Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi Nesters,
sorry I've been missing.
After drinking the other day, it's taken time for me to decide how to move on. I hadn't had so many consecutive af days in such a long tiime and i thought of just moving forward and subtracting one down the line. But of course that can't work for me because the only thing that does work is 100% complete honesty. Your posts were so amazing and supportive the last days, Wags, Pav and Roobs.. are the ones that jump to mind. And I'm really not sure why I haven't completely accepted my truth and my reality.? It is so frustrating.. because I know, I believe all of you, that life is so much better once we "surrender, let go and move on" as NS wrote to me yesterday. I get it, but then at some point I don't do it. I won't give up. I'm so exhausted with beginning again.. but it's what I have and want to do. I want to get this right. I know what to do today.. just don't drink no matter what and no matter who.



The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong. That block of granite is often nothing more than a decision.
--Thomas Carlyle

Trails through national parks and forests are often clearly marked and well-maintained. But sometimes a heavy snowmelt or downpour can turn a trickling stream into a tricky obstacle that needs to be navigated in order to continue following the trail.

When this happens, hikers can turn around and postpone their hike until another day. They can attempt to create their own trail by rambling through – and possibly destroying – delicate forest undergrowth. They can slog through the water, soaking their footgear and creating discomfort for the rest of the hike. Or they can utilize the resources available to them, such as by positioning large rocks as stepping-stones to cross the stream.

How you navigate the trails of your recovery can be seen in similar terms. You must choose how to navigate these trails, both in times when the footling is good and when it is not. Be like the hiker who thinks first about how to handle the challenges, so you can continue safely along your journey.

Today I will make choices that will keep me on the path of recovery.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

You can do this LC,it's hard(trust me I know!) It really shouldn't be, should be common sense that if it effs up our lives,relationship, health,etc duh stay away! Its just a mind game and it sucks! My daughters boyfriend was just diagnosed with a fatty liver but refuses to believe that it's the beer he drinks so he keeps at it knowing she's pregnant and HATES him drinking, ugh,Pav,I joined Soberrecovery about two years ago but I've since dropped out, its really huge and I couldn't keep up with any of it,I wish the higher ups here would let us know if they're gonna keep the site up long term or let it fade out or what,waves to all the nesters,have a great AF Day

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello nesters,

LC, what were the circumstances that made you drink? Did you plan for it, were you with friends and suddenly take a swig of someone's drink, were you hungry,angry,lonely, tired (HALT) were you bored, were you having a pity party ? I have drank at every single one of these things. I have casually walked by my husband's glass of wine and out of nowhere, picked it up for just a little sip and sometimes a big gulp. Boredom was also an easy one to drink at , hell, all of the above were easy to drink at! Now, I think about what's going on with me at that moment or leading up to the moment. I also play it out, it would literally be 15 minutes of feeling giddy, or relaxed or whatever for 23 hours and 45 minutes of hating myself. Let's face it, that 15 minutes of sipping would turn into an 1 1/2-2hours of guzzling befor I would be sufficiently drunk to hate myself for the next couple of days. NOT WORTH IT. I'm asking you to play it out and think about what triggered you and what tools you can use to avoid reaching for that first drink. You can do this!

Londoner, you sound primed and ready for change. Its time😊.

Wags, I'm excited for you to have a sober vacation with your family. It's nice to have someone else around who doesn't drink. Who would of thought not drinking could actually be normal? I still marvel at the people who are normal drinkers. I watch them and think "how on earth are they still working on their first glass of wine or first drink, how on earth did they only have one?" Totally baffling.

Happy sober Sunday peeps!
Roobs

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

In my dream last night I took a big swig of something thinking it was not alcoholic, but it was alcohol. My debate in my dream was if I would have to start counting from 1 again. I don't know what I decided, but phew it was just a dream.

LC - In the stuff I've read, everyone says YOUR sobriety has to come first. Before anything. The oft-used analogy is to put your own oxygen mask on first so you can help others. What that meant to me was that EVERY decision I made had to be made in order to protect my quit. I said no to certain parties and social situations; if I wanted to take a bath, I took a bath; I spent A LOT of time reading sober blogs/books and MWO posts; I went out on long walks. I was lucky that my husband understood more or less. We got into a few tense situations because he saw me as sitting on the computer all the time until I explained to him what I was doing. Of course, there were times as a parent when I HAD to help with that homework or drive to a game, but the rest of my life was focused on getting my job done and staying sober. Maybe you need a new tool? A new approach? A new mindset? I know you've thought about it a lot - I'm just throwing in my support. You WILL get this.

Pauly - sorry about your daughter's bf. I can't stand it when someone I love isn't taking care of himself/herself.

I went to a birthday party last night and danced in cute flat shoes on HARD concrete and I think I injured my foot (getting old stinks, but it certainly beats the alternative!) No booze, left at a decent hour, feel good today. Londoner - I NEVER thought I could do that and enjoy myself sober. It comes with time.

Happy Sober Sunday,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I feel like MWO is actually dying a slow death. While it is not sudden, as people drop out, very few people are new here. Does anyone else use a more active forum that they like? I like it here because I know you all and have been supported in getting sober here. What are the most current plans from the MWO organization? Anyone have any insight?

