Newbies Nest

[abcowboy]

A quick flyby from the cowboy, [MENTION=22328]PanhandleKim[/MENTION], I was reading your post about sitting around the fire, I'm jealous! lol. It's a month or so away before we can do that up here, but who doesn't love sitting around a campfire on a calm, star-filled night! And who'd a thunk it could be enjoyed just as much with only a cup of coffee!!

Hang in there y'all still struggling, your day will come when you can enjoy everything in your life without doing it with alcohol!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday morning!
Susie, Im sorry to hear you drank, Im sorry to see ANY of us drink.

MWO is a very unique place. I have often said that it reminds me of A Christmas Carol. If we explore, we can see our past, present and future right here. I think there are 8 or 9 yers of history at our fingertips. By doing just a little digging, it isnt difficult to see there are tons of people here who have struggled and made deals with AL for many, many years. This is an exhausing and dangerous tale. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, I dont think anyone here would dispute that. I would give ANYTHING if I had quit when I was a Stage 1 Alkie. NO, I had to learn the hard way....if you are a Stage 1 alkie, you are going to be a Stage 3 or 4 Alkie one day if you arent willing to stop. When we are on the short side of a quit, it is unthinkable to imagine life withour AL ever again. But if you ask anyone who has SHUT the door on AL once and for all, they cant imagine life WITH AL. Time and distance give us much clearer vision on this. As long as you keep that door cracked, AL will find a way in it. Slam the door and bolt it. You will NEVER regret a day you spent sober. I know I havent. I thank my stars every single day for this gift of sobriety. It wasnt easy to get and stay here, but it is worth it.
Stay the course, no matter who and no matter what.
MindPeace, Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nest!

HI NARILLY! I am so glad to see you pop in and say hi. Hope all is good for you up there. xox

Susie - sorry you drank. Any thoughts about how to get through that birthday party next time? I agree with Byrdie that I have never once regretted not drinking. Kim - you will still have a quit buddy! 6 days is not a lot. Stay the course and when you're both celebrating a year sober 6 days won't be anything.

I follow Ryan Hampton on Facebook - I found him through his work he does in prison. He posts stories from people in recovery - sharing their stories sort of like Humans of New York. I thought I'd share this one: Eight Things that Kept Me Sober...

This part rang true for me:
"I asked for help. I surrendered. I listened when I didn’t want to. I followed suggestions that I didn’t want to. I showed up when I didn’t want to. I changed almost everything in my life, even though I didn’t want to. I stayed the course even when it got hard, uncomfortable, and exhausting."

That idea - following suggestions even when I didn't want to was sort of an epiphany for me. There are a lot of examples of what you need to do to stay sober. They aren't always pleasant, fun, or even believable in the moment, but I found that my willingness to shut up and listen really, really helped me.

I am not saying it is as simple as that. There are many paths out, many reasons why people stumble and fumble when reaching for sobriety. I am telling you that surrender and willingness were keys for me.

Happy SOBER Sunday!
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdie for that post. You always have a way with words. You are right that we can explore the past present and future here, what a great observation!

LC, I am glad to see you here. Hang in there.

I used to hate myself when I drank- I think Susie talked about hating herself when she drank. I forgot about that. I really used to hate myself and I haven't felt that in 3 years. I love myself now and am SO glad I was able to finally quit. It took me 10 years of trying to quit to actually do it. After drinking for 38 years, spending 10 of those trying to quit, I finally got there. If I can do it anyone can!
Keep posting here and reading the stories, go to the tool box and listen to the Bubble Hour podcasts. They really helped me.

Have a great sober Sunday everyone.

Here's to being UN Hung!
xo

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters,

It has taken me quite some time to catch up on all the latest posts. There's so much good stuff here. I read a few pages back about being in the "in between" zone. That's exactly where I am right now. As you mentioned Pav, I will move forward even if I don't feel like, I will listen even if I don't want to, I will show up even though I don't have the energy. Byrdie, you also hit the nail on the head mentioning the Christmas carol story; right here on MWO we have the past, present and future. I've been reminde by some of the newer people about how hard it is to get through the first few days and I am grateful for their honesty because sometimes I forget how shitty it was, they are reminding me that I don't want to ever be there again. Meanwhile I know that they will/can get throughit. Kensho, you're recent challenge is kind of where I am right now. I'm not physically craving al but I've had some flashes of having a glass.. It scares me but I manage to push those thoughts out right away. Lav, Ava, Byrdie, Pav, and so many others are giving me glimpses into the future and how great and peaceful it can be. Life is not easy but it's so much better without AL. Thank you ALL for your honesty and support.

Today I celebrate day 160! off to walk the dogs.

