Newbies Nest

[actiongirl46]

Hi Newbies and not so newbies - I put this list in the Steppers thread tonight and thought some of you may find it of use.

I have been compiling the list of tools that came from the Steppers and the Nest last week. There is no real order. Here goes:
Post in Roll Call
Log in often and post
Find other positive sources (blogs, phone a friend)
Baby yourself
Forgive yourself
Keep an ongoing document on your computer that is your electronic journal
Eat good food
Get all AL out of the house
Have healthy snacks ready to go around your trigger time
Focus
Push AL thoughts out OR play them out in your head OR both
Hold on tight!

Thanks!!

[mario]

Good morning nesters, still on phone,still in work, have a great day All.

[Nursie]

Good Morning Nest!
Off to work. Will check in later!
Welcome back J-Vo xoxo

[j-vo]

It's a snowy day in my neck of the nest. It's beautiful when it's falling but hate to drive in it. I see I've already started that extreme thinking and I'm glad Ava and KNS have stopped me in my tracks. When I try to get back on and into life, I feel like I should have everything in place, that everything should go a certain way, and my routine is good for me. But it can put so much unnecessary stress on me. I decided to sit and have a cuppa during my plan period before I did some work. So I'm not rushing round trying to do everything at once. And I skipped out on doing a few things this morning that were on my list. I lived! You're right. All I have to do is not drink. It's doing one less thing and it's a thing that takes so much time, energy, and gives nothing back in return except dread, depression, anxiety...

I was thinking about the 5 W's. I used to teach my younger students how to write a good summary and this was one of our strategies years ago. A good summary includes Who, What, Where, When, and Why. I can use this tool myself.

Who is it ok to drink with? No one, not even myself.
What should I drink? NO Alcohol but anything else.
Where is it ok to drink? Nowhere on this earth, not on vacation, weekends, or anytime.
When am I allowed to drink? Never, because if I do, I'll end up in the hospital, dead, or in jail. I'll never be cured of this because I've crossed the line a long time ago. I will not be healed in a week, month, 3 years, 10 years.
Why can't I drink? Because I'm a person who can NEVER control her drinking. Because drinking leads to bad things for me and my family.

[wagmor]

SL - Really sorry to hear of your dad’s diagnosis. It’s always hard to watch our parents age, and to help them through that part of life, but I think Alz or dementia in general make it much harder for all. Good job not indulging in a bottle while your girls were with their dad though. Hang in there!

J-vo - Glad to see you back. Tuck yourself in tight!

LS - Thanks for sharing your deep inner thoughts and reflections. It can be very scary to see someone else (e.g., George Michael) and think, “that could be me” in a very real sense. We don’t know your whole life story and you certainly don’t need to share it here, but please know you are in very sympathetic and empathetic company. The thing with al is, whatever we’re trying to escape or shelter/numb ourselves from by drinking - it’s still there waiting and often in a bigger or worse way once we sober up. Al is an illusion of safety, security, comfort. That illusion calls to us, draws it back in, but it’s like a mirage in the desert - there is no “there” there. No, being sober isn’t enough for any of us to avoid death, but NOT being sober is probably a death march for us all. Hugs to you

Ava - Glad you were there for your son on such a sad day, and that you were able to reach out to all of your kids and love them. Life (and death) often have ways of putting things into perspective.

G-man - Yo! Check in with us buddy, we're missing you!

Great to see everyone trucking along developing and adjusting plans, marking big milestones with spa celebrations (great idea!), etc. Reaching out to all with feathers and wings...

[tonyniceday]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a real fun Monday including a trip to the dentist for a root canal, ugh! but, it's all done now & the tooth is safe

Lav, even when being ironic, I think putting the words "Dentist", "root canal", and "fun" in the same sentence is a sign of insanity!!!

Having a quiet day before the busy evening tonight in the restaurant... have a great AF day everyone
Tony

[KENSHO]

Hi Nest! I like your W's JVO - great use of them! I wonder if you have ever tried any sort of meditation? I have found a few 6 minute ones on youtube that I use. Mostly what I've got out of them is that we can feel peaceful and present inside by focusing on the simple process of breathing - even if the world outside is chaos. I think finding those simple ways to feel secure (whatever they are) are the trick to surviving the noise - and then we don't need "everything" in place. I, too, have tried to find the "formula" for health or happiness - and it seems to be a forever changing thing. So we have to find the static truths and cling to those (breathing is a pretty simple, necessary, life-sustaining thing!). Anyway, just thought it might help you like it has helped me

I wanted to revisit the moment I knew I was really done with drinking. I tried different strategies, but I ended up wanting to drink again. It was after nearly 6 months of sobriety (about where I am now) that I caved on vacation after an overnight flight and a hell week prior, and with pressure from my family in a foreign place. IMMEDIATELY I felt pain like I hadn't felt prior. What I realized clear as day after that event is that alcohol is NOT AN ANSWER. I might get some pleasure out of it for a few minutes in an evening, but the pain that came along with it was not worth it. I had 6 months of sobriety - of clear, clean, healthy thought - and alcohol reverted me back that 6 months in an instant. I understand now that ALCOHOL DOES NOT EQUAL HAPPINESS, that living life and experiencing and dealing with life's moments does. And I choose happiness. I deserve it; we all deserve it.

Have a strong day everyone!

