Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

What a sad story about the dog. It never ceases to amaze me how AL has devastating effects on the innocent. The actions we take create a lot of ripples and touch a lot of lives all around us. So when we ask ourselves, 'who would know?' Those we love, because seldom do our actions happen in isolation. It also won't iust be a single night, it sets off a cycle that is hard as heck to break out of. If you have one day sober, cherish it and add to it.
Neo, congrats on your 7 days, the worst is behind you!!! :butt: keep up the great work!
Hope everyone has an esy evening. Byrdie

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Abcowboy shared this link earlier. It's a 260 page PDF on relapse prevention. 2007, but relevant today and there are far worse ways to spend your time if ur struggling now. Well worth a read.

http://www.usdrugrehabcenters.com/the-relapse-prevention-plan/wp-content/themes/relapsebook/book.pdf

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Yep, it sure did get hot here today, not my favorite weather but what can you do?

Neo, Congrats on your 7 AF, NF days! Keep moving forward

Ready, you have the perfect opportunity to challenge yourself & win this weekend! Challenge yourself to get thru the weekend AF & feel extra good come Monday morning. That thinking helped me get started in the beginning & it worked for me.

G, hope you feel better soon, don't let this turn into full blown manflu, ha ha!!!

Wags, so sorry about your friend's dog, poor thing.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Back and I survived the networking - even made a few good connections.

Ready - good recognition. Could you make plans for Saturday with someone who knows what your'e going through? Being alone on a weekend night was a trigger for me, too. At first I would plan by picking something I wanted to watch on TV, getting some great take out and a pint of ice cream, and settling in with a full stomach and contentment. You can always come here, too.

Wags - what a terrible story. Sorry...

G - thanks for sharing. In my humble opinion, knowledge is power. I am always looking around to learn more to avoid going back to that dark place I was three years ago.

Glad you're all doing well.

Pav

[PanhandleKim]

Re: Newbies Nest

Neo congratulations on 7 days!!

My internet went down last night and I found myself feeling distressed that I couldn't get to the site and check-in and read posts. Made me realize what a great support this place is for me. Hope everyone had a good day and ends Thursday AF.

[Readynow79]

Re: Newbies Nest

I fell asleep on the couch last night (that damn headache wiped me out), and my daughter woke in the night and came down and found me. Her first thought was that I must be drunk. That makes me so sad that I could so easily disappoint her again that I have a new strengthened resolve to get through the weekend AF. I have arranged to meet my mum at the shops on Saturday and once I am done, I will give her my bank card so I won't be able to go out for wine once we have parted. Not a long-term solution but if it gets me though this weekend and to that glorious 2-week point, it is worth it. Thanks everyone for your encouragement.

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Horrible story about the dog, Wags. Crazy what AL does to people.

Sounds like you're working on a plan Ready, good for you. Play the drinking out through Sunday morning, when your daughter would come home to a hung over mom. I'm sure you can make her proud.

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 8 AF/NF and No Benzos since quit. Around $400 saved so far.Have been feeling tired today and have like a constant headache confusion + racing heartbeat when I get stressed. Lungs and breathing feel great. I think his will pass in another couple of weeks . Had nice salad sandwich and chicken/vegies for tea and am keeping water up. No coffee/softdrinks/juice/cordial which doesn't bother me in the slightest. Got a strategic ipad game which you have alliances and is doing well in keeping me distracted when I need it.

May look into Gym work/class for something else to aim for next week

[ssd858]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags - my heart goes out to you and your friends:hug: Such a devastating thing to happen.

Neo - way to go! Your health is the most important aspect but the savings are shocking! Between my husband and
me, in our 83 days we have saved over $2000.

Ready - good plan for the weekend. You will feel a great accomplishment come Monday!

Happy Thursday to all - it's almost the weekend!

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters,hey Neo do you take magnesium? I get chronic headaches if I dont supplement, just a thought, wishing everyone a peaceful AF day

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I was Taking L-glut but havent last couple of mornings so will pick that back up. I did buy some powdered magnesium the other day and will try that right now and see what happens

Update - 18mins later big L-glut Magnesium with water. Feel abit better

[Readynow79]

Re: Newbies Nest

Feeling very tearful (possibly PMT - sorry to the guys but it's true!!). I am just so sad that my daughter distrusts me, and suspects the worst straight away. Obviously, she has reason to but - and this is to everyone but especially the long-timers - how do you ever move beyond the guilt and the shame of what you have previously done? This is a big trigger for sending me right back spiralling down, just to shut off the voices in my head and the never-ending monologue of my wrong-doings. I don't have "voices in my head" as in other personalities, but my brain never stops (except with the dreaded AL to shut it up) - conversations of shoulda, woulda, coulda, recounting all my wrong-doings, thinking of all the "what if's", the "if only's", the near misses, etc etc. I was invited to the pub at lunchtime today for a leaving do but I declined and carried on reading "Sober is the New Black" but I had to supplement this with a Twirl and a (large) handful of grapes!

