Newbies Nest

[tonyniceday]

Morning all

It's gonna be a difficult day here today - first time in 17 days that Mrs T is away so my living, walking conscience is not here! BUT I've taken the tabs and am looking after a friend's puppy for a couple of days (in addition to our 3 dogs) and although today is my "day off" I have loads of work to do (anyone else self employed will get that!) so just going to try and keep busy and muddle on through it and keep telling myself it's just one day! ODAAT

[j-vo]

Tony, hang in there. You'll be fine knowing you took the medicine.

It's Monday and I have a break. I'm feeling tired but unhung so that's good. I was thinking of how afraid I am of alcohol now. It really scares me. What it must have done to my body, I hope I can heal from all of that abuse. This fear might be a good thing. I'm afraid, as I have seen how even this past year, although I had a lot of stops and then starts, I'm allowing something to slowly kill me. I want to be done with that. I must be done. The poison will win every time with me. My time is up. My decision has been made. I won't drink anymore. I'm going to run from alcohol when I see it, because I'd run from a bear or any animal that would kill me. I'd run from a fire if it was going to kill me. I'd run from an physically or verbally abusive person. They will hurt me, an so will alcohol. So for now, I"ll be afraid of it. Maybe forever. I don't feel safe at this point, but with time, I won't be so afraid. I know the more time I put in, the less afraid I might feel.

[actiongirl46]

Hey Tony, I can really relate to your post! My hubs will be gone this Saturday night and I'm already dreading it. You got this! Please let me know what worked for you.

j-vo, I hope you have an awesome week, full of 8th grade silliness (but not too much) and lots of put-ups. Oh, and academic growth You got this.

Happy un-hungover Monday after the Super Bowl all!

[wagmor]

Tony - I'm also self-employed and can totally relate to your comment about "days off." Hope you get lots done and enjoy those pups!

J-vo - happy belated Bday!!! Glad you had some extra time with your son. I really identified with your comment about being afraid of al, of wanting to run from it cuz it'll kill you. I have felt largely that same way over the past several months, but I wanted to offer you hope that it does eventually decrease - or at least it has for me. When I think about myself as my sober self, I'm starting to feel settled, contented, like I've adjusted to my new AF identity. Safe, as you say. When I think of al though I still just want to run before I entertain too many thoughts, but I'm gradually becoming less afraid of it because I see it for what it really is - a poison. I wouldn't drink a bottle of bleach just to "escape" or numb myself, and I frame al in the same light. You might never feel totally safe, or totally unafraid, but I wouldn't be surprised if you find that diminishing over time. For now, it's a great tool for you and I'd say use it!

Kensho - I'm a bit jealous of your outside crocheting. We're having the coldest, iciest, snowiest winter ever up here in the Pacific NW, and we're all ready for spring. Glad you took some time for YOU though. Sounds like you're starting to embrace that type of self-care, which is awesome. Hope your head cold goes away soon!

LB - Sounds like you are doing quite well now, even though it has been a rough year or more. Really happy for you. It's hard to go through break-ups and other ups and downs, and my heart goes out to you. It seems that there is often something good around the bend, even if it takes years for that to unfold. Hang in there and hold tight to your quit!

Ava - I think you are right to assume that you still don't have an "off switch" even after three years. I personally had a very long quit (approx 10 years) that crumbled to the ground almost overnight because even after a decade I had no such switch. Might not be true for everyone, but I think for most of us our wiring is what it is and that particular circuit is not likely to change. Protect your quit for all that it's worth (which is a ton!), continue your sniff tests, and bow out of winery tours as needed. It's all worth it, you know that!

Hope everyone has a great MAE in the nest!!!

[Nursie]

Thanks for all the well wishes and TWO llamas! I am so excited!!
J-Vo happy belated birthday! I do hope that your girlfriend didn't cancel because you told her you wouldn't be drinking? I always think about that with my friends. They don't in it's me to stuff anymore because they are all drinking and I'm not. I think it's more their problem than mine!

Really feeling financial stress right now. Worse than ever. We want to buy a house so badly but our credit is shot. We have no wiggle room. I am thinking of how I can make some extra money like maybe teaching an online class or doing some freelance writing. I don't know. We keep getting deeper and deeper in the hole!

[j-vo]

Nursie,
No, she's a really good friend and we go way back. I would never think that she cancelled for that reason as she's not a big drinker unlike some people I work with. I think the friends I do have would be supportive, and at my age, I would not be friends with them if they didn't. The pressure to drink at my age just isn't there, or I don't see it. I'm the one that has to not feel as though I need to drink to feel relief, to escape the madness of life.

Nar, that woman that was pressuring you to drink...I was thinking about that and how annoying even adults can be. They just don't get it or are very rude. You should have told her, "I have some heroin up in my room. Do you wanna go do a hit?" Maybe that would have shut her up, that is, unless she was a heroin addict. That wouldn't have worked then.

Long day and low self confidence. It only can get better from here. Have a good night.

