Newbies Nest

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning all, Rain here today, so gotta firgure out some exercise today.
Yesterday I cleaned the yard, badly needed, raked up 2 cans of oak tree flowers, need to be done before the rain as they clog the drains and gutters horribly. Me and two neighbors have 5, 100-year old oak trees, and man do they make a mess in the spring. (also the fall when the acorns fall, not to mention the leaves).
Mrs V and I are going out of town tonight for a dinner, and a day at the races in the beautiful state of Kentucky. Gorgeous this time of year. I'm not a gambler at all, I might place a few $2.00 bets, but that about it. I go for the ambiance.

This will be the last trip I take with my daughter while she's in high school - she graduates next month - I don't want there to be any memories of mom falling into the bottle.

Yes Kim, I do think this should be your motivation. Make her proud, and you'll have great memories of the trip as well. Make it all about her.
Stay strong everyone.
Mr V

[Matt M.]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning all from a chilly North Texas

Just ran across some notes/journal I had written a couple of years ago- ish. I was still beating myself up for my past behavior , yet at the same time I was worrying and stressing about an upcoming family get together were everyone was going to be drinking. I was talking with my dear friend Byrd Lady and she said "Regret of the past and fear of the future are twin thieves of today" or something along that line. I cant say it near as eloquent,
even in my best southern drawl :fairy:

Anyway that really smacked me upside the head, I needed to hear it. One of the many nuggets I acquired in this guided pathway called MWO.....

Stay Hard weirdos! :heartbeat:

budda.png

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
So today was my first test.. didn't expect it would be as I guess is often the case. I found out I was lied to.. in a situation that is still quite hurtful. I was and still am quite surprised at how completely it affected me.. my heart was racing, my face was hot as fire, my head felt like it would explode and it took everything I had not to call the person immediately and confront him. I have been trying to work on giving myself time before reacting to what someone else has done/is doing. To take a step back and chill out. It took a good half hour to calm down a bit and now, after a few hours I still feel very sad. I know I don't have any control over what other people are doing. I just wish it was easier to let it go, to not feel so hurt, to not have my well being dependent on how another acts.. I wish I could be stronger and more sure of myself. I know I can, I'm just not sure of how in the moment.
I do know that this will pass..
This helped a bit.. a daily email I get from Hazelden.. fits very well today!
Loved your quote, too, Matt!

""Choice of attention - to pay attention to this and ignore that - is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases, one is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences.
--W. H. Auden

Many of us have said, "I can't help myself!" when we tried to stop our constant thinking about other people or their behavior. "I know it's not good for me, but what can I do when they keep acting that way?"

Let us think of ourselves as living in a house with many windows. At each window is a different view, and within each view are many things to catch our attention -- perhaps there are some people, some traffic, some buildings, a horizon, and some trees. If we always go to the same window and focus on the same object, we are not using all our choices. We may have overlooked some things in our lives that need attention. There are many things we are totally powerless over. Our power exists in changing the focus of our attention.""

It's good to write it down.

Mr. V, what exercise did you decide on? Have a great time at dinner!

Off to make some dinner..

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I am so happy at this moment I could cry, and the reason for my happiness is something I absolutely must share here in the nest because you'll probably all understand why I'm so happy better than almost anyone else ever could.

Two years ago, while I was still drinking, I moved in with my fiance'. It was a somewhat stressful move (as most moves are) - mainly because of the countless details and tasks involved with moving, but also due to the emotion of combining households and moving toward a new marriage in mid-life (we're both in our 40's-50's). Tom further complicate matters, I moved some of my belongings into my fiance's house and some of them into my father's garage.

I'm sorry to say that I was drinking daily at that time - I even had drinks in me before the movers I'd hired arrived at my apartment the morning I moved out. Needless to say, I didn't keep the best track of which items I placed in which boxes, or in a few cases which boxes went to which location, even though I did keep somewhat of a logbook. The main things I lost track of were smaller items, especially those I packed last (probably the night before or the morning of the move).

The absolute most important things I lost track of were small items I'd kept in a top dresser drawer. The dresser went to dad's, and I emptied the non-clothing items out of the drawers before the move.

Among those small items was a small jewelry box with two items my mom gave me before she passed away: a sterling silver ring she wore much of the time, and a pair of simple diamond stud earrings. The total $$ value probably isn't much, but the sentimental value cannot be measured.

When I realized shortly after the move that I'd "lost" this box and these items, I was devastated. I felt like I'd lost one of the last pieces I had left of my mom. Over the past two years I've looked for the box several times but never found a trace of it or got any clues as to where I might have put it. I've been kicking myself because I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have lost it if I hadn't been drinking so heavily during the weeks and days prior to and after the move.

