Newbies Nest

[ssd858]

Re: Newbies Nest

Gman - good to see you! You've been scarce lately. Hope all is well.
[MENTION=483]Mary[/MENTION]123 - happy to hear that you made it through Irma. And I loved the picture of you making a cake in preparation
for the Hurricane!

Day 3 here and feeling human again:happy2:

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sounds like everyone is doing great in the Nest, so glad to hear. Glad everyone is safe with all the fires and hurricanes and flooding going on. Can’t imagine seeing it first hand, we’re just glued to the news and sending diapers/formula/water/money when we can.

I’ve made it to day 16. Still have this lingering thought in my mind that I’m cheating - I didn’t really choose this time to get sober, it was forced. In any sense, since it IS forced and I have no option to relapse (at least for the next 8 months) I continue to work on skills to not drink after…is tough.

Sorry I haven’t checked in before, we were camping with little to no reception. Camping without alcohol was strange. Everyone around us was drinking - who doesn’t want to crack open a nice beer around the campfire? Every time I’d look longingly at the neighbor’s beer I would remind myself how absolutely WONDERFUL it was to wake up without a hangover. I mean, to not have that awful cotton mouth, headache and nausea. To know I could keep up with my toddler and not feel like laying down and vomiting. Every morning it was kind of exhilarating. I even went on a run a couple of mornings!

More good news - hubs has pretty much agreed to quit alcohol with me. For the time being anyway. We had a pretty serious talk about it (although I left out that I thought I had a problem) and he agreed that saving money and calories was probably best. We also agreed that we slept so much better when we didn’t drink and it’s important right now to get as much sleep as possible. I’m sure he’ll have a beer here or there when we’re out to dinner or at a friends, but he can stop at one or two.

I still want to drink. I still find myself doing things at home (cleaning, watching TV, whatever) and wanting to go towards the liquor cabinet and fill up my cup, but I’m trying to hold onto the amazing feeling I have when I wake up without booze still in my system. I had a birthday party to go to yesterday and of course there was alcohol (because, my family) and on the way home it felt nice to be sober. Knowing that I wasn’t going to be passing out on the couch when we got home because I drank too much or trying to figure out how to drink more when hubs is out of the kitchen. I’ve been Googling the effects of stopping alcohol and I’m excited to reach 30, 60, 90, 180 days. See how my body responds.

Now I’m trying to focus on eating healthy and exercising. It’s hard to not have an “addiction” to focus on. In my other attempts to stop drinking, I would throw myself into something else - whether it was some sort of prescription drug or exercising and dieting to an extreme. Being pregnant of course, none of these are options. Healthy eating and healthy exercise are things I’ve never been able to adopt (it’s either all or nothing in my mind most times.) So I’m doing my best to not over do it.

I’m really trying to keep to whole grains, veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, cheese, & eggs and of course the occasional massive bowl of vanilla ice cream. And I’ve told myself I can do one of the following as exercise: walk 60 minutes and run 30 minutes, or walk 120 minutes a day. I’ll admit I’m struggling that I’m 30-40 pounds heavier than I wanted to be when I got pregnant and I’m not looking forward to gaining even MORE weight. So, while I don’t plan on losing weight (I’m still within my normal weight range, just towards the top), I refuse to gain 50 pounds like I did with my first pregnancy.

Keep on keepin’ on!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Lovely people. I'm back in the fight. Sight detour, but it is clear to me that I am happier and healthier without alcohol. 8 months without a drop, and then this experiment - and ... yep... alcohol STILL has not contributed anything beneficial to my life. Still struggling with a few things, but better to do it with a clear head and authentic smile than drowned and numbed in poison.

I hope everyone has been well and is weathering the natural challenges we're facing. I've read some inspiring things from you all, so thanks for that.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wonderful to see you Kensho

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great work Moonking on 16 fabulous sober days!

Yo Ssd, yep i'm still here in the arena of life and doing well.

KENSHO! Good to see you buddy. 8 months is super. Sorry you're back on a day 1, but so cool you're straight back on the sober train That sober time wasn't for nuthin'.

Ava, congrats on your qual and new job application. Interesting times for you ahead to be sure. Power on Sister. Wowza!

