Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

Right on Pav. I turned up for myself this morning again too. As i did yesterday, as i will tomorrow. Brings me to Speed yoga.

Bridgette, Speed yoga is my heavily patented and registered/copyrighted fast yoga technique for lazy fkers. I do a set called 'Sun salutation' through only once. It has about 10 moves and takes me a couple of minutes max. I should do it through at least 3 times, but for me it's about turning up for myself every morning to do something i can handle that i can't think is overwhelming in any way. Speed yoga, speed meditation (5 minutes), are 2 practices i can handle and do. No excuse to not do it stands up. So i start my day with a statement and action of self care. Then i make my bed. I'm keeping it simple. Can i do this everyday? Yep. Is it all too hard? Noooo.

Ava. Your new career beckons. What have you been studying for? Go get it.

Have a ripper out there y'all.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Speed check in from me. A long day.
Tony, Im so glad you are back, Ive been waiting for you. I wrote a similar manifesto to alcohol, I think it was called, If Alcohol had a name. The jist of it was that its name would be Destruction, Depair, amd Death. I hate AL, sounds like you do, too. Thats what it takes. I have no love for that substance AT ALL. There is no romance remaining. Whenever I have a thought about ‘wouldnt it be nice, or I deserve blah, blah, blah, I conjur up the memory of the middle aged woman chugging AL from a hidden bottle in her closet. Romantic? Glamorous? I dont think so. Pathetic? Absolutely.
Brigette, keep it going, you are rocking it! We have a member, Matt M. Who is an EMT/Fireman, the stories he tells are horrendous. Thank you for what you do. Very proud of you! I almost forgot, here is your prize for your 7 days....:butt: its our two-cheeked salute! The worst is behind you!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still raining around these parts but I don't really mind. Better than snow!!!

Tony, your letter was clear & to the point! Good for you & be sure you've slammed that door for the final time & you'll never have to go thru this again

Brigette, you do have a very intense job. I did nearly 30 years in nursing & that did me in. My son is a firefighter/paramedic & he works 24 hour shifts in a big city - never a dull moment, that's for sure. Take care of yourself!

Ava, I hope your son is starting to settle down a bit. Do you think he has some anxiety going on in addition to postop pain? Maybe someone could assess that & help him out :hug:
Sorry about the job, maybe it wasn't the right one for you. There's no way I would put up with such a long commute. I agree with you in that aging makes us reconsider a lot of things like that. I know something else is going to open up for you!

Wags, goodness! You certainly had the weekend from hell. So sorry to hear all that but you should definitely be proud for staying on plan, wow!!!
I hope the visit with your cousin works out smoothly for you.

Hello to the ever busy Pav!

G, speed meditation & speed yoga sound just fine to me

Byrdie, I like the look of your cake. It almost has a dreamy look, no kidding. You do a great job!!

Hello to the rest of the nesters & wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Brigitte.E]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thank you all for your kind words. As I said, I absolutely love my job but it can definitely play on my emotional and physical health. The desire to find a rapid means of switching off or disconnecting is genuinely overwhelming some days. The abnormal and horrific slowly get easier to manage and process but human instinct always tempts me to turn to what seems the easy way (a quick drink to soothe the soul). The truth is that you cannot continue doing this job without learning how to disconnect in a safe and rational manner, let the shell shock pass without chemical encouragement that only makes it worse.

I had a bloody rough shift yesterday..long story short, I had to assist in a child abuse case. The bub clung to me like a little monkey. He was so little, scared and innocent. He had lived a life of deprivation, violence and neglect. He finally fell asleep during transport snuggled in my arms... I cried when they took him off me at hospital to be assessed, like really cried. The heartbreak of knowing that he would enter the foster system, which often leads to further distress and abuse just broke me.

I heard that voice of temptation deep within my bloody soul. Instead of sinking a bottle of shiraz, I came home, had a bath, wrote a poem and then cuddled my little pup and slept soundly. I'm really proud of that!!! Today I feel refreshed and ready for another day. I have energy, my face isn't bloated or sweaty and my mind is free.

G- Speed yoga sounds like it was created just for me! How wonderful, I must look it up maybe I can finally tone up my flat excuse for a butt and give Beyonce a run for her money haha!!

