Newbies Nest

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello nesters,LC,you're not a hopeless cause don't think like that! This addiction is tricky to tackle,it shouldn't be but it is,just last night I told my hubs I wish I could drink like he does where the hell did that come from?!? I can't take it easy and have a few,its hogwash thinking! Had a dream that I went to visit my family in our home town and I was drinking and my mom,brothers were not drinking and acting like they hated me,laughing behind my back,I felt so humiliated and in my dream I started walking to somewhere, it was weird,I'm just trying to think that the dream is telling me that the drinking really has run its course, over,finito especially with my family acting like I'm a mess-up,Ori,excellent job on 30 days! I'm so happy to see that this morning wishing everyone a wonderful AF Wednesday

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 11 - Booked earlier appointment for dental implant so will only be a little over a fortnight since I quit. Really looking forward to it, not. Got 10mg of Val saved as well as Panadeine Forte .Going to need it. Not everyday someone bores a hole into your skull and get a Titanium self tapper

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie - so sorry to hear that you had to cancel your vacation. It really sucks when any health-related issue impacts our lives that much, but I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to get on a plane. Hugs to you - hope you feel better soon!

LC - glad to see you back. Sometimes having a real life person to talk with can be a big help. It's a different type of accountability, for one thing. Maybe give it a crack? The nice thing is, you can always change your mind. It's not like a yes-no decision where you're stuck following that path if it doesn't work out. Please stick around and keep us posted. And huge congrats on all that you have accomplished! You'll get there with al. Recognize all that you have done and build on that.

Deja - I think working through things related to being AF with our partners and other family members (even close friends) is one of the toughest aspects of quitting. This seems especially true when the original relationship included al in a major way. I have friends that I no longer see or even speak with because our friendships were largely based on drinking. I'm lucky that I'm married to someone who supports my quit in every way, but I also have to be strong enough to still go to happy hour occasionally and to have beer in our fridge. Those are non-negotiable, and it's taken me several quit-tries to get to the point where those things don't tempt me and don't take every ounce of self-discipline I've got. My partner does not have a drinking problem at all - the quintessential example of someone who has two beers almost every day, rarely has a third, can nurse those two beers over a period of hours if there's a way to keep them cold. In some ways this relationship has highlighted for me just how disordered my own drinking is. When I was with other alkies, we all drank the same so it felt "normal." Now I can see how very NOT-normal it was, and in some ways that helps me stick to my guns cuz it's finally clear what a big problem I have.

It sounds like your partner wants the best for you but isn't interested in quitting himself (maybe doesn't need to?). You do not have to throw yourself in the deep end of the pool before you're ready. It also sounds like you have a good awareness of where your emotions are coming from, and where you are limited in your ability to help him while also working through your own stuff. Some sort of al-anon group, or maybe a book, might help him? I wish I knew of a suggestion, but maybe someone else on here has some ideas.

In the meantime, hugs and strength to you.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm on the fence sometimes with not knowing whether or not talking so much about it helps me..? I do feel like it helped a lot in January to be here twice a day, to let it all out, to meet up with all of you.. but then, despite that I decided to drink.. Which makes me a bit worried that I'm a hopeless cause. Just f******* do it. Anyway, I'm still not giving up.

Good to see you, LC. It's great that the move and surgery went well and are behind you now. As one who stalks you :wink:, I noticed that when you were participating here every day, writing about what was going on with you and encouraging others, you sounded content and committed to not drinking. Understandably, when you got so busy with the move and surgery, you weren't able to be here so much and then drifted away. And THAT is when you decided to drink, not while you were here.

You are NOT a hopeless cause. No one is. But if a forum such as this is a person's main (or, in my case, only) tool, you've got to use the heck out of it and that means to participate like you were doing in January. It is SO easy to slip back into long-ingrained patterns of thought and behavior unless we're actively forging new ones -- brainwashing ourselves, but in a good way. Until new pathways are fully developed and become our brain's "default setting", intensive conditioning is really important. That is why AA insists on 90 meetings in 90 days and continued attendance thereafter. That is why new people here are encouraged to read and post as much as possible. The maintenance of that conditioning is why several of us who got sober here continue to participate. I know full well that old pathway to drinking excessively is still there - it's like riding a bike. You may not have done it for years but if you used to do it regularly, you'll be able to do it again on your first try.

You CAN do this, LC. A couple people who thought they never would are doing it now and sharing their experiences with us. Nora and kTab's threads are full of hope and good ideas. It truly is a matter of changing our thinking - about ourselves, alcohol, and our relationship with it. We change our ideas about things everyday but with something that is addictive, which alcohol most certainly is, it takes work.