Me? I am sober and loving it. Today is another mini milestone and the feeling's good. I've got to take myself more seriously, my sobriety i mean. At my core I want to live sober, which keeps me mainly on track, but i seem to wander off now and then for a couple of days of drinking, confident i will return to sobriety, and i do. this was not the case in the past where i was a serious fked up chronic mess. I suppose this pattern is a form of harm minimisation, as i have more sober time than drinking time, but i am not happy at all with this pattern. I don't fear it, i just don't like it. Why? Because after drinking, the next few days are spent recovering and not at my best. This means i lose a week of my life where i'm not turning up as my best self. You begin to realise life goes fast, and is too short as the years roll by. So much to do and see, so many people to meet. It is spring here in Oz, and i renew my commitment to myself for a quality life and to kick some goals and some arse. No room for Al in this plan.

Take it easy. Thinking of my friends in the U.S.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to see everyone & welcome back Kensho. Experiments are not worth it, are they? I did all my experimenting before finding MWO. I was already convinced that AL was just going to have to go if I was going to live

Moonking, congrats on your 16 AF days! The thought/urge to drink is habitual but it will fade, I promise! Just keep doing what you have been doing!

G, you know you want an AF life - make it so!!!

We enjoyed another sunny & cool day here while the folks in Florida & beyond are dealing with the last of Irma. So much destruction is hard to believe, really. I am grateful that I heard from my friends, they are OK.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, gang.
We had my brother and his wife in from Florida and they just left this afternoon. The wind has been howling for days now, we are over this weather, I gotta tell you. We are beat, virtually NO sleep. My brother made it to Charleston (where they are under a tornado warning). They have 7 hours drive ahead of them if all goes well. It took them 21 to get up here. What a mess.
Pav, you are right, I was just about to ask Wags to tuck that post in to the Tool Box and you beat me to it. What an inspiring post. Im so happy that you are finding and embracing sobriety. It gets better and better.

Moon, Congrats on your 16 days. If you want to make this a way of life, I would suggest being absolutley truthful with your husband. After the baby comes, he is going to want his drinking buddy back. If you let him know that you cannot drink safely in any amount, you might be surprised how much easier your journey will be. If you constantly have your partner encouraging you to drink, it will be virtually impossible for you to maintain your quit. You dont have to get down in to the weeds about the gory details, but letting him know you could use an advocate will only help you. Getting all the AL out of the house will help, too. I have told my hubs to never believe me if I tell him that Ive been long enough and I can handle just one or two now. I have told him that Im an alcholic and its just like on TV, once I start I cannot stop, even tho I want to. Knowing he has my back is priceless. The last 2 nights, we have gone out with my brother and his wife, she pushed hard for me to try her drinks, she wanted me to split a bottle of wine, then a pitcher of margaritas. She called me a partypooper. I had to laugh to myself, she doesnt know I am trying to save my own life. Partypooper? I dont think so. Surviver? Absolutley.

Hoping the storm is out of everyone's hair tomorrow. Stay strong, all. It IS worth it. Byrdie

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest--

Welcome back, Kensho. I've been thinking about you and I'm glad to see you. I have a healthy fear that if I were to try an experiment I wouldn't be back for a while. Hope all is well with you.

G - I like that attitude of harm reduction - it is certainly better than going months at a time. I wonder if you've listened to the Bubble Hour with Dr. John Kelly? I think there are two, but one of them talks about the need for long-term abstinence to rewire the brain. Basically your dopamine receptors need to unplug their ears (after being inundated with alcohol) so that your body can have its natural response to happy and good things. That's why we go through a flat period that first year - our dopamine receptors are slow to recover. You are healthy and amazing, and I know each person has his/her own way out, but that podcast helped me understand what my own goals were. Glad for your mini milestone - keep 'em coming.

Byrdie - FFS, sorry you had to deal with that. I agree with you that having my spouse on my side has been the best. I told him flat out that no matter what or when if I EVERY say I want "just one drink" he's to grab my arm and get me out of there. I think that he has seen an improvement in my health, demeanor and in our relationship so that he doesn't want to go back either. Moon, for me it was accepting that I couldn't drink, and then talking about it (husband, individual therapist, here) that gave me the freedom. I am good at lying to myself, but not to my husband, and why lie to a therapist?

I have quit dessert for a while, and whoa, was that an addiction. I would no sooner finish a meal than my mind was hunting for something sweet. I think after several weeks I have calmed that part of my brain, but it wasn't easy. I realized it had become a habit rather than a treat. Seems to be a pattern in Pav Land.

