Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
On my way to work and feeling ok. Thank you for continuing to support me as I make the same mistakes over and over. I went back and read all the posts that Ann wrote and those from Tabbers and the relapse in retrospect. What I'm struggling with now is the craziness of feeling so strong and hopeful in the morning and then finding excuses, any excuse, to drink in the afternoon. I'm afraid of "forever" and continue to think about tomorrow. I'll quit tomorrow. And now the stark reality is again that I've been saying this for 6 years. I know what I have to do but I don't do it long enough to get out of the craziness. I did have a longer period of sobriety (now 4 years ago!) and it was by far the best I've ever felt, emotionally, physically, spiritually. NS mentioned I should try something different.. AA, Antabuse, anything that I haven't yet tried. I'm seriously considering additional options. I know that it's just today that I have to think about. So it's what I'll do. I'm going to come here straight after work and read and post.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great to see you LC.

I think we have to turn our minds on to another way of living, in order to break the (daily/weekly) wanting to drink thought cycle. I reckon we have a chance when we immerse our thoughts and actions into a 'higher' truer way of living daily. I see flashes and visions of my best life, but i can't hold onto it in my minds eye. But if i keep immersing myself in positive living (for me) messages, videos, reading, blogs, TED talks, whatever, then i find i can hold a vision of my best life longer in my head, and so dwell in that good place for a bit longer. Then i look at ways i can move towards my best life and make it happen. During these exciting little personal sessions of discovery, i'm not thinking of booze, if only for a moment. I believe with practice, i will come through. Go for it.

Now nesters, with paparazzi at my door, and social media going crazy, i'll give yiz the scoop. Date 5 went very very well! She opened up a bit more and told me she's said no to other dates recently because she just wants to see me. She's also suggested a couple of days away together in a few weeks time, and invited me to another event with her friends. So looks like things are hotting up for the G Dawg! :thumbs:

Day 25. Yo!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow, G, the nest is heating up! That was 2 'very's in your message about Date #5, so I'm thrilled that things are moving in a positive direction!
LifeChange, every single one of us has felt like you....resovle in the morning, disolve in the afteroon. Here're two things that helped me on the forever thing. #1, don' t put it in that frame....makes it feel like JAIL time instead of removing ourselves from addiction. See my byline? I still live by that. #2, if you MUST think of forever, imagine yourself stuck in addiction for the next 30 years, is that BETTER? We know that ALK'ism is progressive, so you won't stay stuck where you are, it gets worse. I like to think of MWO as 'A Christmas Carol'. Here, we really can see the past, present, and future. In our heart of hearts, we KNOW this is going to end badly if we don't break the cycle. Is it easy? Hell no. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY. Do whatever it takes to get thru THIS DAY AF. It works! We believe in you.
It's only Friday, Gang, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Stay strong! Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I think we have to turn our minds on to another way of living, in order to break the (daily/weekly) wanting to drink thought cycle.

That's the key, Mr G! For any of us who quit without the use of medications that curb cravings or reduce the rewarding effects of alcohol, the only things that change are our thoughts about alcohol and how we want to live the rest of our lives. Even AB works by changing how a person thinks about alcohol. We all know that it alcohol is toxic over the long run (which isn't much of a deterrent for an addict) but AB makes you think (know!) that it will make you very sick in the short run, and that is a strong, scary deterrent. Regardless, it is your thinking that has changed (YOU HAVE THE POWER!)- the pill doesn't even affect you unless you drink (and then all bets are off ). It is a great tool to give yourself the time away from drinking that is needed to think clearly and realize that you don't need or want to drink. And to dream the dreams of how you want to live the rest of this one life we've each got and take the steps to achieve it - like you're doing :smile:!

I am very easily deterrable so I'm pretty sure AB would have worked for me if I'd known about it all that time I was trying so hard to quit. I wish I'd looked into it. Instead, I FINALLY got help changing my thinking by joining here and getting all the positive reinforcement, including watching the videos and listening to the podcasts that were recommended and reading everything on the subject that I could get my hands on. It is a form of "brainwashing" - but in a good way - and is a great technique to change any habit, which at its core, addiction is. (The only way I am able to stay on the no sugar track is to constantly remind myself of the consequences I suffer if I eat it -- sugar is just too dang rewarding when left to my own devices. And it's one reason why I stick around here - I don't want to forget where I was and never again want to be).

What I'm struggling with now is the craziness of feeling so strong and hopeful in the morning and then finding excuses, any excuse, to drink in the afternoon.

