Newbies Nest

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nester

quick check in for me. been a week of hell with work and tomorrow is only Thursday. HOpefully the next 2 days is a bit quieter.

Great work on 1000 days Elvis and a wonderful post certainly tool box worthy as every single word is true.

Congrats on 50 G.

Where are you LC? Wandering away? I hope you are ok and remember about accountability.

HOpe you are doing ok Lav, i have been thinking of you. Will send you some cool weather your way.

Having a fam weekend so i am looking foward to that, i think we are off to go whale watching which will be lovely. its so hard to get together now the kids are older but so worth it.

Take care x

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ann, I'm so happy to read about your new way of thinking. It was like that with me, too. AL had taken all I would let it, so I was DONE. We made a decision that THAT IS THAT! It really did come down to Life or Death.....no middle ground for me, there WAS NO LIVING with AL.

You are like a totally new person! You sound different, you sound healthy! I am thrilled for you.

Lav, I continue to have you on my mind, too. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. Hugs to you.

Ava, you are one busy lady! I hope you have a wonderful weekend with your peeps!
Great to see everyone! Hang in! Byrdie

[empyr3al]

Re: Newbies Nest

This thread is so huge it would take me a year to read it.

Hi everyone, many of you know me by now.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=19771]Elvis[/MENTION], that is one of the best posts I've ever read about quitting and why we do it. Congratulations and thank you for sharing your thoughts (here and in the Toolbox!!).

Where are you LC? Wandering away? I hope you are ok and remember about accountability.

I was going to stalk you today, LC, but I guess Ava beat me to it :wink:! We've been hanging out together for several years now and I've observed that when you really engage here, you do fine. I know it sometimes seems like just another chore to post but... You're worth it :hug:!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!
Elvis, I also loved that post and copied it to my stash of favourites.

I'm here and have just been super busy with the girls.. they're off on Thursday, so I haven't wanted to waste any time.. but my biggest excuse for not posting is that I've been soooo hateful in my heart and I don't know how to deal with it (towards my ex and his dumb girlfriend coming to visit next week). I have been trying to be positive, to be loving and empathetic, to accept the people most difficult in my life.. but I'm not that far. So the anger and negativity are only doing ME harm and I'm struggling, having bad dreams at night.. feeling like I might strangle someone.. but mostly not knowing how to deal with the pain/heartache. I think it just takes a lot more time than I'd anticipated.. like they say, maybe half the time of the relationship. Hopefully not.. I feel stupid writing about this because so many people here are dealing with real hard core stuff.. life and death. And this is more of a frame of mind.. I just can't quite get my mind around it.

so. that's the only reason I've been away. I feel a bit better now after having said it.. and I'm sure things will improve.

Wishing you all a good evening. xx

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC dealing with our emotions sober is hard and thus why you need to be on here. how you feel is just as important as what is going on in everyone elses life and we all listen. i feel like part of the family in so many peoples lives on mwo. we all have our rituals for posting being it good or bad, sad or happy. it keeps our thoughts and feelings out there which makes it so much easier to deal with. your way of handling your emotions and feelings is to drink with a classic case of the f*ck its. Dont let that happen. As i told you before she is lucky to have him as you dont have to put up with him anymore. I loved my ex husband but i am happy he is happy and his new woman has to put up with him, i did my time! Your girls are the priority as you are also.

I had a chuckle about you wanting to strangle someone, the other day if guns were legal i would have massacred my department at work. Thoughts are thoughts that is all. You are never ever to busy to post on here as a newbie, that will come with time.

x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Gr8 post Ava.

LC, sheesh that sounds tough with ex and his gf coming to visit. I would avoid such an encounter like the plague this early in my quit, but i sure don't know your situation. Airing your thoughts and feelings here will help i hope. Good luck with it and above all, look after you.

Good to see u here Empy. hope you're good. Don't be a stranger.

Big waves to y'all.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Things are starting to settle down a bit around here. I am grateful that my furry friend is at peace now, it was a long & hard year or more for her & for us as well.
I have to say I'm liking the much smaller crowd in the chicken house right now, ha ha!

LC, I wish you didn't have to face your ex & his girlfriend right now. Try not to work yourself up too much ahead of the visit, it may turn out better than you think.
Keep your focus on yourself & your girls - #1 priority

Hi the empyr, welcome to the nest!

Ava, I'll take that cooler weather, thank you!

Hello to G, NS, Byrdie, Nora & everyone.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,
Yeah, you're all right. First of all, the most important thing is for me to post at least daily, if not more often, no matter what. Like you said, Ava, and NS!, when I don't come here it's easier for the thoughts to take over and it SEEMS easier to just drown my pathetic sorrows.. I don't think they are pathetic but they definitely become so fast if I indulge. I think I have been spending a lot of time on distraction methods, which have worked well, but which haven't helped me to move forward with life. So at almost 30 days, I'm somehow feeling less excited and more stressed. Like I'm not where I wanted to be.. ha! that will take at least a year, which is too far off to think about so I need to get back to ODAT.. and go easier on myself again. I have the mind of a fish at times.. so forgetful of these important life rules.. So thank you for helping to hold me responsible.. I don't actually have to see the ex and gf.. I sortof wanted to, to get it out of the way and to be ok with it all. It's how I want to be.. but I see clearly that I'm not there yet.. so I actually called my ex and told him he should do his best not to bump into me. I don't own the city and he can do what he wants.. but it's not that difficult for him to avoid my neighbourhood for instance. I obviously don't have a lot of pride here.. but I don't care. This is one of few times in my life I can remember holding a grudge and it doesn't feel good.. but I guess I can't rush it.. I can just continue to move sloooowly forward.
Yes the girls are my number one priority and fortunately I've not f****** everything up this time.. we've been active and have had a lot of fun at the lakes, harvesting in the garden, playing games and watching films, a bit of mini golf. They are off tomorrow for about a week at which point I can concentrate on myself in a positive way.

Lav, I'm glad you're doing alright with regards to your dog.. I guess I hadn't realised she'd been doing poorly for so long..:hug: Good news about the chicken house! I can imagine it must be a relief.. but at least you're still getting some eggs. You're so lucky to have fresh eggs daily..

ok Lovely People, Thanks once again for being here and helping me to regain my footing. I honestly feel better and lighter.. it was probably also just a couple of "bad" or off days that made everything seem much more difficult than it really is.
I hope that with time and practice that will all even out a bit.. it's exhausting to be so negative.
xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

I just watched an interview with one of my favourite athletes.. she said that she has learned that there are many aspects of life she has control over and those are the things she focuses on and spends her energy on.. the other things she lets go of, lets them be as they are, realises they aren't her responsibility to change. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? I'm often impressed by the frame of mind of successful athletes.. very similar to that of successfully sober people. I guess probably the same for all people who feel "success" (whatever that means to each person) in their lives..
My goal!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - love what the athlete said - so very true, and yes, very familiar I think the idea of realizing "it isn't my responsibility to change" something is a good one to remember - as long as we don't use it to shirk responsibilities that truly are ours as members of families, communities, etc. Thanks for sharing! Sorry to hear of the situation with your ex's gf coming to visit - that would be hard for almost anyone. You're handling it in healthy ways and that's a gift to yourself and your kids. You're getting closer to day 30 - have you started to think about what next? I only ask because sometimes, if we aren't prepared, hitting a milestone comes with some unexpected feelings and ultimately tips some people toward drinking even when they hadn't "planned" to do so.

Lav - sending you continued love and support as you move through grief. When I lose a human or animal companion that was dear to me, one of the few things that brings any relief is focusing on the fact that they are no longer in pain. Hope you find some comfort in that as well. Hope you get some relief from the heat soon too! I can commiserate with you - it's supposed to get to 108 again here today in my part of the Pacific NW - extremely hot for this area, especially because few people have AC (including us). The only way we're getting thru the night is to sleep with ice packs.

Ann - you definitely seem like you've shifted into a different mindset. Isn't that a wonderful place to be. Not that there aren't still occasional triggers or unexpected thoughts, but truly a different way of thinking about al in general and responding to various situations/reminders/offers. I think I'm right there with you - sure feels different this time around!

Empyr3al - Welcome!!!

Waves to Byrdie, Ava, NS, Pav, G, Elvis, Mr V, Nora, and everyone - hope you all have fantastic MAE!!!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I think I have been spending a lot of time on distraction methods, which have worked well, but which haven't helped me to move forward with life. So at almost 30 days, I'm somehow feeling less excited and more stressed. Like I'm not where I wanted to be.. ha! that will take at least a year, which is too far off to think about so I need to get back to ODAT.. and go easier on myself again.

It was great to wake up to your posts this morning, LC, and thanks for not being annoyed with [MENTION=16186]available[/MENTION] and me for bugging you. As far as your ex and his GF go, maybe let your feelings be and don't judge them. Frankly, they sound pretty normal to me. You don't have to pretend you don't feel that way or let them take on more importance than they deserve. Acknowledge them and move on.

I was thinking about what you said re: distraction. I think it is a great tool but that's all it is - a tool. And we definitely need more than 1 tool to get this done!

For me, distraction wasn't sufficient to "change my brain". The things I can think of off the top of my head that helped with that were:
1. Time without poisoning myself and allowing my brain to heal (you're doing that!)
2. Engaging here, reading and posting, almost to Lunatic Linda Levels. (I think posting is especially important - writing out your thoughts and feelings uses a different part of your brain than just thinking about them or reading posts by others).
3. Learning about alcohol and its effects as well as everything I could about addiction (not essential for everyone but helpful for nerdy me)
4. Most importantly, noticing and being grateful for every little thing in my life that was better because I wasn't drinking. (This can fit in with your distractions; e.g. feel relieved that you aren't trying to hurry your girls home from the beach so that you can have your first of many drinks and be grateful that you are totally there for them and not in a stupid argument because they want to stay longer. Notice and appreciate the lack of guilt that comes from that :smile.

Brain change doesn't just happen. We have to forge new neural pathways and the good news is, after some amount of time and maybe it is about a year, they become default settings. I got so used to noticing and appreciating changes in my life, I still do it - not so much vs. drinking anymore because that has pretty much become a non-issue. This "attitude of gratitude" is one of the gifts of recovering from addiction. Maybe I would have developed it in any case but I kind of doubt it. I wasn't much of a seeker or one for introspection before I was humbled by addiction. I'm not where I want to be either, now that I know that the ability to grow and evolve is endless; now all I want is to continue up and out, away from the stressed, perfectionistic, closed, judgmental, and sometimes intolerant woman who was psychologically set to become addicted. I hope you can use this time as a springboard to move toward the life you want, need, and deserve. xx

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great posts, everyone.
LC, Ive been reading posts and participating in this forun since Jan 2010. Ive seen 1000's of people come and go and Ive seen patterns. Im sure you have seen them, too. People get busy, overwhelmed and stressed and they'll skip posting. After all, Im sober and missing a day or two wont hurt. Then things just start to pile up, and depression and isolation rear their ugly heads. Enter The Feck-Its. That is how it happens. People stray away at the very time they should stay GLUED IN! The day you say you dont feel like posting is the day you better make yourself do it!
Notice that those with long term sobriety around here post regularly, most every day! Getting sober is not easy, but STAYING sober is a challenge all its own. If you want the secret to sobriety, you've found it.....it's SUPPORT!
Keep upbthe great work! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Look at how long I've been on MWO - you just can't get rid of me Ha ha!!!!
MWO has given me so many blessings, good friends & advice. The companionship it has given me is priceless & I don't say that lightly.
I always knew that my biggest triggers were isolation & loneliness. MWO provided me with everything I needed to haul myself out of that depressive rut & I am forever grateful.

Lc, you know the saying - Rome wasn't built in a day. The same applies to our mutual mission here - one day at a time, you will make it too. You are wise & thinking clearly & most of all working to protect your quit. Be proud of your accomplishment & stick with us

Wags, 108 degrees & no AC? I'd be a melted mess on the floor. I pray for coolness for both coasts, geez.
I am grateful that our dog is RIP but my brain hasn't quite caught up yet. I find myself thinking - go check on her, see if she needs something, has she had her meds yet? Ah well, it's only been a few days so my mind will catch up I suppose. Thanks for your thoughts.

NS, the MWO hypno CDs really helped to change my thinking. I used those things daily for a solid year or more. Some guided meditations were helpful too

Byrdie, can you believe where we are now compared to where we were???
I've always said that this has to be my last quit & now it's nearly 8 1/2 years later & I'm still going strong, you are as well. We rock!!!!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all.
We had about 2 hours of thunder after dinner tonight & not a drop of rain. I guess that means no break in the heatwave. Stay cool everyone!

Lav

[TJAF]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm continuously impressed by the heartfelt, sincere and sometimes awe inspiring posts by people otherwise struggling with what is, outside of an immediate and terminal illness, the most gut wrenching and difficult fight of our lives. Never ever forget that even when you slip. It's the not quitting part that matters, in time you will be successful. God when I think back on the ebb and flow of my many attempts to quit. It did stick in time. I agree that knowledge is a key step. If I hadn't learned about the physical pitfalls in the immediate and long-term process of withdrawal I would have never made it this long. Having an explanation for why I felt the way I did and more importantly, that I'd feel better in time left room for hope because as we all know despair and depression is our mortal enemy. I also found honesty is essential. Honesty with your family takes away wiggle room, honesty with your doctor, gets you the care you need and honesty with yourself gets you the farthest of all. Keep at it folks. It is worth all the effort