Newbies Nest

[Ican]

Re: Newbies Nest

ReadyNow I'm right there with you. Let's do it together.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Neo - Way to go with everything - the implant, your days/weeks prior without al or cigs, and being able to enter (and leave) the bar without drinking! You're on a great roll - protect your quits, both of them. So happy for you!

Ready - Hugs to you. Yep, we can all relate. As has already been said - there is a difference between how you act/behave and who you ARE. Do not let sneaking, lying etc try to attach themselves to you as identities - they are behaviors and that is all. Hand them back to al and call the whole bunch out on THEIR collective lies, their attempts to lure you back. You can and will get this! I would say you're actually pretty honest, both with yourself and with us here in the nest. Give yourself credit for all you've accomplished, and tuck yourself back in here. And now more hugs :hug:

Byrdie - Hope your meds have kicked in and started to bring you some relief.

Lav - Winter is trying to return here as well, and we're doing our best to shoo it right along!

Mario and ABCowboy - Thanks for your recent posts - very wise words indeed.

Hope everyone is having a good start to a new week!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick update from Wag-land...

It's now almost 3 weeks since my bad car accident. I've been off work that whole time, and I've really needed it. My dr says I'll be off this coming week as well. I'm hoping I'll be able to return next Monday, but this break has been essential.

Yesterday I tried to go for a short (3-miles - I usually go at least 20) bike ride. It was ok, and it felt REALLY good to do something active and fun, but I also learned that my neck and back are not ready for biking yet. I'm not paying too bad of a price, but while riding it was clear that I just can't turn my head/neck enough to truly be safe (checking for traffic etc). Fortunately I was riding with a friend who took extra care to help us both stay safe. I don't regret going, but I won't be back on my bike for at least another week and a few more therapy sessions.

I'm still wading through all the paperwork and bs that seems to be necessary after a hit-and-run accident. Today I'll go back to the dept of motor vehicles (3rd and hopefully last trip). It seems that every time I try to check one more thing off my list, 3 unknown things add themselves to that same list. Like before I can do item number 15, I have to go back and do items 14a, b, c that I didn't know existed. It is exhausting.

I can see one thing clearly - this would all be MUCH HARDER if I were drinking. I would have dropped lots of balls, risked having my driving privileges suspended (simply due to not getting forms filed that are required by the state, even though this was all NOT my fault), etc etc. I would, in short, be a basket case.

Instead, I'm on Day 226 and feeling pretty darn solid. If anything, I'm protecting my quit even more fiercely than ever, perhaps because it's one of the few things I can control right now. I think I've finally reached that point where, as Pav says, "I don't drink." Not I'm trying not to drink, or I'm not drinking for awhile - truly I don't drink.

Was just talking with a friend over the weekend - the topic was whether or not I should help pay for a kit to maintain a small keg we all used to share as friends. She said, "well there's no reason for you to chip in because you don't drink." No qualifiers.

Yes, that's right. I don't drink.

Happy weeks everyone - stay safe in the nest no matter what comes your way. It is soooooo worth it.

[Readynow79]

Re: Newbies Nest

I know I am being self-centred to not look at everybody else's posts today and I truly am sorry to be wallowing in the pity party....I also know from experience that tomorrow will feel different but right now.....I just want to crawl out my skin / hold my daughter in equal measures.
Lifechange-my baby is 9. She has seen too much and knows too much and she STILL adores me. I just don't deserve her. I went out in my lunch break to buy a mirror for her bedroom. I couldn't find a trolley (the mirror is quite big) so instead of asking for help, I cried, then drove back to work and cried some more in the car park.
She says to me "I couldn't ask for a better Mummy" and it kills me because she absolutely could, and probably should. Her step-mum doesn't have this issue, has given her 2 (half) sisters, and that beautiful little girl still adores me. She once told me (because of my drinking) that she was going to live with Daddy and once she saw how that broke me in to pieces, she backtracked and has gone on to a full-on Mummy-Love thing. But if she really does underneath everything want to be there more, and I can't get this for her, am I just being selfish?

[Orimus]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ready - You do deserve your daughters unconditional love as you deserve to love yourself unconditionally. In regards to the mirror it is just a thing and not why your daughter loves you and it is not being selfish. can there be something else in that "... can't get this for her, am I just being selfish?"? As has been said many times on this site we need to take care of ourselves or else we won't have ourselves to give to the people that we love. Look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a smile and a big hug. This moment will pass as you walk towards the next sunrise. What matters is not the past but what we do next.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi ABC! I loved your post. Thank you for your honesty and perspective. One thing is for sure in my opinion: finding life’s meaning and happiness is only possible when we are not drinking. Sobriety gives us the clarity to evaluate the tough questions and make progress! Not drinking doesn’t make things automatically perfect, but my goodness - I have learned SO much about what makes me truly happy without the haze of drinking!

