Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Dark, extremely damp & windy here in Lav-land - geez! But, it's better than the massive blizzard we had one year ago today

Alive, good for you getting thru your weekend & party AF! That's an accomplishment, be proud!
I gave up white many pasta years ago & if I have any now, it tastes weird to me. You get used to the whole grain stuff, believe me, ha ha!

Kensho, developing that good old attitude of gratitude really helped fill in the blanks/empty spots left by going AF. Moving forward in my life with health, happiness & gratitude did the trick for me

Wishing everyone continued success & a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Alive, Day 13 was a real turning point for me. After that, something clicked and I knew I could do this!

Kensho, that was an awesome post, would you consider putting that in the tool box for us? That bargaining is the killer, isnt it? It always put me right back where started (and worse).

In previous quits, I didn't tell hubs the extent of my drinking, but this last one where everything depended on it, I got him on board. I needed help, and I needed his help. As I have mentioned, even after he gave me that ultimatum, he felt guilty and offered me a little drink. I had to explain that there IS NO little drink for me. I wasnt after a drink I was after a drunk. I needed him on my side...to have my back when we were out and about. But that was my situation, everyone's is different.

Where is Mr G and his massive 160 some days??! Are you in counseling school also? You will make an awesome one, if so!

Hope everyone had an easy day! Byrdie

[Nursie]

I almost fell asleep and I was feeling like I forgot to do something. Check in here!!
It's super late here but I just wanted to say thank you for all the support.
Alive- you are killing me with the pudding. Haha! One day (I may have even posted it) I woke up feeling incredibly guilty for eating pudding the night before. I stashed the evidence under the garbage and washed the dish as to erase the pudding. Then I realized that pudding is awesome and I am not waking up to the guilt of alcohol anymore so eat the pudding!

Jane- perfect post, that really resonates with me. Thank you!

Kensho- massive injection of truth my friend! I love it.

To everyone else, have a good night. Tomorrow will be 81 days for me!

[mario]

Good morning nesters, Fantastic post Kensho one in which I could relate a lot.

That brought back another memory for me ( I have thousands) I was living in a caravan in a field in Portugal, no elec, water ,or toilet, nothing, thought I was happy ??

Anyway I lying dying with the mother of all hangovers, again. This kindly lady dropped up the AA big book, as I was an avid reader, As I couldn't sleep I read it in about 7/8 hours & when I finally finished declared to myself, thank god I not like them in that book. it took another 6 years before I awoke from my bubble.

That is the illusion this addiction gives you, everyone around you can see the destruction you are in & causing, except you.

Great thread here folks, enjoy the day.

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Quick fly by this morning, really love all the wonderful post from everybody :heartbeat: so inspiring & hopeful.
Wishing all a safe & sober Tuesday
LS

[dyingtobealive]

orimus - I have never been able to stomach coffee. To me, even with caffeine, unless it’s accompanied by sugar, milk and vanilla syrup it’s awful. Why anyone would drink coffee without the caffeine is beyond me.

KENSHO - Yes, I must start showering first. Growing up I always remember my mom saving getting ready until the last minute and it drove me nuts. And here I am. I think for me it’s something about my pajamas. I absolutely want to stay in sweat pants as long as possible. Vacuuming and mopping floors with a bra on? Sounds awful. Your story really resinates with me. I never felt like I was “that bad” because I’d never had a DUI, no divorce, hadn’t lost my kid, still excelling at my job. Heck, I even ran a mini marathon and countless 5Ks. But every morning with a hangover, every churn of my nauseated stomach caused me to think: “Tonight I will stop.” And I never did. Even when I put my little girl to bed and barely remembered it. Thinking of the same, the guilt, I’m a terrible mom. But I still went back to the bottle because “this time I’ll only have one.” In 14 days, I’ve felt a weight lifted and although there are still hard days, even hard hours, every sober minute has been worth it.

Lavande - I’ll sloooowly get there. Honestly, I don’t think it’s a white pasta thing so much as maybe I shouldn’t eat 3-4 bowls of spaghetti in one night? Ha. I’m very much an all or nothing person (like with alcohol!) So for me to really give something up it’s almost like I have to do it cold turkey, I can’t phase it out. I struggle sometimes with something as small as soda. If I drink a Dr. Pepper on a Sunday, I’ll be drinking Dr. Pepper all week long. In my sobriety I think this all or nothing thinking is something I need to work on.

Byrdie - honestly, last night I didn’t even really think about drinking! We even went out to eat and initially thought: “Oh, I usually get a glass of wine” and was immediately hit with the: “Eh, doesn’t even sound that great right now” thought. Today I even woke up not exhausted for the first time, so I believe I’m hitting that turning point. And just in time for my conference, which will be a big help. I worked 14 hard days to get here, why mess that all up?

Nursie - Haha on the pudding! I know that feeling though…needing to stash the “evidence” and you’re right, we don’t have to! Pudding is awesome! But moderation is what I need. Seriously, I’ve eaten a whole box of pudding. And it’s almost Girl Scout cookie time. My goodness I can’t help myself with those stupid Tagalongs. I’ll eat the whole box if I’m not careful. And while a sugar hangover is nowhere near an alcohol hangover, it’s still not pretty lol


I will try to be honest with my husband in time. Right now I think most of me is just trying to get used to my new normal. I know he’s desperate for me to be honest with him. I’m very good at hiding my feelings because I want to spare everyone else the pain. This is partly due to how I grew up - I knew that if I became upset or showed “bad” feelings (i.e. guilt, shame, anger, sadness, etc) it would make situations worse, so I learned quickly mask it. I’ve never quite been able to get out of that. My husband doesn’t fully know the extend of my postpartum depression either, even though I’ve alluded to it and he wants me to be honest. I’m afraid of what he will think of me. I’m ashamed. I don’t want him thinking less of me because I am this way. I didn’t want to be this way.

Wishing you all an AF lovely rest of your days.

[Roobs]

Good morning nesters,

Kensho, Jane, your posts were just what I needed to wake up to! Such great advice, thank you.

Alive, as Kensho said. "Not telling our significant other is a way to hang on to the wish of moderation. I believe it is critical that we get those close to us on board. No one needs someone constantly offering us wine. "
This, I believe is critical. You need the people closest to you for support and accountability.


Thanks all, must get ready for work. Day 71 for me, feeling really great.
Roobs.

[KENSHO]

DTB - HUGE congratulations on 14 days! This is massive! GREAT job!!!!! I totally "get" the pajama thing. I love sweats I wanted to mention that, though I think it's imperative for long term success, I understand not telling people of our AF plans right away. After time, it is definitely a way out of the commitment. But at first, I also had to gain my own strength. I wasn't immediately ready to handle my husband's response. The good news is that with more AF time, the shame leaves you, and your own strength grows. Do it on your own time, but definitely do it. BTW, I ate the entire kitchen when I stopped! You have plenty of time to moderate your diet; for now, eat what you want and fill that belly up!!

Mario, a "caravan field in Portugal?" Wow! Sounds bohemian. So glad you found your stride with living alcohol free.

Mr. G, where are you?

My big client had an emergency and won't be meeting with me this week, so the pressure is lessened. I feel happy. I've been eating well (not forgetting lunch, lots of greens and water), and exercising and it feels good. I also have decided to work less and be a better parent. I know that shit will hit the fan at times, but I would rather focus on attending to my kids and their needs now.

Hope everyone has a strong day. It's worth it to be alcohol-free!

[lifechange]

Lovely posts, as usual, Nesters..

Alive! Big congrats on 14 days.. that's a great accomplishment and you are sounding strong..I agree with Kensho's nutritional advice! I'm also a crazy sugar addict and hate how I feel when I've had too much. What I'm doing now is filling myself up with good food before I go to the sweets.. I still eat some then but at least not as a meal replacement.

Great on 71 days, Roobs!

I'm pretty darn proud of all of us hanging around this Nest.. I know you are all helping me so much. This morning I didn't have time to check in properly and around 2 the thought of drinking came into my mind. I was slightly annoyed and quickly dismissed it, but it kept coming back. It was fairly easy to think of all of you, to think about how I couldn't possibly have drink and carry on as if nothing had happened (tried that way too many times, thinking it wouldn't make a difference.. of course it always did), knowing that I have so been looking forward to celebrating 30 days on Saturday. I ended up distracting myself with a nice coffee, a nap, my daughter, music..

Loved your super inspiring post yesterday, Kensho.. thank you for that. I emailed it to myself.

ok. I think I'll head to bed early tonight.. feels like one of those evenings!
hugs to you all and see you tomorrow..

[KENSHO]

Keep going LC! I found the first 60 days the hardest. If you can make it through cravings for just a short time longer, they will start to disappear!! Do whatever it takes to get through this phase and you have great things to look forward to! Promise!! You're doing SO well!!!

[NoraC]

:heartbeat:Loving the posts here. Thank you. Such wonderful ideas/thoughts

[available]

Morning nesters

Popping in to say a huge congratulations filled with love and gratitude to NS who has 4 years sobriety. NS you are my hero, you got me on this af journey and to you i am forever grateful. You still help me along the way but you have helped me win this battle with al. I wish i could give you a big hug and sit down for a coffee and a chat. Hey if i can give up drinking anything is possible. Much love for today my friend.

G where are you? One knows when a fellow nester goes a wandering that it worries us.

Roobs i agree if we dont get our closest on board that door to al is still open as we wont disappoint them as I have not told them! Thats how our al brain works.

Live, i can say that your hubs knows how bad your drinking was. We as alkies dont hide anything well when drunk. I always told my children i only had "1" bottle last night and they would look at me and say "yeah right mum". We cannot hide anything from those who love us. But you can only do what you feel is right.

A four day weekend for me tomorrow and dentist on Friday. Petrified is a good word to use but it has to be done, i need to be a big girl. My son is doing so well and we are still going to the gym although i can feel every single muscle i have in this body today. No pain no gain.

Glad to see everyone is doing well.

Take care x

[marthadan]

Hi nesters! Thanks for the inspiring posts. Made it through day 3! Yay! Good night everyone. Bless.

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday evening Nesters,

The ran has finally stopped & I hear a rumor that the sun will be returning tomorrow
Two weeks of these dark days is too much!

NS, 4 years? CONGRATS to you!

Alive, Congrats on your 14 days! I remember feeling quite empowered when I got to that point. I started to feel like I could do anything I set my mind to, wonderful

I have a rather odd situation where I don't talk about my drinking days with my husband. If I did then I would have to launch into the reasons why I punished myself for so long. He knows that I was drinking AT him, he knows. The topic is off the table around here but it works that way for us. I guess you have to do whatever you feel is right for your individual situation, right?

Wishing everyone a peaceful & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Quick check in here. Not felling great, Ima call it a day. Hugs to all, Byrdie