Newbies Nest

[ssd858]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - I am so sorry about Madison. I hope she is not in too much pain and you get some good time with her.

LC - days 3 - 5 have seemed the hardest for me. You had a great 2 days on the weekend when you really had time to focus on your quit and to take care of yourself. It is harder once we are back at work dealing with work stressors. You can do this!
Please don't drop off and come back in here.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I missed you yesterday, Darkest Diamond! Welcome back and I'm glad you're jumping back in. I hope you are feeling ok and I hope you keep coming for support.

Ava - So sorry about Mads. She was lucky to have found you. It is great that you can be there totally for her in this hard time.

LC - Come back, come back. What happened? Any specific shifts you can make to avoid whatever it was?

I was trying to remember feeling drunk last night and wondering if I miss it. I remember one of my friends who has about half a glass of wine and that's enough saying that she "doesn't like losing control." At the time I thought - what? That's WHY I drink. I don't want to have to have control any more. I want to feel free. Now, however, the thought of feeling like that - lose, not totally in control of my body - makes me feel crazy. Why would I want to do that? I really, really like long, interesting conversations into the night, remembering what we say and feel. I definitely do not miss being drunk. (I do sometimes miss that one beer feeling in the summer sun, but that was a minor part of the whole picture...)

Anyway - happy Tuesday.

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
I had such an awful evening yesterday. Lower lows. As long as I drink it can only get worse. I don't know why I gave in. I didn't really even try to stop myself. I wrote it all out in an email and sent it to a long time sober friend and will keep it for myself. Other than that I'm trying to just move forward and not be too hard on myself 'cause all I wanted to do after work was drink to get rid of the pain. Instead I read here, had a long nap and made myself a coffee. I won't run away from myself. I just wish it could be a little bit easier. I know what to do. I have a plan and I have tools and I ignore it all when I decide to drink.
Anyway.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Xpost..
thanks, you all. I do think that it had to do with getting back into the real life stress.. and I was hungry and left the house to get take out. Which is ALWAYS a mistake. I was just too lazy to cook and had so much to do (which of course didn't get done in the end) and I'm embarrased to admit this, but I fell for the "I'll just have one" line. So f******* stupid. Unfathomably stupid that on the 3rd day, after having a terrible! Friday which led me to finally wanting to stop, I would even consider trying to drink. That is what worries me a bit. But that is also why I won't disappear again, even if I fall 100 times.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lifechange. The key to success is failure. Micheal Jordon missed an awful lot more balls than he hit. You will succeed IF thats what you want.
Dutch tragic about your brother, I am so sorry.
So glad Im sober here. Not even an inkling of 'I Wish I could'. Not a pang of 'WHY ME?' Just me, enjoying the moments and the people. Its all good. Im so glad I stuck out the hard areas to get to the easy ones. Hang in everyone. It is worth it. I watched a coworker drink 5 beers, a double vodka, a single vodka tonight at dinner. His AL will cost more than his meal. Id like to tell him when he's ready to get off that ride, I can help. Id much rather be where I am than where he is.
Home tomorrow. Cant wait. Hugs to all, IF i can do this I know you can! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I ended up with my grandsons here again for another impromptu overnight stay so I have been busy.

Ava, I am very sorry about your pup. She knows how much you love her & wouldn't want you to be sad.
My 14 1/2 yr old dog is getting close too. This is hard, all we can do is love them.

LC, please don't waste any energy beating yourself up. Just revise your plan & start again, you can do this!

Wags, I sure hope your cousin is comfortable with whatever treatment she decides.
We have already lost two of our siblings, it's s darn hard to watch people your own age suddenly leave :hug:

Byrdie, I think even I would have puked drinking all that, ugh
I hope your coworker puts the brakes on sooner rather than later. I know you will be happy to get home, safe travels.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava - OMG, I'm so sorry I didn't comment to you about Mads in my last post - that was actually one of the main reasons I logged in to post and then I totally forgot! I'm sorry to hear the latest news re: her health. I hope you're able to help her be comfortable and that you can enjoy some additional time together. So sad when our fur kids near the end of their particular time on earth. Focus on all of your happy memories and give her as many extra snuggles as you can. :hug:

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

Well i finally got my shit together and stopped crying and as everyone says appreciate the time you have left with her. I dont know how long she has as they said if i did a liver biopsy then they could tell me but i wont put her through that or me for that matter. today she is happy and we will take each day as it comes. Thank you all so much for caring, it means so much to know you all have my back and you all are very much a part of my life day in and out.

Wags, all is forgiven if there was anything to forgive! I do hope your cousin makes the best decision. Cancer totally sucks for everyone and heartbreaking. As i said to my son last night who is going to lick my legs when i get out of the shower now and he replied not me!

LC i changed my shopping habits and shopped before the al section opened. it may have been at 7.30am but there was no way i was going to side step into that al section. if there is a will there is a way!

Pav i try and remember what it is like to be drunk and i cant really remember but i know i felt f*cking awful each and every morning and i dont miss that. i look at friends and family hungover and always say how great i feel and they tell me to f*ck off lol. I still have my photo reminder of a god awful drunk night and i never ever want to look like that again. I may occasionally want a wine but i know i will never have one as i cant, it will kill me. With mads having liver cancer i think to myself why her, she is a dog ffs, it could have been me!

Thank you Lav, your boy is adorable and i bet like me, you wish they could live forever.

Well both my girls are asleep on my bed and an early night for me, im so tired tonight.

Take care x

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Quick check in. Off to day 3 of a conference. Not my favorite one ever, but at least it is a change of venue.

Happy Hump Day.
Pav

PS - LC [hugs]

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Back home at last! Glad of it, I AM BEAT!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava, I am really sorry about Mads. Like everyone says, enjoy your days with her. You gave her a great life, she is a lucky dog. It is harder on you than it is on her

Pav, enjoy your conference even if it isn't your favorite.

Life- glad you didn't drink. Hang in there and keep after it.

I am going to cook a little something and watch the last episode of Bloodline. It is really good (on Netflix).

My hubby went to work today so I am alone for another week. I don't mind it at all, its nice to have him back and its nice to have a week off.

No thoughts of AL here today. Enjoying my sober life.

My cousin was here visiting from the West Coast. She came to see her brother who is 63 and an Alkie and pot smoker. He had oral cancer which I guess is common in Alkies because the AL is toxic to the mouth area I guess. The cancer was treated and part of his jaw removed. She was really sad because her brother is dying from Al. She went to visit him and he had 4 beers in a matter of an hour just talking with her. She thinks he will make it another year- maybe. It was interesting talking to her about AL. She does not drink but both her brothers, her biological mom, and dad were all Alcoholics.

Scary stuff.

Don't drink today!
xo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Enjoying my quiet house once again. I do love watching the kids but it's also nice when they go home to be perfectly honest, ha ha! Staying AF is a must if I want to continue the relationship I have built with the grandkids these past 8 1/2 years - I am a grateful granny

Glad you are back home Byrdie, get some rest!

Narilly, my father-in-law ended up with oral cancer related to AL as well. He was only able to stop drinking once he became so disabled he could no longer drive himself to the store to buy more. No one else would go for him so he quit, lived a few more years then passed. Some people just never really get it & that's sad.
Enjoy your quiet time as well.

Pav, enjoy your conference as much as you possibly can - it's at least a change of scenery, right?

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[jane27]

Re: Newbies Nest

Dutch- Thinking of you and wishing you resolve of steel in coping with the loss of your brother & navigating all the family tensions that are sure to come with it.

Ava, I know how much you love Madison. What heart breaking news Sending you and Mads hugs :heartbeat:

The last 12 months have been a stressful bummer due to managing multiple injuries from pm last years car accident, PTSD, & feeling physically lousy. My oldest step son fell asleep at the wheel last April. He c o crossed into the wrong lane, flipped his car and then hit & knocked over a utility pole. He's lucky he didn't kill himself or anyone else- only injury broken wrist.

Hubs, myself & hubs ex wife are seeking a shrink who is essentially holding us accountable to tough lov implementation. Step son is pissed as can be at all the rules we have put into place, and the fact that he's carless with no instantly replaced at no cost to him far as was the case the 1 st two times he totaled cars....in the last 4 years.

I hope we can help guide him towards being an excellent independent, responsible adult and rfat we'll have a good laugh one day about what an asshole he's being..

I have lots to grateful for including 3 1/2 years of sobriety but I do miss getting blasted. This is directly related to the unrelentingly challenging year I've had. I don't think my sobriety is in danger, but it would be good for me to commit time to MWO.

Wishing everyone a nice day!

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning!
Lav, I did not know that Alkies had a high incidence of oral cancer. Glad I quit when I did That is sad about your Father in law.

Nice to see you Jane. Good luck with your son. Those young years are the hardest.

Going to take my MIL to buy groceries this am.

Talk soon!
xo

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I have lots to grateful for including 3 1/2 years of sobriety but I do miss getting blasted. This is directly related to the unrelentingly challenging year I've had. I don't think my sobriety is in danger, but it would be good for me to commit time to MWO.

So good to see you, [MENTION=16568]jane27[/MENTION]! I knew you had a lot going on but you know, it didn't even cross my mind that you'd drink again :hug:. I hope things settle down for you and that you regain more health every day. It is so interesting that you mentioned missing getting blasted. As a general rule, I don't think about or miss drinking at all. But today, there was a "last straw" for me in the political mess that we're in right now and I thought how much I'd love to totally check out. I've been on the verge of tears all morning and could see myself trying to pick a fight with my husband. Maybe I wanted one so I could burst into tears and maybe get rid of some of the stress I'm feeling. Today's news wasn't any worse than previous news and in fact, it is pretty trivial, but I must be at some sort of tipping point. Like you said, committing some time here is a good way to make sure I don't slip into F-it mode and try to drown my negative thoughts and feelings. Anyway, we've missed you. xx, NS