Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Roobs, one year! Ah-Mazing!!! :sohappy:
We are so proud of you. Your description of those last days reminds me of my famous Thanksgiving post....Ill go see if ai can find it. Its just a nightmare cycle!
Yes, I am looking forward to a couple days off next week! Hugs to all, great milestones!!! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Found.it!
Byrdie: "Belle...when you hear me refering to going down the rabbit hole...I am talking about the thoughts that make you want to drink. One thought leads to another, until finally, thoughts are actions and you are sucked in. I noticed it when you mentioned that your 30 days would be up the day before Thanksgiving...and that a glass of wine with the meal would be grand. This will get you in the hole in a hurry....Take the wine off the table (figuratively and literally) and you will be glad you did. It puts you in a state of turmoil.

You want Peace, right? Let us go down the rabbit hole together...shall we? There's the family....all gathered, giving thanks. That one glass of wine in front of you. What are you thankful for? blah, blah, blah.....and it goes around.

Before you know it the solitary glass of wine is gone. Someone pours you another....(oh you shouldn't, but it IS Thanksgiving, after all). If you are able to stop at 2 you are a better person than I am. I would dare to say that even if you didn't have any more....the next day you'd feel the GSR brothers...(Guilt/Shame/Remorse). And alas...this is FRIDAY....the best drinking day of the week! And a day off from work...I bet you go to the store and get some of your old favorites...

Then it's the weekend...and then you've blown it totally and why not drink... everyone else is??? The whole holiday thing sucks...all this wine around, why shouldn't I be able to drink like everyone else?

The next thing you know, the holidays have come and gone...and you don't even know where they went.

You find yourself feeling anxious, alone and depressed....because here you are right back where you started....Day Freakin 1. If you are me, it's was this point I didn't care if I lived or died...everything I had worked for had gone to hell in a basket.

BUT, let us back up for a second, and relive this whole thing of my rabbit hole theory. Your 30 day anniversary is celebrated by your friends in the nest! And day 31 is Thanksgiving. You wake up with a clear head and are able to enjoy your food and the people. You are sober now, you don't drink. You don't so much RESIST the drink as you do REFUSE IT...you actually remember the day (what people said) and you are FREE of the demon that wants so badly to live in you. The next day you feel like you've won a victory!! YOU HAVE DONE IT! You've gotten thru your first Turkey Day without AL! On to day 32, and girl I'll tell you, no drink tastes better than being sober feels.

By Christmas, instead of being a blurry mess, you will be in control!! No guilt! No Shame! No Remorse! You will never regret being sober. You know how the story ends...make it happen!!! When you feel your thoughts going there....tell yourself NO! HELL NO! And recite the Pledge of Allegience, or name the 7 Dwarfs or Dwarves....google whether it's Dwarfs or Dwarves.....do anything you have to do to get that thought out of your head. Don't go down the rabbit hole. I've been there and trust me, there's no good to be had down there. Keep your quit no matter what or no matter who!!! I'll be perched up on your shoulder and I will knock you up side the head if you think of having a glass of wine!!! Deal?

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie,its a great post and it's the truth! The hardest part though is not wanting to drink yet that discomfort can be overwhelming! I posted around that my mom might be coming this weekend,I'm already getting anxious just thinking about it,my usual routine will be disrupted,she's a heavy drinker and I know she'll go on about losing my brother and bring up emotions in Ne that I've already dealt with all summer long,I want to enjoy her company,go shopping,go eat,etc but the anxiety and preoccupied thoughts of drinking will make me irritable,shaky and vulnerable to alcohol,I don't know how to get past that discomfort

[abcowboy]

Pauly, it's often mentioned to look back on our past and all the hurt alcohol caused us and those around us and use that as a tool to help fight our cravings. Well, there's another side to that advice. Look back and remember the tough times we faced and got through them without drinking, and you did that when Jon passed. You have an enormous amount of strength in you to get through that without drinking, so be proud of that accomplishment and rely on that strength this weekend. Your mom may want to drink, and she may want you to drink along with her. She may want to talk about Jon and how she misses him. It's up to you to handle that as a non-drinker, be there to watch over and take care of your mom, talk about all the good times you shared with Jon and feel him watching down on the both of you. Prove to yourself, your mom, and to Jon that you are stronger than alcohol...

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

CONGRATULATIONS, ROOBS!!!! What an amazing achievement. Now you've been through a year of your life free from alcohol. All you have to say to yourself is "I got this!"

Byrdie - YES! I know that was my MO. Thanksgiving was my time to shine in my battle with alcohol. The early "dinner" gave me an excuse to drink earlier, and I was always "overserved" at Thanksgiving. I have many embarrassing memories from Thanksgivings past - so grateful I don't have to go through that again.

