Newbies Nest

[Roobs]

Good morning nesters,

SL, so sorry about your dad. I hope your mom can find the support she needs.

Wags, congrats on 190! Keep chugging on. Way to go action, Marthadan.

Byrdie, I'm a pusher for sure. I walk right past those thoughts and figure out something else to do. I'm aware that there are times I should probably pause so that I can figure out why I might want to drink but sometimes I don't know the how's or whys.

Mario, thanks for the reminder that drinking is really quite a lonely affair. Doesn't matter who your with when you're an alcoholic, it's so isolating.

Saw two movies this week; Moonlight and Hidden Figures, both are so darn good!
Cowboy, read the book but haven't seen the movie yet.

Well, busy week ahead and I'm so tired already! Ugh.
Roobs

[Roobs]

Ack, just weighed myself gotta get back on track!

[KENSHO]

Howdy Nesters. Getting to work here. Lots of paperwork today. Mornings are when I tend to be all over the place - trying to focus on one thing at a time! STILL feeling super, super glad to be a non-drinker! It isn't me anymore! I have other things to do in life.

Keep working at it - it will click! It took me a long time (2+ years once I finally admitted I wanted to quit) to get over the bargaining that "maybe" I could still drink. SO glad that fight is over - it used up so much time and headspace! Now I get to think about other things - and they have my full focus. Not one more ounce of time spent wondering. AND I DON'T MISS IT! AT ALL!

P.S. I just scheduled my 6 month sober SPA DAY! (scheduled it a little late at the end of Feb, but I did it nonetheless!) Yea me!

[scottish lass]

Hi all - today is a better day! Byrds famous words!

Lav - day centers are not that prolific in UK, or at least where my parents are - I am sure they would love you to open one, and would love the chickens too!

Roobs - I did great over the holidays, was pretty proud when I stepped on scales, but made up for it in Jan!! I have been eating chocolate like crazy and the scales just shouted at me!!

Have a good Monday all

[marthadan]

Good morning, one and all!
Martha, I notice there are two camps of folks here at MWO: The Pushers and The Players.
I'm a Pusher. I HAD been a player, but I converted. What the heck am I talking about?

When a thought of drinking creeps in, I push it out and distract myself. Those first few weeks, I'd name all my cousins or name the 7 Dwarfs or Dwarves. Look up whether its Dwarfs or Dwarves. I would take my mind off the path it was on. Much like I have to do with my dog! When she gets fixed on something you have to snap her back. Its a little emabarrassing to think my mind works like a Chihuahua's, but alas.

Then there are The Players. They play out the whole scene to the bitter end. Yes, that one glassa sounds like a good idea, but play it on out, to the next day, when you FEEL the Guilt, Shame and Remorse (The GSR Brothers). This is effective for many folks here. I had trouble playing it on out, Id think of the drinking part and then put it on PAUSE. This was an issue....the premature STOP ACTION. So Pushing thoughts out works for me.

I have actively taken up hobbies I hadnt done in years....knitting, (that my aunt taught me 40 years ago), beaded jewelry making, and most recently, cake decorating. Controlling our thoughts is a real key, so distracting myself really worked/works. I like to ruminate and given the opportunity, thats what I do. Keepimg my hands and thoughts busy works for me. It is a skill that I learned right here in the nest!

I said all that to say this....some days are harder than others. Even sober people have bad days.
Hang in there, I never had two bad days in a row!
Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

Thanks Birdie for the very visual descriptions. I think for now I need to push! Cant afford to entertain anything right now!!
I love all the techniques I'm learning here. Onwards!
:thumbsup:

[j-vo]

I'm glad you all are still here. I am, too. I'm back to try the sober life again. I know I can do it if I have the right mind set. I have begun to journal as well as written a specific list of things I should do daily. My problem has always been extremes. I will over do things to make them perfect or close to it (I do this at work a lot), or under do things, (this is at home where I get completely lazy). So, I've tried to spread out some of my goals of reading different literature, coming here and taking the advice of you awesome people, and I've added some other things in my day that I feel are necessary for me. So, thanks for having me back.