Now, we're making room for my dad to move in with us for a few months while he waits for space to open up in a senior community nearby. As part of this process I'm sorting and boxing things up to put them in storage or to sell/donate them and get them gone for good. This morning I started going through a box that's been in our closet, untouched, for almost 2 years. About halfway through my sorting, I suddenly found a small bag with the items from my dresser drawer. My mom's ring and earrings were inside, in the little jewelry box, exactly as I had the before!!!

In the past, when I was still drinking, this is exactly the kind of process I hated having to do and would have gladly eased the pain of through drinking. I would have gotten up this morning, started my day with a drink or 3, and drank steadily throughout the day as I worked my way through boxes.

Today, I am not a drinker. I found some items that are precious to me, and I will remember exactly where I put them this time.

I hope this is symbolic - that as I stick with my quit I will continue to find or re-discover parts of myself that I lost to al over the course of many years.

I am so grateful to not be drinking.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm so sorry to hear of your sadness LC. Being lied to sucks, especially if it's someone we love and/or trust. Good job taking a step back and trying to minimize how it affects you - there's nothing wrong with feeling, but we can't punish ourselves (make ourselves miserable or let our day be ruined) for someone else's deed. Hang in there friend. Continue to come here, process your feelings, read and absorb those helpful posts and emails.

Hugs to you :hug:

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mario - that's indeed a tough lesson but one that is very true. We cannot choreograph or engineer anyone else's quit, all we have charge over is our own. Doesn't mean we can't support and put energy into other people, but the only people we can change are ourselves.

Kim - hang on tight to your quit this weekend. I agree with holding the thought that you don't want memories of falling in the bottle, but also envision the memories you DO want to have from this special weekend with your daughter.

Kensho - I hope you are able to get some insight into your feelings of pain and unwellness. :hug:

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I hope this is symbolic - that as I stick with my quit I will continue to find or re-discover parts of myself that I lost to al over the course of many years.

Your story is a metaphor for life after addiction, Wags. We do get ourselves back - some parts we didn't even know we'd lost. And others, like your treasures, that we were very aware we'd given up but couldn't seem to get back, no matter how hard we tried. You've had a series to tough challenges but from what comes through in your posts, you're even stronger in your new, better life than ever before :hug:.

Let us think of ourselves as living in a house with many windows. At each window is a different view, and within each view are many things to catch our attention -- perhaps there are some people, some traffic, some buildings, a horizon, and some trees. If we always go to the same window and focus on the same object, we are not using all our choices. We may have overlooked some things in our lives that need attention. There are many things we are totally powerless over. Our power exists in changing the focus of our attention."

If I had one window that overlooked a meadow and another, a wall, I don't think I'd look out the wall window very often, LC. What would be the point? I know there's a window in my mind where I can look back over my past and examine some terrible decisions. I can relive bad experiences and bring forward the bad feelings. But what would be the point? It isn't happening now and nothing positive will come from making myself miserable. I think I have learned the lessons those experiences offered and I know where to look if I need to be reminded.
I'm sorry you are feeling hurt because someone important lied to you. That is really hard to take and it probably is best to experience the emotions that arise. Trying to drown those feelings would just put them in a place where they fester and worsen. The only way to let them go is to get them out.

I'm sure that at some point I'll need to look a bit more into the future. And I will have to deal with more stress when I get back into work, family, the balancing act of real life. I'm in a bubble right now, only responsible for caring for myself.

The bubble gives you some time and I'm convinced that for recovering from addiction, time is the undervalued healer. You are taking the one day at a time approach and it seems to be working for you as it does for many people. If you take that to its logical conclusion, one moment at a time, you can let go of your fear of the future - no matter what is going on around you. Of course it is important to have an overall plan for how to deal with the inevitable challenges of life but you don't need to waste your time or bring yourself down by worrying. Not to sound too new-agey but the only real moment is NOW. You can't be in the past or future; you're only there when it's the now. And in each and every 'now moment', you can choose not to drink :heart:.

Being around for a while now in recovery, just over 8 years, ,Sometimes I tend to forget how hard it is to get clean & sober . I myself don't ever think about drinking or taking any other drugs , that obsession is relived & for me my job now is to pass what I learned on. It can be a bit rough knowing that some people are going to get it & some are not.

