Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Looks like it's been a quiet day around the nest

Glad I dropped in to say CONGRATS moonking on your 30 days AF :welldone:
Welcome to your new pups, how nice!
Congrats as well on the nice US report. Wishing you continued success in all areas.

Pav, sure hope your day improved substantially!

Hi there G & yes I agree that we are all connected in one or more ways

Hello to the rest of the crowd & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Moonking, Congratulations on 30 days AF.. that's really good news and well done! and Welcome to the pups! Sounds like something I'd do.. but with cats.

Pav, I hope you're day turned out better than it started. Now you're probably fast asleep and will most likely wake up feeling better. I'm wondering if your nutrition challenge is too restrictive? I know you know a lot about this and are most likely keeping it in check. Just a thought..:hug:

Byrdie, that's exactly what we looked like! Except we were only 3.
I'm happy to say that kayaking is like riding a bike and after a bit of practice, it was enjoyable. Hard work paddling against the wind and I do feel like I got a very good workout. It was such a bonding experience with my girlfriends and I feel so fortunate to have them.. we saw a lot of herons and cranes and swans and even went skinny dipping in the freezing cold river.. it's normal for the 2 British girls and I took it on as a challenge. It was refreshing, to say the least! ha! Officially the end of my swimming season!

Lav, I'm sure the ducks would be happy with you.. as long as you have some body of water nearby! I'm glad the chickens aren't on strike anymore!

Hi to Wags and Gman and everyone else stopping/flying by today..
Here's to and AF Tuesday..
xx

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

3 weeks in today.

I'm starting to realise that I don't have time to drink.

Not so much as in the time wasted from the direct hangover.

But also the lack of motivation to do anything because of feeling rundown, anxious etc. The missed interactions because I have no energy and feel depressed.

The wasted time worrying and thinking too much.

I don't have time to drink. I think Antabuse is going to be my safety net for a while longer, as I build and strengthen my coping mechanisms.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all. Great job on 3 weeks Londoner!

just got a text from recent broken up romance woman to say we're working on the same shift next monday. First time we've seen each other since she called it off a few weeks ago. She mentioned she's seeing a new guy and wanted to tell me in case i overhear gossip in the office from others, which she sure won't be encouraging. Well, this threw me a bit, even though i'm moving forward from her. but i'm gonna be fine and plough through. I'm also sitting with my feelings and letting them be. Giving them a little time before letting them drift away. I am not attaching to any thoughts, feelings or potential outcomes. I reckon all i can do is to be me. Be the best me i can, and do the best work i can on the day. That will be enough. I'm also going to hand it all over to the universe and not worry about a thing. See how i go. I'm strengthened by what Pav and others say here about dealing with whatever life throws at you. We have to learn to deal sober, and not just auto reach for the bottle. I will use and see this current situation as an opportunity to build resilience and build my emotional sober muscles, just like doing a bench press. As long as i keep my thinking clear and strong, i'm ok. My daily morning practice (yoga, meditation, breathing, run) is going to be a lifeline here i think.

Any suggestions on how to get through this are very welcome.

Thanks for listening.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, nest.
Pav, like you, I had a day I wanted to keep my door closed, too....only I work from home! This is the last week of our fiscal year and the boss is all over us to 'keep him updated'. He is a real numbers guy and continuing to look at them and hound us doesn't make them change. I understand where he is coming from, but turning the thumb screws this hard doesn't help anyone. How to you motivate a salesperson? BRIBE THEM. He ought to be having a contest of some sort, nothing shakes off the cobwebs like a new goal. This is not unlike quitting drinking. If we keep our minds SET on what we want (being sober) then nothing should stop us! I was always afraid that something would, but what I found is that it is all in MY CONTROL. I never caught anyone pouring it down my throat but me. Like you, Londoner, I don't know how I had the time for all the THINKING and recovering from drinking. I finally was able to quit obsessing about it and move along. It is a blessed relief.
Mr. G, it made my heart hurt when I read your words, so I'll be thinking of you as your shift arrives. Maybe you will be able to see the real her and notice that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I certainly got my eyes opened seeing an old flame of mine that time. WHEW, dodged a bullet on that one. I bet you did, too. ONWARDS.....its all we can do!

Moon, aronnd here, we give prizes for accomlishments! On behald of the whole nest, please accept this hat! :guy: 30 days is an amazing accomplishment! Congrats on all the good things going on in your life!

