Newbies Nest

[abcowboy]

Howdy ho y'all. Thought I'd check in to see how everyone's doing and share some thoughts I had last night. I just started reading a new fiction book about a drunken lawyer who finds he has to get sober or lose his license to practice. I mostly read murder/mystery, courtroom drama, and armed forces type of books. Anyway, in this book I started last night, the main character has already reminded me so much of my past self and just how life was for me when I was drinking. I won’t mention the book name/author until I’m finished as I don’t want to recommend something that turns into rubbish further on in the book, but so far, it’s a great read! I’ll get back to this in a minute…

I went to AA for about a year and the whole time I continued drinking. Oh, sure I got some good AF stretches in there, but just couldn’t seem to find what I needed to get my quit to stick. Even though I had a 7 month AF stretch, I didn’t really count it as sober time because my thoughts were always on alcohol, I almost knew that I'd slip because I kept wondering when I’d be able to handle my next drink. I heard and saw all the acronyms, ODAAT, GOD, HALT, GSR, and so on.. But in this book I’m reading, he mentions an acronym I’ve never heard of TIME…

This
I
Must
Earn

How true that is! I must earn all my AF time! I must start each day with the conviction that I’m not going to drink this day. AF time will not be handed to me, I have to work at it every day, and earn it as each hour goes by. So always keep in mind that your sobriety won’t be handed to you, you have to earn it…

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tony - I hear you about struggles around a certain day, in your case 70. I think that different tactics work for different people for that in-the-moment temptation to drink, but for me one of the most effective is the 15-minute delay. I've made it a hard and fast rule that I will never drink when it first crosses my mind - I MUST wait 15 minutes and re-assess. Usually, that small amount of time is enough for the urge to pass, but if it doesn't, I just make myself do another 15 mins. I would say that at least 90% of the time that's enough to get over the hump.

Mario - congrats on 3000+ days!!

Roobs - I have also been mostly absent from here for the past week or so - in my case due to travels/camping in remote areas. Those feelings of wanting to be "that kind of drinker" can be strong and I can totally see how a pity party might ensue. Good for you on letting it pass quickly and it sounds like fairly easily.

I've been having a bit of a pity party myself lately, not related to drinking (although I do have those) but more around pain and my car accident. Sometimes I get so angry and sad that this unknown cowardly person came slamming (literally) into my life, upended everything, and left me to deal with all of the painful consequences. I'm exhausted, so tired from being in pain, and I'm really pissed off that someone else did this to me and I seem to have no recourse. I know there are lessons for me to learn here, and I'm willing to do that, but I'm also not happy about the way these lessons came to me. Sigh... I know I'll be ok but sometimes I get kind of down.

I made it through my travels without drinking though. We're staying with friends for the last 4 days of our trip (heading home tomorrow) and these are definitely drinking friends but they all handle al with much more control and reserve than I do. I've been offered drinks several times, including "don't you just want to taste this?" offers, but I've stood my ground and protected my quit and I'm sooooooo glad I did that.

Happy April everyone! I'll catch up more once I'm off the road

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We actually had a real nice day, sunny & not freezing for a change, yay! I was beginning to lose hope, ha ha!

Wags, I'm glad to hear you were able to protect your quit, good for you!
I am sorry you are still dealing with pain though. Do you have any plans for physical therapy or anything like that? Maybe you could learn some moves to help deal with long term pain.

Tony, good job on your 70 AF days! One important thing to remember is you are not dealing with cravings but with thoughts & habitual patterns. You can change all that, I did. I never let one of 'those thoughts' linger in my head. As soon as you recognize them, stop what you are doing & push those thoughts out! You are in complete control of your thoughts so go ahead & change them when necessary. We also need to learn new ways of dealing with ordinary things. Instead of rewarding yourself with a drink at the end of the day substitute something else. I picked up a wicked decaf green tea habit when I quit AL, ha ha! Choose something that will make you happy & healthy.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tony, I had the 70 day itch too, twice. It takes a few days to get through it and then you are in different territory again. In my opinion, these times are the most important to abstain because it forces our brains to re-wire. Like LAV said, it's an old habit talking to you. Tell it "no", and a new habit will replace it.