That fits in with the idea of time being the great healer, Mario. Obsessions that aren't fed eventually fade away, thank goodness. I'm only about half as long AF as you but I also find that I can't truly remember how hard it was to quit (even though I know full well it was!). In fact, sometimes I'm tempted to tell people here to just get over it and stop making it so hard on themselves because we really are our worst and only enemy. But of course, that is not what anyone needs to hear (even if it is true :wink. What they need to hear is that they CAN do it - and I truly believe everyone can. They have to want it enough to be ready to do whatever is needed not to drink each and every moment of the day. There probably are some people who are ready and succeed on the first try (but they have no need for a site like MWO) and others have to try over and over again. And while that can be discouraging, it is ok, as long as he or she doesn't give up. There is always hope. Here's my favorite thread about the triumph of that kind of hope.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Wags what a lovely end to a story. Its the little things that we appreciate about not drinking that make us smile. Nothing i did drinking made me smile and like you i remember everything that happens in my life now.

LC i have learnt not drinking that i can walk away from the things in life that i dont like. I make my own choices now in life as others do also. Time away from drinking makes being able to cope so much easier. What used to work me up in my drinking days doesnt anymore. I realise that my mother makes her own choices in life and i just have to accept her behaviour, sometimes it is very hard but i have no control over what she does or thinks. I have control over my reactions though. Drinking does not take away these feelings, it will only escalate them. You will learn to love yourself again and have confidence in yourself in TIME. I used to want to hit the oldies that kept telling me to give it TIME. FFS how long did one have to wait i used to think. It takes awhile so i learnt and as long as i did not drink for today i was on my way.

I have a virus today, contemplating going to work but i feel like crap. So much work to do but at the end of the day i need to take care of myself so i am going to go back to bed.

Neo i remember so many ANZAC days drunk but now i have done so many sober. Its another excuse for a day to drink to me now. No one pours the al down our throats.

Take care x

[Susie45]

Re: Newbies Nest

So much to catch up on here and no time to read tonight but I am checking in with another sober day. Kim - I will be thinking of you on your trip! No drinking no matter what! We will stay the course.
Night night nesters!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Work, work, work.
Better than drink, drink, drink! Glad tomorrow is Friday! Byrdie

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
I finally got out of bed at 3am, after tossing and turning for an hour+, thinking, thinking, thinking. ughhh.. One of those nights.
So I made a peppermint tea and decided to come here and see what you're all up to.

Thank you so much for the words of wisdom, Wags and NS and Ava.. your posts have helped me to calm down and get my head back in the right place. That was a great visual, NS, of the views overlooking a meadow and looking at a wall.. I love that in this house there are only two windows.. helps sometimes not to have too many choices. I've definitely spent too much time today looking at the damn wall!:happy2:
The reminder of time is also very helpful. I'm always so quick to jump the gun.. Of course it takes a lot of time. I want to give that to myself.. a lot of time and with that, a really fair chance.

I'm going to read a bit more and then hopefully fall to sleep.. That is another good thing about not drinking though. These nighttime interruptions can be dealt with. And even if I'm a bit tired tomorrow, I will be ok. Not full of regret, not beating myself up.

thank you..

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

LC, I hope you got to sleep.
I am sorry that you have to deal with the fallout of someone's lies. That really hurts, I know all too well.
I think finding MWO when I did was an enormous blessing. I had no idea of the power of meditation, the Hypno CDs were a huge help for me. Calming my mind helped me focus on what I needed to do to quit drinking. I hope everything goes OK for you :hug:

Wags, what a wonderful thing to find your Mom's things like that. Sounds like a real gift

Neo, good on your 24 hours AF - keep going!

Stay the course everyone & have no regrets!
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all.

Lav

[PanhandleKim]

Re: Newbies Nest

So much to catch up on here and no time to read tonight but I am checking in with another sober day. Kim - I will be thinking of you on your trip! No drinking no matter what! We will stay the course.
Night night nesters!

Susie- thank you for your positive thoughts! Wagmor, yes, I am really trying to focus on making good, alcohol-free memories on this trip. Got through tonight with no alcohol an my daughter and I are having really good time. She's got a full agenda scheduled for us tomorrow and then her competition is on Saturday. With lots going on, I'm hoping to stay away from "the dragon".

I'm about to drop so headed to bed. Hope to have more time later this weekend to read everyone's posts.


Goodnight to all -

Kim

[mario]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nester's from a very wet Spain. have a good day all.

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 2 for me. Stinging sensation out of face and not feeling as anxious. went through bottlo and just grabbed smokes .Had a few coffee's which made me anxious earlier today. Can't wait till Monday to see how I feel