Roobs

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Narilly, congraulations on those 3 years! Amazing, isnt it? Well done to you! :three:
Roobs, 160 days brilliant! It makes me feel like jamming! :banana-computer:
Keep up the great work, everyone! B

[Mick]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdie for that post. You always have a way with words. You are right that we can explore the past present and future here, what a great observation!

LC, I am glad to see you here. Hang in there.

I used to hate myself when I drank- I think Susie talked about hating herself when she drank. I forgot about that. I really used to hate myself and I haven't felt that in 3 years. I love myself now and am SO glad I was able to finally quit. It took me 10 years of trying to quit to actually do it. After drinking for 38 years, spending 10 of those trying to quit, I finally got there. If I can do it anyone can!
Keep posting here and reading the stories, go to the tool box and listen to the Bubble Hour podcasts. They really helped me.

Have a great sober Sunday everyone.

Here's to being UN Hung!
xo

congrats to you well done.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Re: Newbies Nest

Egad! I had to go back three pages to find a post I've been meaning to respond to. This place is hoppin'!

First, though... Thanks, everyone, for being here.

Happy belated, Ava. I can relate to the Passover experience, KENSHO, and so great that you didn't drink. I have always relied on being able to post honestly about stuff and finding it really, really helpful. I called myself out at a meeting the other day, simply because to leave something unsaid (or unwritten) means it has the room to grow. Ya' know?
[MENTION=23871]Susie45[/MENTION], I had 4 years without drinking compulsively, too. I’m glad you know enough to know that it’s easier to get back on the bus than to beat yourself up for missing a stop. Or whatever the right analogy would be. That one doesn’t work at all. Ha! But you get the idea. Each day’s a new start in my world. It’s interesting, though, that those 4 years keep me motivated. I realized, for the first time in my life, that life without booze wasn’t overwhelming. I could be in a social event and not care a bit about it. (Not that it doesn’t get old when other people get all tipsy. omg. It does. At least for me. But I’m cranky and like to go to bed early. )
[MENTION=22328]PanhandleKim[/MENTION], I had dinner with my aunt and uncle the other night and couldn’t help but eye their wine. It was annoying! And my family, all of ‘em except the teetotalers, drink a lot, too. I’m looking forward to not missing it or caring about it again. I know it’ll happen eventually, just like [MENTION=8463]mario[/MENTION] wrote. The temptations come, but eventually they’re miniscule. It's the time between then and now that I'm focused on, tho.

Came across this article and it really has me thinking. I've never thought of myself as someone who was lacking deep seated human connections. I came from a loving environment and I've got a loving family; In fact, I've never been fundamentally unhappy, but this article really has me scratching my head. Wonder what you all think.

The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered, and It Is Not What You Think | The Huffington Post

Hmmm. I haven't read this article before, but I'm familiar with Gabor Mate (he's quoted in the article and he's also the one who was born in Budapest and yadda, yadda). I love Mate's books. But I fundamentally disagree with some of his assertions. Mate (and others) believe that addiction is a result of pre- and post-natal maternal care. He also thinks that's what causes ADD, and a whole host of other things. He makes a good argument, but he also ignores a WHOLE LOT of neuroscience and even psychology that doesn't back that up. Like the ones he (and others) make about Rat Park. I mean, yes. There's a lesson in that. Right? I became a very isolated drinker. And I felt alienated and "different" when I was a prepubescent and adolescent. Who doesn't? I mean that literally. It's a universal condition of humanity at that age. But addiction runs in my family, on both sides, for generations. To disregard the genetic predisposition is to disregard actual hard science. It's fact. And Mate in particular pretty much dismisses it. Ditto the PTSD connection. Plus, I just resent any medical assertion that begins or ends with the fact that it's the "mother's fault". Who among humans can say that their family is without issue? sheesh.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox. And there're lots of other good reading/watching/listening that was posted.

My takeaway from the (too much) reading I've done is that peer support helps everyone make changes in their lives, especially dramatic ones. Losing weight, quitting smoking, becoming a runner, learning a language, all of those things benefit from doing them in a group. Which is why I value this community so much. There isn't ONE right way to do this thing, and we're all represented here. Or used to be, more than now. It'll get better, now that there's oversight here again. In the meantime, as Byrdie pointed out, we've still got archives and each other.

Alright, thanks again, peeps. Keep on... I'm right there with ya'. :hug:

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just a quick good night from my part of the world.
We're having our usual crazy April weather.. drizzling rain, beautiful sunshine, hail, all within a matter of 15 minutes. The whole day long!
Looking forward to a good night's sleep...
see you tomorrow.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks Pav, Byrdie, Mick, Ava, everyone. Hi Life, Kuya, Kensho, Roobs, Neva eva. Ya, I can hardly believe that 3 years is already here.

The first few months were the hardest for me. I wanted to make it work this time so I fought it on multiple fronts, here are a few things I did:

1. posted here every day and I got lots of ideas from everyone. I also was afraid of a few people like Ava, NS and Byrdie and did not dare to drink
2. started going to different restaurants where I did not have a habit of drinking established.
3. changed my routine so I did not have opportunities to drink.
4. started drinking all kinds of stuff with sparkling water, tea, coffee, kombucha (NS)
5. started hanging around with different people, not my usual drinking buddies
6. got up earlier in the morning and went to bed earlier at night
7. went to the movies instead of staying at home where I would have the urge to drink wine
8. did not go out after work 'for a drink', I just went home
9. started exercising more- went walking or swimming early in the morning, the times I used to be hung over
10. told people that were important to me and made them understand the importance of me quitting
11. read every book on drinking I could get my hands on
12. again-post post post on MWO
13. listened to 'The Bubble Hour' podcast everyday, listened to the interview they had with John Kelly, the addictions specialist' over and over
14. practiced being Grateful for being sober and Grateful not to be sick anymore

All of these strategies helped to keep me sober for three years. I hope they keep working for me. I know I still have lots to learn about addiction and I believe that coming back here really helps to keep me sober. Keep after it everyone, YES YOU CAN!!

xo
Narilly

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey, I finally got my Avatar to work!! These flowers were in my garden last year in summer. Yay!

[PanhandleKim]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Kim - I am back to day 1. But I would like to set another goal for 3 days. I caved last night at a birthday celebration. Really not an excuse. But I am getting back on the horse. I hate to disappoint my QB! Sorry.

Susie- Absolutely, let's do another 3 days!! Susie, I was having such strong cravings just now that I came got on the site. So, please know that I completely understand! Just start again - we've got everyone here and we've got each other. It's a new day, thank you God, every day. Here we go, ok?

[NoraC]

Re: Newbies Nest

Susie - Narilly has lots of great tools posted there. Log in - read & post and read & post.

Kim - great job on coming here!!

Great job everyone

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday evening Nesters,

It was a nice, work outside kind off day today, yay! Tomorrow the rain returns.

Narilly, Congrats on your 3 years AF :welldone:
It starts to feel real at that point & you feel a little more secure in your quit, right? Great to see you check in in with us.

LC, good to see you as well. I am happy that your surgery went well & you are healing. Stay close & keep us up to date with everything, OK?

Great to see everyone checking in today & every day. It's a habit I started 8+ years ago & I'm still checking in daily, only takes a few moments.
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

This part rang true for me:
"I asked for help. I surrendered. I listened when I didn’t want to. I followed suggestions that I didn’t want to. I showed up when I didn’t want to. I changed almost everything in my life, even though I didn’t want to. I stayed the course even when it got hard, uncomfortable, and exhausting."

That idea - following suggestions even when I didn't want to was sort of an epiphany for me. There are a lot of examples of what you need to do to stay sober. They aren't always pleasant, fun, or even believable in the moment, but I found that my willingness to shut up and listen really, really helped me.

Pav

I read that quote Pav and i never thought of surrendering but it definitely was. I was exhausted trying to do it my way when i needed to listen to those before me. Its exhausting trying to fight not drinking each and every day but that is what i had to do. I had to fight those urges, i had to post on here constantly and i had to say how i felt to get the help i needed. I had to understand that i could not stop the madness without help from fellow alkies who "got it". At the end of the day it is only my choice to drink, no one pours it down my throat, only my hands can do that and i choose not too. Posting daily on MWO that was my choice in my sobriety and no one else could do that for me but me, i had to leave said ego at the door and ask for what i needed without shame and guilt. Like Nar, i was the same with my drinking as i was the same as Pav and there came a time that we had to make the "do or die" decision to stop the madness/hell we were in. As i will always say, giving up drinking has been the hardest f#cking thing i have ever done but it has been the most worthwhile. Giving birth to 4 children and raising them was a walk in the park compared to the journey of al but i did this to myself and i realised that only i could make me into the person i was again. Sad to say that reading of relapses on here keeps me strong in my resolve to not drink. I get the pain and shame and guilt and remorse but each day i wake sober i dont have that and i never ever want that feeling again. I prefer contentment and happiness and even stress to where i used to be as i can deal with life and what it throws at me now. I am a better person without al.

Great to see you again LC and i am so glad your op went well for you. I am having women problems (bloody menopause) and have to go through drs and tests etc but hopefully it will be sorted soon. In the early days i never took the option off the table either as that was way too scary but i did promise myself "for today i will not drink" and if i said that bloody saying 1000 times a day then i didnt drink. The never drinking part comes with time and i know i will never ever drink again though i have the option for when i turn 80 still open!

Happy 160 days Roobs, you can never look back, only forward. Great work.

Well i am off to op shop and food shop and just relax.

Take care x