Just yesterday I was telling a couple MWO friends how when in the early 90s I found out I had to quit eating gluten, my thinking about bread, cookies, crackers and all the foods I loved the most changed in a split second. Because I was so physically ill and was afraid I was dying, finding out that I could be FINE if I just didn't eat my favorite foods was not a problem. I never knowingly cheated or felt sorry for myself (and this is back when no one knew what gluten was and gluten-free foods did not line the store shelves). I was thrilled to have control over my health by simply avoiding something. Then, 20 years later I was again physically ill every day and afraid I was killing myself. This time I KNEW what was causing my problems but was unable to force myself to see alcohol as toxic in the way I had done so easily with gluten. Changing my thinking about something that I was addicted to (as opposed to just loving) took work. But now, I'm as "dead" to alcohol as I am to gluten-containing treats. I don't want them, miss them, or feel sorry for myself. Actually, I feel very fortunate not to be putting either gluten or alcohol into my body. I changed my thinking and you can, too. :hug: NS

[dejafoo345]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone, and THANK YOU for all the kind words and advice!! Change is never easy, especially when it's something this big, but it does get better every day. I'm lucky to also have an addiction counselor who happens to be a recovering addict himself, so I'll get to discuss everything with him as well

Less than a week away from day 30! So glad to have this online fellowship to share our experiences and give advice when it's asked. Wishing you all a happy and sober Wednesday!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

LC - NoSugar always has a way with words, but I second what she says. Of course you are NOT a lost cause. Glad to see you here.

Deja - Sorry for your troubles with your partner. I like your recommendation of al-anon - and your understanding that he is going to have to figure out his own path. I agree with Lav, too. If you can get to counseling or something together, it might help you feel your way through this new phase in your relationship. My husband was first a drinking buddy, so we had to negotiate what we did differently. But over all he is glad to have the old me back, and he is ok if I want to go home earlier than he does. We fight less intensely and sex is better! (I'm blushing)

Byrdie - So sorry about your colitis. I have a close family member with that condition. He has been in remission for a while now, but those flare ups are terrible. Sorry you missed going to Orlando, but maybe you can give yourself a mini vacation at home anyway? A spa day? Hope you feel better soon.

Good to see you here, Pauly. Happy SOBER Hump Day to everyone!

Pav

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hiya, Nesters. It's been awhile, I know!

Great to see such good feedback on this thread. It's so relevant to what I'm going through right now... Among other things, I'm finding it hard to focus on keeping my own O2 mask on, and not worry about my husband's! I'm so thankful he's got a good therapist, but that doesn't mean we don't have a lot to work on. Which has to take a back seat for now, while I do my own thing and focus on getting and staying healthy. frustrating, tho.

Sorry about the colitis and your trip, Byrdie.

Keep up the good work, y'all. I'll be lurking! xx

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you for the congrats everyone! I have a lot of catching up to do, so here goes:

Ready - Yea for Sparkle! Things just get better the longer you abstain. Boobies-schmoobies, there are more important things. Great work!

Deja, changing the alcohol dynamic in a relationship, especially one that involved a lot of social events with drinking is hard. There’s no way around it - it’s uncomfortable, strange, and takes time. My husband and I have now come full circle as he drinks and I do not. We still attend fun events and he just doesn’t ask any more. It becomes the “new” normal. Keep doing what you need to do and give yourself some space if you need it to get stronger. It doesn’t seem very supportive to tell you that you “cant do anything right”. Make yourself your focus for awhile and get yourself well. The other things will begin to fall into place. Looking forward to celebrating your 1 month soon!!!

Byrdie, sorry to hear you aren’t in “full swing” No fun! Is there something in your diet that triggers your episodes? Thank goodness alcohol is not involved to make it even worse.

Orimus, what is CAF? I googled it and turns out there are quite a few things that use that acronym!

Lifechange, hi friend! Good to hear from you. Congratulations on leaving a dysfunctional relationship. That’s a big step and takes a LOT of courage - hugs! Please believe that NO ONE is a lost cause. I tried and tried and tried until it all finally clicked with me. There are a lot of “pieces” that we have to put together until it clicks. Just focus on “that the short few weeks I've had consistently without it have been the best in all the years I've been drinking.” What finally hit me is that I AM really happier not drinking, and I decided to choose happiness. Of course, then there’s the work that goes along with not using alcohol to cope/numb, but you CAN do it, I know it! Just don’t quit trying. And time to quit beating yourself up.

Neo, sorry for your impending dental appointment! Ugh! Better to have teeth though, no?

Things are fairly good on my end - can’t complain. I’m staring at my messy desk not wanting to do anything - so I’m starting with a clean up as that usually helps. Feeling a little ADD at the moment. My husband and I are also dealing with some troubles with my sweet son. Hormones and “being popular at school” are kicking in, and he has a bit of a problem expressing anger. He’s only 11, so not in too deep of water, but we have some things to help him with. It hurts so much to see our kids go though the hard times of figuring out life - and kids can be so mean.

