Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for your perspectives Byrdie. I do think I've crossed the line into the spectrum, even if I could "keep it at bay" for awhile longer - I seem to sense where it's going and what it does to me. Since I was gone, could you say again what happened to LilBit? I think it must be cancer? What a shining funny light she has been around here. Please let me know.

Lifechange, nice to see you too. Would you mind telling me who Andre is? I get a visual of the seal from the east coast, and I know that's not it

Feeling so relieved this morning. A weight off the shoulders. Camping this weekend and feeling excited to be AF and hear the elk bugel (sp?). I didn't plan it, but it's the same campground we were in Memorial Day when I decided to drink. I remember that moment very clearly. I had half a beer and felt like - why do I feel so out of it? (duh). Then, my daughter proceeded to cut her finger slicing veggies, and I felt it was my fault for not being more present. Then I told myself I deserved to NOT be present sometimes, and there started that adventure. Its important to me to go back to that moment, because I need to understand that I DO deserve to check out at times - but not through alcohol. I began to notice all sorts of things around that time - I would use AL to stay up late to get my work done (I had stopped working late because it hurts too much - a good, healthy choice that I reversed), I started to steal one shot a few days a week in the basement at 4pm to "chill out" - and no one noticed - and I began to look forward to the weekends because I could drink with my husband at dinner and such. That's just not the reality I want to live in. It's very easy to make the argument that I wasn't drinking huge quantities. But I don't like that me as much.

Rainy here all last week - I called the hospital to get a crochet pattern to make beanies for newbornes. I love the crafts this time of year.

G, I pondered using Antabuse at one time (gosh - is it a question that I am in the team photo?!?) - I hope it gives you that extra boost you need. What are your goals? Do you want to stop and start, or stop for good? My goal is a year. One solid 365. I wonder if I will get curious again at the 8 month mark. I didn't have a terrible drunken summer - I'm just so much happier and healthier and more grown up when I don't drink. Ready to learn the next things.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Byrdie - I am so very sorry about Lil Bit. Thanks for letting us know...

Moon - I am with you - I really actually hate "the Holidays." I've tried to think of why over the years - I'm thinking it is part winter (less light), part my distaste at over consumerism, part my resistance to "we HAVE to do this" traditions that become drudgery, and mostly that idea that we're out partying, eating, drinking, staying up late when I think biologically we're supposed to be hunkered down in our caves with a jigsaw puzzle and a big pot of soup. I realize at that time of year that I am more of an introvert than I thought, and so now I do say no sometimes to some of the parties and events. It has helped keep me sane. Also, I try to cultivate an attitude of gratitude - I really do have so much to be thankful for. My family is annoying as they all are, but mostly we care for each other, and if it is really important for my mom to do X once a year, I can suck it up and give her that. So, I assert myself more and get over myself more as well. Still a work in progress. This is why it is amazing to me that my quit date is December 2. I can't for the life of me figure out how I did that - but all I can say is that if I quit in December, anyone can quit ANY TIME!

Right on, LC. I agree with all of that...

Off to work. Happy Friday, and no ticket to boozeville.

Pav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

because I need to understand that I DO deserve to check out at times - but not through alcohol.

G, I pondered using Antabuse at one time (gosh - is it a question that I am in the team photo?!?) - I hope it gives you that extra boost you need. What are your goals? Do you want to stop and start, or stop for good? My goal is a year. One solid 365. I wonder if I will get curious again at the 8 month mark. I didn't have a terrible drunken summer - I'm just so much happier and healthier and more grown up when I don't drink. Ready to learn the next things.

Hola nesters!

Hi Kensho. Yes, sadly Lil bit has cancer and looks like she has only a couple of weeks to live. There is a go fund me page to assist with costs if your interested. Maybe PM Byrdy for details.

Learning to relax and checkout without booze! there are heaps of alternatives when i look for them. I need to have those alternatives handy and accessible. One is stepping back, going to a quiet place/room and BREATHING. Slows us down physically and the mind can follow if we let it. My plan is abstinence. Living sober long term. First step is today, then to 6 months. then a year and onwards and upwards. but i'm just sticking to today and this week for now. :happy2: Hope that answers your question. Your weekend sounds fab! Enjoy it my friend.

Popped an antabuse today which will take me through this next slightly challenging week from monday. I will look at any emotions that come up right in the face with compassion and no judgement. Sit with them for a bit, and let them go. I will not be able to drink and run away. If i find myself dwelling on hurtful thoughts, i will breathe and focus on my breath not on hurtful thoughts. I hand it ALL over to the chirpy universe to deal with my rubbish. And i will think of our friend Lil bit.

Wishing all a safe sober and magical weekend. Go git it! :llama:

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Grateful that Fall has finally arrived after an extremely hot & humid summer.
It's nice to spend some time outside without feeling like you've stepped into a sauna.
Still dealing with this cold & I even allowed myself a bit of a granny nap this afternoon, ha ha!!

Keep working your plans folks. It may be hard now but it definitely gets easier. Then at some point you realize that the thought of AL never crosses your mind anymore. Isn't that nice? That is true freedom

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tried to get on here this morning after I posted in roll call but it wouldn't let me for some reason. Now I'm pretty exhausted and need to get some sleep so I'll just fly on through with hellos to everyone and then catch up with a longer post tomorrow. Happy AF weekend everyone!!!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Un-Hung Saturday Morning, Friends!

It's a picture book Autumn morning here.. birds chirping, leaves changing colour, crisp and fragrant air. Glad it's come your way, too, Lav! You have had a doozy of a Summer.. and here's to naps! I love a nap and take a short, 15 minute version most days around 4pm. Does wonders..

Not much going on in my neck of the woods this weekend. I'm enjoying this period of time, feeling very content and able to deal with life. On Wednesday I went to the hair salon to get a bit of colour.. instead of 6 days of drinking.. I was on the fence for a long time about whether or not to do it and I feel quite pleased. Little things. The money wasted on killing myself. When we have some distance we can see the insanity.. I know a lot of you have already "saved" thousands of dollars. And even more important is saving our livers, our hearts, our stomachs and throats, our minds, etc., etc. The list goes on forever, doesn't it?

I'm having my girlfriends and kids over for a Sunday meal for the first time since I've been in the new flat (I moved in Feb!). I was waiting for it to be "ready and finished" and then realised it probably never will be.. so what the heck? Also had a friend over yesterday for coffee and she loved the place.. It's so nice to let go of the perfectionism. Part of acceptance..

Wishing everyone a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend. Big hugs all around..:hug:

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for your encouraging post, Byrdie. I still have hope for André and he does have another chance at a room next week. He isn't coming by at the moment and I'm giving less effort in tracking him down.. though I know he's sleeping in front of the school again, which is a good sign. When he's down and out he tends to completely disappear. I think if he's out of money again, he has a chance to get the room and then a chance for professional help.

I've been thinking of Lilbit non stop since you updated us. It's so sad when someone so lovely and still so young is dying. She was such an inspiration here and her humour was always right on. She's in my heart I hope she's come to acceptance and peace. I've been with a few people who have died of cancer and at some point, close to the end, they have been ready to go. Do you know if she has loved ones with her?

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'm moving into new territory.

I've had a run of a few days where I've felt good - I can feel a change in me.

But I've been here before.

Usually, because I feel good, I think that I am cured and that I can go back to my old ways.

Antabuse is making sure I cannot give in now.

I realise that I need to say goodbye to the old me. That's tough. Who I am, what I've done, what I've thought, what I've said have all been contorted by alcohol. I've got to stand up to all of that that I have done.

I realise that I need to be AF. That I need to meditate. That I need to live a life that feels true to my core self.

I know there is a lot of turbulence ahead. But, with AB I am ready to face that.

Maybe AB is all I need. I'm fine with that. A daily dose of that takes the option of drinking away and means I have to make new options.

But as I change, I start to realise we can change drastically. We are not always what we have been. And changing myself, I can see, allows me to be more understanding, compassionate and understanding with others.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Makes sense Londoner. Great work friend.

Here's a recent post from 3TCharm. I hope you don't mind me quoting you here friend, just that it's such a top read. Congrats and thank you for this post.

'Re: I need help
Hi Kitstar,

In addition to available's wonderful post, I want to add something that I feel has been instrumental in my recovery. At just a few days away from a year of sobriety, I'm still very much in the early phases, but I have learned so much over the last year that I want to share what I feel is the key to my success.

My mantra over the past year has been "Don't let perfection be the enemy of the good". Many alcoholics are cursed with perfectionism, and that can be a big roadblock on the road to recovery. We try to fix everything in our lives at once, we inevitably fail, we hit the bottle again and the cycle of self-abuse, shame and guilt continues.

So what I did was make a list of all the things I wanted to change in my life in order for me to be happy. I made a list and I ordered it by the impact on my life, so at the top of the list is the things that have the most impact. The list is not set in stone, in fact it changes and reorganizes regularly. Right at the top of my list was "quit drinking alcohol" - of all the things I wanted to change, I identified this as the most impactful. The only rule is, you only attack one thing at once until you feel you've accomplished or mastered it and then you move on down the list.

So I worked on just that one item at the expense of everything else. I ate more ice-cream in the first 30 days than I've eaten in my whole life LOL. But I kicked the AL to the point where it became a habit - where I didn't have to think about it anymore. So after around 30 days, I moved onto the next item on the list - which was to lose weight and get in shape. Since then, I've completely changed my diet, lost over 60lbs, I work out regularly 6 days a week, gotten in really good shape, run two marathons and a triathlon and I'm training for more races this Fall and next Spring.

I'm on item 6 on my list now, which is work on the academic prerequisites in order to go to Law school for admission next Fall.

Now, had I not made the list and been careful to only work on one thing at a time, I would have looked at my pathetic life, thrown my hands in the air and had another bottle of vodka to drown my sorrows. Instead, I've made steady, incremental progress towards having the life that I want. I have a long way to go, but when I look at my life a year ago compared to now, it is hard to believe I'm the same person... in many ways I'm not at all.

The great thing about this approach is, the items on your list that you master very quickly become habits and you no longer have to think about them any longer. I really don't think about drinking AL anymore. I don't think about eating healthy or working out. I don't think about going to bed early or getting up early or reading a book a week. All those things have become enjoyable parts of my life. They have become MY NEW LIFE.

All the best, and be good to yourself. Keep us posted.

ThirdTimesACharm'

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

thanks for sharing that gem from 3T - that makes a lot of sense. I don't have the list, but I was on that ice cream train for a while also. I did find some exercise to be key to my sobriety. My giving up of perfectionism was that it didn't have to be X amount of minutes, X intensity, X calories burned. I just had to go out and move. I wandered around the hills in my area, finding all sorts of new paths I had never been on. It was great and necessary. I might have to think about that list...

Londoner - way to go. Keep on keepin' on! If you ever find yourself deciding not to take that pill, come ask for help!

Hope you all have splendid sober Saturdays.

Pav

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great post!

This is exactly what i've been doing. Focussing on one thing at a time.

I've drunk MORE coffee than ever. I've vaped more that ever. I'm betting again.

But I've not drunk.

Meditation has slowly crept back in.

Eating better is coming in.

Exercise is coming in.

Sleep patterns are improving.

I realise WHAT I do want is real connection with people. To find out who I really am. And to be more assertive in life.

I'm starting to look at vices (instant gratification) and think, what does this really give me? What does it give me right now? What does it give me after?

And often, the short term 'benefits' aren't worth it. I'm seeing the advanced payment I am making for the short term.

Thanks for the support; hopefully I can offer the same as this journey goes on.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good afternoon, Nesters. LC, LilBit does have good, solid support by her side. She took back the boyfriend and he has been there for her, and her sister is there, also. She has been on steroids all summer, and if you have ever been on those, they have their own set of issues. I imagine her emotions have been magnified by those. It is hard to even imagine how she is coping with this. She has literally been given an expiration date. Still, she is practicing gratitude. That is a lesson that I need to burn in my head. I am so blessed.
Londoner, you are kicking arse, I am so very proud of you! I wish you were her so I could hug you, you are “getting it”! Keep going, it gets better still!
G man, a great post by Thirds! Thank you for reposting it for us, I had missed that.
Going to a neighbor’s birthday party tonight. They are heavy drinkers but Im not worried about me. That is a nice change from many years ago when I didnt trust myself, I do now. MindPeace....there is NOTHING like it.
Hope everyone has an easy Sattidy. Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Londoner - it sounds like you are doing well and that you're turning some corners. awesome! As I was reading your recent posts, I was reminded of a book that might interest you. It's called, "Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be" by Lama Surya Das. I read it a long time ago and can't recall specifics, but based on your use of meditation and your comments about letting go of the old you, I thought I'd mention it.

G-man - Thanks for sharing 3TCharm's post about the list - great stuff in there!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. We were supposed to go camping but got rained out so trying to have an active weekend at home instead. Catch you all again soon!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I am do sitting this weekend, again. No big deal having two extra large dogs in the house, ha ha!
Beautiful cool weather here, nice breeze

Londoner, you sound good. Your plan is obviously working so hang on to it, OK?

Wags, your are having rain & I have recently noticed that we have had none for a few weeks now. Such a wet summer, now a dry fall. I've planted a bunch of things lately so I'll have to keep going out to water them.

LC, you sound happy & that makes me happy

Hello to Pav, G, Byrdie & everyone. Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday, Nesters!

I'm having a bit of a funky day so far today..it began yesterday afternoon. I just felt soooo exhausted, tired.. usually triggers for me.
My friend called and said that Everyone! is feeling like that at the moment here..which made me feel less alone. I've packed too much into the past couple of the weeks and it's about the same until the last week in October. A lot of work stuff.. Trying to take each day as it comes and do what needs to be done.

Thanks for the re-post, G-man.. good stuff there. Definitely top on my list is not drinking.. and so far, so good.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Rain here.. but it's welcome.
big hugs!