Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,Nursie,hope everything goes well at the docs for you both Byrdie,can't believe tomorrow is 6 years for you! Pav, great post,that's the mind shift we hafta adopt,to be grateful and aware of why we're not drinking,even if its small things,LS,I Kew I had heard of alcoholics drinking mouthwash,vanilla and ehh cologne!!! So I looked at the vanilla I had and yep it has a lot,my favorite cookies are just barely undercooked so I'm pretty sure it doesn't bake out,Mr,G its great that you recognized how irritated you were getting with the class and bailed for now,take care of you! I'm having a hard time with resentment and I need to let shit go instead of dwelling on it,in the Rational recovery book he talks about this feeling,expecting others to act how we think they should,I think my coworkers should act a certain way and they dont,causing me to stir in resentment and anger over in my little corner,I need to just worry about my own self but its hard in a business setting cuz I don't want the way they act running off business,some examples are sitting at the reception desk on cellphones ignoring customers who walk in,out back smoking when there's a full lobby of people,just things like that, sorry for the rant but I'm annoyed by it and as I said I can feel anger bubbling in my blood and that NOT good for me but I can't change how they act,grr,anyways, wishing everyone a happy,healthy AF day,P.S congrats on day 2 Princess and day 9 Alive!

[dyingtobealive]

Lost Soul - I'm going to check out the FOG website. That sounds like a tool I could totally use.

Byrdie - that was me, too at the conferences! And it definitely wasn't unusual for me to scout out where I could buy a bottle of wine and take it back to the hotel room with me. I always excused it as "I need it to sleep" because I usually sleep so badly in a new place. With how exhausted I've been the last week though, I'm not sure I need it anymore! I feel like my body is catching up on years of sleep it never got. Great idea to eat before, too! I just keep reminding myself: "What is ONE sober conference going to hurt?" And if I really feel like I need to 'go out' with people, I will just stick to AF drinks - even if it means a virgin strawberry daiquiri (that I will watch the bartender make!) Every day I wake up sober I think "I'm so glad I didn't drink the night before." Your contact info would be great! Thank you. I am in the US. Midwest to be more specific, where in January it's gray and gross and wet and cold. Another big pusher to stay sober is breakfast. Work pays for my meals, so I can get omelettes and hash browns and bacon and chocolate milk and $10 chai teas if I want. But, of course, I've always been too sick for a "good" breakfast - usually downing a V8 and a banana and a gatorade to try and stay alive during the first part of the day. If I stay sober - it means all the yummy breakfast I want!

I made it to day 9. Hubby made a drink for himself and a friend last night. I'm getting suspicious that he's getting suspicious because 9 days sober is so unlike me. I asked him if I could put the booze away last night and he said: "Ah, no, I think I'm going to make another drink...do you want - nevermind." Like he didn't want to ask me to pressure me or something. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid. Either way, I opted for hot tea instead!

[wagmor]

MAE all -

Some great posts here over the past 24 hours or so. Yes, it does seem that there are many others who drink for the same reasons we all did, and yet they have that "off switch" that keeps them from going over the edge. I drank for those reasons too, but my off switch broke decades ago, if I ever even had one. Now, I've come to realize (as Byrdie often says) - 1 or 2 drinks would do nothing for me, I'm not even interested in this type of imbibing, 1 or 2 would certainly lead to 3 or 5 or 8... It honestly is far easier for me to stick with zero.

I do want to understand why I drank so that I can develop better and healthier skills for coping/dealing, but now at Day 180 (woot!) it is more helpful for me to focus on why I DON'T drink, as this reinforces my positive patterns of behavior.

Love the discussion about conferences and choosing to swim in the ocean (or go to a museum, etc) in lieu of joining strangers at happy hour. That's a powerful image for me too. As I think back over my life and consider my fondest most powerful memories, not one of them involved alcohol. No, it was those experiences of embracing life and actually living - LIVING - that stand out to me the most. Thank you for the reminder that it is my choice, our choice, to have more of those.

Hang tight everyone. Stay safe in the nest and nurture your quit however works best for you.

[NoSugar]

You sound so grounded and self-aware, LC. It's so good you're where you are as you make this big "life change" that is coming up :hug:.

Mr G., Sorry the punk teacher is getting to you. But don't forget that nothing he says matters, only what you think about what he says. Maybe others in your class think he's very knowledgeable and hang on his every word. Some, like you, might think he's a jerk but don't really care one way or the other and just ignore him. But you're all reacting to the same person who is doing and saying the same thing!! It's not him causing you to feel anything even when it seems that way. My husband and I have a challenging relative but when we discuss what was done or said, you'd think we were talking about entirely different people. What hurts me doesn't seem to faze him and vice versa. It helps me take all of the drama much less seriously and personally.
Anyway it's great that you're not going to let the grammar-freak bring you down :thumbsup:.

It's so inspiring to see new people, returners, and committed AF people busy in the nest! When I joined it was really active and Byrdie had just passed her 2-year anniversary. I so wanted to BE HER. 2 years sounded like an eternity of bliss to me at that point. The give-and-take, unwavering support, and chance to observe the lives of others and how they handled normal life challenges made all the difference. Let's keep this place going!! xx, NS

[KENSHO]

Thanks for the long and lovely posts yesterday. I enjoyed reading before bed.

Nursie, sorry for your bummer day, and congrats on not succumbing. The husband thing is hard, partly when we change, and then when they do not. My husband is still figuring out where he wants to land on the drinking thing. The good news is that he has given up thinking I will ever drink again - and it is our new normal. I just have to keep my mouth shut about his drinking, but its hard when I fully understand that alcohol is doing him absolutely no favors whatsoever. Hang in there, I think time sorts these things out, and deciding to change ourselves does create waves for everyone around us. It all evens out, I’m convinced.

Hi Marylou!

LC, right on. You have tapped that inner strength that no one else can ever take from you. Loved your post!!

G - grammer-schmammer. Glad you are not letting it jeopardize your sobriety. I intentionally got my one and only D in college in a textiles class I hated, because I knew if I fought for a higher grade it would have killed me. Turns out I use that information every day now, I just learned it later in my career, and that D never hurt my future. Keep rockin’ out the days friend! We are getting close to that 200 mark, and I actually DID schedule my massage for February! Did you schedule yours?

Regarding figuring out WHY we drink/drank - well that’s an interesting one. 3 years ago, I actually sat in a therapist’s office and told her that I didn’t want to stop drinking, I just wanted to fix those things that caused me to drink. HA! The thing is that drinking was holding me back from being able to fix those things. Once I stopped drinking, it became unimportant to fully understand all the reasons in full - I just began to deal with things as they came up in a healthier manner. I can put my finger now on triggers from the past, but they are so varied and scattered, that just living with more presence and responsibility and assurance and guts allows me to tackle the moments of stress or anxiety or anger or hunger or ________.

Hi Princess! Our bodies have to rid themselves of the accumulated toxicity - you may be purging that and feel hungover for a bit, but soon you will feel spectacularly clear and clean! Keep up the good work! I found empties for a solid year after I quit hiding them - in old bags, filing drawers, backs of kitchen shelves, clothing shelves in my closet…. yuck!

Mario, you’re such a positive addition to the nest! Thank you for being here and sharing!

DTB, it takes the spouses a bit to catch up with our decision. They will get there, just keep doing what you are doing! You won’t regret it one single bit!!

P.S. You can buy vanilla bean powder that has no alcohol, and I think it tastes better than the liquid…(It’s pricey but it lasts):

Amazon.com : Organically Grown Vanilla Bean Powder, 4.23 Oz - Raw Ground Vanilla Bean - Unsweetened, Gluten-Free - EXTREMELY FRESH - Ground Moments Before Packaging! : Grocery & Gourmet Food

I’m off to feed my soul today. I need it.

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

LC - I LOVE this sentiment...

Morning Nesters!
I keep reminding myself that the only thing I really HAVE (along with my spirituality which I think is one and the same) is my sobriety. Actually, no one can take it from me and it's the one "weapon" I have in that it allows me to be fully present in my mind... which allows me to take care of myself, to see what needs to be done, what can be done.. it allows me to take a step back and see things for what they really are.

As for vanilla - Ellie from the Bubble Hour relapsed after 5 years sober - five years in which she was a sober blogger, started a sober podcast, and "knew" all there was to being sober. She had had cancer, her dad died, and she was in the kitchen when suddenly, without forethought, she went to the cabinet and downed the vanilla extract. I was in such disbelief when I heard that. She talks a lot about her relapse, what led up to it, and what the warning signs were long before that vanilla. It is an interesting story, and one that contains plenty of warnings and information for me. I do keep vanilla extract in my house, but I always consider my state of mind in regard to it. I finally, after three years, made stew that included red wine. It does add a flavor I haven't been able to find a replacement for, but I won't be doing that often. Has anyone found a good substitute for wine in recipes?

I have a ton of anxiety today, and a meeting I am not looking forward to. I will be glad when it is over.

G - Sorry about that guy, and I love NS's advice (as usual). Hope you get it worked out.

Congratulations, Princess! Onward and upward.

Nursie - my thoughts are with you. Good luck with the doc.

Happy Sober Thursday,
Pav

[KENSHO]

PAV, I have used pommegranite juice with a little worchestershire to create a sweet, rich tang. It's ok, but not exactly the same.

[available]

Morning nesters

quick check in for me. Thank god it is Friday.

G i am with you about feeling the resentment with what teachers say. I had the same issue at my course and my anxiety was becoming through the roof but i just decided to do my very best and see what the outcome was. If i was drinking i would never have done this course and i need to build on my skills and not worry what others think. I can deal with constructive criticism but if spoken down to then i get really annoyed and a case of the f#ck its. Now though luckily i can just walk away without that urge to drink. You can do this and make sure you do what makes you feel comfortable, we have nothing to prove to anyone except ourselves.

Wags a huge congrats on 180 days. Proud of you girl and love your posts.

I have had a shite week, so tired and not much sleep. I seem to have had the worst patients at work and my patience level is zero. Someone complained as they had rang 3 times and i had not answered. I just told them i could not be bothered answering the phone today. That left them speechless. My bitch level was 100% so i told my coworkers and they left me alone. Job done!

The best fix was going to the gym with my son and he told me he was proud of me as i was not whinging and doing what he did. Even when i do the workout wrong we have a laugh and its fun.

A toothache hit me last night which i think has been the icing on the cake but im sober so life is okay.

someone told me early on that "bitters" that are added to a drink at al in them and i was so certain i was back to day one but i still have those bitters and i have not relapsed and still it is one of my favourite drinks. I have never cooked with wine as i preferred to drink it. Glad those days are long gone.

Well thank god it is friday and its raining today. Nice stay at home weather but off to the mans so work it is.

Take care x

[Spinigus]

Starting topa again with prozac

Thank you all for posting, it's giving me courage to try again. The first time I tried topa I ran out and didn't know how to order more, but it worked! I had no AL cravings and could sit with a single glass of wine all night when with friends! That was huge, and I thought maybe I had changed so I could taper off. Well I went back to drinking about a month later, then the drinking ramped up again. I tried topa again about a year later, but wasn't diligent about the vitamins/supplements and hypnotherapy. I was also teaching and couldn't deal with the mind fog so I gave up before it worked. Today I'm starting for the third time. I'm committed to following through this time. I can't keep drinking my nights away and being only partially present/lazy every day, not wanting to get up. I have to do this for my young daughter! I need to be a good role model for her, and I'm so ashamed of how I've been ignoring her and just wanting to drink and watch stupid tv. My doctor also just started me on Prozac, so I'm very hopeful for a positive change in the next couple of weeks. Thanks for having a good support group!

[Princess_to_J]

Thanks for the support guys, another quick post as I'm shattered and heading for bed Im up again for work at 4.30am.


Kensho, you know all my hiding places so well, I guess we all used the same places... I was thinking about the last time I gave up.. well for more than a few days, a couple of months in I caught sight of myself in the mirror after a class I was taking and for a moment didn't recognize myself, I want to be her again..


Nursie I hope things improve for you soon.

Right I'm off to bed I have the attention span of Dory tonight..lol, which isn't much less than my normal and keep forgetting what I've read and the replies I wanted to post..

Day 3 looms ahead, which I know will be a difficult one for me, my body will just want to drink tomorrow as the alchol levels in my body diminish and Friday is my Ill have drink and "Relax" before everyone is home for the weekend..

Night all,

L x

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Hope everyone is having a good day ☺ Welcome to myof spinigus, It is a wonderful source of support & accountability when trying to become AF. Folk here are so kind & helpful - it certainly helps when you know you are not facing this struggle alone.
Princess, my wobbly day was usually day 4, check in when you feel you need for support & be kind to yourself x
Byrdie 6 years is such a wonderful achievement x Congratulations to you & also thankyou for taking the time to share it with us & showing us it can be done - so pleased for you :welldone:
Thankyou Lav I'm sorry to hear that about your dad. I think I can understand how you feel, you may miss the parent you didn't have but you don't miss the pain x 44 years married - now that is something :happy2:
Nursie - that sounds like a really tough situation with your husband - Sending a hug & virtual hand to hold x I think you are so doing the right thing taking your antabuse & looking after your quit - you've worked really hard to get where you are! I hope your doctors appointment goes well too x how is your friend doing?
I agree with NS, you sound so grounded LC & have a really healthy attitude, I think it will see you through well x
G - how frustrating, clearly your tutor is an ass! I think some people know their subject/stuff but can not be very good at teaching itself & protecting your amazing quit is so important - 159 days is awesome!
Ava, sorry you had a bad week - not sleeping great puts everything out of sync. Glad however your enjoying quality with your son & have a restful weekend :happy2:
Pav - I can't believe that re the vanilla though I guess ignorance is bliss as I hadn't known so if had a wobbly moment I would just have quickly reached for the ketchup haha! Good luck with your meeting x Thanks Kensho for the links for the vanilla powder - I used to buy the pods but we're dear (& im lazy) so switched to liquid - hadn't even considered powder!
Pauly - I know at our worse, anything is possible - the thought of cologne does seem boke! Wagmor, Congratulations on 150days - you've awesome!
Really helpful to read through all your posts - I'm finding alot of comfort in reading them x
Wishing all a safe & sober Thursday
LS

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, so many great posts in the past 24 hrs, great!

Byrdie, CONGRATS on your 6 years AF :welldone:
I remember the day I found you & sunk my claws into you, so glad I did ha ha!!
You were one determined newbie & I just knew you were going to be successful.

We have all learned so much on this mutual journey. Our caring & sharing here helps all of us
I felt so relieved when I realized that I wasn't the only one drinking AT a chronically depressed spouse. I felt so relieved when I learned that I didn't have to keep doing that, duh. I figured there would be some changes in my household when I quit but I certainly didn't expect some of the changes that actually occurred. I found great value in learning to stop trying to control situations & just sitting back & let them unfold on their own. The bottom line is - believing everything will be OK.

Welcome back Spinigus, glad you are here. Your plan sounds good, wishing you the best!

Wags, Congrats on your 180!!!

Nursie, hope your tests work out OK.

Everyone experiencing extra stress & anxiety - please take a few moments & take 3 deep breaths. That's how I center myself & get my head back to where it needs to be, works like a charm

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Thanks everyone for your support with my english course adventures. I'm not getting stressed about it at all. If i have to drop it for another time, no probs with that. See how it goes.

Byrdy, 6 years! Holy Holy islands of monks! Congratulations my friend. To offer your number to people here and willing to be there on the other end of the phone is something else. You are much appreciated round this joint.

Wags, 180?! Wowza pilgrim! Love your writing.

Friend Kensho, yep, i'll be on the massage table at day 200. Keep up your fab work good buddy.

Lov the PAV! And the Nurse's work!

Glad you're sticking out that course Ava. I reckon you will love that line of work and eat it up.

LS and LC. 2 more freakin legends.

Good to see you Spinner!

Big waves to everyone. Must be day 160, but i never been one fo' countin'. L8tr Yo!

[lifechange]

Morning Nesters!

Congratulations, Byrdie, on 6 years of sobriety! Your words of wisdom, told in a very straightforward manner (:happy2, always hit the nail on the head and have helped me to pull my head out of my you-know-what more than once..I appreciate your dedication to this nest, your honesty and support more than you can know.. thank you for that. I hope you have a wonderful celebration planned..


Wags, Congrats on 180 days!! and G-man on 160!
We are rockin' it in this lovely Nest!!

:welcome: Spinigus.. Good to have you here..

Princess, I hear you with day 3. My most difficult as well. As they like to say around here, Friday is just another day.. and that really is true. Set yourself up for success and make a set plan. I don't know what your home situation is..you mentioned, "before everyone comes home.". but it helped me that first weekend to splurge on all of my favourite foods, some juice and sparkling water.. I let myself look forward to a nice bath, some good films.. when the kids were around (sometimes my biggest trigger) I did my very best to stay in the moment and concentrate fully on them and what they were saying and doing. But at the same time, I pulled back often, finding a quiet space when I needed it, a nap, a walk.. I spent hours on end on MWO, reading back in the Nest and in the Toolbox.. I spent hours reading all of Hip Sobriety.. 19 Awesome Ways My Life Changed In 19 Sober Months. — HIP SOBRIETY.. You CAN do this.. stick close. We are all here to support you!!

Ava, I hope you have a better day today.. tooth pain as icing on the cake is a hell of a bummer! Good on you for making it to the gym without whinging.. sounds like you've got a great workout partner..

So I'm off to work for a couple of hours, then will head to the hospital to wait for someone to have a look at the "tumour" the doctor told me she saw yesterday on one of my ovaries.. I am the slightest bit worried because she told me I should go today and not wait for an appointment. On the other hand, I don't want to worry unnecessarily.. so I'm hoping for the best until I hear otherwise..
Nursie, I hope your appt. goes well today.. and your husband's. Let us know.

Will check in later today.. xx

[Roobs]

Congratulations Byrdie!! You are such a feisty inspiration! Thank you for sticking around and supporting the rest of s.

So many great posts to catch up on. I hosted a book club dinner last night an didn't really get a chance to check in. 3 of us ladies weren't drinking, it was FUN! Who knew?

Nursie, your attitude and energy amaze me. Keep protecting your quit, that's a priority.

Lav, I look forward to your good mornings and good evenings. Thanks for sharing about your husband and your journey.

Way to go princess!

I'll be sticking closer to the nest tomorrow.

Goodnight.
Roobs