Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Y'all! Interesting discussion on addiction. I think we all need pleasure in our lives. When that is lacking, we may turn to substances to provide it. I think part of the trick is cultivation things that bring us joy on an everyday basis - human connection being one of them.

I'm having trouble with procrastinating lately. I never know if I should just go with the flow - because then I have highly productive times - or force myself to do all the things I don't want to do. Still figuring that one out. Trying to get a list done today, and haven't gotten very far! But I did do my yoga and got a nice hot shower in!

Ava, sending you positive vibes for your mother's visit. I know that can be stressful for you.

Welcome Susie! Glad you are here!

I'm off to check some things off the list.

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,
Hope everyone is cosy in the nest this evening? I am having trouble with charging my tablet at the moment so posting from my phone - so tabs are tricky so please forgive if my posting skills are not up to scratch lol!
Welcome Suzie (Welcome emotion!) & lovely to see you back Ann :hug: I hope your daughter & granddaughter has got some support so you get some breathing space x

Sorry you are having trouble with balance Kensho. Random info. but hand eye co-ordination based skills helps me with that particular balance - because I can swing between my default 'freeze' (denial, confusion, inactivity, procrastination) to my non default 'fight/flight' (overactive, unable to stay still/concentrate). Adult colouring & knitting are good for this mind quieting in my circumstances- don't know if helpful to you too perhaps? X

Kjaf - thankyou so much for that link. I agree with it 110% but am scared myself bringing that sortof stuff here myself in case it either freaks other people out or you guys, my friends think I'm nuts or I'm criticising other peoples 'ways out' which would wrong (I know i am a big worrier!).

I think the area of neuroscience has literally exploded in the last 20 years. More specifically, human knowledge of 'neuroplasticity' - the ability for the brain to change :love: for good & for bad (think Hitler, eugh!). I hope & pray in the coming years this knowledge & understanding will be developed and adapted to benefit all alcoholics and addicts, both everywhere & earlier x

I re-joined AA this year & love the real life accountability & the people are so lovely! But the 12 steps & ideology...well, if I was brutally honest in a meeting- I think I would get barred :eek-new: It fits me so badly! And I felt am I the only person here noticing this? It has to be me! But I know I kicked ALs proverbial butt for 4 years, so it can't be! So I looked beyond & found these links:

[MENTION=9640]Forum Manager[/MENTION]- if anything I add is inappropriate or hurtful, I am happy to have removed & deleted - my apologies.

The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous - The Atlantic

-Your-New-Dysfunctional-Family/Page1.html

The Truth About Addiction and Recovery - Why It Doesn’t Make Sense To Call Addiction A “Disease”

More specifically trauma focused resources:

Trauma & Addiction: Safety & Stabilization for the Addicted Survivor of Trauma- Article-Gift From Within-PTSD Resources

And why premature forgiveness is like premature ejaculation. Disappointing & Unsatisfactory. (Sorry for the gross reference!)

Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

[kuya]

Re: Newbies Nest

TJAF and all - I just read through this article and found this author's theory to be very intriguing. One of the basic premises is that chemicals are not at the root of addiction, but instead, social factors such as isolation are. I think there is a lot of truth in this. I do believe that our brains change chemically when we use (especially when we abuse) certain substances, but it seems plausible that emotional, social and environmental factors still significantly impact the behaviors that go along with addiction.

Interestingly, I heard a story on public radio yesterday about a new program here in the U.S. that treats addicts at home rather than through a residential immersion approach. They typically work with people for a year or more, in contrast to the common 30-day in-patient programs. The whole premise of this new program is to help people recover in the environments (and by changing the environments) in which they became addicts in the first place. Apparently the new program has a significantly higher success rate than the residential programs, and it ends up costing approximately the same as an intensive 30-day program. Only a few insurance companies have agreed to cover it thus far, but it sounds like that could increase as they demo further success.

Has anyone else had a chance to read this article? Thoughts???

I read that article yesterday and it makes complete sense that addiction is worse where social connection and the value of family is less.

Recently I have experienced intense stress and it has been my strong bonds in my community (forged since I became sober) that have supported and kept me from turning back to alcohol/cigarettes for comfort.

Many here have had damaged childhoods that contributed to our drug use. Now we are adults and recovery allows us a second (or third, fourth or more) chance to recreate a new family, both online and in our real lives.

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,
Hope everyone is cosy in the nest this evening? I am having trouble with charging my tablet at the moment so posting from my phone - so tabs are tricky so please forgive if my posting skills are not up to scratch lol!
Welcome Suzie (Welcome emotion!) & lovely to see you back Ann :hug: I hope your daughter & granddaughter has got some support so you get some breathing space x

Sorry you are having trouble with balance Kensho. Random info. but hand eye co-ordination based skills helps me with that particular balance - because I can swing between my default 'freeze' (denial, confusion, inactivity, procrastination) to my non default 'fight/flight' (overactive, unable to stay still/concentrate). Adult colouring & knitting are good for this mind quieting in my circumstances- don't know if helpful to you too perhaps? X

Kjaf - thankyou so much for that link. I agree with it 110% but am scared myself bringing that sortof stuff here myself in case it either freaks other people out or you guys, my friends think I'm nuts or I'm criticising other peoples 'ways out' which would wrong (I know i am a big worrier!).

I think the area of neuroscience has literally exploded in the last 20 years. More specifically, human knowledge of 'neuroplasticity' - the ability for the brain to change :love: for good & for bad (think Hitler, eugh!). I hope & pray in the coming years this knowledge & understanding will be developed and adapted to benefit all alcoholics and addicts, both everywhere & earlier x

I re-joined AA this year & love the real life accountability & the people are so lovely! But the 12 steps & ideology...well, if I was brutally honest in a meeting- I think I would get barred :eek-new: It fits me so badly! And I felt am I the only person here noticing this? It has to be me! But I know I kicked ALs proverbial butt for 4 years, so it can't be! So I looked beyond & found these links:

[MENTION=9640]Forum Manager[/MENTION]- if anything I add is inappropriate or hurtful, I am happy to have removed & deleted - my apologies.

The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous - The Atlantic

-Your-New-Dysfunctional-Family/Page1.html

The Truth About Addiction and Recovery - Why It Doesn’t Make Sense To Call Addiction A “Disease”

More specifically trauma focused resources:

Trauma & Addiction: Safety & Stabilization for the Addicted Survivor of Trauma- Article-Gift From Within-PTSD Resources

And why premature forgiveness is like premature ejaculation. Disappointing & Unsatisfactory. (Sorry for the gross reference!)

Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy

[kuya]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=11526]LostSoul[/MENTION]

Like you AA doesn't sit well with me. It isn't the spiritual side but the somewhat holier than thou attitude. I have a friend who goes and she said she needs it as she was quite a manipulative, arrogant person when she drank and she needed AA to straighten out HER personality.

I loved your comment on premature forgiveness. I forgave a violent ex of mine a few years ago but it was 23 years after the event. Any earlier would have been premature and insincere and therefore pointless posturing.

There are people in my life right now I will need to forgive in time for recent, appalling behaviour but I am far from ready although I know I will get there.

'To err is human, to forgive, divine' I think I am a 'good' person but I am far from divine

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=11526]LostSoul[/MENTION]

Like you AA doesn't sit well with me. It isn't the spiritual side but the somewhat holier than thou attitude. I have a friend who goes and she said she needs it as she was quite a manipulative, arrogant person when she drank and she needed AA to straighten out HER personality.

I loved your comment on premature forgiveness. I forgave a violent ex of mine a few years ago but it was 23 years after the event. Any earlier would have been premature and insincere and therefore pointless posturing.

There are people in my life right now I will need to forgive in time for recent, appalling behaviour but I am far from ready although I know I will get there.

'To err is human, to forgive, divine' I think I am a 'good' person but I am far from divine

I am so sorry about the 3 principles I am really sorry, being here is making me sick. I am sorry x

[kuya]

Re: Newbies Nest

I am so sorry about the 3 principles I am really sorry, being here is making me sick. I am sorry x

I am so confused....I am continuing my training in 3principles....why are YOU sorry? What are you sorry about?

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 2 went well. Had some cravings but snacked on crackers instead. My challenging times after work/before dinner. But made it through another day. I know it gets easier!

[PanhandleKim]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 2 went well. Had some cravings but snacked on crackers instead. My challenging times after work/before dinner. But made it through another day. I know it gets easier!

Susie - got through day one and now in the evening of day two...husband has promised to take a walk with me in a bit which will help. Meeting with my boss went well today and I am trying to just be grateful for good day and not borrow trouble by worrying about tomorrow. I can't control anything in the future or the past - just trying to stay in the moment.

I thought the article about addiction was very interesting. I think a lack of connections absolutely is a contributing factor for addicts but substance abuse is such a complicated animal and so individualized that it's different for each of us. I'm interested in the concept of treating addiction in the home. It really makes sense to help the person cope within their own environment. It seems that it would be much easier to identify triggers that way and face them in a setting that is realistic and not artificial.

Hope everyone has a great evening... will try for 24 more AF hours tomorrow. One day down (again).

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

I thought the article was extremely enlightening, also. I simply never thought about it from that perspective before, so I am intrigued.

Lost Soul, are you OK? I am worried for you.
Ann, I hope you are hanging in with us also.
Ava, hope the visit with your mom continues to go smoothly.
Neo, if just one, why not none? If we all could stick to just one, we wouldnt be here. Heck, if we all could atick to 7, we prolly wouldnt be here. We cant be consistantly in control. If you are like me, you know that. A lot of my problem was bullshitting myself and making deals with myself that I wasnt able to keep long term. I have only one rule about AL now: Not one, not ever. So far, so good!
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Stay sober no matter what. Byrdie

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

Has anyone heard from LS?

Haven't read back yet but I just saw a line that Byrdie wrote. Thanks for putting it into words.

Neo, if just one, why not none? If we all could stick to just one, we wouldnt be here. Heck, if we all could atick to 7, we prolly wouldnt be here. We cant be consistantly in control. If you are like me, you know that. A lot of my problem was bullshitting myself and making deals with myself that I wasnt able to keep long term. I have only one rule about AL now: Not one, not ever. So far, so good!

This is so true. I tried everything. Only drink on the weekends. Only drink one bottle of wine. I drew so many FIRM lines in the sand that would be erased the next time a craving hit. The only thing that is working for me is - no alcohol. Period. None.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, so many posts today & it's way too late to respond to all.

LS, I hope you are OK. Please check in with us again :hug:

Ava, please tell your Mother I sad hello

TJ, I read that article the other day & thought great - someone finally understands what I have believed all along. Drinking for me was purely for emotional pain relief, at least that was how it started out. I would stop for a while if/when I thought it might be getting a bit out of hand. Somewhere along the line I realized that I was physically dependent on AL & couldn't just stop
I am so grateful to be done with all that & will never put myself back in that situation. I had to change my thinking about things & people & will not look for emotional pain relief outside of my own self.

Wishing everyone a safe 7 comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[kuya]

Re: Newbies Nest

TJ, I read that article the other day & thought great - someone finally understands what I have believed all along. Drinking for me was purely for emotional pain relief, at least that was how it started out. I would stop for a while if/when I thought it might be getting a bit out of hand. Somewhere along the line I realized that I was physically dependent on AL & couldn't just stop
I am so grateful to be done with all that & will never put myself back in that situation. I had to change my thinking about things & people & will not look for emotional pain relief outside of my own self.

Wishing everyone a safe 7 comfy night in the nest!

Lav

Like you alcohol provided relief , for me mainly from insomnia and a chronic background feeling of anxiety. Both these stemmed from childhood and I never drank for pleasure but simply for relief.

I don't assume that this is the case for everyone else as I am sure there are a multiplicity of reasons.

What I do realise is that my anxiety and insomnia stemmed from residing in the past rather than in the now. 3Ps has allowed me to address that at last.

[idefineme]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=19794]TJAF[/MENTION] I came across that article about a year ago. It rang true for me then and still does today. I know there are all kinds of drunks, so it won’t be true for everybody (nothing ever is, after all!), but I know it’s true in my case. I grew up in a fairly large family and all of our creature comforts were met. There’s a lot I won’t speak of, but even though the house was always full of people, isolation and being unconnected was always ground zero for as long as I can remember. I’m still working through it many decades later, so the article speaks to me, thankfully. The more I can relate to the better. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all about connection. Thanks for sharing the article

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I think the area of neuroscience has literally exploded in the last 20 years. More specifically, human knowledge of 'neuroplasticity' - the ability for the brain to change :love: for good & for bad (think Hitler, eugh!). I hope & pray in the coming years this knowledge & understanding will be developed and adapted to benefit all alcoholics and addicts, both everywhere & earlier

So glad you mentioned this LS - it reminded me of a documentary we watched recently on the very topic of neuroplasticity. A good friend had the honor of working at UC Berkeley with Marian Diamond, the woman who essentially discovered neuroplasticity. The documentary is fascinating. Here's a link if anyone is interested:

My Love Affair with the Brain

Are you doing ok LS? Saw your later post and am a bit concerned. Maybe I just missed an earlier post - I'll read back. Just in case, here's a hug for you :hug:


Orimus - thank you also for the info and link to the TED talk on addicition. I will definitely go check that out!

Ava - good to see you! Hope all goes well with your mom's visit.

Kensho - not sure what to suggest re procrastination. I suspect you know yourself pretty well and you probably know whether to knuckle down or cut yourself some slack. For me, I usually evaluate whether my procrastination is affecting other people in a negative way. If not, then I try to ease up and let myself relax a bit cuz, like you said, I know I'll have productive spurts to offset everything. Hope you find the right balance for yourself.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night or day in the nest!