Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Tony - sorry about your wife. I get annoyed when my husband gets like that, but mostly at how out of it he is the next day - all sleep and get nothing done (if a weekend).

Lav - I read and lurked here before I joined (almost a year). When I finally joined, in my head I was going to go 90 days to break my every day habit, but I was certainly going to drink again. I knew I couldn't let on that that was my plan as all of you wouldn't let me lie to myself like that, so I pretended it was real and forever. I lasted about five days when I had an event I just HAD to drink at. That turned into my final couple of weeks of drinking, culminating in the Thanksgiving Massacre. I know for sure that it was my decision to accept the fact that I can't drink alcohol NO MATTER WHAT that solidified in my mind what I needed to do.

Neo - I see what you're saying - just in case - you're not planning on it. I guess I would agree with Byrdie and Lav that having that "just in case" makes drinking an option, but I know you need to do what you need to do to stay sober. You got this!

Way to go, Wags. I remember my first sober camping trip. It was amazing, I slept well, and again I was the one waking up and feeling great (unlike my traveling companions). Can't wait to celebrate in July!

Happy Hump Day, everyone.

Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Wednesday everyone.
Tony, sorry about your wife. I can understand your resentment/anger at her. My hubby still drinks but not very often anymore- I think he had a bit of a problem himself which I exacerbated by my drinking. Anyway, it sucks.

Sober camping trips, who would have thought they could be so fun. Nothing like waking up with NO hangover.

I thought I could quit temporarily too, what a joke. Every time I started drinking again I would end up in the same place. Blackouts, drinking every night, puffy face, hangovers, unknown origin bruises, regret, remorse...ugh.

Holy crap, it was +28C yesterday and I just saw snow right now! It is snowing. Our weather is nuts.

Have a great day everyone.
Do not drink today.
xo

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters near and not so far.

Neo, glad the bac is working. At 14 days AF, and with baclofens' effect calming anxiety, do you need to continue with the valium? I know Withdrawal units (alcohol) will discontinue valium use after a few days, unless a person has been taking it for a long time. Are you weaning off valium? Congrats on 14 days. That's huge.

All okay here. take it easy friends.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hope everyone is hanging in. Woke up at 3 am and couldnt go back to sleep. Im beat. Have a good evening, all. Byrdie

[Lost Soul]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi all.
checking in to wish everyone on the sober train a hearty well done x
Wishing everyone a safe & sober Thursday x
LS

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I changed my mind when I reached day 30 because by then, I knew deep down that I was not ready to attempt just ONE drink.

Me either, [MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION]! What would be the point anyway??

I watched a video by an addiction counselor who offered an alternative to the 30 day-abstinence approach: Each and every day for 30 days, at your witching hour, drink one - and only one - serving of your favorite alcoholic beverage. To a non-addict, that sounds about as silly and easy as being told to eat exactly one serving of broccoli daily for 30 days. But to most addicts, it sounds absolutely impossible. So you don't really have to do the experiment. If you know there is no way you could do it (which is where I am), you have your answer as to whether you can drink moderately.

You sound strong and content in your new life, [MENTION=21027]wagmore[/MENTION] - So happy for you :hug:.

I also don't like being around drunk people. Part of it is because they aren't making sense, are sloppy, and are very boring. If it is someone I care about, it makes me sad to see them so different to who they really are. But I also hate seeing it and knowing that that was me. Last night I watched the pilot of a new show called "Downward Dog" (kind of cute but a little too angsty for me). Anyway, there is one scene where the woman wakes up and there is an empty wine bottle and a 1/4 full glass of wine on the bedstand. In another she is flat-out drunk, stumbling around and making embarrassing phone calls (that she later doesn't remember). The actress does a really good job -- it was all much too familiar and a good reminder that I never want to feel or act that way again.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Me either, [MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION]! What would be the point anyway??

I watched a video by an addiction counselor who offered an alternative to the 30 day-abstinence approach: Each and every day for 30 days, at your witching hour, drink one - and only one - serving of your favorite alcoholic beverage. To a non-addict, that sounds about as silly and easy as being told to eat exactly one serving of broccoli daily for 30 days. But to most addicts, it sounds absolutely impossible. So you don't really have to do the experiment. If you know there is no way you could do it (which is where I am), you have your answer as to whether you can drink moderately.

You sound strong and content in your new life, [MENTION=21027]wagmore[/MENTION] - So happy for you :hug:.

I also don't like being around drunk people. Part of it is because they aren't making sense, are sloppy, and are very boring. If it is someone I care about, it makes me sad to see them so different to who they really are. But I also hate seeing it and knowing that that was me. Last night I watched the pilot of a new show called "Downward Dog" (kind of cute but a little too angsty for me). Anyway, there is one scene where the woman wakes up and there is an empty wine bottle and a 1/4 full glass of wine on the bedstand. In another she is flat-out drunk, stumbling around and making embarrassing phone calls (that she later doesn't remember). The actress does a really good job -- it was all much too familiar and a good reminder that I never want to feel or act that way again.

Thanks NS - I have lots of other challenges going on, especially with what is turning out to be a long and slow recovery from the hit-and-run car accident back in Feb, but with my quit and all the benefits it's bringing, I feel solid and happy. In some ways, the other difficulties are helping me stay AF, as I can't imagine doing all of what I'm doing re: physical therapy, modified work schedule, etc with al in the picture. No, instead, I would have fallen into a deep hole and probably become almost bedridden. Fortunately, I was already 6-7 months into my quit when the accident happened, so my foundation was already built.

The alternative you described above, one and only one drink per day for 30 days, indeed sounds impossible and totally undesirable. That would be waaaayyyy harder than being totally AF. I am 100% certain I could not do such a program and in fact I wouldn't even want to - one drink holds absolutely no appeal to me and it never did. Great reminder of a simple way to take moderation back off the table! I'm not considering moderation personally, but I think it's helpful to revisit these reinforcers even during the most solid of quits as that's how they stay solid.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All

Good to see you NS. As 3June (anyone heard from her?) said to me once, if only one, why not none? Point taken.

I was watching sports with my kids two nights ago, and I know this but for some reason it was glaring that night, just about EVERY ad was for alcohol. They were glamourous, cool, tough, etc. and drinking a poison. It really is amazing that we continue to let them peddle that crap to our kids.

I find that if I don't watch out I can be very judgmental about alcohol - I really want to sing from the mountain tops how great (and authentic) it is to lead a life without needing to alter my mind. I really don't think ANYONE should drink, but can you imagine if I started THAT campaign (I guess we see some constitutional amendments to know how that might play out). Wags, your case is a great example. You need a clear head to get through the pain and to persist through the trials.

So anyway - happy Thursday.
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Peeps. I need to be here more often. I had a drinking dream last night and it scared me. You all said, it will pass, and I believe you. I think Lav said, find something to "feed the soul", and I think that's just about right. The kids are out of school, and I get to help them have a good summer - while trying to get at least some work done. Hoping this shift will pull me out of this blah phase I've been in.

Happy Thursday PAV. I don't know about you, but I regularly discuss alcohol and drugs with my kids when the topic arises. I discuss the substances as altering and addictive. I explain that people use them because they make them feel different, and often people feel it is fun to experiment.. BUT that each of these things is poisonous and potentially very problematic. I feel that if they have all the information, they can make their own decisions some day. I never had all the information - alcohol was glamorized in my home. My son has sworn off alcohol for his entire life (at the age of 11), so he does listen to me.

Wags, it makes me happy to read how solid and pleased you are in your quit. Thank you for sharing. I hope to find my way back to that place soon.

On the topic of watching others drink... it never bothered me to watch my mom or step-dad drink - maybe because I didn't feel they did it to "escape" anything. But it greatly bothers me to watch my husband. He is not to the degree that I was, but I see similarities. He drinks to escape - to numb pain. Just the past weekend, we "had" to make time to stop by the margarita place so he could get one before dinner. He walked faster than us, and downed two in 10 minutes, forgetting to order anything for us. I was so mad - and disgusted that he was so fixated on getting his buzz that he ignored the most important things in his life. Then we went to dinner and he had a couple beers. After, he said with surprise, "Woa, I'm feeling it!" It is good that he is generally a happy drinker. I really feel he has some depression that causes brain chemical imbalances that alcohol temporarily addresses. But then I watch him feel tired, yucky and irritable the next day. 2 hours of happy for him, and an entire day of disconnect from what is really important. I want to scream at him that "this is not a solution! It is a poisonous band-aid!"

Anyway, rant over. I hope everyone has a good day. The birds are chirping and there are positive things everywhere, if we just look.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone on a beautiful Thursday.
NS, that test where you would have a 1 drink everyday is so interesting. I would fail the first day for sure!

Ya, Pav, I can be judgemental about AL too. Like I have a right to be judgemental! Sheesh. And it drives me nuts, all the commercials about AL. There are SO many, it is just nuts. All driven by Greed. Our world is so messed up because of Greed.

Kensho, It is amazing how AL affects your brain. I know it made me feel really down the day after I drank. I would have been irritated at my hubby too, hang in there.

Have a great day everyone. Went for a swim this morning at 7:30 am and I feel great. Un Hung Thursday for this girl. Oh yeah.

Don't drink today.

xo

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Driving this morning I happened to notice a bus passing by on a cross street and like many buses it had ads on the side. This particular bus had a tourism ad for a city a bit north of here. The pics were of 3-4 "fun" things to do in this city, one of which depicted a couple of 20 or 30-somethings hoisting mugs of beer and smiling. Nothing new obviously, but for some reason this particular ad really struck me and Pav's and Nar's posts above reminded me of my thoughts:

Al is always (ALWAYS) advertised as something fun, cool, sexy, hip, adventurous, celebratory. As I was watching this bus and thinking about all of this, I wondered what the ads would look like if they were fully honest: people tripping over their own feet, or draped over the side of a toilet bowl, or smashed up in a car wreck, or alone crying in a corner, or passed out on the couch while children or chores go untended, or in a hospital hooked up to dialysis, or...

Again, nothing new here - nothing we don't already know. It was just the first time I had such clear images in my head of what "honest" al ads should or would depict if they showed the full picture or at least included the negative side of things.

I wonder if we'll ever see a shift at all. It seems that cigarette ads have changed a lot over the past several decades. 50 years ago they had Drs recommending smoking "to relax" and now they at least have surgeon general's warnings and some ads show blackened lungs etc. What do you all think - will al advertising ever evolve or no?

On the subject of watching people drink - I don't seem to have a problem either if the person/people don't seem to be drinking to escape or to numb themselves. How do I know this? Well, I guess I don't, but I recognize behaviors that look like my drinking looked, and I know my drinking was troubled and problematic. I definitely drank to feel differently in some way, depending on the situation and where I was at mentally and emotionally at that time.

Sigh... I really don't miss it. I used to wish I could just drink normally, but now I think I've reached a point where I don't even want that. In some ways, and this might sound weird, I'm grateful that drinking isn't an option for me - I think I'm a lot better off without it and that would be true regardless of whether or not I had a problem.

Lots of musings today... Happy MAE to everyone!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

In some ways, and this might sound weird, I'm grateful that drinking isn't an option for me

I feel that way, too, [MENTION=21027]wagmore[/MENTION]. We are being spared by necessity something that is harmful anyway:YouTube

After I had gotten used to not eating gluten, I no longer wished for a magic celiac disease curing pill, either. Beginning in the early 90s I cooked everything essentially from scratch and I think my family was better off for it. We stopped eating processed food long before that became cool.

And even with sugar, I'm glad to have restrictions that limit my options. It isn't good for any of us but so hard to turn down sometimes without an overarching reason to do so.

It was one thing back in the day when alcohol, sugar, and refined products were rare treats. Now they are over-abundant and avoiding them using will-power alone is really tough. I kind of like having my options lessened for me when I know its leading me to where I want to be anyway.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nest

Been down and out with some awful cold/chest infection. Sent home from work yesterday so decided to stay home today and not stress. I'm still looking for the bus that ran me over and reversed back again! The hospital where i work is full and its not even winter yet or that cold. My boss when i was speaking to him told me to have some cointreau as it is thick and will coat my throat and help with the coughing. Even al fixes ailments!

Tony i hope you feel ok now. I get angry at family members if they get blotto, mainly because i just hope it is not a sign they will turn out like me but in the early days i would get angry thinking "why are you drinking so much when you know what i am going through" but they didnt know what i was going through, they arent an alcoholic like me and i could not say anything as i would feel guilty that it was "all about me and feel selfish". It gets easier as we heal. Unless you ask why she got blotto then you will never know. As you said we have hurt a lot of people with our drinking and it takes time to win their trust back.

I am with you Pav, i am judgmental now with al but as wags said you can normally tell a social drinker to drinkers with our tendencies! I sometimes find that i will do a spiel on al if someone starts and then have to stop myself as i could go on and on and on about it which does make others shut up. When i talk about al, it always reinforces why i dont drink as i have nothing positive to say about it.

Well i am off to have my cointreau, NOT, and rest up.

Take care x

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nest

Thank you for all the comments regarding Mrs T the other night. I have decided that I just have to overlook it for the moment and although it was unpleasant, I have rationalised it now. It's not like me, when I was getting s**tfaced every day!

On a completely different note, I'd like to tell you about my cousin. She is the sister of another cousin who died early last year whilst awaiting detox and he was the wake-up call that made me realise and accept my problem with alcohol.

She, too, had massive problems in earlier life, not just with alcohol but with hard-core drugs as well. She is very open about her previous problems and, for example, regularly uses the hashtag #soberlife in her FB posts. Anyway, yesterday she celebrated 25 YEARS being clean and sober. She is a true inspiration to me and is one of my real supporters outside of MWO. I cannot begin to contemplate that length of sober life at this stage. I know she's not a member of MWO but I wanted to mention this because it shows that even those of us who are just starting out on this journey, that the seemingly impossible can be achieved. There were times, when she was at the height of her problems, that all of us as a family were almost expecting to get a call saying she'd been found dead. Really, it was that bad, and yet she has got through it and has arrived at this incredible mile-stone.

There really is hope for us all!

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters near and not so far.

Neo, glad the bac is working. At 14 days AF, and with baclofens' effect calming anxiety, do you need to continue with the valium? I know Withdrawal units (alcohol) will discontinue valium use after a few days, unless a person has been taking it for a long time. Are you weaning off valium? Congrats on 14 days. That's huge.

All okay here. take it easy friends.

On Day 16 now. In answer to your question ,while I have been everything free, I don't think it will hurt to have it on hand. I'm getting used/adjusting and seem to get 3-3.5hrs millage out of a Tab and seeing this week how I deal with any side effects. I do wake up pretty tired/a bit dizzy but get going within 10-15mins .I hope to tweak my schedule over the next 2 weeks and feels like I'm learning to do stuff AL free. I get a nice feeling 1/2 hr after taking bac and is great to eel positive after a long negative time