Hope all is well. Happy SOBER Tuesday.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone for the feedback on my last post. I'm honored to hear you think it's toolbox worthy! I will definitely look at adding it there.

I think it's important for me personally to take days like that sort of negative anniversary and look back to remind myself how far I've come and how much I stand to lose should I ever feel tempted by al. Honestly, I think I've rewired my brain pretty well at this point and I view al in an entirely different way, but reflection days like this past Sunday are part of my "maintenance program" for that new wiring. I try not to wallow in the negative too much, as that doesn't feel useful or healthy, but instead frame it as looking back through a dark tunnel, or into a deep pit, and simply recognizing and appreciating how far I've traveled and how much work it took to get where I am now.

In this recent case, I later saw photos people had posted on FB from this year's party - another drunken slosh-fest. It made me realize (again) the huge volume of "drinking is fun!" messages we get in our daily lives. Some subtle, some not. It makes sense that it actually takes work to provide our brains with counter-messages, especially in the early stages of a quit, but also at potentially vulnerable times. It's really no wonder we get caught unawares at times, even when we're feeling strong. I've decided to double down on my personal efforts to send myself the counter messages that remind me of the truth about al - it's poison, and it's a sham. If we suddenly learned that drinking bleach made people feel giddy and sociable for a few hours, would I even consider trying it? NO!

I'm fascinated that there are people who have on/off switches around al - I really don't think I ever had such a switch. That also helps me reframe things: In this case, it's just another thing that I used to do and that sometimes I think I want to try again but deep down know isn't good for me. It's similar to running in that sense - I used to run as part of my fitness regimen and although I was never competitive or talented, it was something I enjoyed. Now, my body cannot tolerate running due to arthritis in my low back. The impact and jarring is simply too much. It doesn't hurt while I'm running, but a few hours later or the next day my pain increases significantly. Do I miss running? Yes and no. Would I like to be able to do it now? Sometimes. Can I consider it? Not if I value my quality of life and want to avoid hurting myself and doing further damage. Instead, I've found healthier alternatives that bring me some of the same effects but are healthy for my spine. And you know what? When I stay focused on all the things I CAN do these days, I find that I don't really dwell too much on what I can't do.

Byrdie - glad your family is safe, and I hope your brother et al have an easier trip home and an intact home/community when they arrive. And fantastic job saving your own life and being a survivor!

Kensho - glad to see you! Sorry to hear about your experiment, but it sounds like you ended up with reinforcement of what you truly already knew. Hop back in the nest and strap yourself in tight!

Ava - great job seeing in advance that the football game was not a good idea for you and nipping that in the bud!

Marylou - I too love the image of you baking a hurricane cake - great choice!

Moon - I agree with Byrdie - if you're able to tell your hubs the whole truth (at least the core), you'll find the AF path a lot easier. Maybe something you can build toward over these next several months?

Pauly, G-dude, Lav, ssd, LC, and everyone - sending you hellos and wishes for fantastic days/eves!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in with sunny skies and a positive attitude. It's amazing to me how much changes when I drink. I feels good to remember that alcohol is not an effective stress reliever. Now if I could only reconcile the social aspect of it. Glad to be here.

Byrdie, Sorry to hear the lashing you and your family have taken. No sleep makes it all worse too. Hope things are looking up.

Ava, I know I've been absent, but I loved reading how content and appreciative you are of what you have. So glad you have a special fella and that you know and respect your own boundaries with events and people.

Hi Moonking. Congrats on making the decision to quit for your pregnancy. What a great opportunity to change your future. I know I am a much better mom when I don't choose to check out with alcohol. Camping without alcohol is WAY better than numbing. It's hard to appreciate nature being numbed!

G - Hello! You sound good.

Have a good day everyone.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey everybody,

Checking in at 17 days.

My anxiety is at an all time high today. Bleck.