Wags- goodness gracious! What an ordeal, stay strong!! Sending you extra strength and positivity today!!

Byrdlady- BAHAHA, omg that is too funny :well done:I had a proper giggle at that!! Thank you so much! And gf, I also have plenty glamorous memories of the wardrobe liquor cabinet. Bottles of vodka hidden in my Christian Louboutin shoe boxes, in my overnight bag and down in my study just in case my partner was in the bedroom....how awful!

Lav- well hello fellow sister. 30 years of selflessness and giving, holding your pee in and living on coffee!! You no doubt have plenty of tales to share! Our crazy shifts are definitely infamous!!

Any way guys, big love and hugs to anyone I haven't mentioned yet, sending you strength, encouragement and positivity!! Take care guys!!!!!

-B

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

G- Speed yoga sounds like it was created just for me! How wonderful, I must look it up maybe I can finally tone up my flat excuse for a butt and give Beyonce a run for her money haha!!

Hi Bridgette. Geez, that's a tough one to see with that little kid.

I should clarify Speed yoga. I own the program, and you can have it for $47. 97. Just joking. There's no such thing to my knowledge. But as i am often impatient, i find a way to do some kind of not too taxing self care every morning. So i came across the sun salutations in a second hand book store years ago, and have always remembered the simple moves. It's important not to do the set (moves) quickly. We have to breathe and hold the positions (stretches). It's quick coz i do it once instead of 3-10 times which would be more beneficial. But i DO it, and it's quick. So 'Speed yoga' it is for me. My thinking is if i wake up and know i've got a 30 minute yoga practice to do, followed by 10 minutes meditation, there's a chance i'll skip it. But all is not lost. My plan is to slowly increase yoga time and meditation time in a way i can handle. Take care of yourself, especially since today is world mental health day (10th October). P.S. Jogging backwards tones the buttocks.

Big waves to all. Take it easy out there.

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi All
Just a quick check-in because it promises to be a very busy day - I'll be back later, although I'll probably be lurking whilst at work...the advantage of being your own boss!

Have a safe and good AF day...

Take care of yourself, especially since today is world mental health day (10th October).

I agree!

Tony

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

G-dude - I love your speed yoga both in terms of concept and practice. Self-knowledge is a wonderful thing, and so is finding a way to show up for yourself every day that is pretty much excuse-proof. I've done the version where it's essentially 3-10 sun salutations and found that to be pretty easy to stick with - might have to start up again with your version once my hands finally heal from both the car accident and the recent dog bites.

Brigitte - great job choosing a soothing bath instead of al! And, as I've mentioned about my bias, puppy cuddles sound like the very best soother ever Glad you feel refreshed today. Every time you work that you'll come through stronger on the other end.


Well, I'm supposed to drive 5 hours to see my cousin and other family tomorrow. Before I can safely do that, I'll have to get my tire issue addressed, so that's first task on today's list. Then, I'm also still in a pretty significant amount of pain from the dog bites. One was right in the "meat" of where my thumb and palm come together. I've been keeping it clean and applying neosporin, but it HURTS!!! I might have to go to urgent care just to be on the safe side. Right now, with both hands hurting, I'm not sure I can drive 5 hours tomorrow and then incidental driving around town for 2 days, with another 5 hours back home on Fri. I might have to adjust my plans a bit, but that'll cost money cuz I've already reserved an airbnb for Wed/Thu nights. Ugh...

I'm a little worried about the time with family. They are all big drinkers - not in the party animal sense, but in the "one of them owns a winery" sense and drinks are part of every life event. As strong as I'm feeling, I want to spend some of my time today settling my mind and reinforcing my plan - anticipating the various possibilities around drinking and having ready answers that remove it as even a remote possibility. I might just use the "I'm taking meds for my dog bites that cannot be combined with al" excuse just to dodge it 100% from the get-go. For some reason, people seem to respect that without question. I AM taking tylenol (alternating with ibuprofen) for the pain, and I know al and acetaminophen do not combine well in terms of liver and kidney health.

I don't know my extended family well enough to know how much pressure might be exerted - I'm just anticipating that al will be everywhere and in a time of solemn grief and remembrance of a loved one as she goes through the process of passing, I'm anticipating that there might be evening conversations that center around al-fueled reminiscing.

