Newbies Nest

[bran new day]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yes Neo , I doubt there is anyone on here that doesn't wish they had gotten on top of it earlier in life . Personally I've known I had a problem for 25 years . That's a hell of a long fight . BND

[Readynow79]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow, I haven't read for a few days and seems I have missed a lot of posts! So, hello everybody and I'll read back when I get the chance but I just need to vent a bit if you can bear with me.
So far this week, my head is being bombarded with thoughts of when I "could" drink. Seeing opportunities, chances to return to my previous behaviour, how I could sneak some (don't even ask how I managed to fit this in to my working day but shamefully, I did, for quite a long time). It isn't even that I want to drink as such, just that I could. I don't crave the taste and I keep a written list with me of the consequences - like the next day's sweaty clammy feeling, mouth that feels like something died in it, headache, upset stomach, bad sleep, let alone the waste of money and the utter utter disappointment in myself. And the disappointment of my family if they knew. And that doesn't even delve in to the larger more serious consequences. But I am finding every day an internal mental fight. For example, on Monday, I had 2 hours to myself after work, home alone and it was a huge struggle not to pick up wine on the way home. Then my mum brought my daughter home and came to babysit while I went to my AA meeting. I soooo did not want to go to that meeting - the same people saying the same stuff as they say every week, and the awkwardness I feel during the tea, coffee and fag break when I don't drink hot drinks or smoke. But I equally couldn't face the bedtime battle with my daughter. So I put my book in my handbag, with perfume and chewing gum and fully thought I was off to the pub alone for a couple of hours instead and would try to disguise it when I got in. But I didn't - I walked past and went to the meeting and was just as disappointed in it and felt just as awkward as I expected but at least I didn't drink. Sigh.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ready, you did not drink. As much as you thought about wanting to, you did not drink. Obviously you had ample opportunity but you did not drink. What a wonderful achievement to not drink. I constantly had a head f*ck fighting with myself about drinking every afternoon driving home from work but at the end of the day i did not drink and that was enough. Oh i so wanted to give in to that voice, it was so logical and sane and i felt totally insane but i did not drink and gradually those thoughts go ever so slowly till one day you realise that you had not thought about a drink in a day and that is such a good feeling.

There is nothing wrong with thoughts as long as we dont act on them, it shows a grit and determination even if you dont feel that way.

Of course you are disappointed or your al brain is disappointed as it did not win but be very proud of yourself. Being sober is not an easy journey at the beginning.

I was talking to my course friends tonight and at 9pm i was standing there sober and tired. I told them that three years ago i would have been passed out by 9pm and as much as i wanted to better myself there was no chance in hell i could do it as a drunk. My life has changed so much in three years and al will never ever take what i have now away from me. For that i am eternally grateful that i have never acted on those thoughts.

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 4 this afternoon ok but now 10.30pm and feel a bit dizzy. Think I will have a shower and may have a 5mg of Val. Got 6 left .Only had 2 since I quit

[dejafoo345]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ready, I'm sorry you are not finding what you need in your meetings. Are there any other groups you can try that may provide a different experience for you? Sometimes you need to find the right group of people to get the most out of it, especially if you're not feeling that you are connecting with anyone. Just keep reminding yourself what's on the other side of that first drink, because it is the first one that gets all of us into trouble, every time. I was having a lot of anxiety last night over things that are out of my control right now, and it was hard for me to focus my thoughts. I reached out to my sponsor and found that cleaning the hell out of my kitchen helped remove the thoughts and calm me down. Find things that you can turn to right away when those thoughts start creeping in, like cooking, cleaning etc. It was a huge help and now something I have as a tool for the next time my thoughts start running away from me.

Good luck!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Glad to see you, Matt. That sounds like a wonderful group to join - you all have had similar experiences in a very stressful job. We miss you here - stay hard, my friend.

Congratulations ADP and AG! Love those big, round numbers.

Lil - that happened to me once. I got up and was surprised by our neighbors VERY LARGE AND FLUFFY CAT in our hallway. We don't have cats, so it was very disorienting in my half asleep state.

Ready - I never went to AA meetings, but my understanding is that there are many different meetings with different themes and ways in which they are run. Maybe you could find one that you like? I think we do have Smart Recovery here as well (are you in the US?)

BND - Welcome back! You can't rely on willpower - humans lose the willpower battle all of the time. When Byrdie talks about a plan, that's what can save us from ourselves. When your willpower gives out (which it will, we're human), what is you plan for getting through without it. This sounds so simple but was revelatory to me. Staying sober takes intention and planning - what a thought. That's what makes it a lifetime endeavor - even though I feel good and I don't feel like drinking most times, I still need to set myself up for success when that inevitable thought crosses my mind. Stick close - you got this!