LC, sorry you are still feeling under the weather. Try to stay positive! How was LALA Land?

Congratulations on 6 weeks ADP! LIL - 2 years! Fantastic!

Stick around Readynow79! The lying and hiding was what did me in in the end - I couldn’t live that way. It is wonderful to be honest with myself and others about alcohol - stick around here and begin again. 22 days is wonderful! You can do it again…it will click.

Wags, YEA for a solid 226, even with your challenges with the accident! You rock! Hugs!

I’ve been experiencing peripheral neuropathy (tingling in hands and feet) and other nerve symptoms - yuck. This weekend I was having a lot of trouble with sensory processing - noise hurt, and my kids tugging on me irritated me like raw nerves on a cheese grater. I have had this from time to time - it seems to come and go and it is really uncomfortable. It affects my eyes and muscles - I worry about MS and other autoimmune disorders. The thought crossed my mind on Saturday night that maybe I used to drink to deal with these symptoms (I drank for any symptoms) - and I imagined myself drinking to ease my discomfort. Then I concluded, like PAV recently said, it is MORE trouble to drink than to not. So I’m cleaning up my diet again - maybe its gluten (I hope).

It’s a windy day here, which I dislike. SO feeling a little unsettled. Going to ride the bike, shower, and try to get some accounting done. I look forward to my kids smiling faces at 4:00. They really do love unconditionally.

[bran new day]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello , 2 weeks done and dusted , life really is so much better sober .
Bran new day .

[abcowboy]

Ready, the hatred you said you were feeling at yourself? Turn that hatred to alcohol and your AV. Get mad every time you see alcohol, remember how it turned your hatred towards yourself and don't forget that feeling! We all know the GSR you're going through, but we also know it will pass and help to make you stronger!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I heard a rumor about possible snow coming the end of this week, damn. I am ready for spring!!

Ready, I think there is always an underlying reason (cause) that we choose to drink. The thing is - it's always a choice we make.
It takes a while to recognize then actively do something about those reasons. Sometimes it's the simple HALT thing. Perhaps you were hungry, angry, lonely or tired & not aware. It takes a while to rewire our brains & stop automatically reaching for AL when we think we 'need something'. Rework your plan & see if you can address any/all possible triggers & hang in there. You can do this
I used the birth of my first grandson as my reason to finally quit forever, so glad I did too.

Wags, glad you are feeling well enough to get out for a bit. Don't overdue it though, OK?

Kensho, I think gluten is a bigger problem than we even know. I have cut back quite a bit myself but haven't quit it entirely. I hope you feel better

Neo, glad the implant is done - phew!
you today?
Byrdie, how are you today?

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey Ready, getting pissed everyday is really going to support those negative depressive thoughts and hope you have started or get into roll call. Yeah, It's going to suck the first week.

Mid Day 17 . Woke up this morning a bit sore in gum and some swelling.Found medication ibuprofen with codeine so using 2 of them to replace a forte as they are 1/2 forte strength. Had another forte with amoxil on top and made me feel tired. On soft food diet which is not a bad thing in a way. Loaded with grapes, bananas ,eggs, baked beans , tuna pasta and protein powder . A nice strong healthy diet for the next couple of weeks.

Don't even feel like a beer or smoke

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

I had a better day today, Lav, colon-wise. Thank you for asking. The side effects from the prednisone are in full force, so thats the pits.
So glad to be sober, it really is the one thing I CAN and will control. It is my foundation and strength and I will protect it at all costs.
Great to see everyone, make a strong Plan and stick with it! Byrdie

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

A woman on youtube posted a video on how to grow 6" of hair in 1 year . I posted this response https://www.screencast.com/t/KQAriCbK

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie, glad you're feeling a bit better but sorry about the prednisone SE's Ready,you can do this,keep your head up! Hope everyone is enjoying their night/day

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Ready - when I used to talk about myself so negatively like that I got some advice. Imagine your daughter or a good friend made a mistake and had a setback. How would you talk to her? You wouldn't call her a stupid b____ that's for sure. Why do you talk to yourself like that? You deserve love and care. Ask yourself what happened and what you can do to help yourself avoid that in the future (just like you would a friend). Offer yourself some TLC, therapy, a hot bath - whatever you would offer a friend. AND hold yourself accountable for your actions, just like you would a friend. Be nice and love yourself - the outcomes are bound to be better.

Ican - you, too. You got this.

BND - Whoot! 2 weeks is fabulous.

Ori - Love your words.

Byrdie - Sorry for the SEs - hope it helps the problems...

AG - I wouldn't be so eloquent - that sounds like Ava. Although I have to say that I LOVE my sober life. I really do.

Off to take care of the family.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tucking in for the night. I didn't get a lot of work done today, but I expect to be productive tomorrow. Glad the steroids are helping Byrdie! Hopefully it is short-lived with the side-effects. Hoping for better sleep myself - good thoughts to everyone.