Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, nest!
So good to see all the activity and new faces! Dolphincat, welcome aboard! You’ll find the link to the Tool box in my signature line below, its full of inspiration and tips and tools to help you. We are so glad you’re here!

Lots of us are having challenges, but sober people have bad patches just like anyone else. We must rely on our NEW coping skills to get to the other side. I have never regretted one day I spent sober! Hang in everyone! Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, just a quick check in for now - this was an emotionally exhausting day and I need to sleep, but I wanted to let you know how it went. Today was my day with my cousin and a whole bunch of our common family. One of the hardest days of my life actually. But you know what? I did it - and I did it without a drop of al. Seeing my cousin, and seeing how very little of "her" was still in that body, was devastating. The hospice nurse told us she's close to going - probably within a few days. She was able to sit with me and have very minimal conversation, but the spark was gone. I know the brain tumor may be affecting areas that relate to personality, and I was prepared for that, but this seemed different. Folks who've been around her a lot over the past several weeks commented that she seemed to have declined quite a bit in the last 24 hours.

The best news is that she isn't in pain. Thank the universe for that!

I got some excellent quality time with many of my other family members, including my uncle (her dad) and my aunt (her stepmom) - both of whom I adore. I got a lot from all of the visits, and I also got many many thanks for bringing so much love to town.

It was hard. There were several times where I thought, "I sure don't want to go do this next part." But sometimes we don't have choices and we have to show up for ourselves (thanks G-man) and also show up for others.

I feel like I showed up today, and I was able to do it in a way that I NEVER could have done while drinking. And I'm really really happy about that.

Thank you all for your support. These next days and weeks will continue to be tough, but you got me through this very difficult hurdle and I appreciate you all very much. :heartbeat:

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

You are an absolute star Wags. I'm glad your cousin is not in pain. I'm thinking of you and your family. Take care of yourself.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags - great going. Isn't it nice to actually BE there for yourself and for others.

NS - Yes, as usual, to your post. Hang in there...

Ava - You're such a strong, kick-a$$ woman that it is hard for me to imagine you feeling insecure, but I understand. Not getting a job (as has happened to me MANY times) can be a blow. But of course, you know ultimately that it is their loss. They seem to have had someone in mind already - that's what gets me. I feel like they waste my time just to say that they did due diligence when they know they're not going to hire you... Glad your son is on the mend... How's Mads?

Taking my kids over to see what we can do to help the victims of the fires around us. There is so much devastation. I just heard the story of one hotel that burned down - over 100 employees lost their jobs over night. They interviewed one woman who had worked there for 20 years, she lost her apartment, her things and everything. She has no insurance, and no financial cushion. No relatives to stay with. Nothing. And that's just one worker in one hotel. Most of the agriculture workers are living paycheck to paycheck and are now jobless and homeless overnight (to say nothing of the lost lives). I in line yesterday and was talking to an older woman who had lost her home. She just wanted to go back and see if the urn with her husband's ashes was in tact. So, so sad.

Hug your loved ones, folks. These are strange times. Alcohol will NOT be the answer, that I know for sure...

xo
Pav

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh, reading these posts has me close to tears. There must be something in the water these days.

My heart hurts for you wags and your cousin. I'm so glad you're able to spend time with her and family. I hope you find peace, in whatever way is best for you.

Pav and Ava I'm so sorry things are stressful. I have no good advice but that I always look forward to hearing your advice and kind words. Keep up the good work. Everyone else, too!

My heart hurts for this country (US) right now and all we're dealing with - the east, south, west. I feel like us in the Midwest have been spared and we don't know what to do to help. I can't turn on the news or look at my Facebook feed because there is just too much negativity. So sorry for all of you that have been effected by the hurricanes and tropical storms and fires. I need to stop complaining about the lack of sunshine here, because even though it's not ideal, we're safe and that's what matters. I can't imagine having to evacuate my family and pets and worry about extended family.

Welcome, Dolphin. This place is great. Lots of support.

Like I said, something in the water - I'm at a point where I'm starting to feel out of control. I'm failing as a wife, mother, employee and friend right now. People keep telling me I just need to take care of myself, but that's hard. I'm used to taking care of others. I don't like that I need to be taken care of. I don't like seeing dishes in the sink and laundry that needs to be folded and that I just can't do it right now. I feel like I now have 800 unfinished tasks. I mean, simple tasks like driving take every ounce of concentration and energy. I sat at lunch yesterday and listened to how a friend of mine is helping her husband build there new front porch and I just kept wondering how it felt to not feel bad all the time. The meds have stopped helping. I can only eat about 4 things. I'm terrified this will never end.

The only light at the end of the tunnel I see today is that this has forced me to stop drinking.

I feel like I'm just in a complete opposite place than I was even yesterday. I haven't cried as hard as I've cried today in a long time, which I suppose is sort of cathartic...but draining.

But, time to go wash my face, suck it up, eat some peppermint drops and pretend like I'm a normal functioning human being for a meeting I have to go to.

[Rahulthesweet]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Wow ! I am here after a looong Time !! And itÂ’s so great to see so much activity on. And awesome to see regulars who helped me out during my times of need. LAV, Byrdlady, nosugar, pav, wag ... and more.

ItÂ’s also good to see new joinee who joined reminding me of ME as I was when I first came in ... desperate, confused, helpless.

I have been sober for 3 and a half years now. And I owe it to MWO and the fantastic support I got here. Amazing community, tips in tool box. Posting daily was a big vent for me. Going cold turkey brings out a blast of emotions someday and then there were days when you just go numb. So all I did was expressed, shared. Sharing helped. Then came guidance , advices and tip. Each and everyone was helpful. So many PMs which helped me set my mind straight . Getting sober was hard....very hard. Staying sober ... well itÂ’s easy !! Getting a relapse ... well even easier ! thatÂ’s why itÂ’s good to stay hooked.

So I logged in after several months and saw few posts today. First of all sorry to heard about your cousin wagmor. I prey to almighty that your cousin who is not in pain gets the best moments in remaining part of life .

Talking about coffee well. I have come to realize several things. Well there is me ... and then there is THAT “addict” me. And I have been feeding and still continues to feed that addict past of me. Let’s call that addict me the beast. The beast cannot stay hungry. It needs to be fed. I have been feeding that beast AL for so long that it was biting me ... killing me. the beast was getting stronger and stronger day by day. Then came a time I was so weak, almost dead, lying on street and this beast with full might standing on top of me crushing me ... telling me to feed him more. This was 3 and a half years ago. It was the weakest moment , the lowest of the low and I used what ever strength I had and I pushed the beast away. He was heavy, strong but all I did was to stop feeding him. he cried, wept, played mind games with me offered me so many rewards but I hung on. I told everyone about this beast living in me here at MWO. And surprise ! Everyone here too had their own beast too.

Even after staying sober and not touching AL for so long the beast has forgotten about AL. But this beast ... the addictive mind or part of me still needs to be fed. And hereÂ’s I feed him today : coffee, ice creams, chocolates, food, junk food too, cycling and running. And strangely I found that I feed the beast too much of cycling and running it does not demand food or coffee. Even Coffee has no effect. But if stop working out I am back to food and coffee.

When people say you donÂ’t drink. I reply I cycle ! They donÂ’t get it. And itÂ’s difficult to tell them what I was ...rather what I AM. An addict !

But then I work too, travel too and then I can run or cycle all the time then I eat. And that reminds of addiction, guilt cycling. Today I ate too much, yesterday too I ate a whole pizza. DidnÂ’t feel good, reminded me of AL.

We all life our lives with an aim to achieve a perfect balance. But can I just to eat (and not to feed the beast !). Can I stay off sugar and sodas and ice creams and coffee (still less feeding to beast ). If I am able to do that THEN I will be Able to completely tame the beast.

Sorry, I bored you all with this crap ! But itÂ’s good to be here. Good to be sober. And if I can stay sober for this long determined then so can you all. MWO is not about me.... itÂ’s about all the newbies who come here to seek help. And I am here to help ....

[Marylou123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Rahul - it’s so wonderful to read your post and I’m very happy you’re doing well. I miss all your travel posts as you took us so many places I’ve never been.
Like Pav, Ava and NS recently posted, I too stay vigilant against relapse. It why I come to MWO everyday just like I did in the beginning. In my early days here, someone posted to say to yourself over and over, “I don’t drink.” That became my mantra for a long time. Back then I felt like I was just saying the words over and over but they weren’t true, even though I was making it af day by day. Now, the only time I say “I don’t drink” is if someone, usually a waiter, is pushing their special. Because now, I really don’t drink. It is who I am.
Wags - thank you so very much for posting today. God bless you, your cousin and all your family. Hugs to you.
Have a lovely evening/morning all.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters,

Good to see you Rahul!

Moonking. One thing us humans have been saying for thousands of years and for good reason. Break those tasks down into small chunks you can handle. Write a list, start ANYWHERE, and complete one thing on that list today, and strike it off. Then do that again tomorrow, and the next day. Looks to me like you are doing an amazing job with everything you've got going on. Keep it going.

Pav, great job on helping out with your family. I'm sorry to hear about the fires and when i read those individual stories like you've posted, it personalises it and hits home even from way over here. I will look for somewhere to send a donation at least.

How are you doing Wags?

Hello to all. Take it easy out there everyone.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

ML, I smiled when you mentioned your mantra - it's mine too

Rahul, wonderful to see you! I have a feeling you are managing your beast(s) just fine. Balancing the eating with exercise is what you have been doing
Don't be a stranger, we love seeing you drop in.

Moonking, I am so sorry you are still feeling so sick :hug:
Please at least try to keep in mind that you are doing the best you can do right now. Things will definitely improve & you are NOT drinking which is awesome.
I still have a box of peppermint tea in my cabinet leftover from when my daughter was pregnant 7 years ago. She said it helped her so I always made some when she came to visit.

Pav, the stories coming from folks dealing with those fires are just heart breaking. We were just saying we think the fires are worse than dealing with the floods & hurricanes - I think it's all awful. Our government seems to be helpless & hopeless at this point.

Still damp & cool here but the weekend is supposed to be warmer. The weather cannot make up it's mind anymore.
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wags, wishing you strength and peace. You have some challenging times ahead. Thinking of you, dear lady.
Hang in Moon, I imagine your hormones are adding an additional layer of crap to the mix. A year from now, you’ll have been sober over 13 months and the baby will be bouncing all over the place!
Rahul, it is always a treat to read your posts. Yes, we all have a beast,I have the same ice cream and cookie monster you do. Oy. Im so glad you are doing so well, Im so proud of you. We have all come a long way! Dont be a stranger!
Its only Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Hang on tight, everyone! Byrdie

[Brigitte.E]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good on you Pav, any contribution would be wonderful no doubt. Make sure you made contact with a reputable aid resource and they will be able to tell you where the need lies and what you can do to help, we are always stronger together. There will be so many sad stories to come out, just remember you can only do what you can do. Don't let the overwhelming need undermine your hope. You are wonderful, strong and kind.

I came to a happy realisation today. I was having a bit of a "poor me, I'm missing out" moment and turned it around. I had pulled my favourite crystalware for a bbq tonight with my favourite (very boozy) friends who are coming over. I immediately felt bummed out that I would be missing out on the champagne filled flute to share (which traditionally would turn into bottles and bottles followed by a shot of espresso Patron periodically for good measure). But then I realised how incredibly silly I was being!!! I don't have to bar myself from the Mikasa!!! I plan on getting some non-alcoholic cider to share with my darling friends whilst maintaining my sobriety. I know this sounds like a very dangerous place to find myself but my partner will be here and be supporting my decision, we will be here, at my home and very worst case scenario I will take my self to bed if I find being around the intoxication too much. I'm sound in my decision and I look forward to telling you all of my accomplishment tomorrow

Love to all, have a safe, happy and sober weekend

-B

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

My heart is heavy today. I'm ok, but not up for posting much. I'll check in again soon.

Have good weekends everyone. Hug your loved ones, and definitely don't drink.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thinking of you, Wags. Hard to imagine what you are experiencing. Im so sorry. Much love, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wags, so sorry, sending you hugs :hugs:
Take care of yourself please.

Brigette, the first time around everyone drinking is the hardest but it definitely does get easier with time. I always have some sparkling water in my fridge just in case I feel the need to celebrate something
Look forward to hearing your report!

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

afternoon nesters

Wags thinking of you. It is so hard watching the one you love die and not be able to do a damn thing except be there and for them that is enough. I used to feel useless with Robert and i remember he would fall asleep, wake up and say "oh you are still here, that is nice" and smile. Take the good with the bad. sending you strength and love at this time.

Brigitte, well i could never do what you are doing early in my quit, hibernation was best for me but we are all so very different with regards to sobriety. i hope you had a lovely time with your friends. We are surely having some great weather in Melbourne. My other came over yesterday for a visit as i am housebound with my son so tha was lovely. He is so not a drinker and i just love it, absolutely no pressure from him.

Pav, mads is doing ok. i can see her deteriorating but slowly. she has a cough now which is due to her congestive heart failure and some days are pain free and some are not. she is still her happy self most of the time and is spending a lot of her hours with tye keeping an eye on him.

Well back to work tomorrow to catch up on the work and see what the new boss has done in my abscence. i am looking forward to going back, which i never ever say! Going to be a warm week in Melbourne this week, summer is coming.

Take care x