I had a nice weekend away; feeling relaxed and ready for a good week.

Happy 3000+ Mario! That's rock star status, you should be crazy proud. Thank you fir being here.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

In my opinion, these times are the most important to abstain because it forces our brains to re-wire. Like LAV said, it's an old habit talking to you. Tell it "no", and a new habit will replace it.

Excellent point Kensho - I think you're probably right on target with what's happening in our brains.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I had an interesting experience today that really made me glad to be AF. As I've mentioned, we've been on mini-vacation for the past week or so - camping a few days and then helping out a friend who recently had back surgery. We started our drive homeward today, aiming to get a bit more than 1/2-way home before stopping at a little airbnb cabin for our last night of travel. Our route home started with several hours on a major highway, but to get to the cabin we had to switch to a smaller "backroads" highway for the last 2 hours or so of today's drive. We were just passing through the last big city before getting on the small highway and one member of our group realized she didn't have any beer in our cooler for this evening in the cabin. Everyone else was like, meh, we don't need to have beer but it would be fun. They didn't want to go out of our way but would just buy some if convenient. The first woman, though, was checking google maps or something to find the nearest store that might have beer to her liking (she's somewhat of an aficionado, and she only drinks craft IPAs). U

Unfortunately, the only place remotely nearby was BEHIND us, and it didn't appear there would be anyplace else with these craft beers en route to the cabin. It was awkward, but clear that we'd all be "happier" if we got off the highway, went back several miles, and let her go to the store. I did all of the driving today (it's easier for me to be the driver than a passenger since my accident - the illusion of control maybe), and I was NOT psyched to add 20-30 minutes more to our time today, but also didn't want to risk the potential unhappiness or conflict. So, we went and she bought beer.

The whole time I was thinking inside about how that used to be me, but worse. This woman is actually someone who can regularly drink 2 beers a night and stop. I haven't seen her have any problems other than the fact that she really wants those two beers EVERY day. When it was me, I had no such control but would have felt that urgent NEED to have drinks for the evening, and I probably would have got way out of my way (and everyone else's) to make sure I had stock. Today I was just so grateful that it wasn't me. Hard to explain but I bet you all understand what I'm saying. We've probably all been through periods where we would go to great lengths before vacations, parties, snowstorms, etc etc to ensure that we had "enough" (more than enough, honestly).

I am so happy that I'm not a slave to al anymore.

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters ,

Tony The tool's that you have in place now to support & help you in your battles of this addiction, Are you working them ? Its great having the knowledge but the work has to be put in , I don't know exactly which path your following but for me coming here to MWO wasn't enough, There are some great tips & advise in the tool thread , https://www.mywayout.org/community/mo...-tool-box.html

Also acceptance , for me that was the key, For me accepting that I cant drink or take drugs was huge, I do not drink alcohol period. I surrendered to the addiction, I let it win this battle but certainly did not let it win the war. These cravings & witching hours wont go away for a while yet, but they will go away.

Have a good day folks under pressure on time.

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

I can't count how many times I have made the suggestion to new folks here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse.

SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?

The MWO book, and what we call the MWO program, discuss and recommend a number of elements that have proven very helpful to many, many people who have used them. They include (and I have added a few, based on my own experience and that of many MWO members):
Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
Hypnotherapy (you can buy the recordings on the MWO site in the "store")
Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
Dietary supplements (see the MWO book, the "store" here on site, and the threads here on "Holistic Healing")
A healthy diet, and regular meals
Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
Spending a significant amount of time here at MWO, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your struggles
Going to AA meetings
Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"
Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

wip
Posted originally by a Work in progress, You can read more here https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Guys, Adding onto Mario's , If anything starting out, eat healthy and regulary. I pigged right out today which is all I could mainly think about . From 5am in morning have had about 6 bowls of cereal with 5 weetbix each go, Salad sandwich 4 lunch with beautiful pumpkin seed bread , Protein shake (2 scoops) with chia seeds ,(about a litre), vege soup for tea and only drinking tank water all day. Any quick good meal that you can make quickly will soon rid the cravings . Have eggs , pasta and heaps of small tins of tuna on standby. Getting more grapes and fruit tom morn. If anything, plan to eat well and enjoy what your eating