[j-vo]

K, I have considered meditation a lot. When I went to therapy years ago, I learned how to do it, with deep breathing mostly for my anxiety. I used to do it three times daily for about 20-30 minutes each. It did help immensely with my anxiety. And yes, I plan on getting back to it.

An exhausting day in the classroom. No reason to drink, just feeling down because I feel as though I'm burned out from teaching. Sorry to be a downer.

[Byrdlady]

Evening, nesters.
That is a great list, ActionGirl. Good to have that all in one spot for easy reference!
Kensho, you are so right, I wondered how I could ever be happy without being able to drink, how wrong can a girl be? Im so happy thatvyou are breaking your own records are are now in uncharted waters. Thats where I want to stay, never want to have to repeat a day Ive already done.
Ive got to give a presentation in front of my new boss. We have a meeting in two weeks with a potential customer. I could throw up.
Hope everyone has a good night. Byrdie

[Lost Soul]

Hi all,
Hope everyone is well, Late check in for me - more paperwork & forms to fill tonight, yawn.
J-VO, I'm exhausted with two children, I couldn't imagine keeping a whole class engaged all day, all week, I hope your getting time to relax :hug: the 5w's sounds really useful at any age...
Tony, I think it's normal to miss something that's been a part of your life for a long time & why it's good to hold onto as much support as you can until you feel stronger & have found other ways to get through but the journey is well worth it & don't think anyone regrets taking it x
Ava, it's lovely to read how you are grateful for your sobriety & how you can be there for your children. I could not imagine losing one of mine, that is so tragic.
Pav, I hope you feel better tomorrow, definitely comfort food is a better reward than a drink & you can't beat ice cream!
Action girl, that's a super list & you sound fab! I really suck at the healthy treats, wish I was more disciplined but junk is way better than grog I guess!
Alcohol is the opposite of happiness & connection, really good to read your thoughts Kensho on really knowing & deciding to choose happiness x
Thanks Lav & Wagmor, the nest really is a very supportive place :hug:
Wishing all a safe & sober Tuesday
LS

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Ava, that's so sad about the young boy. As a parent, I can't even imagine the pain.
Hope your doggie's foot is OK.

Byrdie, if stress makes you nauseous - OK but try not to throw up on your new client, ha ha. Now that would be a problem.

Tony, I have never claimed sanity, believe me
I was just happy to get that dental work done & out of the way!! Hope you are doing well.

I hope everyone is doing well & wish a safe night in the nest for all :hug:

Lav

[ADP]

Hi Nest,

Just woke at 3am and on edge for today. I've got sooooo much stress to deal with today I am worried that Al will interfere, so started reading back pages here! The advice and support is awesome, thanks for so many good ideas to use to get through! Byrdlady, I am using the 'pushing' method to keep my mind on health and happiness, not alcohol, so here's to today.
I am totally proud to say that I am nearly over day 11......really do not want a day one ever again!

Will check in later,

All have a happy day in the Nest!

Ax

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Lost Soul - I re-read your post just now as I thought about the overwhelming emotions you were talking about. It reminded me of a podcast I listened to - Dr John (Somebody) on the Bubble Hour (I know I sound like a broken record with that, but it was a very important tool for me). Anyway...This one episode is the one everyone should listen to (Changing the Stigma of Addiction Through Science). That is the link to the website, but you can also get it through the podcast app.

One of the thing he talks about is why quitting from an addiction is so painful. Basically, the alcohol creates a really "loud" atmosphere for your dopamine receptors, which gradually "plug their ears" to keep out all the noise. When you quit, it takes a while for the receptors to realize that they can unplug themselves again. That is why there is a dull, blah period when it seems hard to feel joy - it IS hard to feel joy. That is why he also thinks that staying quit is important - each time you drink, you have to wait for them to get unplugged again.

I am putting it simply, and that was quite different from your point about waves of emotion, but I guess my point is that learning to deal with all types of emotions with a non-impaired brain is not easy.

ANYWAY...

That was a bit of a ramble but what I was thinking about today.

J-Vo - teaching is a HARD job, and I believe there is a high rate of alcoholism (although I may have made that up). Take care of yourself. Many districts have free or low cost counseling that you can get (I believe up to 10 visits) if you think it would help with your anxiety and are concerned about money.

Night, nest. Take care of yourselves, and don't drink, no matter what.

Pav

PS - Lav, hope those teeth are A-OK.

[mario]

Good morning nesters, very busy in work, & its hard typing on a phone, but all's good in da hood.

You know, when we think about drink we thinking of the kicks we got out of drinking, the pleasure, the escape from boredom, the feeling of self importance & the companionship of other drinkers,

What we don't think of is the let downs, the hangover, the remorse, the waste of money, & the facing of another day, So when we think of our drinking we think about all the assets & none of the liabilities,

I can only speak for myself here but I have got all the assets & more by getting on to a sober life then being caged within an addiction.

have a good day everyone.

[paulywogg]

Happy Feb nesters,Pav,that's a great explanation thanks for putting it simply,I was just posting in the steppers that sometimes I try and read something and its over my head cuz it written too scientific or something haha,Mario,yes we do only think of the so called"fun stuff" forget about the puking,waking up at weird times and that creepy next day feeling that I honestly have no words to describe,just creepy! Hope everyone enjoys their day AF of course