Newbies Nest

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone for the advice on dealing with the birthday not-a-party. I'm definitely leaning towards it just being my in-laws. I think part of me feels more like I have to "entertain" if it's my family, whereas if it's my in-laws I can leave making everyone else happy up to my husband. I highly doubt my family would even find out, our families rarely talk and live 3 hours from one another. I think it's a good idea to have my family down another time. Maybe over the dreaded holidays.

Day 46 and staying strong. Back to feeling sick and like this will never end...eternally grateful for a husband who steps up take care of the house and the kid while I lay around in misery. All the more reason he deserves a sane, SOBER wife. I actually told him in the car this morning that my current plan is to stay away from alcohol for a long, long time and he agreed that was a good idea. So, I suppose I haven't "come out" to him fully yet, but I think he'll be supportive regardless. And part of me knows that he knows that I had a problem.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great work Kingy and Tony.

Being part of the solution is the way to go for me Sugarbabe and Pav. Turning up for myself every morning has a ripple effect on neighbours, the postwoman, loved ones, the bloke driving the tram. i.e. my wider community. Oh yeah, and on ME.

Taking mum to lunch today, and a few family matters taken care of. It's a beautiful thursday morning here. i have the answers and the tools within, and those tools come from being connected to everything. Take it easy and git some self lovin' in today.

[Brigitte.E]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning (at least it is here in AUS) fabulous people!:happy2:

Firstly, I would like to just point out how appreciative I am that the positivity remains unwavering on this feed. Everyone has a really wonderful outlook and the genuine support and encouragement has been a real asset to my recent recovery (and no doubt many others).

I'm just keeping it short today because I finally have a day off and a list of DIY distracting, creative and enjoyable projects awaiting me.

Tony-you know as well as the rest of us those early days are really hard, so well done. Gosh, I've lost count of how many expensive bottles I have dumped down the sink in desperation only to feel defeated soon after and find myself back at the store replacing them. I literally cannot have alcohol in my vicinity, its too much of a temptation and I find my mind obsessing over it. I even catch up with my girl friends for lunch opposed to dinner these days, so I don't have to have the awkward conversation about drinking. Avoidance, I know, but it works. Mind you, the more unruly of my friends are used to me sinking mimosa's with brunch and continuing into the night...I haven't caught up with some of those girls for a while.

Wags- you know we're all thinking of you and sending you love and support from all corners of the globe. I hope that your cousin is at peace, comfortable and able to enjoy your presence. Be calm, you've got compassion and kindness in your soul.

Sending you all love otherwise; stay safe, sassy and most importantly SOBER (hmmm maybe sassy is equally as important almost haha)

-B

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I hope everyone had a good Hump day
Not as hot here today but it is raining. I wish some of this rain would head to the west coast & douse some of those awful wildfires going on. Everything seems to be so backwards anymore.

Wags, I know you are on your trip & I will be thinking of you :hug:

Tony, day 3 was difficult, I remember but once you're past that then the extreme pressure lets up. You did a great thing dumping that bottle. Making a statement & telling your subconscious NO is the way to go!

NS, I haven't seen you much lately & hope you are doing OK

Moonking, sorry the sickness has returned, darn. It will go away, it will so keep your thoughts positive. Great that your husband is supportive & actually helpful too!

G, I hope you enjoy lunch with your Mom, that's nice!

Brigitte, enjoy your day off, take time to rest a bit too.

Hello to the rest of the crew & wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening, nesters.
Long day at work. Pav, my evening bath is STILL the transition I need from my work day to evening, it used to be that first drink, now its a hot bubble bath. I wash off the day and can relax. It used to he really hard not ot have that first drink. I am so thankful that my witching hour passes now totally unnoticed. That is what time and distance from AL does! It is a miracle, really. Stick with this....give your sober self a chance. You will be pleasantly surprised. Take the option off the table and you’ll be amazed at how much better life is. Giving up AL? Looking back, what was I really giving up? My self respect? My confidence? My life? Not drinking AL is a small price to pay for all of those things to be restored. If you’ve gotten Day 1 behind you, keep going! I never want to repeat how I felt on Day 1...and I dont have to, it is MY choice. These days, I really dont care what anyone else thinks about my not drinking, they dont have to walk in my shoes and live with what happens when I drink. My life is 1000 times better without it.
Good to see everyone! Hang in! Byrdie

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters,

Just checking in. Once again getting behind on everyone's post. Been feeling exhausted and depressed with everything that's been going on in our world. I will say, I have not given any thought to drinking through it and for that I am grateful.
I have 332 days under my belt. I would like to thank all of you for helping me get here. I may not post much but I take in all the nuggets of wisdom and life experiences that all of you share. Thank you!
Happy sober Thursday.
Roobs

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Glad to see so much activity in the nest these days. Feels like lots of support going back and forth.