It might seem crazy, LC, but it isn't. When we do something day after day after day, we not only change our brains but our entire biochemistry. Your body "expects" a dose of ethanol each afternoon in the same way it expects water every few hours and some food each morning at a particular time. Strong chemical signals are released that seem like "commands". It's a good system to keep us alive because without food or water, we wouldn't survive. The feeling that you need a drink (or else you might die!) isn't because you're bad or crazy, it's because with habitual use, that part of the brain that keeps us alive gets confused into thinking that we need to drink to survive. It's not a moral failing - it's some circuitry that needs rewiring. And the great news is, with continued abstinence, that is exactly what happens. In the morning when you're not receiving those unwanted commands is the time to set up your day so that when the survival part of your brain starts screaming at you, drinking won't be an option. Plus, you can calm yourself by realizing that the urges are just loud, confused thoughts. They don't mean anything and they can't hurt you. Wait them out, 5, 10, or 15 minutes at a time and they will pass. And you can look forward to the long hours of satisfaction (and the absolute JOY when you wake up!) you'll feel the next day, knowing that you didn't drink. And do that again the next day, one day at a time. Don't worry about accepting the dreaded idea of "forever" and believe it or not, one day it will occur to you that you never have to drink again, and it will be a relief. xx, NS

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi Lovely People,
thank you for the encouragement and advice when I'm feeling so down. actually I already feel a bit better, having followed through on the first part of my plan for the day. I am going to do whatever it takes to get through this day without drinking. G-man, what you said about seeing flashes and visions of your best life, but not being able to hold on to it in your minds eye, is exactly what's happening with me. One minute it's there and the next it's already gone. I think I've been expecting too much, too soon. Once again, I've forgotten that it is ALSO about the journey.. and I just want to be further down the line. But the longer I put it off, the really starting and trying again, the longer I stay put and stuck. So true what you said about forever, Byrdie.. I could be doing the same thing I'm doing now for the next weeks/months/years.. never improving, getting worse, never really knowing what could have been if I'd stopped drinking. I have enough regrets. I really don't want any more. I want so much to forgive myself, to move on, to like who I am.

Today I've got this. I'm in the right mindset.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-post, NS.
Thank you so much for writing that out again. I KNOW you've done it for me several times before.. and I appreciate it very much, as it's come at exactly the right time.
It humbles me and makes me feel very grateful to have you all holding my hand right now.. not being (or at least not showing!) complete frustration at my continuing to run my head into the wall.
I think I'm the same with other people.. but with myself I'm such a bitch. I know they (actually you all) say I should treat myself and talk to myself like I would one of my daughters and I will try to keep that in mind.

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC- I struggle with the same thing, fine in the morning, fail at night. For me it is the habit I have to change, once I start drinking in the evening, forget about everything else. Many nights I won't even get drunk, but nothing else gets done, and the following day, I have no energy or ambition to do anything at all. Habits are soo hard to break. I've taken to trying to exercise when the witching hour comes, and with that the endorphin release, which gives me the release I need. It's working so far. Day 37, not much by many standards, but great by mine. I just read Rahul's post on another thread, and that's where I want to be, on my bike riding around Lake Geneva.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I've forgotten that it is ALSO about the journey.. and I just want to be further down the line. But the longer I put it off, the really starting and trying again, the longer I stay put and stuck.

Byrdie is almost exactly 2 years ahead of me, LC, and I so wanted to BE her. I wanted HER days to be MY days. Even in my hazy state, I knew the next 2 years were going to pass, one way or the other, and I could either "be" Byrdie in January of 2015 or I could continue to be the sad, hopeless, self-hating, guilty, regretful mess I was when I joined MWO. Since I couldn't be her, I decided to grab onto her feathers and hang out in the nest with her, Lav, Kuya, and the other new people and just take it day by day by day. When I did reach the 2 year mark, I thought back to how I'd felt - jealous but inspired - and felt so grateful that I'd given myself a chance and that so many people had helped me get free.

Thank you so much for writing that out again. I KNOW you've done it for me several times before.. and I appreciate it very much, as it's come at exactly the right time.

I'm very glad if anything I write helps you or anyone else, LC, but the thing is, it also helps me. I posted like a maniac when I first joined (not Lunatic Linda Levels, but close!). I believe that organizing and writing out your feelings, ideas for others, information about addiction, etc. clearly enough that someone else can (hopefully) understand it is very important in changing your thinking. I can't entertain the idea of having a drink after I do yard work (an old habit that I've briefly thought of several times lately after gardening) if I've just spent a half hour explaining how I got over an addiction! When I'm done in the yard, I have the "Back in the day..." thought but it's pretty easy to dismiss given where my head is now most of the time. So, I thank YOU and anyone else here for offering me the opportunity to express myself and help maintain the life I'm now living -- one free of addiction that we all deserve. You're worth it, LC. xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC- I struggle with the same thing, fine in the morning, fail at night. For me it is the habit I have to change, once I start drinking in the evening, forget about everything else. Many nights I won't even get drunk, but nothing else gets done, and the following day, I have no energy or ambition to do anything at all. Habits are soo hard to break. I've taken to trying to exercise when the witching hour comes, and with that the endorphin release, which gives me the release I need. It's working so far. Day 37, not much by many standards, but great by mine. I just read Rahul's post on another thread, and that's where I want to be, on my bike riding around Lake Geneva.

This is a pretty helpful book for this and all habits, Mr V: The Little Book of Big Change: The No-Willpower Approach to Breaking Any Habit: Amy Johnson PhD, Mark Howard PhD: 978162625231: Amazon.com: Books

Congratulations on 37 days! Any of us with more at one time were happy to celebrate that milestone and are happy to celebrate it with you, too.

And just like I wanted to "be" Byrdie, if you want to "be" Rahul - you can :smile:! You can start planning now to be part of that bike ride in the summer of 2019 (or 2018!!), and look back at this post and be proud, realizing how far you've come.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I've really been enjoying the discussion around how to envision and truly hold the vision of living differently. As NS has so eloquently said, it truly IS about changing our thinking, which is good news because we have lots of input and control in that regard. One thing that occurred to me, that isn't 100% scientific but has some support in the psychology world, is how our brains process negative statements differently than positive ones (especially negatives with the word "don't"). Although it isn't this simple, there is research that suggests our brains tend to ignore the word "don't" and instead focus on the content words - which in effect causes our brains to focus on the very thing we're trying NOT to do. There are many examples from sports, such as golf - "don't hit to the left" might be something a person thinks to herself as she tees up for her drive. Invariably, the ball pulls left.

It seems that one simple tool to add to our arsenals is the notion of phrasing things in the positive. For example, when you have resolve in the morning but dissolve in the pm (nice Byrdie), many of us cling to the idea "don't drink today" and then try to muscle through the pm hours and hope for early sleep. Instead, how would that look in the positive? Instead of don't drink today, what will you do instead? Some favorites on MWO: Take a walk when I get home from work, read tat book I've been meaning to start, call a friend for a chat, post on MWO like a fiend , clean my kitchen (ugh), stop by a non-al store to pick up ice cream / a delicious home-made soup / other non-al treat, get on my bike and start training for my ride around Lake Geneva etc etc.

Another small idea that really helped me at the beginning (first few months even) was "fake it til you make it." In other words, I didn't feel like a non-drinker yet, but I acted as if I was already a solid non-drinker. I imitated other people a lot during this stage, looking around me to see how others, anybody, was living life without a drink in his/her hand. I got lots of folks to imitate right here in the nest. I read about other people's evenings or plans for upcoming parties, and I did what they did. Gradually, I built the strength of new habits. I discarded the behaviors that didn't really fit me personally and adopted new ones that were more my style. Thank you all for letting me imitate you, even if you didn't know I was doing it!

Just an idea I've been chewing on. Hang in there LC and others. Keep coming back, keep posting, and keep trying something new / different.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

What amazing posts, you all!
So happy to be at home with my girls, hearing about class trips, looking at photos..
I think I'll sleep very well tonight. Looking forward to it and to seeing you all here tomorrow.
xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters,

Glad to see my bank getting on board the G-train. Someone tried to bill my credit card for a ticket to boozeville. Transaction declined!

NS, thanks for that book link on changing habits. I've just downloaded the kindle version for 6 bucks. Byrdy, love how you turned around our common 'forever without a drink' thinking to hey, imagine it being forever in this hell of addiction. Right on!

Wishing all a safe sober and magical weekend. Now where's the chilli?!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, so many great posts in the last 24 hrs

That old 'fake it until you make it trick' worked for me too! I would highly advise that method to anyone.
Habitual drinking was a big thing for me as well. Habits can be made & they can be broken too. Once I worked up the true desire to actually change myself, my habits & my thinking the rest kind of fell into place.

LC, I am happy for you

G, you are da man - woo hoo!!!! Have fun now!

Hello to al the crew & wishing a safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

July 29 is my 4th of July

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,
Very happy to be having an Unhung Saturday. The posts from yesterday helped me to "get through" the day without drinking. I appreciate so much all the advice for the first days.. I'd forgotten or blocked out a lot. Fake it till you make it! and Wags, the reminder to state things in the positive is great. It automatically puts us in a different state of mind. Right now it's morning so I'm feeling good. If I begin to have thoughts of drinking, I will push them away and think of all the nice things I have to do instead of poisoning myself. Going shopping with the girls this morning, then heading to the farmers market, going to make brownies, watch some movies, clean up a bit.
I'm trying to be patient with myself, telling myself I have 30 days before I need to look in the mirror and re-evaluate.. because now I'm not so happy with who I see. I've also told myself I should wait and see how I feel after a month without drinking before having contact with a couple of people I'm upset with. In the moment I feel like writing angry and hurtful emails but I'm hoping that with some sober time, these people won't be so important to me anymore and I can just let them go without unnecessary confrontation.

Will be checking in frequently today to read and post, I can imagine!
Wishing everyone a lovely day..