Wags - talking about yourself and how you get through those hard times is very helpful for us as well.

Hi, everyone else. Happy SOBER Wednesday.

Pav

Where are you, Pauly? Hope all is well.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

My thoughts this morning:

THEN = craving, struggle, hiding, lying, planning, regretting, bad sleeping, worrying, dangerous driving, HATING the cycle.

NOW = peace.

I'm not saying sober life is perfect, but 95% of the struggle and yuck that came from drinking is nonexistent now. I can let all of that go and focus on the things in life worth working for.

Hope everyone finds some peace today.

[Ican]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in on Day 3 - trying to stay accountable - it's easier when I do. Stay strong NEO and changes
Good to see all else

[ADP]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just a quick note to answer questions by Byrdlady and others, what works this time and also what will I do differently?

What is working is my diet. The doctor has stopped AL, caffine, red meat, fried foods and fat! Instead fruit, vegitabless, fish, chicken and gallons of water! I am eating more than twice the volume of food and have still lost over 6lbs in weight. Additionally my energy levels are off the scale! The diet for now is doing most of my work for me, but I admit that a longer term plan will only set in after the doctor allows me to excercise again. Then I am planning to get back into my gym and be fitter and stronger by the time I hit 50, (in August btw).

Till then, eating well and sticking soooo close, reading and learning from all of you.......thanks!

Good night. Tomorrow is going to be a good, sober day!

Axx

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Had shower last night,felt better and no valium. Sometimes pays to try natural B4 meds if can be avoided .See if I can keep of Val too and use only when absolutely needed

[Matt M.]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone great to see so many familiar names and new alike!

Had a Facebook "memory" pop up in my news feed this morning it was from 2011, I was knee deep in my addiction and working like a M'fer to drink like a "normal" person, I'd have been better off working to find a unicorn.
20170222_115751.jpg

The post I made in 2011 was a shot at my wife and my addiction was in full force- denial, poor me, etc.
She had once again thrown the gauntlet down about my drinking, so I showed her and went on a 4 day bender.
While this memory bothered me for just a minute, I'm holding onto to it, I'm not going to dwell on it, but occasionally glance at it as part of the carnage and unmitigated hell I was in.

I would need to step in front of that train, a few more times and have the fuck beat out of me, and try every possible way on God's green earth to"moderate"
On 8/4/2014 I took my last drink- something I thought was unobtainable, and that my life would be over, can't have fun without Alcohol right?
Nothing could be further from the truth!

I shared this post with my wife today along with a list gratitude and far we've come! -
She cried Happy tears, I'll take those 😍

A reminder that my darkest saddest days, continue to be my strongest ally.


Stay Hard weirdos!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nester, hope everyone had a good Hump day

Matt, keep that gratitude going. I swear it's the best tool in our tool box.

AG, CONGRATS to you on your 30 AF days :welldone:

Neo & Ican, you both know once you get that first week done you will be feeling tons better & proud of your accomplishment. A few days of discomfort is really nothing when you're looking at the big picture, right?

Lil, do you have raccoons in SF? Ha ha!! I think you need a snug fitting screen installed, geez!!!

Glad to see so many folks reporting in & making progress.
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

AG, Ive just been to the prize closet for your hat! :guy: Congrats on this yoooge achievement! Would you have a few words as to your recipe for success? Keep up the great work! I promise its worth every pang!

Ready, I couldnt say it any better than Ava. I think Narrily has one of the truest statements of all time in her signature line, "I can have the life I want, or I can drink". That about sizes it up. Lav told me early on to change my thinking from one of deprivation to one of gratitude. It really helped me. It took a while, but It pays off. Its human nature to want what you cant have. I push those thoughts out, just like you did. It is a skill that can be learned, and practice makes perfect!
Matt, sobering stuff there. I am so happy that you can look at all this from the other side. It is such a blessing NOT to think of AL, at all! Great to see you here!
Lil Bit, what a story! Bah!!! Cant a girl get any privacy?
Hang in there, everyone. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Byrdie

[LilBit]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good one, Matt. It really is amazing how very different it all looks with some miles between us and our drinking days. Good for you for keeping the reminder, and for having such a forgiving wife.

Re: the critter, I'm pretty sure it was our neighborhood raccoon. He made an appearance long ago -- thought he'd moved to a posher area. Gosh, I hope it wasn't a possum or "street mouse." Whatever it was played with a bunch of my earrings in the sink, which doesn't sound very possum-y.

Nice hat, AG!

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in to say a quick goodnight! It's so good to see everyone's posts.
Remember that it is ok to post if you are having a bad time of it, a hard time, etc. that's why we are here for eachother.
I'm doing ok, wanting and wishing to lose 50lbs. Ahhhh someday!