I do not care about getting fat ,that being said tall and slim .I would rather be a pig than scoffing down 10 cans of beer
Also plan on getting those jobs done that will benefit the long term

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you for all the responses. One of the things I really like about this place is that you can put something on here and you will get a number of different responses. Then you can examine what's happened and apply bits of each and hopefully move forwards in a way which works. I think the frightening thing was that without the Antabuse I KNOW I would have had a drink at that point. I also know it would not have been "A drink" but there again the meds were in my system and did the job. It's quite frightening that I may run out of that soon (although a new supply source has apparently been found and my Pharmacist managed to source a few weeks worth for me).

Anyway, onwards now, with your help, and I know I'm gonna be a real pain in a couple of weeks when I get towards the 100!

Thanks again

T

[ssd858]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great advice all!
I haven't yet made it to 70 days (38 days here), but this time reading This Naked Mind Control Alcohol has
helped tremendously to alleviate the mental battle of resisting. If not Annie Grace's book then either
Allen Carr's or Jason Vale's. All have the same premise. My husband who seemed more able
to moderate has joined me in the quit. I asked him this weekend if it was difficult and he said he thought
about drinking 4 - 5 times daily. Not so for me. Really just a few times. Reading Annie Grace's book daily
has helped to change my unconscious thoughts that alcohol helped me to relax, remove stress...
Annie Grace also has some short segments on youtube where she answers some common questions about
recovery.
Thank you for sharing - for us new at this 70 days seems huge and that at that time I would think the cravings
would subside and not be resurfacing!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Here's another book recommendation: Death Wish: The Path through Addiction to a Glorious Life: Steve Chandler: 9781625116: Amazon.com: Books
I wish I'd come across it earlier on my way out - this understanding would have made the whole thing so much easier.

[Mick]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi avail...your message box needs emptying ..its full..

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

.....- for us new at this 70 days seems huge and that at that time I would think the cravings
would subside and not be resurfacing!

I wouldn't want to leave the impression that it's all still raw as you move on, things certainly improve daily and weekly and monthly and whilst anyone can get a craving at any time, I'd just say that my situation, although probably not unique, is certainly unusual in that my wife and I own a restaurant. She is away every second weekend and so I am running it alone then, with staff, but I have to do all the final bits so for 3 nights every fortnight, when tired (and usually hungry as it has been a long time since lunch) I find myself completely alone in a fully stocked bar where I wouldn't even have to pay for a drink........

Add to that, that day 70 is significant for a personal reason and that's how that all came about.

So hang on in there, things do get better!

Tony

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all
Great posts everyone - thanks for reposting that Mario, i wish that the toolbox was more accessable/available than it is because it's stickyed in monthly abbers & actually doesn't show in default intro & general! Abc - both the solution & problem, time. Fab analogy but focus on the getting from a to b doesn't suit me as the journey itself is the long term goal. So good hearing from you Neo, & your multi faceted plan :heartbeat: Lav glad the weather is good for you - Mine is too! That makes me so happy! Because it's pond season & I am a bit of a fish geek! X
Wags, although different situation I felt the same - your doing so well & all your feeling is okay (sorry I'm a bit affected atm so terrible at articulatimg better).
I'm good, young ones are good, it's a good time of year for outdoor Ness all is well x I'm feeling a bit down & isolated but know it will be and is okay x I think I just need time & patience to weather the storm x
All the great posts & support help me x
So thankyou.
Wishing all a safe & sober week
LS