Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Kensho - I spent a funky couple of months from around day 120 to around 11 months. I felt blah and kept feeling sorry for myself for having to quit drinking. I had many fun times in between, but the super fantastic feeling of early sobriety was gone, and I was left to settle in to what was next. If NoSugar is reading this, maybe she'll post an awesome passage she has about living in the "in between." How I got through was blind faith - believing in what the old timers were telling me. That phase will end... Well, they were right. Hold on, cultivate gratitude, and know that it really does get easier and easier.

Happy Friday, folks. No ticket to Boozeville!

xo
Pav

[ssd858]

Re: Newbies Nest

QW - hang in there. You are back in track and hopefully feeling a little better with 5 days afree. Hugs.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

QW - Sorry to hear that things are so challenging as you care for your wife. Like Lav, I have also been the primary caregiver for family members with debilitating illnesses and through the end of life. Being a caregiver can be exhausting for sure, and also such an honor. Stick tight here in the nest. It sounds like you want to stay AF both for you and for her, so please keep checking in for support.

Byrdie - so glad you held to your plan and protected your quit. It must have been a very difficult week. Hope you find some time to relax and rejuvenate this weekend!

Kensho & Pav - yep, there are definitely some funky months in this quit journey. I would say I'm kind of in that same space right now - past Day 200 but still so far from reaching the one-year mark. I think that's why I was so grateful for my unsettling experience with the supplements the other night - it snapped me out of any funk and made me exceedingly grateful for my quit and set me straight on working hard to protect it. I think I was starting to take it for granted, like I "forgot" how horrible the drinking was with me. It will end Kensho, but maybe find some interim goals or other new fun things to bring into your life to help you get thru this time?

LS, Nursie, SSD, Ava, Lav, NS, Mario, Tony, G-man, and everyone I'm sorry I'm forgetting off the top of my head - stay strong and have great weekends!

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters , Its holiday time here, All the beaches & restaurant's are packed with people & the noise levels have gone to the moon, Portuguese folks when there together tend to shout at each other lol lol , if you didn't know any better you would think they were arguing ,

Byrdie I to everyday am surrounded by folks who drink to much, Was sitting with two lads the other day, One welsh one English, only just met them while I was waiting around for my boss, Anyway they were drinking glasses of beer & when I said I will have a water & proudly told them I don't drink they were kinda speechless.

I then went further & explained I did drink once but it got the better of me, They started telling me sure they don't drink much at all only once or twice a week & sometimes even stop for a few weeks at a time. But then in the same breathe went on to tell me they usually just have a gin & tonic every night before sleeping, They then asked me do I think they have a drink problem, I said I don't know only you know that once you don't lie to yourself & be honest,

I said there is lots of folks out there who enjoy drinking & its no problem its just I am not one of them, I could see them thinking& then they ordered more beer & we changed the subject, I find it amusing the way folks go out of there way to show they don't have a drink problem when in fact they know they do abuse it.

QW you know what you have to do, keep doing it.

That's it folks have a nice day :-)

[scotswhahay]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone

I'm new here, struggling a bit on Day 4 but getting there, forgive me if i'm not overly talkative at the moment, wife has left me over this poison.

thanks

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,
Quick check in from shockingly sunny NI!
I remember Easter in the old days too, I liked the early closing time because it meant I wouldn't get so messy! Byrdie I really appreciate your memory about yuk AL times - I forget too quickly but remembered how I used to be able to pour exactly enough out of a 500ml btl of coke to fit in a 1/4 bottle of spirits at uni - gross! But big hug to me for being so sad to do that & to you too x we all deserve & can do so much better x
QW - glad your back posting if you have struggled & good to hear being here helped x I have other issues so personally have to avail of a few different resources but hopefully will settle down & contribute to a better, whole quit for me - never stop searching/reaching for the sky xxx Congratulations to you on day 5 x
Roobs - I think youre managing great, 5 months? Well done xxx
Wishing all a safe & sober Saturday
LS

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Found it: November 25: In-Between, By Melody Beattie :smile:
This passage can apply to many periods in the time getting past an addiction, and to many stages of life.