Which brings me to a larger thought in general - why is it that people are so concerned with others' drinking behaviors? By that I mean, why is it that people who are drinking care one whit about whether someone else is? I realize this varies from person to person, and some don't care at all, but others seem to almost need the validation or whatnot that comes from someone else joining in.

Sigh... Have good days and evenings everyone!!!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Brigitte! You worked out that sober muscle and it will be stronger because of it. I have a teeny bathtub in my current living situation so I almost never take baths, but the first year of quitting - actually the first six months - I spent a lot of time covered in hot, lavender scented water. I found it a good place to contemplate, stay away from the booze and relax myself. There is a lot of reading out there about secondary trauma - you must hear about it in your job. Take good care of yourself, and keep flexing that sober muscle.

Wags - what a terrible set of events you've had. Take good care of yourself - this year has to end soon.

We've had a bunch of fires here, and several of my friends and my friend's families have had to evacuate (so far everyone is ok, though a former co-worker lost his house). Whole neighborhoods burnt to the ground just like that... Makes me wonder if someone knocked on my door at 2am and told me to get out, what would I lose? What would I try to grab on my way out? The devastation is horrendous - thousands in shelters, schools burned down. So very sad.

I am finding myself a bit in the dumps these days - so much suffering right now for so many. So much anger and sadness. I can only do what I can do, but I have to remember to show up for myself every day so that I can show up for others as well. Take care of yourselves, hug your loved ones.

xo
Pav

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone!

I’m finally feeling better, today is the first day I feel like relatively normal human being. Taking it easy, don’t want to jinx myself.

Thank you for the suggestion, Brigitte. I am on Diclegis, which really helps. I’ve tried Zofran, but it did nothing for me but give me a raging headache and Phenegran is a huge lifesaver, but I can’t function on it - I literally fell asleep standing up in my kitchen the last time I took it, so it’s not good with work. So right now it’s Diclegis, sea bands, peppermint and coke. I didn’t want to drink soda this time - I’d actually been “off” soda for a couple of months, but it really helps calm my stomach so I’ll drink it until I feel better without it. Then go cold turkey on that. Also, welcome! You sound like you have an arsenal of knowledge, I love it! Good luck with the job - it’s a necessary, thankless one I know. My husband was a police officer and firefighter (now out of both professions) and the hours sucked, the pay sucked, but knowing he was out there helping people made it all worth it. What he saw though, I can’t imagine. He said the cases with children were always the hardest and that was before he was even a dad. But when he would work a car wreck with a small child or a child abuse case or hear anything about children over dispatch - he said there was just this unspoken energy between first responders. That they would do anything…and if he couldn’t save them he would come home crushed. Thank you for all you do.

The topper looks gorgeous, Byrdie! Wow! I don’t have a creative bone in my body. My kids are so screwed when it comes to arts and crafts in school. I think dad or grandma will have to step in at that point! I also don’t have a baking bone in my body…my husband definitely got that gene. I think your cake looks really neat, actually. Kind of a marbled look? But I had a white/red themed wedding, so maybe I’m just biased.

Tony, welcome (back?) I’m sorry about your marriage and I hope things work out.

Pavati, I think that’s what I need to focus on when the time comes that I have the option to drink again. The money spent, the guilt of whatever stupid things I said, and the calories. So happy to be clear headed. I really need to hold onto that thought the first time someone hands me a beer. Because time and time again I allow myself to get sucked into the “I can totally just stick to one or two.” Pushing people off until May will be easy and even after that will be relatively easy - I can use the excuse of breastfeeding, newborn = no sleep, and trying to lose baby weight, but after that is when it’ll be tough. I’m guessing around my 1 year mark, but I’m hoping that if (WHEN) I make it to a year, I can use that as leverage for myself.

Sorry about the job, Ava and sorry about your son. My baby is only a toddler, but I guess it doesn’t get any easier to see them in pain? Breaks my heart as a mom.

