Newbies Nest

[Struggles 106]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters

Up early and reading here this morning.

PAV- I have to say you hit it just right-"mentally manipulating the situation for future drinking"
Exactly what I FINALLY realized what was happening , what I was doing all the time.
Please indulge me in telling this example that occurred to me yesterday-
There is a new person in our office, and before (before sanity) I would have approached her group and suggested we all take her "out for a drink" ( to a pub close by we all used to go to ) then I would have been the only one drinking to oblivion after everyone left and gotten into who knows what sort of destructive nonsense.
She seems very nice and I speak to her in the office without the necessity of my people-pleasing, approval seeking behavior of the past.
I am slowly able to see the motivations behind so much of my behavior.

Everyone must go down this road of sobriety in their own way-no way is right or wrong imo.
My way seems to be just living day to day, and for whatever reason I don't consider drinking. I just don't. I don't know exactly why, except for the clear fact that drinking =drunk and incredibly stupid. I'm not stupid so I'm not going there.
Somehow it seems simple, but what got me here was not simple at all.
There was much pain involved, self-inflicted pain.

I will not, no matter what, go back there.

Peace and love

Ann

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters
She seems very nice and I speak to her in the office without the necessity of my people-pleasing, approval seeking behavior of the past.
I am slowly able to see the motivations behind so much of my behavior.

This is a great place to be. You feel so free; if they don't agree with something, that's fine. We don't need to beat ourselves up. We cannot control what others think. And it's so much clearer without AL.

I'm looking forward to rebuilding my beliefs and values without AL. I'm actually feeling excited to see the GP next week and discuss options. I'll be sharing my 'secret' problem with someone. My self-image, values and beliefs all erode when I drink. Not just while drunk, but in the days and weeks following a binge.

[Neo]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm actually accepting the fact I've been an alcoholic and more inclined now to tell people

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Aaarg!! Just lost my post!

It's so frustrating, it takes me long enough to sit down and post as it is, Feck! Anyway so much good stuff here.
Matt, CONGRATULATIONS on 3 years. Your post struck a cord with me;

Looked at their successes and how they did it, looked at other's failures and how those may have happened.
I took things I'd learned along the way from AA, self help books etc, put all that together to create "My Way Out"
I utilized my past mistakes and regrets and turned them into fuel tip stay sober. " My darkest days became my strongest ally"

Love this!

Shanna, welcome and keep coming back. The 4-5 Day Mark is when we start to think "I'm not so bad, I can handle one, just every once in awhile etc... DONT let that sneaky alcoholic mind fool you. Stay strong and don't forget haw shitty you felt just a few days ago.

LC , sounds like your doing great and taking the steps necessary to take care of yourself first.

Hello wags,Lav,Pav,Ava, NS, Gman, and all those I may have missed.

I'm at 268 days, almost 270/ 9 months! I remember a couple months back, I was feeling blah, just flat, wondering where's the joy in my life, now what? I'm happy to say that I feel like I'm emerging from that state. I'm feeling little bursts of happiness, I'm much more aware of the good and great things and people in my life, I'm working on awareness and being present. I'm trying to live for today and not "when." I'm still evolving and growing. It's a good place to be. All you long timers were right, it just keeps getting better!

Hugs to everyone and THANK YOU!

Roobs

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Struggles, you are going to be amazed at the growth you are about to have. Its like having superpowers. Honestly, its as if our mental age catches up to our chronological age. Addiction stunts our growth, quite literally. Well done on your realization, we are so happy for you.
Neo, admitting Im an alkie went a long way towards my recovery. I had BS'd myself long enough, time to call it what it was! Hang in there,

Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I had a decent day, even took a ride about an hour south to visit a national wildlife refuge. It was awesome seeing egrets & other awesome birds hanging around the marshy areas but the mosquitos were out in full force, OMG, ha ha!! I will definitely plan to make another visit in the fall, after bug season is over

Roobs, good to see you & congrats on your AF time, yay!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Roobs - you sound so good, strong, happy! I'm really glad you're past the blahs you were feeling a bit back. Congrats on your upcoming milestone!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav, egrets and mosquitos are two of our state birds.....BAH! B

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hey, where is everyone today?
Had an OK nothing special kind of day & that's just fine with me
I am dog sitting my son's dogs again for a few days so I have extra company.

