Newbies Nest

[Roobs]

Cross post Nursie,

Your boundless energy despite your stresses is amazing. Don't forget to take care of yourself too.
Roobs

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Here I am just in time to wish everyone a safe night in the nest!

Marylou, a big CONGRATS on your 3 AF years!!!
Neo & ADP, you can do it - just get started, OK?

Be well everyone.
Lav

[lifechange]

Morning, Nesters!

Tony, great job on getting through day 2!! Whatever you need to do. You CAN do it.. For me, the first week was a bitch. Every day seemed to drag on and I didn't know whether or not I could really do it. I didn't trust myself at all.. but something lifted after 7 days..possibility. You already know how much more capable you are to deal with problems at work if you're sober..

Roobs, that was a great documentary.. thank you for sharing it. F******* alcohol and drugs. We are all so fortunate to be figuring this out NOW... I have been here, trying to quit drinking for almost 6 years. And though I've had some positive moments during that time, can see some accomplishments.. those were done during my sober stints. Alcohol has only majorly set me back.. at work, in my relationships, health wise physically and mentally.. Nothing good has come from drinking and thank god I've realized I don't have to waste one more minute of my time with it. I don't have to let myself sink any lower. And it is work.. especially reminding myself of my truth. Finding new ways to handle life.. stepping forward instead of procrastinating and hiding is very difficult for me. But I am FORCING myself to do just that. Move forward whether that means taking on tasks or (more often than not) admitting that I don't have the energy or courage to do those things at this point. One of my people pleasing problems has been promising more than I can deliver...Honesty with myself (and others) is my new policy and it ain't easy!:happy2: I'm constantly catching myself before telling a useless white lie.. usually making an excuse for something I thought I could do but can't. It's helping me to be honest.. because it forces me to take responsibility for my actions which in turn helps the next time I'm asked whether or not I can do something. Learning to say no is big.

Off to work.. I hope you all have a good Un-hung Monday.

[marthadan]

Good morning everyone. Day 2 starting. I remember the first week being tough, so will just be trying to be present and busy. Wishing everyone a blessed Monday!

[mario]

Good morning nesters and welcome Tony & Martha , keep dropping in here & elsewhere even if its just to say hello.

The biggest cross I had to bear in giving up my chaotic alcoholic life was the acceptance that I can not drink like normal social drinkers, In in accepting that is the fact that I cant drink at all, as in ever again,

9 times out of 10 when I drank there was some drama involved somewhere, be it with my partner, mother, siblings, friends or anyone else that happens to be around me.

It was only in accepting defeat in this battle that allowed me to go on and win my war against my addiction.

Have a good pleasant day folks.

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Hope everyone is well, Welcome ADP & Marthadan - good job on day 2, as others have said, tender loving care in the early days is so important & checking in here for accountability and support while your still feeling wobbly - you will feel stronger & more confident soon. Tony, Its good to hear your positive attitude & drawing from your past success - you sound like your well prepared x
Pauly, that is odd, I've only been to AA meetings the last two Wednesdays & what people discuss is very open - so I guess it depends on the person whos talking! Good idea to avoid anything that triggers romantical AL thoughts though.
SL, I'm sure it's tough with your dad being unwell. I'll be thinking of you & send positive thoughts to you & your mum x Nice to hear your youngest's enthusiasm! & that her support starts soon. In addition to what you do, Ive no doubt she will heal fully x
Nursie - it sounds like you are moving into another chapter & coping so well with big changes x
Love your thoughts on AL , LC - it really is so true, nothing good ever comes from drinking for us! Moving forward with great insight - lovely to read your posts x
Starting a new week & feeling positive - patience and time & I'll get there x
Wishing all a safe & sober Monday
LS

[paulywogg]

Hello nesters,Roobs,that is crazy how he immediately went back but I guess that's how addiction can be,I know when I've had sober time and relapsed I always seemed to hit the booze harder than before, I think that's how a lot of people overdose,chasing a high that won't come,LS,not sure why AA triggered me,maybe the location of the one I went to,maybe just too much talk about drinking,maybe the annoyance at them for thinking their way is the only way, I just dunno,maybe like everything else I just used it as an excuse to drink,that's all triggers boil down to,an excuse to drink,wishing everyone a great AF day

[dyingtobealive]

Lost soul - 3 weeks! awesome!