Wagmor, that sounds like a hell of a time. And so scary with your dog. I’ve been on the opposite end, where my dog was coming down off of pain meds and went nuts, although in our case no skin was broken on the other dog. I felt terrible for days but my neighbor and I had a good chat and are on good terms. Congrats on getting through it sober. Good question on why we’re all so concerned with other’s behavior. I’m sure, for me, it was a way to justify the behavior myself. I always knew I would overindulge and would never feel as guilty as if someone was overindulging with me. In fact, it seems like in my circle of family/friends, it’s heavy drinkers that tend to do the most prying and peer pressure. Whereas with my husband’s family, who rarely drink, if they have a beer and they offer you one, you say no, they shrug and go on with life. Just my two cents, I could be wrong.

As for me, I made it 45 days. Longest in a long time. Been a rainy, wet mess and I have a sick toddler. But I’m in between home projects, which is both a blessing and a curse. It’s nice to not have a project looming over me, but I’m also kind of bored. Only so many TV shows to re-watch on Netflix. Currently I’m mapping out my new project - new countertops and backsplash.

Also preparing to host family this upcoming weekend. Usually, this would mean copious amounts of wine would be flowing into my stomach to deal with the stress. That’s not an option this weekend. My in-laws (whom I have a wonderful relationship with) have been itching to come to our house for some time and were supposed to come last weekend, but I was feeling so terrible that we agreed to another time and that just happened to be this weekend. It coincides with my birthday, although it’s not really a birthday party. They just happen to be coming over on my birthday. So, now what I’m struggling with - is do I invite my family? My parents (who cannot be in the same room together) have both told me they would not be able to spend my actual birthday with me (which is FINE, I really don’t celebrate anyway.) But I’m struggling with inviting my siblings…they rarely come to our house, but I know they probably would because “it’s my birthday.” If it wasn’t my birthday, there would be no obligation. The thing is, it will take a small get together of 6 people to a get together of about 12 people…I hate being responsible for everyone’s happiness at a party. When one family is there it feels more casual, but when both are there it feels…stressed. But I worry about hurting my siblings’ feelings if they find out my in-laws were over. Like I purposely excluded them from my birthday party. Wow, this feels like middle school drama all over again. I’m leaning towards just not inviting them. But that makes me feel like an asshole, too.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Pav - sorry to hear about the fires in general, but especially if they're in your area (or any other nester). If I recall correctly you're in the western region of N.Am - maybe NorCal? I'm originally from CA, now in Pacific NW but with family all up and down the western states and BC Canada. It sure has been a terrible fire season out here, hasn't it? It's really devastating to see so much loss of property, community (houses, businesses) and natural areas. Thinking about what you'd grab in a disaster or evacuation isn't a bad idea. I hear you on feeling a bit down in the dumps. We were watching the news last night and it all just feels so negative, depressing and hopeless at times. It's hard to keep a positive outlook, but we must find ways to do so as best as we can. Good thing al isn't even competing in this event, cuz we know where that would leave us. :hug:

Moonking - I sure hope you start to feel better soon! Sounds like you're using good approaches. Does ginger work at all for you? I think your observation about people (drinkers) is pretty accurate - that the ones who care the most about others' drinking, or who seem to urge/coax the hardest, are those who drink heavily themselves and it's largely about getting "approval" for their own drinking. Hmmm... as for your birthday not-a-party I think if I were in your shoes I'd keep it small and do what felt most comfortable for me. But families are hard sometimes and we can't always do what we want. I don't know - your gut seems to be nudging you in one direction. Or maybe there's a third option - could you invite your family a different day? What I typically do is spend a few moments "trying on" one decision and then the other. The one that gives me more peace of mind is the one I go with. You're on a roll with 45 days of good decisions - I think you'll figure out whatever is best in this situation :hug:


Ok, got my tire replaced! It had a large gash in it - I must have hit something really gnarly just right cuz I was only going about 10 mph on a forest service road. The guy at the tire store was very nice and helpful, and we came up with a solution that didn't break my bank and only took 90 mins total, so I'm taking that as a "win" and moving on to the rest of my day.

Catch you all later!

[Marylou123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone -
Pav - these fires look so awful. Prayers, good thoughts, mojo -sending it all your way.
Moonking - your story reminded me of a similar situation years ago. Only difference was the celebration. We came up with a solution that might be a good compromise. Make reservations for you and in-laws. Consider pre-emptively letting your sibs know you’ve got plans with the ILs so you won’t be able to celebrate together on the big day. Like Barney Fife used to say, “Nip it in the bud.” And have a great, maybe less stressful bday.
Byrdie - the cake is awesome.
Hello to everyone else here - still reading back. Have a joyful day.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Yes, we are still dealing with this ridiculous heat & humidity, yuck. To think it's almost the middle of October already & we still have the AC on, geez!