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of lettng go of what is old and familiar, but what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.

This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.

Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.

Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.

We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.

Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but were not. We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.

We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nest.

I knew you'd come through, NS. I love that and thanks for always knowing where to find it.

Scots - what's going on? Have you read through the toolbox? It is a good way to spend some time as well as learn something (check Byrdie's signature). The activity here is a little slow lately, but people will be by to say hi. Stay sober now. Even if it is just 15 minutes at a time. I really enjoyed a good soak in a hot bath when I was first starting out.

I had an interesting discussion about finding optimism in uncertainty, and I believe it does apply here. I found myself talking about the serenity prayer (I guess I outed myself?). "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." As someone with a lot of addicts in my family, I always thought the focus was on the first part and accepting that you cannot use again - a very important step. I have come to realize, however, that the second part - finding courage to change the things you CAN change, is just as important. There are some things I could look at and blow off - "I can't change that." But if I dig deep and find the courage, I realize that with hard work and determination I can change them. I can't change that I was vulnerable to alcohol. I can change my physical and mental relationship to it but working hard to keep it out of my life. I DO have control over that. The conversation wasn't about alcohol at all, and those ideas have made their way into my life in many other ways. I continue to look for the courage to change the things I CAN change.

My Saturday pondering. Hope you all have wonderful days.

Pav

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Kensho - I spent a funky couple of months from around day 120 to around 11 months. I felt blah and kept feeling sorry for myself for having to quit drinking. I had many fun times in between, but the super fantastic feeling of early sobriety was gone, and I was left to settle in to what was next. If NoSugar is reading this, maybe she'll post an awesome passage she has about living in the "in between." How I got through was blind faith - believing in what the old timers were telling me. That phase will end... Well, they were right. Hold on, cultivate gratitude, and know that it really does get easier and easier.

Happy Friday, folks. No ticket to Boozeville!

xo
Pav

I know what you mean Pav (I think) - "blind faith" is for me that leap of faith without proof or absence of evidence - It is very personal to each person & is unquantifiable. Like trust, honesty, integrity & character bravery & courage.

I look to very special people to remember how this differs from person to person.

Martin Luther King, said "Our lives end the day we become silent about things that matter to us." Very healthy anger at an injustice.

Ghandi dedicated his life to peaceful protest & independence.

Tori Amos established the RAINN foundation & wrote me & a gun. Revisiting the past to find anyone still there & holding their hand :heartbeat:

Ben Affleck is a new AL hero for me - for the 160,000 positive comments he only received 8 angry ones. But at the time he posted publically about his AL struggles, he didn't know this at the time so very very brave & thankyou x

Ashton Kutcher gave an extremely emotive speech on human trafficking in February x

And every August I am grateful & glad for world humanitarian day x From pain & suffering, the very best of us is Bourne - compassion & empathy :heartbeat: I think Mario?! Mentions about lifting people up? I wholeheartedly agree

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. Plato

The journey in between who you once were & who you are now becoming is where the dance of ice really takes place - Barbara De Angelis

Everything you say & do can make a difference xxx

LS

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Guys,
Getting ready for my Day 1 again after a relapse. Not trying to bash myself up about it. Have set the date for Tuesday Cigs and Beer again . Now 3.42am and am sitting nice with a 5mg valium 40 mins ago . Got a nice red face to show for it and asking myself if this is what I want to give a potential future partner . no


Have much to look forward too and have a new shed in the pipeline with all new tools and welder. Had a shed fire 3 weeks ago, and lost everything but covered by insurance . So matching a new start up with a better lifestyle
Have been trading the futures markets and am excited with some new market internals I've been working on to help with trades and is looking really good. Yet another reason to keep off alcohol as I need my brain in focus mode .
I'm also not going to kid myself with 8 cans of beer in fridge. They will be gone the next 2 days.

On a good note I found an awesome frozen pizza at the supermarket at only $3.50 .13min at 215C on my pizza tray. Am absolutely wrapped. Most are crap and the box actually tastes better so for week 1, will have a pizza everyday I keep off lol

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey all,
A good night's sleep works wonders, I feel like a new person.
So the last night we were in New Orleans, part of our group went gambling and the rest of us went to Bourbon Street. We knew we had to get up early on Friday (I got up at 3:45) so we promised to Get back in by 8:30. So after the sales meeting, we gathered in one guy's room (he had the bottle of Crown Royal) and the 3 guys and the wife finished that off. Then (2 guys and the wife) we met down at the bar, they had another. Then we went to Bourbon street where they had at least 3 before dinner. At dinner I think they had 3 ot 4 each, the AL portion of the bill was more than $100. I drank water. They were sloppy drunk. By the time we hailed a cab, the I Love You's were flowing! So just before 9, my boss texts and asked how I was doing since I was out with the drunkards. I told him we all got home safe and sound he said he didnt know how they drank so much. OUCH. They drank about like I was doing there at the end. The one guy said, YES I drink every day, I have to. I had to, too.
This is my opinion only, but it comes from a place of experience. The only people who ask you if you think they should quit are counting on you to say they dont have a problem. After all, who would say, YES, I think you should quit. If you are asking the question you are one of us. Normal drinkers dont ask that.
An intersting observation. As many of you know, I dont eat seafood of any kind. Its a 'THING'. I must have had a bad fish when I was a kid, I just dont know why but I cant stand the thought of eating shrimp or any of that stuff. So we are in New Orleans, the capital of seafood and booze. I stood out like a sore thumb. 'JUST TRY this shrimp, its delicious! You don t know what you're missing'. I also don't eat duck, alligator, buffalo or deer. I took a lot of grief because of this. It didnt phase me. I was not sensitive about this at all because it is a personal conviction. Same with AL. This one took time, however. A LOT of time. I am so glad I had the gift of time and experience behind me so that I knew I could get thru the pressures. As I say with the fish thing, there are PLENTY of other things to eat and enjoy. Same with AL, there are just other ways for us to enjoy life.
This week was a test of endurance. Im happy to say that I won. I am so glad I wasnt called a drunkard by my boss. I am so grateful for MWO and that I finally had the good sense and strength of mind to get off that awful ride. One drink ONLY leads to another. Do whatever it takes to get sober today. Dont waste one more day on AL. It will only slap you in the face and bring you guilt, shame and remorse. If I can do this, I KNOW you can.
Hope everyone has a Hoppy Easter. Byrdie

[ssd858]

Re: Newbies Nest

Amazing resolve Byrdie! It sounds so trying and you held in like a champ!!
Enjoy the weekend - you deserve a few extra days to relax after that trip!

[scottish lass]

Re: Newbies Nest

Doing one of my infrequent check-ins - well on the way thru an AF April, happily. Managed to run further than I ever have before today so something must be working!

Ready for a short trip to get some ocean therapy whilst girls off school - much needed I might say, and not nearly long enough, but at this time I will take anything!

Good to see so many people sticking with their goals, no matter which route they take, sometimes the long way round does work.
Happy sober Easter all...

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad everything worked out OK for you Byrdie. I know you are devoted to your quit regardless of where you are or who you are with - good job

SL, nice job on the run this weekend. Running is something I couldn't even do as a kid, ha ha!

Scots, welcome to the nest, it's the best & safest place to be while you are getting your bearings.
I'm sorry your wife has left, maybe she will change her mind down the road a bit. Right now you need to make your quit your #1 priority. Good job on your 4 AF days, you have a great start. Check in with us frequently for support, we are always around.

Neo, getting back on board is the right choice. Please work on your plan to ensure your success & stick around as well.

Working up that courage to take the blind leap into your new life is a difficult but necessary step. Letting go of the familiar & reaching out into the unknown takes loads of guts & courage but I believe we can all reach our personal goals. Having a warm support group means everything :hug:

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone

I'm new here, struggling a bit on Day 4 but getting there, forgive me if i'm not overly talkative at the moment, wife has left me over this poison.

thanks

Welcome Scots, glad you're here. Sorry to hear your wife left you, but you're absolutely right that al is poison! No need to be talkative - just tuck yourself into this incredible place and draw strength from the group, the tool box, previous posts, etc. You're in company that understands. Congrats on Day 4 - an excellent start!