Pauly - I know you know this - don't drink AT your mom. That is giving her the control. One thing I have found is that my anticipation and anxiety about a situation can often be worse than the actual situation. Stock your house with plenty of non-alcoholic favorites, and make an excuse to go for a walk or an errand when she is REALLY bothering you. Detach from her as best you can - her shenanigans have nothing to do with you and you can't control them. You can only control your reaction to them. YOU GOT THIS!

Ava - sorry about the village idiot, and so glad you'll have a nicer place to work on Monday. Can't wait to hear about it.

So Happy It's Thursday!

xo
Pav

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Way to go Roobs!! 1 year, oh yeah baby!! That is awesome!!

Ava, so glad you only have one day left with the village idiot. We have been dealing with him for a long time, its amazing you didn't drink through the whole thing. It just shows how strong you are!

Pauly- I wrote a couple of drinking stories in my notes on my iphone. If I ever feel like I need a drink I look at those notes and am reminded about what a shit show it is when I drink.

Great post Byrdie- yeah we never stop at 1, ever. That is why we are here.

Good cruisin' G- have an awesome sober Thursday.

It is cold here in Calgary -8C. I am looking forward to a sober weekend where I can really enjoy being present. Nothing like being UN HUNG on the weekend. I never would have dreamed it possible before.

xo
Stay strong peeps.

No Thanksgiving massacre for you Pav because you don't drink!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

One thing I have found is that my anticipation and anxiety about a situation can often be worse than the actual situation.

This ^^^

So true Pav. Our minds are very powerful, often in ways we might not totally understand and might feel beyond our control. I'm not a expert at this by any means, but it reminds me of something that NS often mentions and suggests (I paraphrase): Our thoughts are just thoughts, not reality, but our minds cannot always tell the difference and our thoughts DO impact or shape our feelings.

Pauly - is there a way you can re-frame the upcoming weekend in your thoughts? Obviously you can't control how your mom will be, but perhaps do some visualization where you are deftly and smoothly navigating the weekend, no anxiety or al in sight? What would that look like? You've got some of the footage for this movie already because you've been living it! Be sure to play it all the way forward - thru to the days after your mom's visit ends and you're still AF and looking back feeling good about your new-found strength. It might be a challenging weekend in some ways, but you've already proven you can handle a challenge, and you're stronger now than you were for the last one. Check in here - the nest or your other fave threads - for boosters of strength and support. :hug:

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Thursday Nesters,

Pauly, I think it's great that you came here to post about how you're feeling.. I have been having a really shitty day where the thought to drink AT someone, mostly just to forget it all, has come into my mind several times. It's crazy how tricky our minds can be, how rational it can seem/how we can talk ourselves into it as a solution..? You got great responses from our fellow Nesters.. and we have to remember how STRONG we are, how proud we are of ourselves when we stay on course, how alcohol doesn't help a damned thing and in fact only makes everything worse.. devastating. Like AB said, you've been through a lot and have proven you CAN deal with very difficult life situations sober. I would also try to play it forward by thinking about how good you'll feel coming out on the other side of the visit, having kept true to yourself. It's understandable that you want to be there for your mom, support her, but most important is to be there for yourself.. I know you know all this..:hug:

I love that post, Byrdie.. don't ever want to go there again!


QW, Congratulations on 4 months!! Very well done. So listen, I am not very good at following recipes (I always change them!) or writing them down.. so this is approx. the recipe.. 10 cups of hearty white bread, cut in chunks and dried either over night or in the oven, 3 med onions, diced, 6 celery stalks + greens, if they look nice, diced, a lot of chopped fresh herbs, sage, thyme, rosemary, 1.5 sticks of butter, 1-2 cups cooked chesnuts, in vacuum pack, 2.5C (+/-) veg or chicken broth, 2 eggs, whisked, salt and freshly ground pepper. Sauté the onions, celery and herbs in the butter with salt.. then add the chesnuts. Mix in with the bread, then add the broth and the egg, salt and pepper to taste.. the mixture should be quite moist. Bake it in a buttered casserole form at 350° for 30-40 minutes.. I don't know.. I love it. Now I've googled a few recipes and this looks like a pretty standard one! ha!:happy2: What do you put into your stuffing?

Ava, I'm so happy for you with the start of your new job just around the corner.. and I'd be counting down the days if I were you, too! 4 years such an accomplishment. Sometimes I wonder why I couldn't have just "got it" back then along with you and Pav.. but then I try to let it go. For whatever reason I had to torture myself a bit longer!!

Good to see you Nar!

Ok.. have to think about what to cook for dinner.. I'm not really in the mood at all! May be an evening to go out..
See you in a bit.. xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

X-post, Wags! Great advice to "re-frame" the situation through visualization ahead of time. I could use some of that right about now!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - hey there fellow x-poster! Yep, reframing is a powerful tool - I often forget to use it, but am always so glad when I remember.

Ava & Byrdie - sending you both strength and support for your work situations. Ava, you're almost free!!!! And Byrdie, you've been working your tail feathers off - glad to hear you get some days off next week!

Have fantastic days and eves everyone!!!

[Elvis]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great job on one year+ Roobs! One year was when it really solidified for me, so I hope the same for you!

Your story about how to get the bottle on the other side of the table reminded me of how much effort I used to put into drinking daily. It was like another full time job. I would spend so much time planning out each day from which liquor store to hit, to where to hide the bottles for quick reloading later on, which excuse to use when I needed to leave the room for a refill. even down to which TV show I would watch that night to maximize the number of commercial breaks so I'd have more chances to get up and "stretch my legs" (i.e. refill the drink, of course!). Don't remember a damn thing I watched though. If only we collectively could channel all that time and energy we spent strategizing, imagine what good we could have done and how much we could have accomplished! The sky's the limit now!!!

Have a great day everyone!

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello all. I'm here. 81 days (I think - I have an app, but I feel like my phone has a mind of it's own, so my apologies if my previous posts do not line up with this. 8/27/17 was the date...so count from there I guess.)

Sorry I haven't checked in for awhile. I haven't decided whether or not I want to post details, but recently went through an incident that was completely my fault and 100% avoidable. It was my own stupidity and not without consequences, although it could have been much, much worse. At the moment I can't stop crying, I can barely eat and I haven't slept much. I know stress is not good for me or baby, but I'm terrible at dealing with emotions. I don't know if my husband will forgive me (he says he has.) I also don't know how to forgive myself. I walk around work and people say nice things or smile at me and all I can't think about it how I don't deserve anyone's compassion right now. I'm not a religious person, but maybe karma exists. I knew things were going too well...I always had the thought in the back of my mind something bad was going to happen, I just didn't know when or what or how. Now I do. And I'd do anything to take it back.

There are a 1000 if onlys that play in my mind. If I could have done just 1 out of 1000 things different, this wouldn't have happened. If I just would have used my dumbass brain. We're doing now everything we can to ensure it won't happen again.

And I didn't drink, so there's that. But I would have if I could have, there is no doubt. The only reason I'm functioning right now is because I'm hoarding PTO for FMLA and can't take off work and drinking isn't an option...so now I'm just drowning in my emotions. And just trying to save face for my daughter.

I know this is vague, but I don't know what repercussions come from posting my situation on a public forum. I don't think there are legal repercussions (according to the sheriff's office, anyway) but maybe insurance repercussions...although I think I've been relatively anonymous, not sure how they would know it was me unless they went around snooping for IP addresses. Nothing is safe on the internet, I suppose. I'll do some research, see what I can find. If you're truly interested, I can PM you the story.

Glad to see so many of you doing well. Keep on keeping on. Here's to another AF day.

[dill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well done on not drinking over whatever this situation is that you find yourself in, Moon! Don't be so hard on yourself. You do deserve compassion! We all do, and we all make mistakes.:hug: I know we have not "met" before, but I really wanted to give you a hug after reading your post!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

no more sleeps for me, woo hoo. training the new girl who seems great has been a challenge. funny how you just know it all and everything you do tumbles out and pretty well makes no sense ha ha. she has picked up a lot so she will be fine.

Pauly, talk about Jon and then kindly tell your mum enough is enough if it becomes overwhelming and detach yourself as best you can. if it means showering 100 times a day instead of drinking then do it, if it means popping to the shops then do it. do not supply your mum with al. if you have to buy it then it will be 100 times more tempting to get yourself some. can you tell her you dont drink anymore? being accountable goes 100% in your favour. You can do this Pauly, you are strong enough to say NO. i remember i went to thailand with my mum at 100 days or something and i felt like a 2 year old when i told her i did not drink anymore, her response was "i wanted you to stop smoking". Well it wasnt her choice then as it is not her choice now what i do, it is my choice. Two weeks i spent in Thailand with mum and i came close to caving in but this decision was for me and me only. I refused to drink at her, i came on here 24 hours a day it seemed but i did not drink. My brain near exploded with wanting al so i could deal with it all but i didnt. Every choice you make i just that, your choice and decision. You can do this Pauly, you deserve this life of sobriety and each first is hard as hell but the rewards are amazing as you know.

well best go to work, cant wait for the day to end.

take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

I like Ava's and everyone else's thoughts here Pauly. Take care of yourself.

Hey Kingy. Sorry you're not feeling the best. Share or don't share whatever you're comfortable with my friend. Hope there's someone there with you that you can talk to?

Kicking booty here. Crikey, i've been mr family man these last couple of weeks running around everywhere. When it rains it pours! Dropping in on my aunty today. Family's sure important. but i gotta be careful and give myself some time too. Especially in early sobriety. Take it easy.