Moonking, glad you are starting to feel better & congrats on your 45 days! I think I would ignore annoying family members as much as possible right now - call it good self care

Wags, glad your car is ready for your road trip. I hope it goes easy for you & your hands start to feel better.
Btw - AL does not go well with either Tylenol or Ibuprofen so definitely use that excuse!

Hello to everyone checking in today & can I just say that we really have a great bunch of folks in the nest right now. Everyone is focused & using the all tools needed to stay on their plans :welldone:

Have a safe night in the nest one & all!

Lav

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning all

Well day 3, yesterday, was quite difficult... a very tempting bottle of wine on the side in the kitchen. I knew I couldn't have it because of the Antabuse. In the end I opened it and poured it down the sink - just to get it out of the way.

Then at work I had to virtually throw out a drunkard at the end of the night. He was making no sense in what he was saying and started trying to tell our chef what he should be cooking and how he should be preparing the food. Our chef is highly professional and produces fantastic food - it was embarrassing because this time last week that could have been me!

Anyway, today is another day and I'm starting to feel a bit better - I think the detox is progressing and I'm not getting so many cravings. This first week is always hard - but I'm determined this will be the last time I'll go through this.

Onwards and upwards!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Tony - great job pouring out that bottle! Always best to just remove temptation. Hang in there - you know this process, and day 3 is often one of the first hurdles, but you've got this and you have AB in your system to help you stay the course.

Lav - seems that the weather everywhere is unusual, and in most cases "worse than usual" from what I've heard. Sorry you're still dealing with heat and humidity! Gosh, on our end we're putting extra blankets on the beds and having fires in fireplaces to take the chill off. Thanks for the reinforcement about al not mixing with meds - I'm gonna use that for sure if needed, cuz there's no way I'm gonna drink on this trip.


Leaving this morning to go see my cousin. Thank you all for your support in advance. Happy hump days/eves to all!

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I got through all of this sober. I might have hated some of it, but I don't have regrets to now add to the list. Thanks Nesters - your support keeps me coming back and really helps me stay on track.

This is how I'm feeling, too, Wags. Nothing is so bad that drinking can't make it WORSE. The last things any of us facing hard life challenges need are the regrets and self-loathing that come from drinking due to stress when, in calmer times, we've made the clear, healthy, and logical decision not to do that anymore.

Which brings me to a larger thought in general - why is it that people are so concerned with others' drinking behaviors? By that I mean, why is it that people who are drinking care one whit about whether someone else is? I realize this varies from person to person, and some don't care at all, but others seem to almost need the validation or whatnot that comes from someone else joining in.

I think the only people who are concerned are those who are a little defensive about their own drinking. I've never gotten any flack from non-drinkers or those who are fine having a drink or not. Some of my friends who I suspect are a little uncomfortable with their own drinking behavior are often telling me exactly how (little) they drank and how seldom. They often justify their "treat" intakes, too, knowing I don't eat much junk food or sweets. I have made a concerted effort to never comment/judge anyone else's eating or drinking habits. But people get defensive when they observe me decline things they must know deep down they would be better off without.

I am finding myself a bit in the dumps these days - so much suffering right now for so many. So much anger and sadness. I can only do what I can do, but I have to remember to show up for myself every day so that I can show up for others as well. Take care of yourselves, hug your loved ones.

Here's a :hug: for you. We all need to hang in there, do the best we can, and be part of the solution when we can. With all the stuff going on in my life lately, I've been so grateful to always be able to be there when needed and not manipulating situations (and people I love!) so that I am free to drink.

In the end I opened it and poured it down the sink - just to get it out of the way.

It is great to see you back, Tony! Having none in the house seems to be one of the best "tools", especially in the early days. I know you can't avoid being around alcohol in your work, but there's no reason to have any that seems like "yours" around. All the alcohol at your restaurant is for customers and you sure don't want to be drinking your profits!