Life without alcohol isn’t struggle free, but it has become easier to deal with reality as it comes, instead of stuffing it away and numbing out. I still get the desire to numb out at times. But I have found a few ways around wanting to escape - most notably allowing myself to feel uncomfortable (angry, hurt, stressed, sad, etc). Now it feels easier to just feel these things, instead of push them away, because then I can acknowledge them and take a productive action, and then they lessen.

I was a bargainer to the extreme! I told myself every story about how I wasn’t bed enough to quit drinking. But I always came back here saying “I hate this.” Anything we repeatedly conclude to hate is usually not something worth keeping. I’m so glad I don’t drink any more - it’s an unnecessary complication.

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,
Hope everyone is well tonight in the nest? Party & birthday plans all organised, whew! So looking forward to a fun day!
Kensho it's nice reading your updates & how your getting on, I'm sorry your little boy is having a few troubles in school, we hurt when they do but it's good when kids are trusting & open - then you can help x
LC, I'm so glad to see you back, I really missed you :hug:
Ready, pah haha, your post made me smile, as long as sparkly & boobies are not in the same sentence together... Then your okay :congratulatory:
Deja, my heart goes out to you, that sounds so tough with your husband but think your absolutely right prioritising your quit & what you can do & not carrying too much of his worries too, will be thinking of you xx
Byrdie, so sorry your not well & can't go on holiday, I'm sure Mick will understand as illnesses can't be helped x
Nursie, Roobs & Pauly good to see you guys too! x
Orimus congratulations on 30 days! & thankyou :hug:
Thankyou for your great posts & keeping me on my path xx
Wishing all a safe & sober Wednesday
LS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Byrdie, I think we cross posted last night so I am just now reading about your change in vacation plans. I'm sorry & I hope you feel better very soon. Take good care of yourself :hug:

LC, great to see you. Glad your move & surgery went well!
How about you don't waste another minute 'wondering or thinking' about your abilities to quit. We can all clearly see that you have a lot of strength & ability, you have come thru a lot! Take some deep breaths & update your plan. You can do this & we will be right here with you.

Congrats to Orimus on 30 AF days :yay:
Feels good so keep moving forward!

We were supposed to have big storms this afternoon but apparently they went elsewhere. Not complaining!!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you so much for the well-wishes. I appreciate it more than you can imagine. Being surrounded by friends makes all the difference.
NoSugar, what a wonderful post. I can say by my own bitter experience that staying connected here makes all the difference. This is my only support and as everyone knows, I USE it daily. I have seen too many lessons not to pay attention. Im pretty thick-headed, but even I can see the correlation between active support and success in getting, and staying, sober.
Orimus, great job on those 30 days, here's your hat! :guy:
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC. a consistent message here and elsewhere is the story of attempt,failure,discovery,resolve and ultimately success. Who here got recovery right the first time out? NOBODY. It just doesn't happen that way. There are no failures for those that try. This is hard. Really hard. The odds aren't great regarding any one attempt but the more you work at it the better those odds become and as any pro will tell you, even short periods of abstinence are good. Be proud of every day you string on to the next. Pick yourself up every day you don't and keep trying. It eventually stuck for me and it will for you.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters,
I'm on a half broken computer with crappy wlan so a quick check in this morning.. will go to the computer store today to have things sorted. I'm very happy to be back here with you all. Just making the decision and steps in the right direction do wonders for the mind. Yesterday was difficult, again, but I was able to sleep without beating myself up in the middle of the night (on the contrary, I gave myself a bit of praise for finally doing what I want and what I said I would do). And today I feel ready to make some changes in my plan. It's been good to read the advice about putting on the O2 mask to help yourself before trying to deal with others. I still have one relationship that I'm unsure will survive.. which has been an important one to me.. but just writing that down sounds so stupid. I've got to let go and see what happens.
More this afternoon. Thank you all, once again, for being here. The place of truth..

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters,
hello Neva, a blast from the past.
Great post NoSugar,

I have a busy few days ahead, travelling a lot, Just having a thought this morning, I got my freedom through acceptance.

I got my freedom through accepting that I cannot drink alcohol or take any other mind alliterating substance, other people can but I accept I cant.
This has not just come about through sheer willpower but instead came about as a result of developing the willingness of these new facts of living my life.

Have a good & positive day folks, because you are reading & posting here is a great step in the right direction, go on and take another as it can be done.

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 12 ,

Had moments today where I get irritated easy and can't always focus the best. Talking to some people not always the easiest and concentration not the best. Feel good health wise and just continue to eat well and accept it will take a few weeks to heal after frying my brain. There is still guilt in past decisions I've made I'm learning to let go.

This evening has been very up and down. I haven't had ups for a long time which is a nice feeling . Put on some relaxing music helps