Newbies Nest

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning all,

Ls, I think your feelings and emotions are completely valid regarding your parents. I also think that venting here and anywhere else that you can is a necessary process in order for you to get to the "other" side. Hopefully It will allow you to gain perspective and and a certain amount of cushioning so that when you think about your parents or visit with them it won't be so hurtful. It's part of your grieving process. Does that even make sense? Hang in there and know that you are setting a great example for your kids, life can be great and fun without alcohol.

Mario, sorry to hear about your relationship but thank you for sharing.

Byrdie you're truly an artist in the most delicious way. that cake is amazing!!

I'm off to attack the day. Happy AF Friday everyone!
Roobs

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm here!

Sorry, Mario. My hope is that your lady finds her way out eventually...

Gotta run to work. No Friday ticket to boozeville here...

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mario, I'm sorry to hear of your split. :hug:

I'm feeling totally and completely overwhelmed with the work staring at me right now. Going to pick a pile and try and make a small dent. Some is better than none, right?

Lately I've noticed that my kids need me now more than ever. I thought it would get easier after they passed the very early years, but that is not the case. I'm not complaining, as I am thrilled to be needed, and be able to support and nurture them. I have so much appreciation for the love and patience and time my parents showed me - thank goodness I'm not drinking this opportunity away for my own kids.

Nice to see you all here; you are a place of acceptance, faith, positivity and support. A nice place to come to, and I thank you all for letting me be a part of it. 239 AF days for me today

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, when I look at those piles, its weird, I sing that song from Sound of Music, I go into Julie Andrews mode: Lets start at the very beginning, a very good place to start....when we sing we begin with do-ra-me.

What a day here. Trying to get it all done before I leave for that trade show and national sales meeting. Im so glad I dont have to worry about sneaking booze during this trip.

Stay strong, everyone! If I can do it, I know you can too! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Now that all the rain is out of the way we are dealing with near freezing temps again tonight - why? Isn't this supposed to be spring? I'm getting so confused, ha ha!

Mario, I am sorry about your relationship. AL has messed up so many people in so many ways.
I think we all need to be as protective as possible of our own quits even if it means walking away from friends & even family. My husband & I spent 4 years apart after my quit because he couldn't handle my sober self - how's that for messed up? I had to learn new ways of defending myself emotionally around him & he wasn't prepared for that. I drank myself simple for a period of about 10 years because I couldn't handle his messing up a long term perfectly good marriage. He just didn't get that he also needed to change. Some people are slow learners, that's all I can say. I hope you are OK :hug:

Kensho, my daughter turned 40 in January & she still likes to run things by me, discuss things like real friends. You don't know how much I appreciate that & am grateful that I can still be there for her when needed. My Mom passed away when I was 32 & still needed her in my life. I really think that was the very beginning of my downfall. It's wonderful that your kids still need you & ask for your input

Byrdie, I hope you are caught up with work & can have some tome to relax this weekend!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest.

Lav

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters, fine day here today.

Very busy here at the moment with work, but still getting my meditation & the my daily work in on myself, I kinda feel its getting a habit that I must have every morning , Strange that, I never thought I be happy with another habit but the meditation & work I do each morning does deffininaly pay of for me, as I am training my mind in getting stronger & settled.

Hope you all have a good day folks & remember don't quit quitting.

[Nursie]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in here on this glorious Saturday.
Thanks for sharing that with us Mario xoxoxo
I am sober and relaxing today. My body and my mind need rest. Tomorrow I have a nice list of things to do around the house.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mario,
I just hate to hear that you are in deep water. Please know that you have friends here and we are good listeners. I tell you, some of my closest friends in the world are right here, and MOST, I have never met in person. Odd, isnt it? Wishing you strength and peace, dear friend.

Heading to New Orleans tomorrow. I remember the first sales meeting I attended after I quit. I was petrified. Lav gave me her email, and I thought I had a silver bullet! I havent given this one much thought regarding AL, what Im worried about is the presentation we have to give on our accounts with the CEO there. I hate presentations (and Im in SALES). Of course, the boss sprang this on us yesterday morning when we were all scrambing to finish up before being out a week. How would I have ever done all this trying to juggle AL, too? That is one worry off my plate! I have a zero tolerance policy regarding AL, and it has served me well.

Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Saturday--

Kensho - they keep needing you. Mine are older teens and they still need me. Not as much, but in more unpredictable ways. I'm so glad I'm sober now to deal with it all.

I had to leave a party early last night - I was DONE with the tipsy small talk. I used to be THE party animal and would have been the last to leave. I had a fear of missing out when I first quit, but last night I was so glad to walk out early, skip the silly stuff, and read my book. I do love my friends, but I prefer to hang out with them in other ways. Don't get me wrong - I can still be the one to be on the dance floor late, but I am more picky about the circumstances (family weddings are my favorite!)

My husband stayed at the party and came home slightly drunk. I have no patience for that any more. I don't care if he stays at all, but I do hate that he doesn't take care of himself better. He was very sick two years ago, and I think he should think about that more. Luckily, I have come to realize that I can't control him at all, so I don't worry about that aspect.

Hope all is well with my fellow nesters.

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh my goodness, what a 24 hours. Three birthday parties and a dog emergency. My lab took a stick to the back of her throat and punctured it deeply. Surgery today, as well as child transport. I now have a tired 7 yr. old, a whining pup and an irritable husband. I think everything will be ok, but not a un-eventful day. And I got to remember ugly hangovers. Not the physically sick kind, just the "My brain has been poisoned, an I'm tired and irritable and look like shit" kind. I didn't realize how bad that was until I quit doing it - the husband still denies it happens much. Anyhow, its not me and I'm thrilled about that. PAV, I am going to have to give up on "convincing" my husband of anything - and just concentrate on my own quit too.

Mario, I would like to develop the discipline of daily meditation. Happy to hear that is working for you.

Byrdie, you sound swamped. I'm sorry its so stressful for you. Glad you still find time for your hobbies.

Well, we are headed to get some tacos and settle in for the night. I am looking forward to an early bed time for my youngest so maybe we can watch a movie.

Have a good one peeeps!

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all
I hope everyone is well tonight :hug:

Lav, glad you had a nice birthday dinner with your grandson, it's funny because I was a bit confused because I thought you had a grandaughter & think I mixed you up with Mario? Haha, I hope I don't do that when replying to anyone! It's also such an unusual thought when I realise your grandsons a year older than my daughter & sometimes I forget how different we all are here in terms of life stages, I can't even imagine her being all grown up now but in the knowledge that the sun rises & sets everyday, I know that time will come also & even though I really feel it can be hard & tiring to be to be a parent, it is all worth it & is a long term labour of love :heartbeat:

Thankyou Roobs so much for your kind words x You really do make sense & I understand x I'm sorry that I wasn't very clear when trying to get out enough information & emotion (without flooding the nest with pages) I didn't make clear that although I am very sad (& that was the important bit to get out) I didn't just have an argument with my parents that resulted in me not speaking to them. They have been ongoingly abusive from childhood so I made the willful & conscious decision to move to a no contact relationship with them & it is really the right decision for me. I am in full support of anyone who is a survivor of childhood abuse process & deal with the effects of abuse in any manner appropriate to them & have an ongoing relationship, low contact or no contact at all. Reduction of contact I think can also be done in any manner appropriate as well I think too.

I chose to write to them & basically speak clearly & coherently (in black and white) to them in an honest way, mid February time roughly. I knew they wouldn't & never have listened. But it was an exercise not in being heard, but giving the frightened little girl a voice who was too once conditioned to be too scared to speak. I have already done enough fixing of me (not in relation to alcoholism or sobriety specifically) to know & believe I deserve better. I have alot of knowlege & sadly personal experience around abusive behaviour to know both how damaging it can be and all the fixing in the world does not make me impervious to it.

I explained (3 pages long so obviously more detail than now) how "their behaviour" makes me feel belittled & devalued because they don't want to take an responsibility for how their behaviour affects me & have shown no consideration for my feeling. Simultaneously however they feel entitled to ask for my emotional & practical support because they feel lonely and choose to not seek help for their problems. By doing this they are telling me my thoughts, feelings & opinions are of less value to theirs. Their behaviour is nothing short of abusive and a failing on their part because contrary to what they tell me I am deserving of equal worth, consideration & respect and undeserving of any less. However when someone tells you who they are, you listen. & that is why I am choosing to terminate the relationship. I noted also that I acknowledged what I was saying was likely to be shocking & distressing, the truth often is. I explained I offered my heartfelt honesty not looking down on them nor cowering in fear on the attack. But because they are deserving of equal consideration, respect & honesty. And no less.
Finally I also mentioned I trust (have faith in) them having the courage & strength to take responsibility for their own problems & address them. Instead of blaming others & leaving them powerless & unable to change. "What you choose to do with this truth & honesty is entirely up to you". Whew, sorry that was so long. I always find although hard, speaking from both my heart & head is the most complete form of recovery for me.