Lifechange, so glad you had a great weekend! I was also happy to hear about Andre. In so many ways he is all of us. I hope he is able to get some addiional help. I know I couldnt have done it without support. Keep us posted!
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - glad to hear the kayaking (and skinny dipping!) went so well. You got a workout, time in nature, and time with dear friends - a triple win!!!

Londoner - al sure does rob us of time and opportunities/experiences, doesn't it? You sound good and solid - glad the AB is giving you the safety net so you can grow and develop the awareness and skills you're seeking.

G-dude - ah, friend, so sorry to hear of the unexpected text message from your ex - I'm sure that was a bit unsettling, and a surprise at the very least. I have no magic words for getting through this, other than keep doing what you're doing. It takes strength and courage to sit with our feelings - I think getting away from those feelings (or at least numbing them) is part of what makes some of us drink in the first place. I know that was true for me anyway. In some ways, the same tools that help you accrue AF days will help you deal with this situation as well - take things a minute or an hour at a time if need be, and focus on just being the best Guitarista you can be (pretty awesome if you ask me!). Sometimes I think exes and other people do us a favor by showing us who they truly are - as Byrdie said, you might just discover that you dodged a bullet on that one. Not that you should put your mental energy into negative thoughts or feelings, but more of looking for the gift that surely lies in the end of that relationship - you might not have even received that gift yet, but there's almost sure to be one! Hugs to you friend - we'll have the nest warmed up and waiting for you at the end of your shift :heartbeat:

Moonking - congrats on your 30 days, your good US results, and especially your pups!!! Yep, some probably think you're crazy for taking all of that on while pregnant and caring for a toddler, but sometimes it's easier to manage a lot of things than just a few. At least I find that to be the case - like it almost forces me to be more organized cuz there just isn't time to be otherwise!

Byrdie - I agree with you - having some sort of carrot would probably bring a far better result than the constant haranguing. Hope you get through the week ok. I definitely know you won't be drinking!

Pav - hope your day got better and that today is a good one too! I hear you about the food challenge and how sometimes avoiding something altogether is actually easier than moderating. I was listening to a public radio show yesterday about how our brains respond to salt, sugar & fat - that it's a similar but milder response as we have with opioids, and that this contributes to these foods addictive qualities. Are you doing a formal program like Whole 30, or something you put together for yourself? Sending you strength!

Lav, Ava, and everyone else passing through the nest - hope you all have (or had) fantastic Tuesdays!

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Just a fly by. I hate it when I get too far behind everyone's posts. I will spend some time cactching up after work. I've had a couple of restless evenings, a combination of bored and annoyed. The thought of al flashed through my mind but I dismissed it. I cleaned the BBQ which was not really satisfying but got out a little aggression.
Happy sober Tuesday everyone.

Roobs

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Tuesday evening Nesters,

Supposedly we only have one more day of this heat & humidity to deal with then it will feel like Fall. Promises, promises, ha ha!!!

G, take it from someone who has lived through a sometimes turbulent 44 year marriage - it's not you, it's her. I think maybe the Universe has already done you a favor by sending her elsewhere. I'll bet that relationship of hers won't last long either. You keep doing what you are doing, being the best Gman you can possibly be! We all know you are awesome & the right person will come along & notice too

Byrdie, listening to the weather report earlier I was wondering if you are going to have to evacuate again? Sounds like Maria is coming close, be careful :hug:

Roobs, checking in here briefly every day has been a giant help for me all these years. Try to stop in daily & get a dose of us

Londoner, great job on your 3 AF weeks. You plan is working!!!!!

Hello to wags, LC, Pav & everyone.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdy, Wags and Lav for your encouragement. :heartbeat: It has helped enormously. I am taking an attitude of gratitude that she came into my life for a short time and gave us both a thrill. It was a great experience to be sure. I'm also going to try to take a lighthearted almost comic frame of mind and try to laugh about the situation and life's funny twists and turns. Sheesh, not like it's the end of the world! lol. I'll keep doing what i'm doing and stick with the plan.

Big waves to everyone!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello dear Nesters,

Londoner, well done on 3 weeks! I agree completely with you regarding not having the time to drink.. I wasted almost every evening from 4-10pm trying to escape my life. Feeling stressed during the day that I didn't "have enough time" for this or that, then continuing on the crazy cycle. So glad to be done with that..I'm happy you've found help with the antabuse. That it's allowing you to focus on building your strength and coping mechanisms.. Good plan.