It appears to me that someone is working on the site. This introduces some glitches but overall appears to be positive. I don't think the site will be active again, however, unless it turns up on the first page of an internet search. I tried terms like stop drinking, how can I quit drinking, and even specific things like online stop drinking support forum and MWO did not come up at all. Given that most people who join are searching while drinking, it needs to be EASY to find us, and it isn't!

In my dream last night I took a big swig of something thinking it was not alcoholic, but it was alcohol. My debate in my dream was if I would have to start counting from 1 again. I don't know what I decided, but phew it was just a dream.

Here's my 2 cents: after you've broken the physical dependency on alcohol, this whole thing is a mind game and part of that includes intent. I don't think any alcohol has passed my lips in over 4 years but if it did, I was unaware of it and if I found out after the fact that it did, I wouldn't worry about it at all. I would worry more if I found myself seriously thinking about drinking, even if I didn't actually do it. Those dreams can be disturbing but sure are nice reminders to keep on track!

... i thought of just moving forward and subtracting one down the line. But of course that can't work for me because the only thing that does work is 100% complete honesty.

Being honest with others and most importantly, with yourself, is probably the first and most important step, LC. I'm really glad you came right back.

Another thing I wrote to you the other day is how I now cannot believe what a big deal being addicted seemed like at the time whereas now, the fact that I can't drink seems like such a tiny, rather unimportant part of me. I heard something this morning that made me suddenly think: Being addicted is like having to pee really badly but are far from a restroom. It takes over everything! You can't enjoy your environment or interactions with people around you. You can't accomplish any tasks and can barely walk. You feel sick and in pain. You can try to distract yourself but thoughts of needing to go override all your attempts. You blame yourself for drinking too much coffee before getting in the car. You think you must have an abnormal, small bladder because no one else feels like they are about to explode. There must be something wrong with you. And so you try to hide it.

I did write to you "that life is so much better once we "surrender, let go and move on".
Crude as this analogy is, life post-addiction feels as amazingly good as surrendering to basic bodily needs and finally getting to pee! And once you do, it becomes hard to remember why it all seemed like such a big deal. Who cares it they have a small bladder or drink too much coffee?

xx, NS

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

life has been pretty stressful for me at the moment but thankfully there was no urge to drink. I just always think now, what would al solve that could not be done sober. I have learnt the tools to deal with life now with al and that took time. Been having man problems and his communication skills are horrendous, mine arent the best but its something i am newly learning to be open and deal with instead of bottling it up. the man wanted to know my long term goals and what i wanted from life in the future. I said to him that my long term goal is not to drink and really i had no major long term goals except to be happy and healthy, whatever else came along was a bonus. Of course i want to retire and travel and do what everyone else wants in life, he has a list as long as mt everest and to me that is overwhelming. i spoke to him about my addiction and how i cant become to stressed or overwhelmed with life, i have fought my battle to get to this happy place i have now, i have won the war and i have to look after number 1 (me). He tries to understand but really only another addict can. I do know he wants to be a part of my life and i his, i do know we need to communicate more and we will and i do know not to bottle things up, which i had done the past few weeks. So today life is good and i have a week off so thats even better.

Roobs, my partner has a drink about once every 3 months. we went to a wedding the other week and he had 3 or 4 beers and then stopped. i thought who does that? Stops i mean!. That is so foreign to my way of thinking and as i said to him that that is where us alkies are different, there is no off switch.

Pauly,my ex hubs thought it was amusing when i would ask him to stop drinking as the baby was due, in his little mind he thought it would be fun to drink more and watch me get more distressed and annoyed. lucky for me i went into labour early hours so he was pretty much half sober to drive.

LC giving up al was the hardest thing i have ever done and no one can do it for you, even now no one can keep me sober except for me. I have not been on for a week or so and i am pretty sure no member thought i was off drinking, they know as i do that i have the tools in place and if i dont, i know i will reach out to my friends on here by email or fb. god i would reach out to anyone if it meant i didnt drink. The mindset i have towards al is that it will kill me if i drink again, my brother died an awful death from al and i have no plans on playing russian roulette with my life and that is what we do when we drink. I never ever thought al would do anything to me but if i had drank these last 3+ years i am sure if i was not dead i would not be working, my emotional and mental health would be shot to pieces, my physical health would be crap and i would not be living like i am. The statistics show we cant keep destroying our bodies and it will end badly. If someone had told me this years ago i would have thought "what do you know, you are not me, i am not that bad" but at the end of the day al will kill us. i wish i had given up 20 years ago but i cant take back the past, now i can only enjoy the next 20+ years of sobriety which i would not have had if i drank.

Well i am off to have a mammogram today, i asked my son to come with me and he replied with "mum its not really a family thing". i had a laugh and did say i just wanted him to come with me, not come and watch! oh i did promise him macca's and he agreed. My baby and he will be 24 on Wednesday.

