instead I focused on the task at hand and it actually got done. Before, the more I drank the less motivated I was and I’d end up sitting on the couch drinking until I fell asleep. I’m trying to keep going with this positive mindset, but I know it will only get harder. I want a drink. And I keep telling myself that it’s OK - I’ll just have one. But how many times have I said that before and it has NEVER worked. Right now I’ve just been faced with being at home - I know the next time I’m out with friends, with family, whatever is when the real pressure will come. But today I will take these small victories.

Here’s to day 3. My short-term goal as of now is to just make it through the weekend.

[Nursie]

Late check in for me!
Mario! Happy 8 Years friend! I appreciate your posts and your insight so very much.

I got to teach a cooking lesson the my son's scout group tonight! I went over kitchen safety, read "Stone Soup" and then we made our own version of stone soup. Everyone loves the idea and it felt good. I was sober, I can be depended upon, my son hugged me so tight and told me I'm the best mom ever.

I'm on cloud 9!
But I looked super fat in the pics. Ugh
But still, cloud 9!!

[mario]

Good morning nesters, Thank you all for the comments , its great & humbling to receive.


I am over 8 years clean & sober, but to get there I did not pick it of a stone,I got there from the help & support here in MWO for the most part, it is right here where I did most of my work & most of my recovery process was shared with me from previous posters & present ones.

You have to put in the work & it is not easy, it is very hard, you are changing your whole life around & you certainly will get some hurtful & pleasant surprises along the way, This forum is a must tool in your fight to get on the right road, use it daily & say what you want within reason as most folks here can relate & understand what your going through, We are not alone. thanks again, & its great to see so many posts here every morning :-)

[madonmehndi]

[One thing I try to remember - I can't control anyone's behavior, only my own reaction to it.]

Thanks for this Pav! I need to remember that!!

[dyingtobealive]

I made it to day 3!

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,great work on day 3 DTBA(we need to nick name you haha) how did your get together go? Not much to say this morning, sounds like everyone is cruising along beautifully think I'm just in a mood cuz I really don't like working on Sat but I also don't like sitting around the house on Sat either!wishing us all a happy,healthy AF day

[Byrdlady]

If anyone has figured out cloning, I'd like to sign up. Actually, what an interesting experiment that would be. My alkie half says that one ME could be the drunk version and sit around stoopid until I passed out. The other version could be the productive ME. Wait a minute, Ive already run this experiment. I dont need the drunk version, what a Lump O Crap! If Ima have a clone, I need one that can help me out in life and not be a liability. I dont need a life sucking, unproductive ME. Im beginning to see what a boat anchor I must have been to my hubs.
Great to see all the progress! I will do a proper catch up tomorrow when I get home, but Im thinking of the nest all the time and so grateful for my friends here.
Hope everyone has an easy day!! Byrdie

[Nursie]

Sober Saturday morning shout out to the Nest!
We are going to a hockey game today so I may not be able to check in later. But I guarantee I will be sober!
DTBA can we call you "alive?" Congrats on day 3! One hour at a time right now. You are half way through a whole week my friend. If it was easy everyone would do it. You just keep on staying sober, and read here. You are fighting for your life and you are worth it!

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!
Happy Saturday! We are having the laziest day ever.. something we all need but find difficult to do. We tend to feel like we should be "using" our time, if not wisely, at least in some sort of productive way. Well.. not happening today! I've already had 2 naps..
DTBA, I like Nursie's idea of nicknaming you Alive.. what do you think? Very well done on 3 days! The situation with your parents is difficult, indeed. I hope you'll find a solution that works for all of you. It does seem like people should be able to pull it together and act like adults, but sometimes the hurt is so deep it takes a very long time to heal. It took my mom more than 8 years to be able to see my dad after he left her for a woman he'd been having an affair with.. and even now, 25 years later and they are both happy with other partners, he's not her favorite person to spend time with and we tend to separate events..in the end, it's more work but nicer and more relaxed for all of us. Let us know how it transforms..

Orimus, I'm glad to see you here trying and trying again. You are being brutally honest about your struggle and that's a really hard thing to do.. but the most important. Honesty and not giving up. How are you doing today?

Daisy!!! You sound very well.. I'm so happy that you've found someone in "real life" to talk to. That is something I would like to have here. Busy with the Grandkids is great.. can't remember if you mentioned whether or not you've been getting some swimming in? Exercise is another thing I haven't been so good about lately.. I'm just now (not today!) feeling like I have the energy to do extra things again.
Alcohol is so hard on the body, isn't it? I know when I was younger I could do it all..exercise, work, whatever, hungover and feeling like shit (ughhh..). But after years and years of abuse, forget it. And this last, my very last terrible bout of drinking left me down and out. I could clearly see that I was destroying myself.. now, 16 days later, I'm almost ok physically.. and I know mentally I have my work cut out for me for a while but I'm ready for it..

I've really enjoyed reading all of the thoughtful posts lately.. I love that there is so much activity in the Nest.. that we have a place to come and support each other, share our struggles and joys, bitch and moan, ask for advice, etc.
I feel fortunate to know you all..
Wishing everyone a relaxing and not so difficult weekend..
xx

[Orimus]

GMAE all!

Congrats on day 3 DTBA/Alive. (keep hearing Jackson Brown in my head. Google)
Doing OK here LC. Right there with you on the exercise ... I want to but the energy is just not there yet. Congrats on day 16. Getting past those first two weeks is a major milestone.

A lazy, sober Saturday so far. Going to take a long, slow drive and then do some writing.