G-man, I feel for you.. it's so hard to "get over" someone you've felt so deeply for. Having freshly been through the experience, I think it honestly just takes time.. and you look to be in the right frame of mind. It helped me a lot to stay positive.. each time I felt it hard in my heart I tried to send love his way instead of trying to bury my feelings (that was my first game plan and it didn't work too well for me). At the same time, I fantasized a bit about another person, whom I don't yet know, who will surely come into my life when I'm ready. I believe when people say we need a year (approx) of sobriety before getting into a new relationship. Doesn't have to be, but I can see the advantages.. and I do believe (and see) the more we grow and feel more comfortable/confident within ourselves, the better chance we have of attracting someone we really want to be in a serious relationship with. At least that's what I'm counting on! ha!:happy2:

Roobs, good to see you! I'm trying to check in every day now, too! Keeps me up to date and most definitely on track..

Wags, how have YOU been? How's it going with your work load?

Lav, I'm very happy to hear that you'll soon be falling into Autumn.. I sure hope so.!

Pav, how are you feeling today?

Ok. Last news on the André front is that he didn't show up on Monday to claim his room.. I spoke with his social worker yesterday, who said they'll hold it free for him until Thursday.. the problem is I can't find him in his usual spots. So I decided that if he doesn't show up by then, I'll have to pack his things in boxes and put them in the cellar.. eventually he'll come for them. I was a bit sad, talking to the girls about it last night, and my eldest said, "well mom, even if André doesn't pull it together, trying to help him wasn't in vain.. through this I know I will Never let myself become an alcoholic".. We all know that isn't quite how it works.. but I guess it's good that she's more than aware of a couple of the different faces of alcoholism. I hate alcohol!

Wishing everyone a peaceful Wednesday!!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey G. I'm sorry to hear about your beak up. I'm sure that text hurt a little. I applaud you for facing those feelings square in the face - you know they will lessen and drift. Just keep being the best You you can be - I agree with LAV. You are a gift to the world, and the lady meant for you will celebrate it!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nesters

check in time for me. the other is on the mend and i turned into nurse ratchett so came home, had a sick son also so i have been busy taking care of others, now time for taking time for me. my son is doing well atm, i say that as he had done well a few times but he seems to have a different mindset at present. i am just trying to be a mum to him albeit with knowledge of what he is going through in the first few weeks. he said today he could have killed for a beer yesterday but today is fine, i said there will be times like that that come up and you have to have the tools to deal with that al voice. i told him what i used to do back then but he also sees how i am now which gives him hope. i must say it is much nicer dealing with him sober than hungover and lazy/sick/tired/anxious. each day is a good day if he is sober which i tell him of course.

Pav, i am on a get my shit together food wise too. have cut out sugar, bread and pasta and just plodding along and also thrown in some exercise for fun, trying low carbs and high fat, i love high fat and eat till im full. No pressure though if i have a sweet but not a gluttony of it. I have gained about 6kgs since i gave up drinking and i figure at that rate i will be pretty obese by 90 :applouse: the weather has been rather pleasant finally so i am enjoying getting out in the sunshine.

London great work on 3 weeks. You will experience ups and downs for a few months yet so dont stop the ab's. It took me a year to really accept the path i was on and realise that i was not going to give up sobriety in a hurry for anyone. As i told my son today that he may not feel like a drink for weeks and then something out of the blue will stress him and his first coping mechanism is to drink. He has to learn to deal with the stress without al and it is our learned behaviour in early sobriety.

Great work Moon on your 30 days. Keep up the great work. i stopped drinking completely when pregnant and did not drink much after, it escalated when the children were older. I wish i did what you are doing now. it is much easier to cope with family life sober.

Thinking of you G. My father used to tell me mixed marriages never worked, i never got it until i was older. We are all different with different wants and needs. You will find someone, god took me ten years and spent 5 of them drinking and i wont even mention what i got with in my drinking days. Now i have a man that drives me insane, makes lists like they are going out of fashion but he is kind and treats me as i should be treated. He doesnt deserve to see a drunk Linda, he deserves the Linda that loves him for who he is and can walk away and shake her head. i think enough of myself now to know i am worthy of being loved like he loves me.

LC that is sad about Andre but some of us alkies just dont want to change, its too hard for us to fight and we think we will fail everyone, i see it constantly at the hospital i work at. There are so many faces of alcoholics, i looked in the mirror everyday at myself and i am so glad those days are over. I hope he is found for everyones peace of mind.

well off to knit another beanie, i have them nailed now. my daughter turns 26 on sunday so might just knit her one too ha ha, then i have my son who turns 29 mid october so he may get one too and then there is xmas. Life is good.

Take care x

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

My day improved, so thanks for the encouragement. I just felt cranky right away - not a great feeling to start the day. I do like coming here every morning for a reflection.

Mr. G - Sorry about the text and the information. I agree with those who said it all takes time. I still carry a small, smoldering torch for a flame from 30 years ago - although objectively I know we would have been awful together. Sometimes it relieves boredom to have those giddy, romantic feelings. I could tell from your posts here that you really like/liked this young woman - seeing her with another will be challenging as well. I like your attitude of staying in the moment, acknowledging your feelings, and trying to move on. This is a time to perhaps activate that gratitude muscle. What good came of your relationship? What good came of the breakup?

Moon - Congratulations, and glad everything is going along smoothly. I am with your mom - I think you're CRAZY to take all that on, but I also get the pull of the pets. Have fun!

LC - Intersting take from your daughter. Sad about Andre. I work with a high needs population, and there is a lot of last-minute self destruction that happens when they are about to achieve a goal that they think might be too difficult for them. I wonder if Andre is afraid to face "real" life and keeps self sabotaging unwittingly?

Go, Londoner! That's about it - I can't imagine how I had the time to be a drinker. I'm so glad you're here and finding your way out.

Off to work. Hi to everyone else. Happy Hump Day.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I feel like I've just been sort of a dolt. I was lured back in to the apparent charm of alcohol last spring. It was a totally conscious decision, and I decided to see how it felt. I know what excuses I gave myself: I was unusually stressed with a draining project (like drinking helped me with boundaries with this client?), and was feeling like being on the same page with my husband. I sort of wanted to have a break from "doing the hard work". I tend to feel like my brain is always on and in overdrive, and alcohol quiets that. I haven't learned yet how to be so "on" and "present" 100% of the time and I find myself wanting to "go away". It also helped me feel a little lighter and more socially accepted. But alcohol makes me completely ignore my needs - it just covers up the desire to listen. To be honest, I haven't been drinking all that much, but it has become a desire every night again. I feel confused at times because socially speaking, the quantity I'm drinking per week is not considered problematic. BUT. I should have told this client to jump in a lake. I should have hugged my husband and communicated with him. I should have taken myself to the spa. Now I feel far from myself. My boundaries have weakened. I am more irritable, less focused, and my blood sugar is whacked. I've gained weight. I feel more toxic. I haven't slept as well. I don't sit and listen to the birds sing or appreciate the small things as much. But DAMN - I get so stinking' serious when I don't drink!! Why does it have to be this way? I guess this is the next step to learn. Alcohol is a quick, semi-gratifying way to NOT deal. I tell myself I deserve a break - I work so hard, give so much to my family and career - but I know I'll be a better, stronger person when I can figure these things out without alcohol. I know that is my path, but I still struggle with some of the realities of being a non-drinker.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, nesters.
Londoner, Im so proud of you I could pop. Hang in and you will be collecting your hat! It is truly a path of self discovery.

LC, you are so right about the different faces of alcoholism. I would have never guessed it would happen to me. Im sorry to hear he hasn’t stepped up to the plate. We always hope.

Kensho, great to see you back. For me, AL stopped being a reward a long time ago, it turned in to something I needed and required. That is the difference, I think. It interfered with what I was trying to accomplish. I tried to quit, and couldnt, I always went back. It wasnt until I hit the bottom that I finally was able to let it go. I could have the life I wanted, or I could drink (thanks for that, Narrily) There are various stages of alcoholism, you can be stage 1 or stage 4, but you are still in the team photo. The difference is when you decide to arrest the progression of the disease. I wish like hell I had quit when I ‘wasnt so bad’. Id have sure saved myself a ton of grief and anxiety....not to mention what I put my poor husband through. AL is NOT worth it to me, in any amount it is poison to me. The only way to break an obsession is avoidance. Ive been 2447 totally AF days, so far, so good. It is a blessed relief. I hope you find the answers you are seeking.

I read an update on Lil Bit earlier today, her doctors are giving her until about mid October. What a sad situation. She told me how grateful she was to have found sobriety before all this happened. She was finding gratitude in the worst scenario of all. My heart sure goes out to her. I hope and pray for her confort until her fight is complete.

Wishing all an easy evening. Byrdie