MK, sorry you're feeling so poorly again - I hope that passes soon.

Byrdie & Pav - I never went the bubble bath route myself, but I do think that's a great example of something that can be self-caring that also serves as a substitute for what might have been a ritual or habit with al. I've definitely used loads of "replacements" and they seem to help.

NS - really great to see you. I know you've been dealing with some pretty stressful situations, and I've been thinking about you. Sending strength and love to you and your mom :heartbeat:


Things are ok this morning in Wag-ville. I drove 5+ hours yesterday and spent the night in a little rental cottage not far from my cousin's house. I have a beautiful view of the mountains right out my patio doors, which for me is very soothing. The drive itself was fairly easy, but the inner thoughts in my head were a bit challenging. You see, I'm now back in the same city where I nursed my mom through her year of pancreatic cancer, where she ultimately passed away. I've only been back here once since then. I'm grateful at least for that initial trip, because otherwise this probably would have been too emotional for me to handle all at once. Interestingly, I heard lots of "nostalgic" songs on the radio during the last hour or two of my drive. They were songs that took me back to several other points in my life - mostly challenging points, but also ones of overcoming challenge. My cousin is a big 80s music buff, and I heard many songs that seemed to be just for her.

I found myself very briefly entertaining the "escape" of a few drinks as I got closer to town. I could feel the hard emotions building up, and was briefly tempted by my old pattern of using al to numb painful feelings. Those thoughts didn't last long and weren't very serious. I tried my best to just sit with them, to dissect and determine where they were coming from and what I "needed" that I thought al would bring me. It truly was a case of "I don't want to feel this much emotional pain" - but I sat with it, thought about how my cousin is facing (and my mom who I adored faced) MUCH harder situations with courage and without al, and so if nothing else I could sure as hell shoulder this much for them.

This morning I will go visit my cousin. She may or may not be awake or coherent for very long, and I really have little idea what to expect. I'm just grounding myself in love, being open to the experience, being very alive and in the moment. Kinda the opposite of how al makes us feel I guess.

Thanks to all of you for your support. I carry your words with me, and I feel the strength of the nest. Al may try to tempt me, but I will not fall for its lies and mirages. I'll check back in this eve or tomorrow.

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

((Hugs)) Wags,you're going through a lot of emotions,thinking of you

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Stay strong Wags. Of course you didn't drink, because you don't drink. Thoughts are bound to arise now and then. I am so glad you can be there fully for your cousin. Sending you hugs.

Moon - I think you'll be glad if you let your husband in fully and explain to him the depths of what you were feeling. The transition for have to stay sober (pregnant) to get to stay sober will be easier if you have a trusted, in person ally. So sorry you're so sick.

I had a weird experience yesterday. As with many of you, I have a lot going on in my life now that is anxiety-provoking, scary, infuriating, and sad. I was driving, listening to the radio, and an add for bourbon came on. I actually tasted the bourbon in my mouth and had a quick day dream about that feeling that comes from the first few sips (glugs) of a cocktail. There is no doubt about it, alcohol takes the edge off QUICKLY. I am reporting this because it wasn't a mere thought, it was a full-on fantasy. I quickly tried to snap myself out of it, and I tried to play it forward, but that didn't come as easily as it normally does. I am telling you this because fantasizing about and romanticizing alcohol is one of the steps of relapse. I know this because I really, really don't want to relapse so I have read a lot about it. And I am reporting it, because relapse isn't a given. To me, this was a sign that I need to change my relationship and reactions to what is going on. I need to take better care of myself, and I am even considering going to see a counselor again.

I definitely don't want a pity party - I am not sad to not be drinking, and I know that we all have tough spots in life. As tough spots go, mine is pretty benign. I am reporting all of that because it was a reminder to me to be vigilant. I really don't think I'm going to drink again, but to make sure that happens I need to remain vigilant and work on my sobriety, not just let it happen.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Take care of yourselves.

Pav

[dolphincat]

Re: Newbies Nest

I didn't drink last night and tossed and turned all night! Was thinking of taking a sleeping tablet tonight and get to bed early, however all I keep thinking about is getting dressed and going out to buy some wine!

Is anyone online that can give me some tips please?

[tonyniceday]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Dolphincat and welcome to MWO

You've taken a great step by coming on here - you'll get loads of advice and help here but during the first few days it is really hard, especially if you've gone "cold turkey". My suggestion is that you get every bit of help you can. A visit to your Doctor will almost certainly get you some meds which can help you through the first week with reducing the detox effects and also with reducing the cravings - also have a look at the toolbox - also have a read back on here and you'll see loads of stuff from people asking the same question.

Try having something sweet - chocolate or just sweet tea - that sort of thing can help with the cravings too.

Well done on taking the first step...you may feel horrible now but it will be worth it in the end and you'll start to feel a whole lot better over the next few days - take it one day or even one hour at a time and think how good you'll feel in the morning knowing you didn't succumb!!

Tony

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I had a weird experience yesterday. As with many of you, I have a lot going on in my life now that is anxiety-provoking, scary, infuriating, and sad. I was driving, listening to the radio, and an add for bourbon came on. I actually tasted the bourbon in my mouth and had a quick day dream about that feeling that comes from the first few sips (glugs) of a cocktail. There is no doubt about it, alcohol takes the edge off QUICKLY. I am reporting this because it wasn't a mere thought, it was a full-on fantasy. I quickly tried to snap myself out of it, and I tried to play it forward, but that didn't come as easily as it normally does. I am telling you this because fantasizing about and romanticizing alcohol is one of the steps of relapse. I know this because I really, really don't want to relapse so I have read a lot about it. And I am reporting it, because relapse isn't a given. To me, this was a sign that I need to change my relationship and reactions to what is going on. I need to take better care of myself, and I am even considering going to see a counselor again.

I had a similar experience a week or so ago, Pav. I drove the 2+ hours home from the nursing home where my mom is and arrived to an empty house for the next few days. I didn't feel a craving but more just started thinking about how nice it would be to (unobserved!) escape the fatigue, fear, resentment, stress - all the bad stuff I've been feeling - and like you, I know what used to very quickly do the trick. It didn't seem like a happy fantasy but I did think about it for quite a long time.

But whereas before I finally quit I'd experience a thought or craving to drink and immediately act on it, even when I was telling myself not to, now that our brains have healed, we have the chance to make considered, logical choices. The more time I spent thinking about it, the less likely I was to do it. I know full well I don't have a reliable off-switch. I know drinking would be a temporary escape. I know alcohol is a toxin and the (uncomfortable) truth is, it shouldn't be legal and no one should be drinking it. An unaddicted, healthy brain can let the frontal cortex do its job and not just do the bidding of the messed up limbic system.

I know I've not been around here much lately but I'm afraid that if I drank, NoSugar might be gone for good, and I'd rather not leave. I guess even avatars can have ego issues :wink:. I have some relationships with sober friends that are based on our shared sobriety and commitment. I could never lie to them and I'd never want to lose them. Most of all, I don't want to sacrifice feeling good about myself again after years of feeling disappointed, angry, and hopeless.

I don't think we will relapse, Pav, but I agree we need to stay aware of where we've been and do what it takes not to go back there again :hug:.

I didn't drink last night and tossed and turned all night! Was thinking of taking a sleeping tablet tonight and get to bed early, however all I keep thinking about is getting dressed and going out to buy some wine! Is anyone online that can give me some tips please?

Welcome, dolphincat. It takes some time for all the neurotransmitters that got messed up by alcohol to re-equilibrate and allow you to sleep normally. What you're experiencing is to be expected when you're no longer ingesting a sedative like alcohol. Sometimes when you know something is normal, it isn't so upsetting. Perhaps you can take some naps in the daytime to compensate. But most of all, know that the sleepless nights will pass as your days not drinking add up.

Let those thoughts of going out to buy wine pop OUT of your head as fast as they popped in! Don't follow the ones that are leading you where you don't want to go! I distracted myself by compulsively reading MWO (start on any page in the Newbies Nest and you'll find your peers :smile:!).

I hope tonight is a better one for you, NS

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters,

Moon, i am with Pav on being totally honest with your husband. When bubs is born you dont have a real reason to not drink and believe me, our al brain will entice us to drink and give us a damn good reason to. Dont think you will be fine when you have done 9 months to be af. al is an addiction/disease, whatever we want to name it. Get all the support on board you can. As strong as your will is, with a new bub and toddler your stress levels will be high and us alkies are trained to turn to al for that fix. Sad but true.

You are sounding good Brigitte, my drug of choice is coffee now and lots of it in the morning. I avoided everyone like the plague when i stopped drinking, i hated feeling deprived so best to stay away. Now you can get as pissed as a newt in front of me and i am just grateful it is not me with the horrendous hangover the next day. I look back from time to time on how many bottles i have not drank and atm it stands at 2,824 bottles (plus i would say). Thats probably a small winery i have put out of business!

Roobs sending you hugs, im done with this month also. For some reason it looks like it has been stressful for a lot of us and its not even xmas yet. Turn the tv off, thats what i do now or mute it. its scary listening to psychopaths that run countries now but i know i cannot live in fear of what the future will bring. I have enough shit to deal with in my own life i figure :-)

Wags, i hope all went well with your cousin, as ill as she is she is still the same person. Sometimes dealing with emotions suck sober. i know i sometimes think that f#ck if i had a drink i could and would deal with this so much better/easier but i know that is not true, its was our coping mechanism. If i only had a damn "off" switch then all would be ok but i dont and we all know the hell of where we would be if we did drink. You will be okay, you will deal with what is going on with your "big girl panties on". I remember Robert was the first friend i told that i was an alcoholic and had stopped drinking and even with his cancer he always told me how proud of me he was and to promise to never drink because of him.