Sounds like a lot of you are experiencing the weather we are. Saturday we actually saw the sun, but other than that it's just been gross and wet and dreary. Ready for spring, here!

Marthadan - Mario is right, gotta get to sober thinking. It's a big change, but gets easier. I never realized how much of my time was spent thinking about drinking or how we were going to be drinking at various events before I got sober. And congrats on day2!

Lifechange - thanks! I'm getting better with nutrition - during the work week I'm definitely better, even trying to cut out enriched carbs and stick to whole grains (which is hard - I love me some spaghetti!) Cut out soda, sweets, that kind of stuff. But the weekends it's a free for all. Makes me wonder if my body just can't get into a rhythm because of the drastic change the weekend brings. Of course I don't work out on the weekends either. So maybe consistency is something I should work on as well. Just like "what's one more night sober?" maybe I can start doing: "what's one more day without 6 cups of chocolate pudding?" especially because I know in a year and I can go back to eating chocolate pudding and it won't be a bad thing! lol. Sounds like you are on the right track, even if you did have an all out junk food day. One day at a time.

Tony - welcome! Mr. Shiraz is my ex-pal, too. Congrats on getting through day 2!

Princess - great job! And I'm sorry to hear about your husband, that's tough. I can't imagine. But I agree with Pavati, probably dangerous to have the bottle around. If you don't want to dump it - is there someone you can give it to who will keep it safe and not unwrap it? At least then you know you didn't dump it, but it's not in your house.

Nursie - sorry to hear about your uncle and his kids. Must be hard to watch. I think it says a lot that people were worried about you - you have people in your life that care. But I understand that feeling of embarrassment, I feel a lot of shame about this, too. But we're picking ourselves up and we should be proud of that! I used to swig Listerine, too. Sorry you are dealing with all that with your stepdaughter and her mother. That must be difficult.

Update on me - will try to keep it short. My weekend was insanely busy. My daughter’s birthday party was a success. She has many people who love her. In fact, it was an AF success. We were at the grocery store and I casually mentioned to my husband: “I don’t think we need anymore wine, that one box still hasn’t been opened…actually, I don’t even care if we put it out.” He thought for a moment and said: “Yeah, people know where it is if they want it.” It was a very, very stressful day before the party for me though. I seem to always be running behind and 45 minutes before the party I still hadn’t showered. In the shower all I could think about was having a nice, big glass of wine to shake the anxiety. (I always get super anxious when people, even family, come over.) But knowing it was an AF party, I knew it would look bad if I was the only one drinking. So I drank tea. Way too much tea, in fact. I was very jittery from the caffeine/anxiety mixture. Oh well. I can’t tell you how amazing it felt to spend the day AF and just focus on my little one. That night was the most difficult night, i would say. After the kiddo was in bed and everyone had left, hubby and I sat down to relax and watch TV. At some point, he gets up and goes to pour wine. He gets out two glasses and asks me if I wanted any. My mind became a war zone - back and forth. Weighing my options. Could I have just one tiny little glass? What would it hurt? Turns out it could hurt a lot - I reminded myself that: 1) I wouldn’t be able to stop at one tiny glass and I’d spend Sunday hungover. Not worth it. and 2) I knew that if I broke my sobriety now, I’d definitely take liberty on my business trip next weekend and I absolutely do not want to do that. As much as I’m “mourning” not being able to go to happy hour and indulge with the other conference go-ers, staying sober is really, really important to me for the trip.

Officially made it to day 13! WOO!

[Orimus]

GMAE all,

Princess – So sorry to hear about your hubs, was that a recent Christmas? As everyone else has said you should get it out of the house. Maybe re-gift it?
Ava – Glad to hear about your son.
Mary – Congrats on three years.
Scottish Lass – Best of luck to your dad. 3 months to get the MRI results?
Alive – You can still have your spaghetti if you’re eating whole grains. I know Barilla has a whole line of whole grain pastas.

A quiet, gray Monday in Jersey but will have to put together some plans workwise. I’m fortunate in that it feels like I’ve been racing along for 2 years and now everything is … quiet. Right now there is nothing that needs to be done if I don’t feel like doing it. Of course they’re paying for an onsite consultant right now so there is only so much laying back.

Have a great AF Monday!

