Newbies Nest

[Ringing Cedars]

Newbies Nest

Ha...I just read my post. I guess I did have some advice. Take it or leave in any case. sorry

[daybyday]

Newbies Nest

I'm in and out of the nest quick today too but wanted to check in to say big HELLO to everyone and onto another AF day. Sun is shining here today big time so getting out for a hike. This afternoon spoiling myself with a hair colour and style..
Hope everyone is well and I'll catch up on all the threads later today! :rays:

Sunshine sorry about your stress with your son, you are doing a great job checking on things though and having your eyes open. A lot of parents would not be so invested, GOOD for you! It'll pay off in the long run with your son. My son is grown now and doing good but wow, at 18 I was fit to be tied!!! Painful years.

[Litre]

Newbies Nest

Hi Sunshine, my youngest son used to skip all the time, to the point of my being so angry, the principal and I were on first name basis. No funny. Well one day I got the call, again, probably 2 or 3 days in a row, and when he came home with his friends, I exploded, not good I know, but we get to our wits end. He simply walked away from, which he never does. He said he had a nose bleed. Now he was dressed all in white, even his shoes. Would you believe a 16 year old when no blood is found, well I did not. So I followed him to get the answer. He would not let me in, so I retreated to his friends in the other room, they told me he fell, about 8 feet, and yes he had a nose bleed. He stood bent over so no blood would get on him. Well, needless to say, I felt bad, but not as bad as the next morning. He woke up with a swollen nose and holding his are funny. I took him to the hospital, and he broke his nose and arm. That was a lesson, not sure for who, but I felt really bad. He left school soon after, and worked, now at almost 24 years of age, he sees the light, he is working and going to school. I am proud of him, only wish he had seen this earlier. I am sure your son, will come to terms with his life with the proper guidence and yes patience. Lord knows we need that with raising sons.

[mama bear]

Newbies Nest

Sunni...I would be LIVID and my husband would kill him....I ALWAYS double check my teenagers stories....
not sure how old he is, but mine would be grounded, have no cell phones or computers, and seriously, my husband may have to pop him HARD....
I can't imagine how terrified you were....
WELCOME BACK FENNEL.....KNOW YOU'RE NOT HOME YET, BUT hi!!!!!

[sunshine_gg]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Ringing, Dby, Litre

Well, he's got TWO MONTHS of high school left.. for GOD's sake... don't screw it up, please! He's on a behavioral contract at school, been suspended numerous times (last time about 2 weeks ago), and the school has made it CRYSTAL clear that they will NOT allow him to return if he doesn't get his diploma. After the summer he will be 18 and the school has no obligation to take him back. With his track record, I certainly can't blame them.

I guess what bothers me most about this is the lying. The truth is I don't believe a word of anything from him. How could I? He lies EVERY day. About little things. About big things. Why? I don't know. Yes, of course I may get angry when he does something stupid, dangerous, or criminal. But when have I ever NOT been there and supported him? And how come my daughter feels no need to lie about anything?

We tried counseling years ago. Didn't do any good. The bottom line is, he needs to move out after school is out. I don't trust him enough to leave him alone at home for a weekend, and I really don't want to live like this anymore. There is still money disappearing (mostly change) from my wallet, and I just feel like the only thing I'm good for is supply him with cigarettes and drive him around.

[mama bear]

Newbies Nest

Oh Sunni...I am so sorry...is his Dad involved in his life?

[sunshine_gg]

Newbies Nest

Nope. That's what got him 'ex-asshole'
Has not seen his children (his choice) in 12 years.

My son did contact him through FB - ex-asshole asked how old he was now.

[Ringing Cedars]

Newbies Nest

Oh Sunshine. I'm so sorry. ((HUGS)) I hate to agree with such a drastic measure, but you may have to do just that. I am going to pm you. :h

[Litre]

Newbies Nest

Sunshine, your son sounds like a mirror image of my own. The heart ache that the boys inflict will never be known by them, until they are adults. Until then, yes we worry. My son was going to join the army, and I was happy, I felt he needed the structure. Then he told me it was Combat Engineering. I got very worried, and he did not like what seemed to be a runaround so he did not join. He did go on to get his grade 12 equivelance a few years ago. I also never had trouble with my daughter, she had her mothers temper, but hey, and my middle son, so problem either. What I would like to say is, it will get better, hopefully the lies stop, and the money stays where it belongs. As a parent it is scarey and I hate to see anyone going through the same thing I did. My heart goes out to you, and it will get better.