[KENSHO]

Good to see you JVO! :hug:

[NoSugar]

Good to see you, J. For me, general structure is good but rigid rules to follow almost guarantee failure because if I break one, it somehow makes me think I can break them all. If you can develop a plan that sets you up to stay, AF, that's great! But maybe you could give yourself a little leeway and realize that the only thing you absolutely have to do is not drink. Anything you can do daily or almost daily to support that is a good part of your plan but if you don't have time to meditate or exercise or whatever complimentary things you're doing, don't beat yourself up and don't be like me thinking that since I already ruined everything by not sticking to my plan, I might as well drink and start over tomorrow. Be a perfect non-drinker and a good enough everything else :wink:. Glad you're back! xx, NS

[Lost Soul]

I think I’ve said this before a long time ago, but I think it’s worth repeating. Those of you who attend AA know of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, along with “How it Works”. The following is taken from the How it Works and I like to call it the AA Disclaimer;

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.”

The question is, do you believe the statement above? My answer, yes and no. Will everyone get sober? No. Can everyone get sober? Yes!

If you really want to be sober, you can get, and stay sober! And by being here looking for help and support shows you’re willing to do whatever it takes. You may not like doing whatever it takes, but the point is that you are willing to. If you felt you’d never be able to do it, you’d be gone and never come back. You’d resign yourself to the fact that you’ll always be a drunk. But you’re here, you have hope, you haven’t given up on yourself. That, my friends, is the first step in finding lasting sobriety. The first step is always the toughest, and you’ve made that first step, now it’s just one foot in front of the other with no turning back….

Hi ABCowboy,
Thank you so very much for posting this. I have just started to attend AA on a Wednesday morning and am really liking it :happy2:
Although hearing the 'AA disclaimer' (I like your terminology) I had a STRONG negative emotional reaction to it. And indeed when I logged on today, I experienced the same STRONG reaction.

Do I believe it? No!

The programme is absolutely right!
My STRONG negative reaction is absolutely right!
But these two statements are in direct conflict!!!
The question that matters to me is WHY?

Was I born unfortunate? NO!
Am I dishonest? NO!
Do I suffer from grave emotional/disorders? Yes! But in the strongest most assertive voice, I don't see it that way! Why?

I learn George Michael has lost his life to addiction & feel on a very personal level that could be me.
I learn Reeva Steenkamp has lost her life to domestic abuse/violence & feel on a very personal level that could be me.

Drawing from my own personal life experience, I cannot & will not thoroughly follow the path because my sobriety alone will not keep myself or my children safe from possible death.

Maintaining my sobriety requires commitment, mindfulness & support because I have damaged my brain with my alcohol abuse & have well & truly crossed the line into murky waters of addiction. I have no control over my AL intake. I never will for the rest of my life.

However I am also respectful of the 'less mindful' part of me - which has kept me safe in times of danger to which I also owe my life to :happy2:

I can't help thinking, for me, there is a bit missing. I consider myself very fortunate to have had both a big chunk of sobriety & done alot of work on myself around 'other stuff' - so know I can overcome both.

I know this is a bit heavy for the nest. I know I (subconsciously) disassociated/denied very strong emotions associated with abuse to survive. I guess this made me vulnerable sadly to self medication with AL. But how can I not trust something that keeps me safe?

With ceasing to self medicate (and for non alkies!) After the danger, I have experienced a 'tidal wave' of strong negative emotions, fear, anger, loss. I think & have found we commonly associate these with danger & a risk in early sobriety.

I have made(am trying!) to make the choice to be unafraid of these emotions as view this process as my mind & body healing & letting go of these now I am safe. To not be treated equal to another is to feel dehumanised. I trust that giving myself permission to feel this pain, & not be afraid of it makes it no longer my vulnerability but my strength.

I'm not sure if anything I shared makes any sense without my entire life story, but if it helps anyone, with similar grave emotional/mental disorders it's worth it.
On the other hand, I'm in early sobriety - so if it disturbs you, disregard this as ravings of a emotionally unstable person

[Byrdlady]

Mario,
Your post really struck me. I was just reading a new persons post. She is scared and nervous and worries how she is going to stop drinking. This is how we all were. One big reason is that we think drinking makes us happy. If Im honest with myself, drinking did anything but. I drank just to get back to zero. I didnt drink because I wanted to drink, I drank because I needed to drink. I just couldn't imagine giving it up. My whole perspective was messed up. I wasnt giving up anything, I was gaining. Drinking didnt make me happy, it was making me miserable. I didnt GET to drink, I HAd to have my fix.
Thank you for debunking a big lie I told myself. I thought drinking made me happy, but it certainly did not.
Great to see you Jvo.
Hugs to all, B

[tonyniceday]

I cant help thinking, for me, there is a bit missing. I consider myself very fortunate to have had both a big chunk of sobriety & done alot of work on myself around 'other stuff' - so know I can overcome both.