Byrdie, I hadn't seen mosquitos that bad since we tried camping down on Assateague decades ago. So gross when they explode & bleed, ugh

Expecting some rain tonight so I guess there will be no meteor viewing from the deck. I always enjoyed sitting outside with my kids when they were little, watching & waiting for the meteors to streak across the sky.

Hi to Wags & everyone.
Have a safe night in the nest one & all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pretty quiet here in the nest today. Lav & Byrdie - I don't envy either of you with the mosquitoes. I used to live in a state that had them and black flies and deer flies pretty bad every summer. I don't miss any of that!

Busy morning here with work and physical therapy. Then around noon my sister-in-law and brother-in-law arrived on their flight from the midwest. They'll be staying with us for a 10-day visit. This visit is interesting for me because last time they were here (July 2016) I was in my final weeks of drinking and I think I drank heavily during their entire visit. This year of course I won't drink. Fortunately this will be no big deal whatsoever - my BIL doesn't drink either, and so far I don't think anyone has even noticed. That sure makes me happy!

Ok, nodding off early tonight. Hope you all have good weekends. Ten days til the eclipse! Does anyone have any plans to go anywhere special or otherwise try to see it? We're very close to the prime viewing area but hoping the crowds won't be as bad as they're predicting.

It's Friday, but nary a ticket to boozeville in sight!!!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, we are heading up to the mountains of NC to view the eclipse. Im taking some vacation time so looking forward to that. Hubs bought some viewing glasses from Amazon a couple weeks ago but we found out this morning that they are not rated for complete protection so Amazon gave us our money back. Pretty cool.
It has been quiet in the nest. I notice that NN isn't appearing in my unread posts when I pull that up, I have to find it, anyone else noticing this?
Hope everyone has an easy Sattidy! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

No eclipse plans here. I guess I'll look at the dapples on the ground that change during an eclipse. About 8 months ago I looked into booking a hotel somewhere near the path and they were all very expensive and/or booked already. I'll bet I could get an $800 campsite still... Enjoy some well-deserved time off, Byrd.

I hate mossies! I saw a "hack" on YouTube where a guy puts a screen in front of an industrial fan and puts a bottle of carbonated water in front of the fan. The mosquitoes are attracted to the CO2 and then sucked into the screen. It was gross and gratifying all at once...

Roobs, great to see you doing well. I HATE losing a good long post. Sometimes when I am feeling a waffle coming, I write it first in word and then cut and paste.

I feel like MWO is actually dying a slow death. While it is not sudden, as people drop out, very few people are new here. Does anyone else use a more active forum that they like? I like it here because I know you all and have been supported in getting sober here. What are the most current plans from the MWO organization? Anyone have any insight?

Ok - off to work on this lovely weekend. I am actually excited to have some quiet, undisturbed time in my office to think about things and actually get something done.

Happy Sober Saturday,
Pav

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

So, I've been thinking about how tied into my self image drinking is. Getting drunk is an easy way out. But it begs the question; who am I, what am I really about without alcohol?

This is all prior to seeing my GP about my binge drinking on Monday.

There is a sense of fear and doubt. But I know that this often the case when we are trying to change anything that is habitual. There is a feeling of excitement, but also that feeling of "do I just want to numb out"? There has the be drastic changes in multiple areas to be AL free & I'm hoping that something like Antabuse will be a good helper in the short term.

But things like drinks with the lads, getting drunk and chatting to women, going on trips where drink is the main focus have been my life for a decade. But it is all fake and shallow. It doesn't grow me as person, yet the pull is so strong. I want real relationships; the good and bad. Knowing that I am consistent with how I act and what I believe in.

AL doesn't allow that and a nagging voice from deep with in is telling me that it is time to change.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We seem to be living in the land of humidity all of a sudden in Lav-land. Of course my hair looks like hell, ha ha!!

I see a lot of people mentioning MWO looks different when they log on, I haven't seen anything different yet. I don't know what the plans are for the future of MWO. It's been such a big part of my life for almost nine years. I haven't gone looking for any other forums, this one did the trick for me

Londoner, if you are sensing that it's time to quit then by all means quit!
I am pretty sure I could have had a lot less stress & general grief (not to mention a pretty serious head injury) if I had listened to my inner voice sooner rather than later. Treat that message as a gift from the universe & take heed.

No eclipse plans here although I think we are supposed to be able to see 70-80% of the event, cool
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just checking in. if i can't check in here, then where?

Hope all r well.