[Lost Soul]

Hi all
I hope everyone is well? My kids are off early all week (parent & teacher meetings) so no homework...yippee! Or no "do your homework!" Haha. Otherwise little to report... I am happier & more content than a few weeks ago - thankyou xx So little has changed with my situation except it was good & helpful to talk about my worries & doom & gloom. I don't feel quite as overwhelmed by my parents problems & also feel less shitty & guilty about taking a step back. Hopefully now my mum has carers to support her, any physical problems will be addressed early & not get out of control. I've a genuine worry, the carers might do something she doesn't like & won't have them in the house, as she's so controlling, it's her way or no way, but what can you do? Detach...guess they'll just have to avail of the support available or not. They will be fine or they won't. I don't feel (as!) bad about a situation I can't control nor should I. I'm getting there & trying to remember what's important & matters to me & life is actually not really a constant drama or disaster. It's opportunity & change not fear. Xx

Hi Hypernova, Congratulations on day 7! Good to see you here :happy2:
Glad you had a nice time with your son JVO :heartbeat: Is he feeling a bit better? I think our bodies are pretty amazing at healing themselves - so I would hope yours will with a little TLC x
Kensho - I agree, my magic juice was more 'running on fumes' & it's definitely it's better to pace yourself with less stress & committing to only what you can manage (as far as possible!) I hope your head cold gets better & you get a good sleep x
Ava, your response to the winery road trip made me smile! It's really good your gp was open & asked questions about your alcoholism because she didn't understand. Its nice when a Dr. doesn't pretend to know everything!
Tony, I would love a puppy to look after! Your right, it's just another day & your free to do whatever you like (except drink obviously...) hope you've a good day!
Have been thinking of Lifechange, Daisy, Mr G, Ann Carolina, South Londoner & all our friends who haven't checked in for a while, hope you guys are okay - we miss you x
Sorry to hear of your money worries Nursie. If you can manage & want to take on more, go for it! However, hopefully your choice to go AF also is helping a little too! x

Wishing all a safe & sober Monday
LS

[Byrdlady]

Little Beagle, its so good to hear from you. Thank you for checking in and letting us know how you are doing.
Hitting the road tomorrow, it will be a long day and my colitis is acting up. UGG!
Hang in everyone! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good Monday evening Nesters,

Always glad when Monday is out of the way. I am one of those self-employed folks & have to kick my own butt into gear sometimes, ha ha!

Ava, I have not had any experience with Muslim docs myself. I imagine you could teach her quite a bit 7 she she be happy to hear the real stories.
I think I would skip a winery tour myself. Even after almost 8 years I would feel as if I was being drawn back into that dark place & I don't want to go there.

Tony, check in with us frequently while you are on your own - we'll be happy to kick your butt as needed

J-vo, I also had a great fear of Al but eventually I found that fear turning into more of a 'respect & understanding' thing. I respect the fact that I finally realized that I had no control over AL. If I allow it back in my life then I understand that I may end up in the same place I was 8 years ago & I am not going there again! Stick with us!

Nursie, don't take on too much for the sake of a little extra money. Your health & welfare are much more important right now. Save what you can & wait & see what the housing market is going to do in the future. Everything is changing again & we could very well end up in another housing crisis.

Byrdie, take care of yourself too & don't make yourself sick :hug:

Hi there Wags, LS, AG & everyone!
Have a safe night in the nest everyone.

Lav

[mario]

Good morning nesters, I am very busy in work & I couldn't get here yesterday & it was bugging me all day that I didn't post on mwo. So I got up extra early today to be here & fit it in to my busy schedule,

As I staying in hotel I was up very early to do a bit in the gym & as I walking to it I passed the big lounge where there was a function the night before, What a mess, empty glasses & bottles everywhere & the smell....wow. Its amazing how the glamour of the night before can be so replaced in a few hours, and that's just an empty room, I can well imagined how some of the particpents are feeling, as I walk back out to my gym with a smug face on me, knowing that is so not me anymore.

have a great day folks :-)

[tonyniceday]

Got through the day yesterday - Just busied myself and kept looking back on here and in the Army to see the encouragement. It's snowed overnight too...don't think it's enough for the skiing but they've closed the road over the mountain. The snow-plough guys and gals will no doubt do their best and we'll see what happens later... I slept late - but I'm working late tonight so that's ok...going to get coffee and meds and spend some time with the dogs then into work this afternoon...Thanks for yesterday's support guys!

[Neo]

Doing some soul searching tonight. No beer left in fridge thank god and finished of day with a Valium lol . All casualties will be put in bin out of site. Time to start roll call again.

[satz123]

Good morning nesters, I am very busy in work & I couldn't get here yesterday & it was bugging me all day that I didn't post on mwo. So I got up extra early today to be here & fit it in to my busy schedule,

As I staying in hotel I was up very early to do a bit in the gym & as I walking to it I passed the big lounge where there was a function the night before, What a mess, empty glasses & bottles everywhere & the smell....wow. Its amazing how the glamour of the night before can be so replaced in a few hours, and that's just an empty room, I can well imagined how some of the particpents are feeling, as I walk back out to my gym with a smug face on me, knowing that is so not me anymore.

have a great day folks :-)

Morning Nesters :checkin:
Followed Mario over here .................
There is nothing, nothing like that smug feeling Mario. I thrive on it.
I know that's mean but I am so proud of myself that I have stopped the dreaded hamster wheel of alcohol / hangover.

I used to think it was harder to quit alcohol in booze sodden Ireland but I can see, in the right state of mind, once you stop imo it's easier to stay stopped. Just to see the car crash of a wedding or a party and then the aftermath next day - reinforces my knowing I did the right thing. Does that make sense?

Strength to you all here - keep posting - you WILL get there if it is really what you want

[Roobs]

Good morning,
Just checking in.
Roobs

[j-vo]

Sobriety is what I want, I know that for sure. So all we have to do is want sobriety and we can have it, and all we have to do is not drink to have it. Sounds simple enough. I'm going the simple road this time. I've certainly read enough books to last me a lifetime. I think what I need to do as NS has said, "Just relax into it." I'm not really good at relaxing my mind, but I'm going to be aware of that, and the stuff that's going on in my head, and when it becomes too much, I'm going to let it go using my deep breathing. I don't need all of the worries, and it certainly doesn't help to worry. It doesn't solve anything just like al doesn't solve anything. Why keep doing things that create more chaos in my life? That's my attitude today.