I know this is a bit heavy for the nest. I know I (subconsciously) disassociated/denied very strong emotions associated with abuse to survive. I guess this made me vulnerable sadly to self medication with AL. But how can I not trust something that keeps me safe?

With ceasing to self medicate (and for non alkies!) After the danger, I have experienced a 'tidal wave' of strong negative emotions, fear, anger, loss. I think & have found we commonly associate these with danger & a risk in early sobriety.

I have made(am trying!) to make the choice to be unafraid of these emotions as view this process as my mind & body healing & letting go of these now I am safe. To not be treated equal to another is to feel dehumanised. I trust that giving myself permission to feel this pain, & not be afraid of it makes it no longer my vulnerability but my strength.

I think you are right because giving up on alcohol completely does involve a grieving process...we mourn the days when it was easy to lose ourselves in a glass or ten... that, in itself, can be very difficult.... I know I find that sometimes. I'm about to go to bed ... sober and it's this time of the day that I equally miss and do not miss al.... it doesn't really make sense but that is the addiction...

Have a good AF night and Tuesday everyone.

Tony

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Hope everyone is well, I've had a busy weekend with test results for my son & cross referencin different schools criteria...head hurts...lol.
J-VO it's lovely to see you back here :hug: missed you!
SL, it's lovely to hear your daughter got on well with her councelling, I hope it helps her :happy2: Sorry to hear about your dad, can a diagnosis mean he can receive treatment to delay progression?
Tony, Marthadan & ADP, doing so well with your very special milestones - well done!
LC, hope your feeling better? You sound very positive, thankyou for your shout out - were still going to kick 2017's butt :happy2:
Nursie, I am thinking of you :hug: depression is no fun & think you are very brave also for facing it & know you will get through x
Action girl Congratulations on your 7 days too, glad your hear & sound great!
Kensho, your spa day sounds really nice! I'm sure your looking forward to it? Can't be too long before you & G hit the big 200 as well!
Thanks & waves to everybody else - I think if you don't pop in here everyday, it's hard to keep up! Great to read all your wonderful posts & insights - thankyou & so proud to be here with you x
Wishing all a safe & sober Monday
LS

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a real fun Monday including a trip to the dentist for a root canal, ugh! but, it's all done now & the tooth is safe

LS, I think you put a lot of thought into what you do & what you say. You are going along great on you AF journey, glad to have you here with is.

J-vo, good to see you back as well. Let's focus on your quit first & foremost, the #1 priority in your life. Once we are AF we have the rest of our lives to figure out the rest, right?

It's cold here & we have been having fast moving snow squalls all day - weird. Grateful for a warm house & nice fireplace.
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Afternoon nesters

Checking in for me, so many things fill my days now and its funny but when i stopped drinking i thought i would be so bored and have absolutely nothing to do.

I went with my 28 year old son to a 9 year old boys funeral who died of cancer today. It was so very very hard to see his parents and imagine how heartbroken they are. I held my boy and cuddled him, i rang my other children and told them i loved them. I am grateful for my life now, i am grateful i have one. Its incomprehensible to lose anyone we love but to lose a child is unimaginable.

You are brave Lav doing the root canal, i refused when i went last week, not because i hate/loathe dentists but i had two root canals and had to have both teeth removed about 4 years later. The dentist is going to work on a plan. My plan is to just get my teeth fixed now i dont drink. Its taken 3 years but better late than never.

Vet day tomorrow for a check up for my girl, her heart meds are working a treat but we have these things call grass seeds and she has one in her foot which will have to be removed. Never ending but i love her.

So glad everyone is doing well and great to have you back J.

Take care xx

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

What a sad day, Ava. Glad you could be there with your son.

Welcome back, J-Vo. Can't add anything to what NoSugar said - spot on in my book. You got this!

I am in a cruddy mood - I'm looking forward to when this goes away. This would have been a big drinking excuse for me usually - I "deserve" it after the day I've had. Then I'd drink, have a bad sleep, etc. etc. While I did just have a scoop of ice cream, I will go to bed, sleep well, and hope to feel better in the a.m.

Night.
Pav