Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Aww, feel better soon Byrdie :hug:

[Nursie]

Feel better Byrdie!
Alive- congrats on day 14!! I too have eaten whole boxes of instant pudding. Whole boxes of instant pudding mixed with cool whip instead of milk. Omg i can't even
I've been doing very well with making healthy choices and cooking at home every day.

I had a good day. Going to sleep now. I hope everyone has a nice night in the nest!

[lifechange]

Morning, Nesters!

NS, Congratulations on 4 years of sobriety! You know how I feel about you..:heartbeat: Thank you so much for continuing to hang out in the Nest to help each and every one of us with your empathy and wisdom. You have been such a great source of support for me..

Martha, Well done on day 3! You are doing it one day at a time..the ball is rolling and you can be proud of yourself! :thumbsup:

So, as I've mentioned, I've been buying some things for my new flat..one thing is a fridge and I noticed yesterday that I fantasized about the fact that I could have wine and beer in there if I wanted to without anyone saying anything.. the past couple of years I've had to hide it because my partner would dump it if he found it. It wasn't an active fantasy and I didn't indulge in it.. but I'm mentioning it here for myself because I didn't even realize it was in there..I will have acknowledge that and deal with it. Part of my sobriety mission the past weeks has been to "show him" that I'm better off without him.. i guess (though I know it isn't true) possibly even inferring that my drinking might have had something to do with the entrapment I felt living with him. I'm seeing that could be dangerous (as well as very bitchy.. and for the record I have told him endlessly that it doesn't have to do with him) Just like not drinking at someone I'm not not drinking for anyone, ultimately, more than for myself. I'm definitely going to have to keep my eye on that and deal day to day. I know the excitement of moving out and being on my own will settle and I will probably have to reevaluate everything. First things first.. but I do want to be prepared.

Off to the hospital for my appt..
I'll check in again later..

Shout out to J-vo.. and G-man, where are you? Missing you both here in the Nest!

[marthadan]

Good morning fellow nesters. Starting day 4. Slight tension headache when I over exert at the gym - must be the withdrawal. Otherwise feeling upbeat. Have a great day! Bless. :love:

[mario]

Good morning nesters, hope you feel better soon byrdie ,

Hope all you other nesters have a good day, must run.

[ADP]

Thanks Pav. Tried to talk about my problem with my partner, but found out that his father was an alcoholic and how much he hated that.....wow, what a shock to my system. Have got to say I toned down the conversation, but he gets that I do not want to drink anymore.
So now about to start day 5 with even more reason to stop! Quit still intact!!!!!

Ax

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Hope everyone is well :hug:
Checking in for another AF day, in fact AF days all round! You guys have earned them, Im super grateful for all your posts & sharing your thoughts and feelings around AL it has helped me reach 26 days AF, Thank you :heartbeat:
Lav, your wondering whether you would like to talk to your husband about drinking is really personal to you. This has had me wondering too about stuff I'm struggling with as well. I thought if I shared my thoughts on disclosure & acceptance, it may help? You, me or both or anyone else, who knows? I have been asking myself why I'm here? (At MYO forum, or indeed AA!) I know in my heart & soul I'm an alcoholic and at the start, I had difficulty coming to terms with this. MYO forum is a wonderfully supportive place where I can safely disclose and talk about my difficulties with AL - free of judgement, full of compassionate & understanding people :hug: It is this acceptance from others of something inside myself (alcoholism) that helps me change my view of my alcoholism from something that disturbs me to something I can come to terms with and acceptance in myself. Only when I come to terms with my alcoholism will I have the strength & courage to overcome. Being here is helpful to me because sharing empathy about the very real personal pain & suffering AL has cost us and have found it helps me to heal & recognise the very real bravery & courage it takes to overcome AL. Disclose of my alcoholism to a person not affected by it is frightening to me because if they don't understand my struggle or see it as a personal flaw, it feels like it diminishes my strength I need continue. It's not an easy one. We need the support & acceptance of others & indeed can benefit from this from our loved ones but for me there is a risk in disclosure. What do I do? It comes back to trust. Of myself & others. Do I trust someone enough to share this with them? And then do I trust myself to be able to overcome their reaction? I'd trust you with my life Lav, and I trust whatever choice you make will be right. Should you wish to share your thoughts & feelings on AL with your husband, whatever the reaction, I trust you will have the strength to overcome x
"The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen or touched - they must be felt in the heart." - Helen Keller
Wishing all a safe & sober Wednesday
LS

