LAV - I do feel an immediate sense of freedom when thinking an iota about what my husband is doing. Carrying on with that mindset. Thank you for your short but very sweet truths.
LS I applaud you for braving your past and talking through your thoughts and feelings. Please continue doing it! Stopping the drinking is only the first part. Then we have to learn to deal with life in different ways. And let me assure anyone wondering, almost EVERY way of dealing with life that doesn’t include alcohol or drugs is BETTER. Even if it is initially harder, it is rewarding, and functional, and self-building. Choosing to “deal” is the first step toward moving “though” the addition and its negative consequences. What will remain is a stronger, more defined you. Big hugs to you!
We ate at the bar in the taco shop last night, and I watched them make all the drinks. There was no immediate panic or desire - it was like watching a tv show of “other people”. That is not me anymore. Later though, I did find my thoughts wandering to “what would it be like if I had one drink.” I find this thinking dangerous and scary, because I know how manipulative alcohol thinking can be. I usually push the thoughts away immediately and move on, knowing that “drinking didn’t work for me”. But I allowed myself to consider it briefly. All I could get to, is that it would produce immediate pain relief; that warm feeling washing over. I always sought that sensation. But not even 15 min. later, that feeling would fade and I would chase it into the night, with all the negatives of alcohol to follow: irritability, distance from others, lying & hiding, obsession, poor decisions, terrible sleep, damage to relationships, hangovers, and generally - living in the alcohol bubble that is a sad representation of how big and full real life can be.…. all for that first 5 minute rush. All I can say is that I finally understand that for me, it’s just NOT. WORTH. IT. I choose to live life, not manufacture highs and spend the rest of the time hiding.
Anyhoo, random babble for this Sunday morning out west. Hoping the wind dies down a bit, so I can take my recovering pup on a walk without being blown about. Good thoughts to everyone.
As Mario said, the claim to fame is never giving up. I believe that.
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