Thankyou all so very very very much for helping me xxx Verbal venting specifically with other people is really helpful to rebuild trust in self & more importantly in others & hopefully helps build more intimate healthy relationships with people (Lacking initially with abuse) I suffer from something called 'complex' post traumatic stress which is a different from the normal one because I get affected by emotional flashbacks to the feelings of helplessness & abandonment. My triggers on this occasion were the fortnight sickness in our house (unintentional isolation) and mothers day. It is really hard & helpful (but a little risky) to reach out when in such a negative & vulnerable emotional state which is actually a normal & healthy reaction & opportunity to heal from past hurts.

"“Feeling is the antithesis of pain…the more pain one feels, the less pain one suffers”
– Arthur Janov

Some people see negative & vulnerable emotions as a bad thing & dangerous to a person & frightening & talking about them might sometimes make people wanting to help be encouraging me onto the next stage which in turn makes me feel even more helpless when acknowledging the hurt in its entirety is really what I need to do to let it go x

Love that song Byrdie! You sound so busy with work but think your zero tolerance policy is a good plan I really hope the pressure eases for you soon & you get the opportunity to relax x

Pav & Kensho - it must be so hard having a partner that drinks though I admire your choices to preserve your own quit first & foremost - a big congratulations on your 240 days sober! That's awesome xxxx Sorry to hear about being so overwhelmed with your workload & having such a hectic day - I hope you enjoy a relaxing evening x

Waves to everyone else & glad to be messy adults no more!
Wishing all a safe & sober Saturday night
LS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We had a lovely sunny day around here, still a bit too cool but otherwise nice.
We went to Costoco & dragged home one of those 12'X14' pergola things for our deck. It's in many boxes & needs to be put together but it will be a blessing on our southern facing deck that gets full sun all day!!!

Byrdie, I know you will do well in NO. Take lots of deep breaths & jump right in to your presentation. Don't forget to grab a coffee & beignet at Café du Monde

Pav & kensho, you'll be surprised how much time you free up for yourselves once you decide to let the husbands figure their own things out, LOL
I hated wasting my time trying to talk sense at a brick wall. They will either get it on their own or they won't.

LS, sorry about the confusion on my part. First of all you need to know that I am old, the oldest nest dweller for sure!
I actually have two grandsons & one granddaughter. They keep me busy & happy & AF
I am glad to hear that you have taken a stand with your parents. Drawing & keeping firm boundary lines helps us stay on plan, good for you!

Wishing everyone a safe & pleasant night in the nest!

Lav

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters.
Byrdy I am fine , That drama all happened in December but was coming a lot longer than that x. & yes me to have met many a great person from MWO I wouldent be here without them .


Being clean for a few years now ,I tend to forget how hard it was to get sober & clean, I don't ever think about drink or dinking, the obsession has been relieved & now I just try & pass on what was given to me for free ,It can be sometimes sad to know that some folks will get it & some folks wont, We all want for the newcomers to succeed, Over the years here & elsewhere I have witnessed folks come n go .but at the end of the day we cant make people better only just guide them.

I guess our claim to fame here is that we never give up hope on the newbies as others before did not give up hope on us.

have a lovely sunday.

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mario thank you for sharing. Who better than us can explain the heartache of addiction. Who better than us can also share the joy and triumph of overcoming addiction. You my friend just did that. You know, statistics tell us that the 5 year milestone is huge! People who go 5 years are likely to remain sober the remainder of their lives. Reading your testimonial illustrates that point perfectly. Thank you again for sharing.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Waiting at the gate now at the airport. As I just went to the bathroom, I am reminded of the days that I woukd get into that last stall (the biggest one) and down a couple of my airline bottle vodkas before a flight. Then brush my teeth. Not here, but one time I was in a busy airport bathroom amd sneaking one of those bottles and I dropped it! I was mortified that my neighbor could see it but more mortified that some of it spilled out! Those werent the days.
Happy Sunday to all, Byrdie