Well Pav Pav Pav, i know there will be no brick being thrown at you girl and i so get how you feel atm though i have not dreamt of the taste of al so yep probs time for a tune up. I am petrified of relapse in a healthy way as i am sure you are and god we never thought we would get to 4years in December. It is time to think of you but how hard is it to tell everyone NO and have you time. Do it girl and look after yourself. I keep telling myself i need time for ME and it seems atm that if its not one thing it is another that is being thrown at me. Have you talked to hubs about how you feel? I tell the other that i cannot as an alcoholic add stress on top of stress on top of stress and so on and so forth as it will give me thoughts of drinking to stop all the crap. For me the feelings i had of "alcoholic failure Linda" with not getting this job did me in but i have had special friends to talk to and who gave me the boost i needed, i still dont feel great but im processing these feelings. Your tough spots are just as important as all of our tough spots girl. sending you huge hugs xxx

Hi Dolphin and welcome. you have made the first step by being here and thats great. When i had those thoughts of going out to get wine, i would jump in the shower and put my pj's on then come and read on here. Distraction is a must in the early days as that al voice is very very conniving.

NS, i am so thinking of you lovely, each and every day. x

Well my son is finally feeling a lot better, less pain meds and walking like a duck. He even made me a cup of tea yesterday as i have a cold so he thought he would give something back. It will still take time but the worst is over. We have a laugh at how close we have actually become again and believe me if i never ever see his arse again it wont be too a loss for me or him. Now i can only hope that he still sticks to his non drinking now he is getting better and life starts seeping back in. May be time for a chat i think.

Well time for that coffee. Take care x

[Brigitte.E]

Re: Newbies Nest

Roobs haha it gets away from you if you miss few days, doesn't it! I find the reassurance of touching bases and hearing how everyone is travelling so comforting each day. Try not to get too deflated by the manic world around you (us). I take some time to see the beautiful things around me like the fresh, budding flowers in my garden or take a walk through the park to remind me of all the beauty we are blessed with too.

Wags; you're doing an incredible job. Many people choose to avoid uncomfortable and painful situations but in truth sometimes there is a soulful beauty amongst those times too. I have no doubt those songs were most definitely for your cousin, she is blessed.

Pav; I've had many dreams about alcohol....but they were also riddled with guilt. I also had a really weird experience a while ago, after a nightshift I saw an add with a massive cold glass of beer. Usually it would have my mouth watering, but instead I had an overwhelming gag (so classy whilst driving in peak hour traffic) and had to pull over :eek-new: !! I wish I had a physical aversion to alcohol all the time haha!! I absolutely support the idea of seeing a counsellor. I've got a team of people keeping me on track and they help me make sense of the chaos in my mind.

Welcome Dolphincat! I have never slept more soundly in my life now that I am alcohol free. I too used to use it as a crutch and kid myself that it helped me to sleep well, but the truth was it helped me settle initially and then I would wake at about 0300 feeling nauseous, sweaty and unsettled. I've started using guided meditations to help me sleep. There are a number of them on iTunes for free and I find that they keep my mind focussed on relaxing, but it takes time. Ive had plenty of sleepless nights in the last few months, its about perseverance I suppose keep up the good work!

Glad to hear that you have a wonderful support network No Sugar!! Well done on your continued dedication

Ava; ohhhhhhhh, I was actually going to post about coffee yesterday! I've always had a fair bit of coffee over the years, but recently my intake has increased. I sort of put it down to that ongoing fatigue you can experience during the short term when you choose to stop drinking but then on the other hand I was concerned that perhaps my addictive nature is once again coming through. Its funny that I would swap a major depressant for a stimulant but perhaps I'm just finally hoping to get the most out of my day finally hehe!!

Sending you all positive vibes, take care all!!!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, such a busy nest today

Pav & NS, I know that both of you are solid in your quits, I have complete faith that you will get thru your trying times without turning to AL.
We all know that is not the answer to life's ups & downs. Distraction (my all time fav tool), breathing & meditation will help us thru any crisis & not poison us & toss us over the edge. We do not want to go there again, right?

Hello & welcome Dolphincat, glad you decided to join us! Checking in daily & sharing your plan helps a lot. Wishing you the best on your journey

Roobs - you will be hitting your 1 year AF very soon. I will have to get birdie to bake a big cake, yay!!!

Hello to Tony, the busy Ava, Wags (thinking of you) & everyone else.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav