Re: Newbies Nest
Hi Nesters,
It’s Saturday, warm and sunny here in central FL. Mom is spending time with us as she was in the hospital for two days this week with acute vertigo. Given that she’s 94, falling could prove problematic or worse. I’ve gotten her a rolling walker per docs orders but she’s loathe to use it. Pride is a nasty devil isn’t it? Anyway...there are worse problems for so many others. I’m grateful to be sober and here for her. I just finished making a homemade chicken pot pie for dinner tonight. Smells so yummy in here!
LC and Ava’s posts about control/no control got me thinking about commitments. Making them and keeping them. As my drinking got progressively worse, the more I shied away from making any. If I was invited to do something, I would try to remain noncommittal, just in case I changed my mind, or, more likely, was too drunk to attend/participate. Then it got to the point where I would just say no, knowing if it was pretty much anything other than a breakfast get together (even then mimosa or bloodies were acceptable) I’d be too looped to drive. Then people stopped asking (all except a few friends that used me, like I used them, as drinking buddies).
I like to think I’m past the guilt/shame/remorse for all those broken promises, missed opportunities and forgone memories. In sobriety, I’m actually a very dependable, helpful, and, some say, fun/funny person. I volunteer two days a month mentoring moms (4) with preschoolers. A new friend asked me to help with this — it’s really strange for me as I’ve never had kids (I’m no help offering advice about sore body parts either from birth or nursing) but I can bring in a blended-family POV on other parenting issues. Last week I babysat for one of my young moms and found muscles I never knew I had. It was a very big 11-month old. Now, never in a million years would I volunteer for an ongoing commitment when I drank, I’m pleased that I haven’t missed one meeting and I’m learning too from these young ladies. Nor would I ever had said yes to babysit. But I had told this young mom when I first met her to call me if she ever needed help outside our meetings. And when she called, the first thing she said was, “Did you really mean it?” For a brief second, I flashed back to my old self and thought“No.” But sober me was excited that she (1) asked and (2) trusted me. It ended up being a great experience.
Sobriety has given me the confidence to say yes, and mean it. It’s also given me the confidence to gently say no to things I don’t want to participate it — and not feel guilty. (Well, not feel as guilty. :-)) And...I remember it all! I really like not being noncommittal—I really like being a person of my word. I really, really love being sober. It’s all so worth the work.
Thats it for now — time to read back all the posts I missed while mom was in the hospital. Enjoy the rest of your weekend friends.
Hugs — ML
Hi Nesters,
It’s Saturday, warm and sunny here in central FL. Mom is spending time with us as she was in the hospital for two days this week with acute vertigo. Given that she’s 94, falling could prove problematic or worse. I’ve gotten her a rolling walker per docs orders but she’s loathe to use it. Pride is a nasty devil isn’t it? Anyway...there are worse problems for so many others. I’m grateful to be sober and here for her. I just finished making a homemade chicken pot pie for dinner tonight. Smells so yummy in here!
LC and Ava’s posts about control/no control got me thinking about commitments. Making them and keeping them. As my drinking got progressively worse, the more I shied away from making any. If I was invited to do something, I would try to remain noncommittal, just in case I changed my mind, or, more likely, was too drunk to attend/participate. Then it got to the point where I would just say no, knowing if it was pretty much anything other than a breakfast get together (even then mimosa or bloodies were acceptable) I’d be too looped to drive. Then people stopped asking (all except a few friends that used me, like I used them, as drinking buddies).
I like to think I’m past the guilt/shame/remorse for all those broken promises, missed opportunities and forgone memories. In sobriety, I’m actually a very dependable, helpful, and, some say, fun/funny person. I volunteer two days a month mentoring moms (4) with preschoolers. A new friend asked me to help with this — it’s really strange for me as I’ve never had kids (I’m no help offering advice about sore body parts either from birth or nursing) but I can bring in a blended-family POV on other parenting issues. Last week I babysat for one of my young moms and found muscles I never knew I had. It was a very big 11-month old. Now, never in a million years would I volunteer for an ongoing commitment when I drank, I’m pleased that I haven’t missed one meeting and I’m learning too from these young ladies. Nor would I ever had said yes to babysit. But I had told this young mom when I first met her to call me if she ever needed help outside our meetings. And when she called, the first thing she said was, “Did you really mean it?” For a brief second, I flashed back to my old self and thought“No.” But sober me was excited that she (1) asked and (2) trusted me. It ended up being a great experience.
Sobriety has given me the confidence to say yes, and mean it. It’s also given me the confidence to gently say no to things I don’t want to participate it — and not feel guilty. (Well, not feel as guilty. :-)) And...I remember it all! I really like not being noncommittal—I really like being a person of my word. I really, really love being sober. It’s all so worth the work.
Thats it for now — time to read back all the posts I missed while mom was in the hospital. Enjoy the rest of your weekend friends.
Hugs — ML
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