Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Quick check in for me, too.

Byrdie - sounds like a crazy few days. Don't forget to take care of yourself as best you can!

Alive - Good luck on the trip. You take care of yourself, too. I love the San Diego beaches - I hope you get some good quality time with the surf and sand.

I have a lot of anxiety about what is going on with my kids in school, but I know it is a lot less than when I was drinking.

I still have never talked to them directly about my "having" to quit. I told them (when they asked) that drinking to relieve stress was becoming a habit for me, and given all of the addiction in my family it was worrisome enough that I quit. I have talked a little more directly to my older son (especially that time he found MWO open on my computer and asked me who in our family was an alcoholic - that was VERY early on, and I told him I was getting support since I had quit). My younger kid once told me he wanted to use me as a role model since I didn't drink. That made my day/week/year!

Happy Thursday, Nest.

Pav

PS - G - We miss your happy self. Hope all is good. J-Vo - we're here for you!

[KENSHO]

It amazed me this morning how happy it makes my dog to take her for a walk. It really is the simple things in life that create happiness - for her, and me! It's been really nice not having as much work pressure. I'm still getting a lot done, but on my own time (which is usually scattered!). It's how I tick.

Going to do a yoga video in a moment, and then get to that paperwork. I feel happy. I DID have drinking dreams last night though! A few sips here and there, and I was trying to figure out how to tell you all - trying to make it like "a little" didn't count - and the guilt was horrible! So glad it was a dream. I don't want to go back to that ever. EVER. It would be such short term pleasure (if any) for such a high cost now. I've integrated not drinking fully into my life, and it is my new normal. Everything is better - everything.

Even the hard stuff. Example? Yesterday morning I was trying to follow my navigation in a tricky area of roads around a mall area. I pulled up to a stop light and a little into the cross walk to turn right. A biker on the left was coming across the road and stopped his bike. I wasn't close to hitting him, but he started SCREAMING OBSCENITIES at me - every f-word and bad girl word you could think of - AT ME. "open your f-en eyes you C" - that sort of really angry, abusive language. I mimed and mouthed how sorry I was and turned the corner. At the next light, there he was screaming at me. Totally unloading obscenities at me. I rolled down my window, took off my sunglasses and looked at him with calmness and said I was sorry, and that I didn't deserve to be talked to that way. He probably didn't hear a word. I left shaking, with my adrenaline coursing through my body. I felt attacked and my fight of flight kicked in - I was ready to fight. It was terribly uncomfortable.

So I parked and breathed for a few minutes. I acknowledged that I felt awful. I called my husband and just told him what happened and that I felt terrible. He comforted me, and reminded me that someone on a bike in the morning in sub-freezing weather might not be having a good time of it. It helped to think about where he might be in life. After a bit, I felt better.

It's not to say that in times past I would have reached for a drink right then, but I would have buried the feelings and told myself that I would get a "release/reward" at the end of the day. That's how I operated. I have since learned to sit with discomfort, and deal with things as they come up. The good news is that THEN they actually get processed and go away. It's not any harder dealing with stuff than it was to drink and deal with the both the crap of drinking and then the issues at a later date. I like it this way so much more. It means being ok with things that feel bad. And then letting them go, and feeling good again.

Anyway, hope everyone has a good day.

LC, sorry to hear about your need for an operation. Thank goodness that medicine can help your situation though. Hugs to you, and stay strong, ok?

Glad you're feeling better Ms. Byrdie.

Keep up the good work everyone!

[available]

Morning nesters

Dentist day for me. Thankfully i have my two youngest coming with me and as i am their mother i have to be the bravest whilst they are laughing at me.

Tony i hope everything is ok for you. Its much easier to deal with things sober than hungover and depressed. I have damaged my kidneys from drinking but it is what it is and i can only wait and see what needs to be done, they are still functioning fine but lower than normal.

LC best of luck to you also and i am so glad it was not cancer.

AG my children are all adults and just adorable. My eldest is 29g, 28b, 25g and 23b. I still have my two youngest at home which i love.

Tuesday i have a funeral to go to for a 9 year old boy my eldest son helped with cannabis oil for a brain tumour. It is illegal still in Australia but gave him a much better quality of life from the pharma drugs. My son is finding it hard, he doesnt get why a little boy had to die so suddenly when 15 minutes before he was dancing. It will be a sad day but i will be there for support. There are no words to say so my presence is a must. Life sucks sometimes and i am so totally grateful i am living it fully now and i realise how lucky i am to be doing so.

Well enough procrastinating, time to get ready.

