Newbies Nest

[Struggles 106]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey there Londoner-

Byrdie is right; my last episode was my last! When the shreds of memory manifested the next day or so I was horrified!
What started out as a beautiful spring afternoon turned into a terribly dangerous situation.
I have never felt so strongly that it is all over; please don't misunderstand, I am not complacent and I take antabuse every 5 days or so ( which has the desired effect)
At 15 weeks tomorrow I feel great.

I am hoping that you can take it day by day and get stronger as time goes on. I wish you the best!

Ann

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=22747]Struggles 106[/MENTION]

What has your experience with Antabuse been?

I do wonder whether the NHS would supply it to someone who binges.

Or if there are any reputable sources online, if not.

[Struggles 106]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Londoner-

I could get antabise from a doctor, but I get it from a Canadian pharmacy, called River Pharmacy. The pills are 250 mg. I cut them in half, and after some "experimentation" (not a good idea) I see that 125 mg every 5 days or so has the desired effect. If you drink there are obvious
issues. I have not pushed it far at all. One beer and the effects happen. Not pleasant.

That was a long time ago. I am in such a good frame of mind that I remember to take it from time to time. I truly have no desire to drink but I remain vigilant. It is easy to NOT take it and pretend that the not taking it was unintentional. But that is the mind trick--as in "oh yeah gee I did not take that so I can have a beer"
"A beer" has never been in my vocabulary as relevant to my intake LOL--

I have been a drunk for years, and there was a time when I thought antabuse was for "severe" cases. HELLO-I guess that is ME.

Frankly I'm not sure what has happened; I just know that I cannot do it anymore.

Hoping for the best for you--

Ann

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

I do always have to be on my toes. I am seeing clearly that Friday, though I know it's no ticket to Boozeville!, is a day I need to watch out for. Done with work, feeling a bit amped and stressed at the same time, trying to finish everything quickly to get out for the weekend, being tired/exhausted and then knowing I'm coming home to the job of home.. Today it took a bit more effort to distract myself. It was definitely easier today than it was a couple of weeks ago to talk myself out of drinking.. to convince my crazy brain that it would be a huge mistake.. So today I'm happy I've been counting days. I'm happy that even though the voice/cravings still come/s, I don't immediately act on it.. maybe this is slowly becoming habit..? A bit soon to call it that, but I can feel it changing.

After I was through it, my best friend called to ask if she could come by.. last night she "hooked up" with an old friend of hers who was visiting from out of town. It was a lovely evening/night, she said, at least what she remembered of it, which wasn't much after having shared several beers plus a bottle of whiskey. Yuck. She wasn't feeling great physically.. and a bit insecure emotionally. I didn't envy her and felt good about my decision to take a looooong break from dating, etc. And so happy that I won't ever be in that particular position again.:egad:

Londoner, great to hear about your plan/goal for 30 days.. Keep glued to this Nest as one of your tools. I know for myself, when I don't really "feel like" coming by, when I make excuses, ANY excuse, it's a sure sign that I'm at least beginning subconsciously to plan to drink again. Super to have you here..

Ann, Congratulations on almost 15 weeks! Yours is a story I keep fresh in my mind.. I drove so often under the influence, with kids in the car, etc., etc... before I even thought I had a "problem". So scary.."" a beautiful spring afternoon turned into a terribly dangerous situation""--That never has to happen to any of us again.. at least not due to our consumption of alcohol.

ok. off to see about making some dinner. I have no ideas yet as to what I should cook!
see you all in a bit. xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Day 47. Almost 7 weeks sober. Oh yeah baby! the feeling's good.

AB still humming away in the background here Ann style. LC. What did u cook? Nachos? Sri Lankan chicken curry? Bratwurst? Have a gr8 weekend. You raawk!

No ticket to boozeville here. I got no credit!

Big waves to everyone.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ann, that was a post for the ages. Im so happy that you have AL in the rear view. Keep up the great work!

i am dog-butt tired. My feet hurt from working in tht booth all day, PLUS I had to be nice all day. The folks at this tradeshow apseem to be trolling for free stuff, they came by with huge bags of tradeshow trinkets. I monitored the stuff I put out and all the candy got gone as did all the pens, i only have a few phone chargers left, somebody took my candy bowl, my sample phone charger and when I went to the bathroom, my samdwich and drink! Dang! I srill have two days to go and am almost out of give aways! I will have to get creative tomorrow.
So thats all I know from Orlando and my room beside the laser disco bar. Thank good ness I had my ear plugs.
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Hugs to all. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

It's raining as predicted but the big stuff is supposed to arrive overnight. Everyone is cooped up & dry at the moment, ha ha!