[NoraC]

Newbies Nest

Sunni - I'm so sorry. Big hugs. :l:l

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Sunni,

How about if we start a 'Woe is Me' thread??
Life just seems to throw one hurdle after the next at us, doesn't it?

Grit your teeth, lock up your wallet & remove all his privileges until the lying stops!
I always made a point to take away whatever was most important to my kids........to get my point across!

Hang in there friend - we're all here with you
Lav

[Panno]

Newbies Nest

Hi Sunshine I'm hoping I can give you a little ray of hope here, my daughter in her last year of school was a nightmare - would not go in no matter what I said or the teachers - this continued all through that last year, I had to give up my career for a while and take a job closer to home just so I could keep an eye on her, I use to have to go home every lunch time to negotiate with her to go !! but cutting a long story short this had no effect whatsoever. In the end the school and I agreed she should not sit her final exams because she had not attended enough to even get just a pass. I don't know if you are familiar with the system here in the UK but schools get grants on how well their pupils achieve, so in a nutshell she became a liability to them. Anyhow I digress - my daughter is now 29 with 2 children of her own and would you believe she is now studying to become a TEACHER!!!! I am so very proud of her but 10 years ago I could of gladly give her away LOL

I sometimes wonder if teenagers are stressed and pressured over important things this is there way of rebelling to cover over it.

Hang in there I'm sure he will come through this OK, with two loving parents (or 1 even) they always do.
:h
Luv P

[mollyka]

Newbies Nest

Sunshine, I have 3 boys, and they are hard work. My second lad was just trouble left right and centre, he is now a great young man ,27 ,employed, owns his own apartment and honestly 10 years ago I couldn't see him anywhere but prison!!
You're right to check up, he's bold, doesn't make him a bad person
Molly

[sunshine_gg]

Newbies Nest

:l Thanks you guys.. all of you!

I cornered him when he got home (quite literally!) and he went to a friend's house and watched movies all afternoon/night (or so he says). Doesn't really see anything wrong with either skipping or fabricating this story. "God, mom, were you never a teenager?"

The difference, I suppose is, that I would have got my ASS KICKED in good old fashioned manner, if I had ever pulled a stunt like that. But since we aren't allowed to touch the darling, sensitive, fragile children nowadays....

Molly, that's where I'm at, I guess. I foresee little other than prison for him. While he is a very bright young man, he is sloppy and gets caught at whatever he's trying to hide ALL the time. Litre... I was actually trying to stir him in the direction of armed forces, too. Even though that whole concept goes very much against my own beliefs and opinions, I also think that STRUCTURE is what he needs. He was rather gung-ho a couple of years ago, but not so anymore.

MamaBear and Lav, we don't have cell phones here - Tsk :H Tried taking away the computer umpteen times, it really does no good. And yes, I do try to keep an eye on my wallet.

My friend said something interesting this afternoon... 'Ya know, it just wouldn't be like Matt to give a simple explanation... he has a flair for the dramatic'. And she's actually right

The one piece of good news is that I have no desire to drink. Which is interesting. You would think this sort of thing would provide a reasonable excuse.

Anyways... that's it on the subject - I didn't mean for this to go on all day, I'm sorry - back to nest business! How is everyone else doing today?

[KatieB]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,

Sunshine - sorry to hear about the trials and tribulations you are going through with your son.. hopefully he will get his act together.. I know on Dr Phil (sorry.. I watch him during my lunch breaks!!) they take young boys that are behaving badly to a day at a local prison.. just to show them that is where they could end up if they keep behaving the way they are.. that may seem harsh; but it really opens their eyes up to what their lives could be.. just a thought.. but also running cedars' idea of counselling sounds good too..
Lav - great to see you, you are doing amazingly well - you are an inspiration to us all for hanging in there and getting on with life, regardless of what life throws at you.. we have no choice but to go on or give up! giving up is harder in the long run..
I had a great sleep last night.. Day 5 for me today, still not smoking either (whoopee!).. taking my son to the church playgroup this morning, then looking at a new flat this arvo.. we have to move in 2 months as the owners want to move back in to our current place..
Take care all,
Love Katie xxx