I know I should be truthful with my husband. On some level, I know he knows. I don’t know that he would constantly pressure me to drink, just ask if I want an glass of wine and when I decline he’d just go get himself one. I tell myself I’d be fine if alcohol is in the house, but I guess I have no way of knowing that. (Right now we have at least one box of wine, but I think that’s it. It’s currently sitting unopened.) He’s not great with emotions. He’s a fixer and I think he knows that ultimately he can’t “fix” me - I’ve tried to talk to him about my anxiety and he kind of shuts down and just wants things to return to normal and me to talk to a therapist. I’ve talked to many therapists, I feel like I know the answers they are going to give me (I’ve been in therapy for 21 years). We’re working through it. We have a very good relationship and are generally pretty open, but I just don’t think he knows how to respond when something is wrong. I know for sure he’ll support my decision to not drink while pregnant (duh) and most likely if I’m breastfeeding. I could probably get away with a “I’m just so tired from the newborn” excuse for awhile. But I think we enabled each other to an extent. I was always the one to open the wine, ask him if he wanted a glass. I think if I told him no more alcohol in the house he’d be OK with it. I’m not sure he would miss me as a drinking buddy, because, honestly, I was a terrible drinking buddy. He’d finish one glass and I was already on glass 3…never enough for him to have more!

I think part of me is afraid to say it out loud, you know? I talked to my doctor about my concerns of drinking before I knew I was pregnant and she kind of brushed it off like it was no big deal, but I also didn’t tell her I think I had a problem. She asked me if I thought I wouldn’t be able to stop drinking during the rest of pregnancy and I told her no, that wouldn’t be a problem.

I am afraid of the way my husband will perceive me. If others find out. All my other “issues” - anxiety, postpartum depression, eating disorders…they were all “acceptable” on some level. This, at least in my eyes carries shame.

Byrdie - I’m sorry you dealt with that from your sister-in-law. I’m glad you’re strong enough to say no. If I wasn’t pregnant I’d have a very time saying no to all that. I’ve always loved it when other people were binge drinking - made me feel like it was more acceptable for me, you know?

Wagmor - I, too, am fascinated by those that have an on/off switch. Clearly I was never a part of that group - the only reason I stopped is because I passed out, was falling down or we ran out of alcohol. My husband has the on/off switch. He’s definitely had a good time (college!) but I honestly think he could never take another drink and be OK. At one point when we were dating he gave up alcohol for 6 months - although I can’t remember why, I just remember the day I convinced him to start drinking with me again. :-/ I have a sister-in-law who has that as well. We were all camping a couple of months ago and while my family was feeling really good, she mentioned as she was pouring herself a glass that she “just forgets she can have alcohol when she’s places because she’s so used to being the one to have to drive.” (Can you sense a theme here in my family? We’re all binge drinkers apparently.)

Thanks to everyone for the kind words - Pavati, Kensho, Lavande, Guitarista - anyone I missed, my apologies.

Time to head home for the day! Irma reached us and we’re in for a cold, wet, windy couple of days.

[Jane E]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone - I'm new here (and not sure I am starting in the right place, or doing this correctly!!) Anyway happy to be here and please bear with me as I stumble around trying to figure out the forums!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hiya Jane. Welcome!

You're in the right place anywhere you go here, but this thread is a ripper to be sure. Post away.

Thanks Pavi, makes sense about longer AF time and rewiring of the brain.

Hope you feel better real soon Moonking. Oops, when i write your name, my spell check changes it to.....mooning! :applause:

Yet another mini milestone racked up here. Golleeeee gosh! Hitting the yoga and meditation mat daily, albeit in my own impatient customised way. Daily practice in self care is what i'm doing.

Big waves to everyone. Git some self lovin' in today, K? K.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey Jane! Welcome aboard! We are so glad you found us!
There is a helpful link in my signature line, the Tool Box, is full of helpful tips and tricks to help you thru the very challenging first days.
Pull up a twig and post away. Tell us what brings you by!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

First of all let me say Welcome back Byrdie!
So glad you & your family survived the wrath of Irma. What a hassle it must have been to drive in all that with millions of others trying to do the same thing.
You are not & never will be a party pooper - we all know you better than that!!!!

Hello & welcome Jane, glad you decided to join us in the nest. Settle in & stay as long as you like. Be sure to checkout the Tool box for lots of good ideas to help you make a plan. We wish you the very best on your journey

moonking, bouts of anxiety & mood swings in general are a part of life. We can choose how to handle this stuff in a healthy way. For me distraction has always been my best tool. I just flat out refuse to let negative thoughts take up any space in my head. I keep myself busy with lots of different things & strive to remain positive, no matter what

Glad to see everyone working their plans & kicking AL to the curb!!!
Have a safe night in the nest one 7 all!

Lav