Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

but i really dont want to walk away, i love this man, he is the best person in my life and the most decent caring man i have ever had in mine. x

Nothing wrong with taking it real slow with a bit of distance to see how things pan out?

Have a beaut week out there Nesters. I popped an 1/4 Antabuse Londoner style just for a little back up.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening, nesters. Great to see everyone. Hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Hope you are feeling a bit better Byrdie

Ava, glad to hear you have made some progress with your SO. Sounds like a bit of good old fashioned patience & persistence may come in handy. I wish the best for both of you!

Spent the afternoon doing a major clean out of an extra room which will be turned into an office area (the way it used to be before the grandkids destroyed it), ha ha! It always feels good to unload unneeded junk

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[gettingthere]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters, finally getting around to checking in!

I don't know how you all remember who's who and what's going on in their life when you post! LOL! I would have to write down a list of what each of ya are up to that day and then write my post! So sorry, I can't acknowledge you all personally right now but I hope you all had a wonderful Sober Sunday as I have. I did crave it earlier....something about a warm sunny autumn day! But I used to turn any day into a reason to drink. The feeling passed and now I am about to make some dinner. Maybe take a bubble bath later. I love that I can do this sober and will remember going to bed tonight and won't have a mad hubby tomorrow!

HI ByrdLady....got your PM and I hope to give you a call tomorrow afternoon! I am helping a friend move, but it shouldn't take long.

Take care everyone!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Monday Morning:

Gettingthere - that's how I felt at first. NoSugar made me realize that you don't HAVE to reply to all. I usually comment on what I thought about last. You'll get to know us, but there is a lot going on. Hope you're doing well.

I have that feeling in my throat where I KNOW I'm coming down with a cold, but it isn't quite here yet. Anticipation... Hope you're feeling better, Byrd.

Ava - Sounds confusing and mature. I know what you're talking about - having the confidence to go have that conversation. Because I'm not always questioning myself (re:drinking) I have more confidence in a lot of places in my life. I hope that things work out with your man quickly - one way or the other, but to your satisfaction.

Take care of yourselves,
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava, that is great that you had the talk with him. Communication is everything in a relationship. It is great that you are sober to have this talk rationally- no drunk fighting.

Hey Pav, don't get sick!

I woke up on Sunday felling great with NO hangover! Yay!! I didn't even feel 'the pull' towards drinking at all. I guess it's because it is totally off the table and my mind didn't even try to go there. Thank Goodness I don't drink, I am so grateful for that. I can enjoy my life without all the misery that comes with trying to moderate and failing almost every time.

Stay sober kids.
xo

[Hastowork17]

Re: Newbies Nest

Back to Day 2 again, it is like time has stood still since I posted last week. I could make excuses but I am basically just powerless - hormones also took a massive hold (always a trigger), I am absolutely in so much pain grieving the loss of my daughter (for those of you who haven't read my previous posts, she has NOT died but at 10 years old, she is sick of my alcoholism and gone to live with her dad and stepmum) and the reality that it is going to take a very long time to build up any trust and I just don't know if I'll be able to, especially as they are very keen to badmouth me in front of her and to her. Starting from this coming weekend, I have to do EtG urine and breathalyser tests before I can see her and when she is picked up to prove I have not been drinking either before or during our visit, and hopefully in time I will be allowed to drive her upon proof of these tests and even more hopefully, she will start to stay over one night a weekend. But this is such a far cry from raising her alone for 9.5 years and kidding myself I was a good mum even as this illness took more and more of a hold of me.
Moonking - you are lucky that your children will hopefully never have to experience the disappointment and fear I have inflicted upon my poor girl. I hear a lot of women at AA saying they were also convinced they were good mums before they sobered up. I did manage to share at AA yesterday and admit I need help, and people were lovely. I can't just keep "playing" at this, they all say I need to get a sponsor and work the programme seriously.
LifeChange - I am glad you are back here to keep trying, it gives me hope too. I heard someone say at a meeting once "I am not counting sober days, I am making my sober days count", which I liked although my aim is to be completely abstinent; and indeed, as the name says, I HAVE to if I want to ever have a relationship with my daughter again. But as we know, it is one day at a time.
Londoner - part of me wishes I knew how to get hold of AB in the UK to take away even considering a drink. But I am so frightened that I am such a hopeless case that I'd still try and drink which sounds terrifying. I also agree with the years passing in a blur and not knowing yourself - but I am 38 so it has been the best part of 20 years for me where I have been emotionally stunted. One of my little daydreams when I am so depressed and anxious is of someone putting their arms around me reassuringly, and for goodness' sake, I still sleep with a teddy bear! The loneliness is crippling - I have isolated myself totally by now, so frightened my whole life that people would "find me out"; even before I knew what they could find out, my dark secret of all this. There has been no social aspect left to my drinking for a very long time, just the terrifying fear, guilt, shame and remorse that I know are inevitable every time.
I think it was Mr Vervill who said about 'forcing yourself' to drink against your will - how insane is that?! But I can totally relate, it's the only way I know to shut off the washing machine head telling me all the things I've done wrong and how awful I am. And now of course I get that from my daughter and her father and stepmum too. But there is also no enjoyment in drinking even when the compulsion does win - I KNOW all the right things to do so there is no satisfaction in doing the wrong thing and just making life worse.
It is so hard not to try to analyse the "whys", - why me, why can't I stop for good, why do I do it even against my will, why have I never felt I fitted in etc. I feel like I've spent 38 years waiting for my life to start and now I feel it may just be over.

[Hastowork17]

Re: Newbies Nest

Gosh, sorry I did not realise how long that post was while I was tapping away, sorry to bombard you all!osteroops:

[Inthesky]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning everyone,
I have been away from here for far to long. Over the past year I have watch my mom die, my aunt, my uncle, my mentor and a very dear friend. I have also accomplished a lot, traveling, finishing a nursing degree (think this saved me) and helping others. This is not an excuse for AL use but more that it has taken its toll on my moments of soberiety. I see all the mistakes I have made and am going about it deferently again hoping this time I have it somewhat right. Every relapse gets harder and more insane than the last....I yelled at a complete stranger the other day. The blackouts start earlier....my tolerance grows. I push people away over the hate I have for myself...at the same time I am thankful that I still have support in this life...but I will need to admit to those around me that I have problem and am powerless and I don't know how to do that. I need you all to help me stay accountable and start the life I was made to live.
Thank you !

[Marylou123]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Hasto - it does work. And if any of us here can do it (and so many are) then you can to. You’re absolutely right - take it one day at at time. Don’t drink today. And don’t drink tomorrow. At that point, your days sober will have doubled! More importantly, by that time your body will be ethanol free and you will feel physically and mentally so much better than you do now. I totally get the feelings of loneliness and isolation- I drank at them too, for way too long. Your relationship with your daughter can get better - and it will as she sees you getting better/being there. For me, forgiveness came with sobriety too - that took some time. I’m still remembering things that I need to acknowledge (even if to myself only) and forgive or accept that I am forgiven for. You’ve come to a great place for support - post as often, and at length, anytime!

Ava — my thoughts are with you girl. I agree with you and Pav, the confidence to do what’s right for us grows with sobriety. I hope the man can find a way to his peace too. Especially if it works for you.

Have a good one all -ML

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Gettingthere - You'll see that people write posts that are all over the map with regard to keeping track of what's happening with whom. I'd say most people do a mix, with some posts full of specific replies to others, and some with more general comments or even self-reflections. Do whatever works for you!

Ava - Sounds like things are difficult but really going well as you work through things with your s.o. You sound solid, grounded. I hope that all turns out for the best, whatever that might be. Until then, keep on protecting that quit girl!

Byrdie and Pav - sending hugs and hopes that you fend off and/or recover quickly from not feeling well


I love having all this activity in the nest! I know many folks are struggling with various challenges in life - either specifically around drinking, or with issues that could/used to trigger drinking. But all in all, folks sound determined to figure this sh#t out. We all have our ways, and we can all learn from others in similar boats. I've said this many times but it bears repeating - thank you all for being here, for showing up for yourselves and for one another.

Hugs all the way around :hug:

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Sky and Hasto, as Mary says one day at a time. We can beat ourselves up with GSR or we can decide to try and change. When i first started here i thought the oldies had it easy, that they never ever went through i went through in life and to get sober but we did. We all drank for a reason and damn good ones too but we made the choice to take it day by day, minute by minute and hour by hour. i glued myself on here, posted like a lunatic and the days added up to where now they are years. As i said to someone the other day that giving up al was harder than anything i have done in my life but has been the most rewarding (other than my children). You can do this and as Mary wisely says, we learn to forgive ourselves and let go and move on. Lovely to have you both here and you also Getting.

Well i seem to have have now experienced the "good, the bad and the ugly" in the last few weeks. The good (great, f#cking fantastic, wonderful) news is i was offered another job where i work, doing the hours i want and it is a never before held position at the hospital. I got to work and there was an email from the new prof saying they werent going to advertise they wanted me. Well never in my life has anything like that happened and i will be working for a great bunch of doctors organising them. The "bad" is not heard from the man but thats life and the "ugly" being my sons butt which i now dont have to look at as it has healed completely. Now i will negotiate the wage and sign the contract on Wednesday and i can leave the village idiots that i work with. So excited i could bust with that news.

G, yes i will give him time, he likes to process everything and i have to move on with life. It seems like i am moving on rather rapidly and the way i want so i have to accept what is and be grateful for what i have.

Thinking of you wags and hope you are getting my cyber hugs.

Well off to work to try and get up to date, sooo not going to happen but i can try.

Take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola Nesters,

Great news on the job Ava. Congratulations! They're lucky to have you to be sure. Hope your son is ok, and also the man. You raawk lady.

A personal observation - The only way out is through. No matter what situation i find myself in, and i have gotten myself into some doozy's because of my reliance on boozing to soothe the pain, numb reality, fill the gaping hole in my soul or heart, no matter where i find myself when i wake up that day and know i need to change, the only way out is to look my situation directly in the eye and understand i need to take action immediately. One more session of boozing could shut down my organs, cause me to trip on some stairs, hit my head falling over on a street corner looking for more booze, hit by a car, hit by a stranger, choking on vomit passed out in a chair, etc, etc.......

The only way out of the madness is to STOP. Easier said than done, but that's all i have to do. Stop, and stay stopped. Get a plan together with a doc or a friend/s and go for it. After only a few days/one week, i will begin to feel a difference for the better. Stop the pain. Stop the insanity. It is true that i will end up either in hospital, gaol, or dead well before my time if i continue drinking like i do. People here have rebuilt trust in many cases with loved ones by the simple action of not drinking and living sober 24/7. Not easy no, but it's a simple equation. I am sober and i am thriving. My windshield is clear and clean of BS thoughts that don't serve me well. The wipers wash those negative destructive thoughts away now with a burst of water and flick of a switch. I take action........every day.

Have an absolute pearler of a week out there pilgrims. Don't wear BS, especially from ourselves.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest

The conversation about tools got me thinking. At first it seemed like I don't have any tools anymore and I don't, relative to the veritable warehouse full of them I used in the early days!! But, actually, I do - I try to at least read here most days and I chat with a couple sober pals everyday. I've also conditioned myself to truly believing "I don't drink". And -believing it makes it true. I also have a contingency plan for if I'm ever actually about to take a drink. I feel confident that I will contact my people before I do anything that in my sane and logical state I know would be so stupid and self-destructive.

I listened to this podcast driving back from being with my mom in the nursing home today: Rewiring Our Brain’s Pain Pathways with David Hanscom, M.D. - New Dimensions Radio
If you substitute the word 'addiction' for 'pain' (and what is addiction but the most excrutiating emotional pain imaginable?), I think all of this will sound familiar - and very hopeful. I see in this so many of the tools that are recommended for quitting drinking. (My one caveat is to ignore him when he recommends a special glass of wine as an alternative to focusing on pain :shakingno. He also explains clearly why we can't try at this point to drink moderately - pain/addiction pathways are permanent. The goal is to forge new ones (through forgiveness, gratitude, personal goals, exercise, etc.), allowing the unwanted old ones to become dormant (but remembering they still are there). He gave the analogy that, short of a brain injury, it is impossible to unlearn how to ride a bike, which I can imagine is true. I took from his talk that we can be free from addiction or other pain, which is different to being cured, but which to me is just fine. I LOVE and appreciate my freedom!

Ava, you're a new woman. I don't think we would even believe it was you if we dug out your early posts. I'm so proud and happy for you. :hug: NS

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Looks like the nest has been pretty busy today

Ava, CONGRATS to you on your new job, :yay:

Inthesky, welcome back to the nest!
Get yourself settled in & stick with us, we have a lot of success here.

Hasto, you can quit! I know you can because many of us have & we stick around to convince everyone else they can quit too!
I can't imagine how hard it is to be without your daughter right now. You can begin right now to repair your relationship with her & everyone in your life. You owe yourself a better life without AL. Have you visited our Tool box yet? It is full of great ideas to help you make your plan. You need to cover all of your drinking triggers, plan ahead to succeed. I believe you said you are on day 2 - great! Tomorrow will be day 3 & the next day 4. We all did this one day at a time & you can too. Choosing a healthy life & a close relationship with your daughter beats AL any day in my book. Check in with us daily so we can help. Wishing you the very best!

G, keep those positive thoughts going

Hello to ML, NS, wags & everyone. Be well Byrdie & Pav!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav