Newbies Nest

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone- Happy Birthday Birdie!

Have a great night everyone and don’t drink today.

Xo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Boy, what a mild day we had around here today, not complaining

G, I am with you on the 'letting go of what we can't control' thinking. Geez, if I hadn't picked up on that thinking I'd probably still be stuck in AL hell.
I know that my need to control what was happening to me came from a childhood where being yourself just wasn't good enough for some of the adults in my life
I'd be interested in hearing what others here think - where does this need to control come from? Is it always fear based or what??

Glad to see everyone busy but checking in to the nest each day. We are definitely stronger when we stick together
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening, nesters.
G man, I need to practice those exact words. I was so stressed today my whole body was a giant knot. I was going to take tomorrow off but scheduled two conference calls and promised a lady a quote. Good thing I dont drink! Pav, I agree, I dont know how I would have manged this past year if I were still drinking.
It certainly isn't easy to quit drinking, but whatever excuses I used to tell myself, Im so glad I called bullshit on them. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day sober. I promise, it is worth the short amount of discomfort and inconvenience. It is relatively short when you think about it. I drank for 30 years, yet in 30 days, I was a different person. If what you’ve tried isnt working, try something different. I promise, its worth it. Byrdie

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone- Happy Birthday Birdie!

Have a great night everyone and don’t drink today.

Xo

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

I had a similar "calling bullshit on the excuses" experience today, like Byrdie was describing:

I had a horrible drive home from my client meetings today. What normally takes 30 to maybe 40 minutes took 90+ and it was a frustrating slog the entire way. When I finally got within a few miles of my house, the thought occurred to me that, back in my drinking days, this drive would've been a great "excuse" for having a drink or 4. Surely I would have felt that I earned it. Seeing it from today's AF eyes with 400+ days under my belt, I realized how that was a bunch of baloney. As a drinker, almost anything would have qualified as an excuse or reason to drink. In reality, those excuses and reasons were all crap.

It was interesting being able to step back and evaluate from a different perspective today. I wasn't tempted to drink at all - I actually laughed at the notion that a bad commute would qualify. After this year's hardships, nothing will qualify as a valid reason or excuse to drink. But back in the day, I wouldn't have questioned it at all and I would have poured one the minute I walked in.

So glad to not be in that place in my life anymore!

Good days and eves fellow nesters :heartbeat:

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

G, Byrdie, Lav - giving up what I can't control YES! For me it is also helpful to look at the other side - taking control of what I CAN control. There are things that I had given up on that actually are in my control - like whether I take that first drink or not. I can't control that I can't drink - that ship has sailed - but my control over alcohol comes only when I leave it in the bottle.

Glad it is Friday. I either got another cold or the first one decided it wasn't finished with me yet. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

xo
Pav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters,

Hope you get some relaxation time in this weekend Pav!

It's just the weekend friends, not a ticket to boozeville! K? K. Have a magical safe and sober one. It is just too good waking up sober, then living the day sober and as my best self. Wowza! Thanks to you, me, and the universe.

[Hypernova]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well checking in reading posts and they all-ways make sense. Went for a bike ride today for over an hour and really saw how the drinking affects the performance big time. Could actually feel the withdrawal symptoms when I came back. Usually a bike ride makes me feel great and lifts my spirits. Anyway going to keep coming back and am going to taper over the weekend. Hopefully to find a day 1 next week. I know.... just do it. No excuses I do need to just do it. A great weekend to everyone, Hyper

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nest

Well a busy week for me, tidying things up and preparing to start this new job, still no contract but hopefully i start on the 13th. no one is talking to me which is great! I am just doing my job and hours as specified by village idiot boss, everyone else is still getting in late but my care factor is low now. Very excited to be moving on but has been hard telling some of my patients, a few tears but lots of cuddles and i can always pop down and see them, im only 3 floors up. Not much to report from Ausland, a long long weekend for me and a much needed battery recharge time.

LC so sorry to hear of your grandad passing away.

Lav, i drank to have no control. I was more a binge drinker back when the kids were younger and after doing it all i just wanted to drink to forget and wake up the next day to get on with life again. then i just lost control and al won. I was a control freak back then, had to be organised. maybe that was due to my childhood being so disorganised but with 4 young children i had to be in control of it all. i am not so in control now except with work, i like to just let life be as it is and i think that comes from not drinking.

sorry to hear your day was crap Byrd, i think the silly season is on us big time now. enjoy a nice warm bath.

Hyper, good to see you again. Just resign yourself to not drinking and pull out those tools that you used before. Getting back after relapsing is so hard and there is never a good day to stop. Pick a quit date and give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. One day at a time for us alkies.

Off to make a coffee, take care x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still warmish today with clouds & sun, no rain or snow, ha ha! I see from some of my Facebook friends up in Canada that they are getting snow today - yikes!
Way too soon for that stuff!

Ava, I hope you have a restful weekend & can regroup for the coming week

Hyper, work on that taper & choose a day, you won't be sorry!

Byrdie, I hope you also have a chance to regroup & take care of yourself this weekend. I hate to mention it but we will be dealing with holiday stress soon & you know we need to be in good mental shape going in, right?

Hello G & I hope you feel better soon Pav! Hi to Wags & Narilly too!

Have a safe night in the nest everyone!

Lav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Well, I'm very happy to be having a restful Saturday.
It was so nice reading back on all of your posts.
Hyper, it's really good to see you back in the Nest. We all know how difficult it is to start again after relapsing. Did you watch the video G-man posted above? I found it good to hear again the science behind why it's so hard to quit the cycle. I hope you'll find your day 1 soon, 'cause you'll surely feel better after just a few days.

Byrdie, great reminder about trying out new ways if yours isn't working. I've been tweaking my plan here and there and so far so good.

I think my biggest problems are letting go of the need to control and dishonesty. Mostly in situations where I'm ashamed or afraid.. Those are my biggest triggers and the situations in which I'm working on finding new ways to deal. Lowering my expectations of myself and others, being gentle with myself and others, being completely honest (it's so easy for me to fall back into telling white lies so as not to "hurt" someone) mostly in the sense of not overextending myself, having faith that at some point my brain will heal and I won't look to drinking as an escape, trying not to procrastinate with things that really do need to be done.

I'm hoping that when my brain has healed a bit more that I will be able to learn to trust myself with making good decisions. I hadn't thought for a long time about the fact that when we drink we f*** with the cerebral cortex of the brain which is responsible for decision making.. I'd thought of it with regards to not being able to make decisions once we drink, but of course, it affects all of our daily decision making abilities. I'm one of, if not the, most indicisive person I know and it's such a drag.. it takes so much energy.

I wish all of you a lovely, healthy and easy weekend..
xx

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

So I relapsed in another area of my life last night. I still stayed strong on the no drinking.

But I have been thinking about it today. I've got that guilt and shame feeling going on. And I've realised that time is the healer. But also, self judgement and shame do not help at all. So in the future I will ask myself, "am I willing to do the time to get back to where I was pre [insert relapse]"? Am I willing to let an hour or two slow the progress I have been making. But also, can I be kinder to myself when I do something that I do not deem 'good'?

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nest:

G, thanks for sharing that video. That is the same message that John Kelly shared on the Bubble Hour. Healing that brain, and getting it back in balance takes time and is certainly hard to do, and there is science behind that feeling. The good news is that time DOES heal it.

I have been complaining here a lot, but I have a blah feeling heading into November. I have no desire to drink - I just hate the shorter days, and I have not been taking care of myself well enough. Saying it here so maybe I can change that. Blah blah blah.

Ok, three things I am grateful for (thanks, Lav): the first rain of the season; seeing good, old friends tonight; the fact that I am enjoying my coffee without a hangover this morning.

Happy SOBER Saturday.
Pav

[Quit wining]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lav, you commented recently that one of the reasons you drank is because of adult pressures when you were a child.

That really hit home with me. For many years I felt I never measured up to standards imposed by others that wouldn’t allow me to be me. My parents and older brother made me feel that way. And I found out as an adult there were people in the workplace who tried to make themselves look good at the expense of others, including me.

I turned to al for an escape for many years. At this point in time, Day 111, I can’t say I miss having al in my life but I know what a tricky b**tard al is and I know that I’ll have to be on guard likely the rest of my life. I quit smoking over 34years ago, cold turkey, but I still consider myself a smoker. I think that if I have one cigarette that I’ll be right back into a pack a day habit. Same with al. If I have that one more drink, I’ll be right back where I was. And I don’t want to do that.

Years ago I read an article by Ann Landers and she said that no one could take advantage of you unless YOU let them. She was right.

We can’t undo the past but we sure as hell can influence how we show up today and every day from now on.

I hope everyone has a safe, al free weekend!

QW

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

QW, congrats on your 111 days, that is stellar.
I identify with your post 100%. I, too, was told I wasnt good enough. I just cant believe a parent would ever say that to a child. Maybe it was just the way things were back then, but in my mind, there is no excuse for saying that to another human being. Getting sober has made me realize I AM good enough. Thank you all for the thoughtful posts.

Changing the clocks this weekend. Oy! Ill be discombobulated tomorrow, at least it won't be a result of AL!
Hugs to all, Byrdie