[jane27]

Hi Nesters,

I was looking for a good article on how to get through the difficult early days and found this one,
First 9 Days of Sobriety Revisited.. - RP Alcohol Sobriety Blog & Resources

It inspired me to share some key tools I used. Wishing everyone strength to get through the day.:heartbeat:

1. Aside from absolute musts, I held myself to the single goal of not drinking and regularly relished in the fact this required not DOING something (unlike exercise or cleaning out the closet).

2. Sought out diversions to pass time in a pleasurable way wherever I could- Pinterest was/still is a great one.

3. Settled into a home thread (Ladies on a Mission), posted daily, invested time in getting to know fellow, regular posters to the thread.

4. Focused on not signing up for things I didn't really want to do (lunch or dinner with [fill in the blank] friend)

5. Avoided red flag traps (lunch with Dad, all social situations associated with drinking- for me this ='d all social situations)

6. Took steps to identify and document my feelings in a journal (kept me from zoom reflecting on one giant block of drinking in every situation).

7. Looked for like minded, successfully sober MWO veterans then back read their posts. Reading first hand how they got through the early days helped bring my goal into focus by reminding me that it really is do-able.

8. Downloaded podcast 'The Bubble Hour' and listened to it in the car while driving.

9. Wore imaginary blinders (to block out daily stress) and embraced an attitude of blind desperation

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Jane! Great to see you pop in. That is a great list - you might consider the tool box? I read there a lot at first, too.

Alive - CONGRATULATIONS on making it through all the struggle yesterday. You flexed that sober muscle and in doing so made it stronger. Way to go! Have you considered having a serious talk with your husband? This is for ADP, too. I knew my husband would continue to offer me booze unless I sat him down and told him exactly what was up. He knew I regretted over drinking a lot, but I don't think he knew the depths of what I was doing and thinking. I told him I HAD to quit, and that if I EVER (even after 10 years!) told him I was fixed and going to drink again he had to get in my way no matter what! I think he really did get it, and he knows that I am a much more even, happy and together person now. I think we were both surprised the ways in which alcohol was slowing me down.

Nursie - Great news about your stepdaughter. So glad you can be there for here.
SL - You, too, with your daughter. Sounds like a lovely two days. I will be thinking about you Thursday.

Off to work. Happy Monday, all.

Pav

PS - I would add to Jane's list baths - I took a lot that first few weeks. I would put nice bath salts in and just relax. I also took many, many, many walks with the Bubble Hour on my phone. It is funny that there are still some trails I go on that remind me of my endless pondering about alcohol.

[dyingtobealive]

orimus - well of course I could get whole grain spaghetti, but it just doesn't TASTE as good.

pavati - I have considered talking to my husband, but I don't think I can admit this out loud yet. I know he was starting to notice that I was drinking waaay more than I used to - 5ths disappearing within days when it used to take weeks, boxes of wine disappearing within a week when it should last a month...that kind of stuff. And I know he'd be 100% on board and supportive, heck, he'd probably get rid of all the alcohol in the house. I'm just not ready to tell him yet. And I know part of that is me wanting to believe that eventually I can drink in moderation and if I admit that I can't then it's actual permanent. I will work on it. And it wasn't really him asking, although it would have probably been easier if he hadn't, it was the stress of the day. Had a couple of days last week that he asked and I had no problem saying no. I'll get there eventually.

[Orimus]

Alive - feel the same way about decaf coffee. :0)

[KENSHO]

Hi Nest. Happy Monday! LONG POST ALERT!!! I diced a serrano pepper for my slow cooker recipe this morning, and then rubbed my eye and it is burning something firece, but I can still type!!

PAV, I find knitting difficult at best, but crocheting is easier and more fun (easier to fix the oopses)! There’s such a meditative rhythm to it. I’ve made my kids and friends hats, and they seem to really like them (at least that’s what they tell me - HAHA)!

Princess, you may find over time that alcohol will hold a sort of disgust for you. The sentimentality may fade and I’m not sure it will feel worth the temptation in the end. Just my two cents. So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband :love:

Congratulations MaryLou! Thanks for the ice cream party… 3 years is AMAZING and I look forward to getting there! Way to go!

Nursie, I LOVE your description of cooking! I have also found a new love for the art, especially when I equate it to filling my body with GOOD things, vs. alcohol! You are an inspiration with all that you are going through. Keep up the positivity and honesty, I love reading it!

DTB, I have started showering first thing in the morning on “party” days, as I also tend to leave it until the last minute. Just a way we can take care of ourselves first! Glad to hear an update, and congrats on your AF party!

DTB and ADP, telling my husband that I was not drinking, and sharing the gory details was a HUGE step in my success. Not only did it give him an understanding of the “real” story, and give him the opportunity to support me, it solidified my commitment. Not telling our significant other is a way to hang on to the wish of moderation. I believe it is critical that we get those close to us on board. No one needs someone constantly offering us wine.

Orimus, enjoy that quiet to the max! I long for that phase! Such a good chance to listen to ourselves and assess our needs.

When I started my AF journey, I regularly tried to assess “how bad” my drinking was - in an attempt to downplay my situation and keep alcohol in my life. The truth is that I wasn’t in the final stages of alcoholism, and I didn’t have many outward consequences of drinking (like being fired or divorced or being in accidents or being humiliated), but I couldn’t deny the inner consequences that I felt EVERY DAY. No one else knew that I had a problem - but I KNEW. I fought with myself every day about when/if I would drink (and I always did), and about when to stop (never soon enough), and I kicked myself every night about how I couldn’t read to my kids at bedtime properly. I felt guilt, and remorse, but mostly, I HATED fighting with myself. I knew I was not taking care of my health, and that I was headed toward being an even heavier drinker - as I began to give in to my cravings earlier and earlier in the afternoons, and drinking on the way home in the car. Alcohol consumed my thinking - it was what I turned to instead of my friends and family. (what a truly shitty friend!). Mostly, it really affected how I thought of myself. Routinely not keeping my promises to drink less, and functioning sub-par with my loved ones really takes a toll on self-esteem.

NOW, after only 165 days AF, I talk about my needs and feelings with my husband and friends. I sleep through the night without the nauseating 3am sweats and start my day enjoying my coffee, not gulping it as if it were medicine for my hangover. I engage with my kids in focused conversation, and I don’t worry about hiding my alcohol breath. I eat healthier than I ever have, and I appreciate all that life has to offer - good and bad. I am FAR less anxious, FAR less depressed and MUCH more comfortable in my own skin. I am becoming the person I always wanted to be - not HIDING from life. DO I MISS ALCOHOL? NO. Sometimes I miss “checking out”, but I’m slowly finding ways to do that without drink - and finding that part of it is just giving myself permission to do so. Drinking at night pretty much ensured I wouldn’t be able to do much work - or feel the pain of it, and now I just go to bed, or take a bath, or do a meditation, or pet/walk the dog.

My point is that it doesn’t matter what others think of our drinking or if we have “outward” problems due to it. It doesn’t matter if we are “bad enough” in comparison to others. It ONLY matters what WE think of ourselves. Anyone landing on this site is tired and disgusted enough of their drinking habit that they googled “how to stop drinking”. And I am so thankful that I stopped the bargaining and decided to have a better life. Every day is SO MUCH BETTER without this addiction! All the reasons I had for wanting to keep booze in my life seem so small now. My real friends bring LaCroix FOR ME to events in case I forget, they love that I can be the DD, they understand when I go to bed earlier than them, and no one in my industry cares more about my consumption at events than they do their own. Other people are way too concerned about themselves to care a rat’s butt what I do, and frankly, they see that I am happier and healthier and they support that. If you struggle with alcohol, STOP. You can think in circles all you want, but you will end up in the same place - needing to STOP. It takes some time and bravery and discomfort, but you will come to see that you love LIVING life, not numbing it, and you will never regret kicking the bastard alcohol out. If you know alcohol is causing problems for you, it likely always will. The bargaining only delays the inevitable. So stop! Go for it and don’t look back!

[marthadan]

Kensho - thanks for that post! So so true! I've gotten through day 2 folks! Took my son for soccer trials and then hit the gym. That kept me busy till 8.40pm. After 8 the cravings seem to die off. But it's true. I don't think I drink as much as some people I know. But I just can't handle alcohol. It affects me worse than other people. I've been bargaining with myself all year. Winning some losing some. But the blackouts frighten me. They're the ones that make me feel ashamed, guilty, like a real idiot. Such a lack of self care! Why would I do that to myself?? So that's why I've got to do this. Thanks everyone. I'm still trying to navigate my way through the posts. Enjoying all the articles as well. Good night. Bless.