Take care. x

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Beautiful posts, all.
What an inspirational place this nest is! NS! Great analogy, once we get some distance from AL we wonder what all the big deal was . However,it does take some concerted effort to get that distance. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We're back into some decent weather, that makes me happy, the dog happy, the chickens happy, ha ha!!
Everything is better when the weather is decent

LC, I'm sorry to hear you got off track but you're back. Now let's rethink your plan & be prepared for any emergency, OK?
I know that you want to succeed & there is no reason you shouldn't succeed. I think the thing that helped me most was breaking thru the wall of BS concerning AL & just flat out accepting the fact that I can no longer drink safely. AL helps nothing, not a single thing. The voice of addiction is loud & clear but we can learn to ignore it & keep it out of our heads. I made a solemn vow to myself to never touch another drop. I was thoroughly sick & tired of disappointing myself over & over. You can do it too - take the leap with us

Ava, I can barely get myself to go for mammograms, I can't believe you talked your son into going, good job! Enjoy your week off & try not to let the man stuff occupy your mind too much.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Found a documentary i had not seen before. Very interesting watch

Watch My Name Was Bette: The Life and Death of An Alcoholic Full Movie Free Online on Tubi TV | Free Streaming Movies

I hope it works.

[empyr3al]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wow this is intense watch [MENTION=6487]ava[/MENTION]iable

I still want to start a doc thread. TED talks is as far as I went. Do you think a doc thread is appropriate?

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

This is what being strong in your sobriety looks like, @available:

I have not been on for a week or so and i am pretty sure no member thought i was off drinking,

:hug:.

There may be a documentary thread you could resurrect @empyr3al - or feel free to start a new one. I think watching them is helpful for people at all stages of quitting. Unfortunately I was unable to open Ava's link :sad:. EDIT: I just remembered this one: https://www.mywayout.org/community/g...a-toolbox.html
It has more than documentaries but those would fit in the category.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

hi Nesters,
Yeah, Byrdie, those were really inspiring posts yesterday.
My mind is in a bit of a precarious place, so I'm, again, putting this quit before anyone or anything else. I'm wishing so much now that I'd just held on last time. It's so scary to feel so out of control, like everything I have is barely being kept in balance. I don't really know why I did it. It's like every time.. it just seemed like a good idea and I didn't think it through, didn't use distraction or come here. I'm working on complete acceptance.

I think it might have been a bit early for me to make a list of all the harm I'd caused with my drinking. A list to deter myself from doing it again by seeing what I'd already done. I wanted to write it and burn it and have it done with..it's a great idea, but for me, a bit too soon because I'm still too close to it all. Does that make sense? For now, I've put the list away and will bring it out in a couple months if I feel the need. I think I have continue on longer with using distraction as a tool and trying to find gratitude and joy in the small, everyday things. Roobs, sometimes it really helps me to think about what comes after the 15 minutes of feeling "relaxed" but sometimes I can't see past that state/feeling and it's all I seem to care about.

Yeah, I guess that's where I am now. Not in the best place, but not drinking and knowing that today I'll do whatever it takes not to.

Hugs to you all and thinking of you.
xx

[empyr3al]

Re: Newbies Nest

There is some really interesting info in some of that so far that I have read. The Codependent vs self love was especially astonishing. I know this but its interesting to see put into press or a blog. Thanks for the link [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]. I have roughly 100 windows open at the moment (6 google windows that have 30 tabs, an opera window) so its surprising I can navigate back to this and hold whats in my clip board, while I find a link. (Think I'll download an app that holds multiples, though I use an app ALT-C that can copy instant to my phone and to my computer, so compatibility might be an issue). I hold a lot of info at bay (blessed with a ton of ram and a nice custom computer). Maybe I should program software that logs the last window you hit kind of like a clip board.

Ah crap maybe the wrong thread. figured it was that right one. It is so thanks for the link.

This blog resonates with me. Psychological Archives - A hangover free life

[empyr3al]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=20191]Pavati[/MENTION], I have no idea. I'm a noob here. Things I post are disappearing. It appears as my best guess that nobody cares and drinking carries the economy. There are a number of us still active daily, even if I am new. Sometimes I hesitate inviting people here because I said some things that the current drug policies don't align. My puppy as its getting bigger found a little bit of diazepam which I chased her for 10 minutes. Holy she is fast and small so I she is hard to catch. The economies are booming and most of us are busy and won't deal with it. I am still to sick from my last bender that work is a no go atm. The condrum is that those with the most severe addiction don't have access to a forum like this because they are broke. Those now that the economy is booming dont care, because its our culture. Drink, drink away.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Empy, LC and nesters everywhere.

Hang in there LC. I am not great here either, but i am on the sober train and allowing this pain to flow through me and out. Luckily i still see that thing called HOPE. Just been listening to Syd Banks podcast (3 principles thread) talking about thoughts and how what we think, we feel. How the past is gone and there is only the here and now. If i really look at the big picture and put myself aside for a minute, i see there is abundance and a good life to be had. It's all about my attitude and what i decide to focus on. Why I think i'll start today! Self respect, self care, and some self loving. Take care of yourself my friend.

Big waves to all.