[abcowboy]

I can somewhat relate to what you’re saying [MENTION=23745]Readynow79[/MENTION]. A month or two before my final quit, I said some very mean, spiteful things to my youngest daughter when I was drunk, I basically disowned and told her to go live with her mom (my ex-wife), that she wasn’t welcome in my home any longer. She was living with Bubba and I at the time. I got up the next morning and headed off to work, full of GSR over my thoughts, words, and actions from the previous night. I tried calling and texting her to apologize, but she didn’t reply. When I got home that night, she was gone, moved out. Of course I kept trying to get ahold of her, but never got any sort of a reply. Then a few months later, I read this in her online blog and it broke my heart.

Now, granted, some toxic people you just can't get rid of. I am talking about family. They are kind of with you throughout your life. You can, however, distance yourselves from them. Talk to them only when necessary. Take those steps to protect yourself but you can't get rid of them entirely. Well you could I guess. People have in the past. But personally, I could not. Even though they could tell me extremely hurtful things (like disown me for example), they are still family. However, in that sense, I just distance myself. Build up my defences again, make sure I am in a position where I can be around said family members and then distance myself again. It is about self preservation. And not giving a shit when something happens in their life because they shouldn't expect anything from you judging on how they treated you in the past. So, in terms of dealing with toxic people who you can't necessarily push out of your life, adopt the 'I don't give a shit' mentality. It helps. And works.

I never heard from her for over a year, nothing. But I never gave up trying to bebuild the bridge I had burned. I kept phoning, leaving a message, texting her, just to let her know that I was sorry and still loved her. Once I had over a year of sobriety, she started slowly acknowledging my texts and messages. And now after 2 years of sobriety, we are almost back to where we were. I don’t think it will ever be the same, but we are a loving father/daughter again. The only thing that created that was my lasting sobriety.

Your daughter will learn to trust you again, only if you make the changes you need to make to gain trust back. Don’t make any promises to her, let your actions speak to her. Get sober, stay sober, get your daughter back..

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I fell asleep on the couch last night (that damn headache wiped me out), and my daughter woke in the night and came down and found me. Her first thought was that I must be drunk. That makes me so sad that I could so easily disappoint her again that I have a new strengthened resolve to get through the weekend AF.

Did she say she thought you had passed out ReadyNow or do you think that is what she was thinking? I have long been guilty of putting my thoughts into other peoples mouths and convincing myself they really said them. If she did express disappointment in you, the best you can probably do is acknowledge her legitimate concerns and move on, proving to her and to yourself that actions really do mean more than mere words.

I am just so sad that my daughter distrusts me, and suspects the worst straight away. Obviously, she has reason to but - and this is to everyone but especially the long-timers - how do you ever move beyond the guilt and the shame of what you have previously done? This is a big trigger for sending me right back spiralling down, just to shut off the voices in my head and the never-ending monologue of my wrong-doings. I don't have "voices in my head" as in other personalities, but my brain never stops (except with the dreaded AL to shut it up) - conversations of shoulda, woulda, coulda, recounting all my wrong-doings, thinking of all the "what if's", the "if only's", the near misses, etc etc.

This sounds like maybe she did let you know she thought you'd been drinking so like I said above, the best you can do is show her that she doesn't need to worry anymore. What an awesome gift that will be for you to give her! No matter what her age, kids want and need for their parents to be in charge and to be able to trust them. Heck, at 58 I'm struggling because of the role-reversal I'm going through with my mom.

Just as I tend to assume my worst thoughts are what other people are thinking, too, I'm also inclined to ruminate on past mistakes, think about what I should have done or said, assume I know what other characters in my drama were thinking, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Truly, I have made myself sick with this. But what I've FINALLY come to realize is how pointless it all is. Number one is the obvious, we can't change the past. But more importantly, all we have is our memory of the past and it isn't even real. Each time you remember something, you actually change it slightly. The more times you go over it, the subtle changes add up to something that never even happened. Sometimes we manage to make ourselves less the bad guy and more the victim in our stories but we often sometimes do the opposite and remember ourselves as being awful, fully culpable, bad people. No wonder so many people with addictions hate themselves and don't think they are worthy of respect, kindness, or love.

Whatever happened in the past (real or remembered) isn't happening now. It makes sense to learn at the time from whatever happens and to make any necessary apologies if we're at fault, but there is no sense in bringing those thoughts forward through time and ruining the NOW, which is all we ever really have anyway. Just as while we need to have general plans for the future, we're only hurting ourselves by letting worries and anxieties about our futures spoil our NOWS.

It sounds like regrets about the past are eating away at you, Ready. You're not learning anything new by going over and over and over what happened. Those thoughts will pop up but you don't have to pay attention to them. You have 60K thoughts or so a day - pay attention to the ones that make you feel GOOD (like how great it is that you don't drink anymore :smile:!). If you follow the thoughts that give you good feelings, you're headed in the right direction, and you'll be very unlikely to make a choice that you'll regret later.

Hang in there. xx, NS

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ready, TIME heals a lot of things, too. It took quite a while for me to earn my hubs' trust again.
Regret of the past and fear of the future are the twin thieves of today.
As long as we stay sober, nobody has a reason to drag it up again......it will just be part of your past, like big hair and bell bottoms. Hang in there! Byrdie