LC, I currently have 18 laying hens & 6 that are about to turn 5 months old. I'm thinking about moving the older flock to our Amish friend's farm. It will be nice just dealing with the 6 newbies (lot less work)
Glad you are hanging & doing well.

Londoner, meditation definitely helps quiet the monkey mind. I really got a lot out of the Hypno CDs too. Whatever works for you!

Byrdie - laser disco??? Do they really still have that stuff? Ha ha!
Glad you packed your ear plugs

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone,

It's been a couple of weeks since I checked in. Still sticking to the sober life so things are good. Even though I have drifted from MWO on a daily basis, I use other supports that help keep me grounded. I like to listen to Belle's one minute messages from Tired of Thinking about Drinking, I've also downloaded her book. I get emails from soberistas once a week. I don't subscribe to soberistas but I enjoy reading a weekly email. I listen to podcasts.

Londoner, something I've learned on this journey is that if what we're doing is not working, it's not about trying harder it's about trying differently. Explore by adding more tools in your arsenal. For me it's listening to one minute messages, checking in here, reading different blogs, listening to podcasts. If Antabuse is an effective tool for you, then by all means explore that option. I know from my previous attempts, around the 60 Day mark I suddenly had amnesia. I'd think I could drink normally or maybe just once a month, then it became once a week and before I knew it I was back to my old ways. This time, I stuck around, I listened even when I didn't want to. It's been hard at times but so so worth it!!

LC,Struggles, Gman, you've all got some great momentum going! Whoot, Whoot!

Wags, I missed the big day, CONGRATULATIONS! You are such an inspiration!

Hello to Lav,Byrdie, Pav, Ava., NS, Thanks to all of you for helping me on my journey!
Roobs

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

Hi Roobs! Great to see you.. ""something I've learned on this journey is that if what we're doing is not working, it's not about trying harder it's about trying differently."" I think this hits the nail on the head! For such a long time (more than 6 years here) I've been running into the same old wall, over and over again. I'm in early days, and I know I've said this before, but I feel that something has finally clicked.. that I'll do whatever it takes to have a sober life. And like you said, that means doing things differently. Sticking around and listening even when I don't want to.. hasn't been a problem yet, but I anticipate it coming at some point. Thank you for the reminder of the fact that it usually comes later.. this amnesia. Throughout the first year it seems to hit different people at different times. This is what I want to be ready for. Each and every day practicing and making new habits.. How far along are you now? You have to let us know when we can celebrate milestones with you!

Lav, that's a darn lot of chickens.. Is the amish farm far from you? That does sound tempting.. at what age do chickens become laying hens?

Byrdie, that sounds like a nightmare.. what a bunch of greedy people! I hope you got a good night's sleep (I have to sleep with earplugs every night because of the restaurant downstairs! at least in summer) and that you have a better/easier day today.. I guess if you get at least one or two good, truly interested people it's worth it, right?

All is well here. My younger daughter and I have the next few days to be footloose and fancy free.. it's a good feeling to have all the time in the world. And as opposed to a couple of weeks ago, I'm not worried about trying to escape. Instead I'm grateful for the time I have with her.. When I need a break, I'll TAKE a break.

My friend Andre seems to be really lost. He hasn't been by for a couple of days. Yesterday evening my daughter and I went next door to the school and he was sitting where he always sleeps with some of his things, reading and drinking from a box of wine. He is never outwardly drunk, but I guess like most of us, he can handle A LOT of alcohol while seeming "normal". I shouldn't forget that. He was sweet as usual and when I asked why he hadn't been by in a while he said, he didn't want to constantly be on my nerves. I said he wasn't and that he should come by for breakfast.. he said he doesn't have any appetite at the moment.. but might like to have a tea and a boiled egg. I didn't really expect him this morning. I know he must have lots of things going on inside to get to the point he has.. but whatever the case, drinking only makes it a million times worse. I'm not quite sure anymore that he'll get it together before winter.. which would be tragic, indeed.

Londoner, how are you doing today? What are your plans for the weekend? I can't remember whether or not you have family nearby?

Ok. time for the weekly phone call with my Dad. Hopefully he's coherent.. he usually is for at least the first half hour. If and when it changes, I'm outta there! I have less and less tolerance for drunk people who repeat themselves. If it's just due to old age, ok. I can deal. But with him it isn't..

Wishing you all a lovely weekend! I'll be checking in often. It's doing me well!
xx

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lifechange, I'm out with the family today ..... to a pub. It's that or isolation.

But I'm imprinting the feelings of last weekend onto my brain and will stick with lime and soda.

Staying sober, even in a pub, is far easier with the family than the friends.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sounds like a nice Saturday, Londoner. I think it's good to keep that last binge fresh in your mind.. the last time I drank was heart wrenching so I keep it close. Not as something to feel guilty or sad about but to remind myself what happens almost each and every time I drink. I hurt myself and I hurt others. I'm wondering if you've talked to any of your family or friends about what you're going through/dealing with. Do you have anyone you can talk to/call in person? Stay strong and focussed on your goal today! We are all here with you in spirit!!!!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good to see you, Roobs! In Anne Lamott's writing about becoming sober, she notes that it was a turning point for her when someone suggested she quit "trying harder" and start "resisting less". It seems counter-intuitive, especially to the type-A personalities that seem prone to addiction, but there really is tremendous strength in surrender to what we can't control. We can't control our drinking but we can accept that bit of ourselves, and choose not to drink. Have a happy, healthy, and sober weekend, Friends. xx

[abcowboy]

I'm hoping [MENTION=19794]TJAF[/MENTION] pops in today as I want to tell him on his 4 years of sobriety!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

TJAF - Congrats on 4 years - hope you do pop in to receive your prize. Oh wait, 4 years AF IS the prize!!! :yay:

Byrdie - sorry to hear about the trade show shenanigans - that truly sounds horrible, especially with two more days!!! It's interesting how free stuff seems to trigger people to take things they probably don't need and likely will never use. Good luck today, and be sure to hide your lunch!!!

Lav - that is a lot of chickens!!! And it seems like you've had a lot of crazy weather this year. Has it been a typical year, or somewhat unusual?

Roobs - thanks for the congrats! Good to see you and glad to hear you're doing well. I love what you said about trying something different instead of trying the same thing harder. Yep, I think that's the truth with almost any kind of change we want to make in life - weight loss, effective communication with someone, getting rid of fleas on our dogs, and sticking with an AF quit. Simple, but so easy to forget. Thanks for the reminder for us all. Putting additional tools in our kit works best when we do it proactively so they are there in times of stress or temptation.

NS - interesting add-on point about resisting less. I don't think I've ever consciously thought of it that way, but as I read your words I let them wash over me and I'd say they feel accurate for me with my quit. I think that's part of what made the difference this time - just accepting my reality instead of trying to fight it and make it not so. Sigh... I guess it's human nature to get in our own way sometimes.

Ann - congrats on 15 weeks!!! I think your story was a wake-up call for a lot of us. So very glad that yours ended as well as possible, but what a scary way to learn.

Londoner - I'm a bit late to the game but I am so sorry to hear of your slip. Really glad you jumped right back in here. Not being able to remember some bits of time was one of the final things that scared me sober. I agree with the recent discussion about trying something different. Are there some new tools you can add to your kit, especially with regard to your time with some of your friends since that seems to be what you're saying is most difficult? Great job at the pub today though! If it feels do-able, that can be a way to build your new AF muscles.

LC - Ugh, you friend's hook-up and drinking spree sound uncomfortably familiar. I don't think I ever did that exact thing, but just the notion of too many drinks and fuzzy memories of the night before make me sick to my stomach knowing how many times I was in that place. Again, an opportunity to learn from others - not happy this is your friend's story, but very glad it isn't yours. Sorry to hear about Andre. Your compassion shines through clearly, but ultimately, we can only help ourselves. Hope your phone call with dad went well. Hugs to you.


Waves and hellos to G-man, Pav, Ava and everyone else. Happy AF weekend to you all!!!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Got a blissful couple of nights away and unplugged. So amazing. NoSugar - love that! I resisted quitting drinking SO hard. I remember saying (to MANY people), "I have to control my drinking so I don't have to quit!" Turns out quitting was what brought the freedom, not controlling my intake of a poison.

TJAF! I hope you stop by. THANKS for being here and guiding the way. I love your insights. CONGRATULATIONS on your big milestone.

Byrdie - Wow, what a job. That would be VERY hard for me to be "on" all day like that. Can you sneak a massage in some night?

Lav - that's a lot of chickens! I was interested in getting chickens for my backyard but my landlord thinks they'll smell. Do they??

Hi to all of you here in the nest. Happy weekend, and no ticket to boozeville.

Pav