Take care x

[tonyniceday]

... and also there were no worries about not being able to drink in the hospital (would a "normal" person even THINK of that???) ...

A few years ago I was in hospital for a week after a minor heart attack...a woman got barred from visiting her husband (on the cardiac ward ffs) because every day she was bringing in a half bottle of scotch for him..next day he went to the fire exit and opened it and she was stood there with whisky again!!!

[Byrdlady]

Tony, what a story. I am simply amazed at the power of addiction. In 1996, I was in the hospital while taking a customer to visit our home office in south FL. My colon started hemorraging and I was in the hospital for 5 days. My hubs finally arrived and brought my suitcase from my hotel room, it was like a lifeline, my vodka was in there. I was barely able to walk, but found a way to sneak to my suitcase to gulp it. I mean really, even in the hospital! Is NOTHING sacred? Oy.
Alive, yep this is a mindset. Make a decision to stay sober and stick with it. No luck involved. Its a choice! You got this!
Glad tomorrow is Friday, Im still on Tooozday's work! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Goodness Byrdie - you & that damn vodka
I'm so happy you are OK & here safely with us in the nest!

Not much happening in my world but that's perfectly OK with me.
My brain is on winter hiatus I think, ha ha!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Nursie]

Quick check in! About to watch a show with hubby but wanted to check in here first. All is well. Sober. Dealing with life's challenges in a much healthier way. My household is calmer. Serenity is here, right in my cup of tea!

[NoraC]

Interesting article

Are You Sober Curious?

It's long but had some good comments like:

Rachael Williams, an account manager, 30, describes her ex-relationship with booze as “very tempestuous and quite destructive. I became aware about five years ago that all of the bad things that had happened in my life or the bad decisions I’d made were down to alcohol and/or being drunk.”

[lifechange]

hi Nesters,
I don't have any good explanation right now. But last night I couldn't stand the pressure of everything anymore and I drank to escape. And I feel so devastated and so alone in this hell I create for myself. The mental anguish, the guilt and fear I feel is almost too much to bear. I'm so afraid that I won't be able to take care of the girls when we're living on our own. That I'm showing them that this is a way to try and deal with life breaks my heart. I have to somehow get through today. This is terrible, right before i should have 30 days tomorrow. In this moment I don't feel like I'll ever get it. I know I will because I have to but it doesn't feel like it now.
I'm also very sad to let this group down.

[NoraC]

Good job on coming right back here. :hug: hang on tight and get thru today.

[Pavati]

Dear LC--

Those 29 days don't go away. Pick yourself up, throw whatever booze is left out, and focus on a plan for staying sober. For you first. You deserve it.

I think you are going through a lot and wonder if there is a therapist you can see, or a group? Dealing with a breakup and being a single parent on your own again isn't nothing.

Also, if you read above, Kensho had a beautiful way of putting it - no matter how stressed or emotional we are, we KNOW that booze doesn't get rid of the feelings - only masks them and then you have to deal with the feelings AND a hangover.

You got this - we're here for you.

xo
Pav

[Roobs]

LC, no doubt you have a lot of stress going on right now and no doubt you can get back on track. Like Pav said, those hard earned 29 days do not go away. I can feel how much you're hating yourself right now. You've already punished yourself, now start reminding yourself of how great you are, how strong you are, how caring you are, what a great mom you are! You know how to do this. Talk to someone close to you and keep coming back here,
Hugs to you.

[ADP]

Hi Nesters,
LC.....I know these feelings all too well!! Stress is the biggest trigger for me, but I have now found a bigger one to quit! Loosing the things that matter to me! I have got it into my thick skull that unless I quit NOW I never will and could loose all I worked for. So although it seems like it, you can do this.......if I can get 6 in a row, you have already done far more than that and so I know you have the tools to do that again.

As everyone says, stay really close right now!

Hugs,
Ax

[mario]

Good morning nesters .

Lc sometimes with overwhelming force some of us have slips, We forget were to go or are afraid to ask for help, We also tempory forget what we have leant & read here & other where, it has happened to lots of us.

BUT you have come back despite the shame & the old inferiority complex, But all is not lost, you have had 29 days under your belt that just cant be washed away, move forward & learn from what made you slip as it very seldom happens in an instance ,

Its a built up of thoughts over days. Here is a thread I started back in day about slips. some good opinions on it, hope it helps and well done for coming back here as we all know this is not an easy road :-)

https://www.mywayout.org/community/long-term-abstainers/34675-slipping-post713144.html?highlight=slips#post713144

[marthadan]

Good morning. LC - sending hugs. Forgive yourself. Get back up. You are fearfully and wonderfully made!!