[available]

LS i think everyone is different in who we tell. We carry around so much shame and guilt on "how we got to be an alcoholic" and there is so much stigma associated with us alkies. We are not the bums on the street as they say, we are people just like everyone else. People are confronted with my honesty on being an alcoholic but that is now that is not when i was newly sober. Newly sober i didnt want to tell a damn soul in case i drank and they thought badly of me. The only people i told initially were my children and MWO, i knew if i wanted a drink i could message or call one of my children and they would talk to me and i had told them to please be there for me. I wanted to give it everything i had to beat al and get it out of my life. I knew i had to sort my feelings of worth out before thinking others would suck it out for me by judging me. Funnily enough i have had nothing but support when i do tell my story now.

Today at work i was chatting to a patient who has a mother like mine. Sucks the life right out of you, makes you feel guilty for just breathing and plays the victim very well. I told her my story of al and how i had to gain control of my life and learn to say no without drinking, that i had to put myself first and have a life and what my mother chose to do was totally her decision. She had nothing but praise for my journey and i hoped she walked away with some grit and determination. I will talk about me if i think it will help others and even "normal" people feel what we do but they just dont have the al story thrown in.

It is your choice and decision on what you want to say to others. I found accountability to others was a necessity to my sobriety and i dont think my children will ever realise how they helped me along the way just by talking or listening or just being there.

[abcowboy]

LS, Ava has some good things to say in her post, what do we call ourselves and who do we tell... the answer is as individual as our road to recovery. The only place I refer to myself as an alcoholic is here and when I used to go to AA. As Ava says, most people think of the homeless person drinking out of a brown paper bag when they hear the term "alcoholic" and I think it's one of the reasons our friends and family sometimes find it hard to believe we are alcoholics.

When I tell people the reasons I don't drink, I always start with "I had a problem with alcohol, a very serious problem" and go from there. It seems easier for people to see me having a drinking problem rather than being an "alcoholic". I don't have a problem telling anyone, but that's just me. I find it easier to just get it out in the open rather than having to come up with an excuse every time I turn down a drink.

There's great things happening in the Nest, keep it up! Lean on each other and help each other, it's what recovery is all about!

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters..

I agree with everyone having to know for themselves who they decide to trust and share with. I have been fortunate to have my four best girlfriends to support me.. I would like to tell everyone I know but I need more time for that. I hope that after a year I will be so strong in my quit and proud of my accomplishment that I can be open and perhaps help someone struggling, inspire someone to want to stop and change the path they're on.. like so many of you have done for me.
I want to get the Tt tattoo like Holly at Hip Sobriety to show my support for Teetotalism..

Having said that, I have a long way to go. Today is the first day in my LAFQ that I wanted to drink to escape.. I didn't get any cancer news at the hospital and I honestly don't think I will.. but they will remove my right ovary and are considering whether or not they should also remove the left.. which the doctors will decide based on blood tests and how it looks when they go in to operate. I thank God I already have 2 beautiful girls and at 47 I don't want more children.. but I am sad anyway. And on top of everything else it just felt like too much to handle. The only good thing is that the surgery will take place on the day I was supposed to give the presentation for work.. which was also quite stressful for me.. I've talked to my colleagues and we will decide whether or not they'll do it without me or whether or not we'll just cancel it. They were very supportive which means so much.
So I did my usual these days, and cycled past the drinks store, talking to myself like a loony I said, "first you go home and look at MWO and chill out.. it's only noon and if you still want to drink later, you've got the whole day.. and anyway, you don't want to, 'cause Saturday is 30 days and it's been a f*** of a lot of work to get to 30 days.. and it would be heartache and hell to do those 27 days again and blahblahblah..". So I came home and talked to some friends and cried and had a nap and made a tea and came here.. and I'm still teary but I know I need to get through these difficult times without drinking.
Kensho, thank you for your post yesterday (or this morning) encouraging me to do whatever I need to do to get to 60 days. That was in my head today and that is my next goal. I know it will probably even take longer than that, but these shorter, more manageable goals keep me going.

Hugs and love to all of you awesome fighters!

[paulywogg]

LC((hugs)) I'm glad you got through yesterday, I know its gonna be kinda sad losing that part if your body but as long as you're healthy that's all that matters,waves to all and hoping everyone has a great AF day

[Roobs]

Good morning,

Congratulations on 4 years NS!! Thank you so very much for sticking around and supporting the rest of us on this journey! You always seem to have nuggets of invaluable information.

Ava, I love your honesty. I wish I could "it" out there front and center. I tried to in the beginning of this quit, I was told one friend that I was drinking too much, I didn't really have an off switch. The way she reacted, I could tell she didn't get it. It made me realize that I didn't have to offer up my story unless someone asks. She didn't ask. I think my latest approach is to say, no thanks and if the person asks why, then maybe I'll share my story. I have however told my husband and a few people close to me because I need that extra support and accountability. I also feel accountable to you guys. I like your approach Cowboy, being honest without using the term alcoholic can help others understand your journey.

Way to go on 3 days Martadan! well done on two weeks Alive!

Hello Mario, Lav,Pav, Byrdie,

G-man? Where are you? Jvo, check in please. Missing you.

Roobs

[wagmor]

Congrats to Marthadan, LS, NS, Alive, and so many others on your recent accomplishments. All of these days, weeks and years count, and they are yours to own and celebrate. So glad to be here with all of you.

Really appreciating the recent conversation about who we tell, what we tell them, etc. For me personally, although I consider myself to be an alcoholic, I don't ever use that term when I decide to share part of my story or my big picture with anyone. My reason for that is because the word "alcoholic" is already pre-loaded in most people's minds - it immediately conjures up pre-set notions on their part, albeit not the same notions for everyone.

No, I want to and choose to own my own narrative around this. Depending on who I'm talking to, I will tell them selected bits or full-blown history of my problem with alcohol. But I get to shape their understanding and get them to truly listen to me. I have found this easier to do if I avoid the label and all of its established connotations. I guess I want to ensure, as best as I can, that they see me as a person with a problem who has taken responsibility for the solution, rather than a disease or caricature.

That is just me, and I fully support and embrace others who choose a different route.

Safe days and eves in the nest all. Keep up the conversations! I'm gonna read back and catch up on everything else today as I have a badly needed half-day off and I'm gonna spend it nurturing myself and my quit.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

What wonderful posts - an amazing group of people here.

I think I got this here on MWO, but I have joked if someone persists, "No, thanks. I had my share when I was younger!" (Sounds like Byrdie?) Mostly I just say no thanks. My friends all know I don't drink now, and they know why to varying degrees. Everyone else - it barely registers. I feel like if someone is very curious they are having some thoughts about their own drinking, so I try to have patience and extoll the benefits.

Kensho - LOVE that speech. It really IS about what happens inside us, after all. I agree with Byrdie - it should be in the toolbox.

LC - So sorry for what you are going through, and I am so happy you didn't drink. The "thoughts" you had were just that - thoughts. You don't have to act on thoughts, and they will eventually float by. That is some other advice I got here because I used to feel like all of my thoughts of alcohol were signs that I was destined to relapse. I agree with you that we need to stay vigilant, but I wouldn't worry too much about thoughts.

Off to work. Happy SOBER Hump Day.

Pav

[wagmor]

Kensho - Finally got a chance to go back and catch your long post. Great thoughts in there, and I agree about the toolbox if you're willing! Thanks very much.

Alive - I hear you on the "all or nothing" and cold turkey ways of quitting something. I'm much the same way. The fact that you know this about yourself gives you good leverage, and hopefully can be a tool to tuck in your belt for your on-going journey.

Jane - Great to see you and thanks for sharing your list. Really helpful suggestions. I especially like the "find a home thread" idea - I think that can really help. I haven't been as consistent on mwo over the past several weeks and although I haven't slipped, I really need to get back in gear beyond just posting in roll call. Thanks for the indirect reminder.

Byrdie - hope you're feeling better! Sending hugs :hug: