Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Sunday--

Hypernova - YES! I am with you on that one. I think for me it boils down to expectations and the roles we play. My beloved family drive me nuts this time of year, too. But I try to do that NS thing and stay in the present, setting and keeping strong boundaries for myself.

Kensho - that definitely seems like his problem! You're no fun just because you're not smoking or drinking??? I think not. Sounds like you've had a crazy week. Good luck in AZ - we'll be thinking about you. Remember - you can't control them or what they say, only your reaction to it...

I'm off to get some things done and enjoy the sunny weather we have before the rain comes.

Happy SOBER Sunday,
Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Last evening I came across a podcast concerning staying in the moment and it turned out to be an interview with the author of my favorite book about getting past addiction (Death Wish: The Path through Addiction to a Glorious Life: Steve Chandler: 9781625116: Amazon.com: Books). He's written a new book about living in the "now" and I suspect it will also be very good, given his ideas and style: Right Now: Mastering the Beauty of the Present Moment: Steve Chandler: 9781625192: Amazon.com: Books. I can't vouch for it yet as I just downloaded it but for anyone struggling with past regrets and future worries, I bet reading this could help.

Hang in there, [MENTION=11645]Hypernova[/MENTION]. It is so tough when the problems seem to be coming from your family. The more you can see that no matter how awful it looks to you, whatever they are doing or saying seems reasonable to them in the moment and is the best they can do (no matter how weak their effort seems to you), you maybe can feel some compassion for how awful life must seem to them right now and forgive them. Although I often feel like she hurts me, I do feel sorry for one of my relatives because the world she chooses to live in is a hostile and unfair place. I would hate to live her life and am sorry she thinks she has to. I still get hurt and angry feelings because of my interpretation of things she does, but somehow the sting is lessened by love and compassion and I can sort of detach from her words and actions.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

I gotta get Chandlers Death wish Sugar babe, and will look at the other. I'm becoming a kindle nut these days as it's instant download and saves time and money on postage from other countries to Oz. Thanks for those recommendations.

Elsie, at day @#$%^&*!! i am raawkin it, and it sounds like you are too. Your daughters birthday party sounds like it was such a special one for you all. You're a great mum.

Kensho! Disclaimer as i'm about to use the word......NORMAL, which i know poses many questions - what is normal G man?! Bear with me here. You are one of the most balanced, NORMAL people on the planet. Completely Normal, understandable, natural responses and reactions to your family/relationship dynamics and associated situations. I'd add the word reasonable too. Looks like you've tried from all sorts of angles to keep things rolling along at home. I don't have a lot of experience with longer term r, re, real, relash.....rrrellashun.........er relationships, but maybe a letter or written synopsis of your boozing which i think may've been suggested here earlier, to explain and have as a reference hubby can read back on so it sinks in? Anyway, hope he gets on board. take care of yourself.

Yo Wags! Thanks. Yep, all very good here i have to say. AB hasn't featured much actually as my head's been screwed on fairly straight, but having said that reckon i'll pop one now. Hope you're good there.

Keep it going Hyper. Good to see you and glad you checked in. Take it easy and have a ripper week y'all.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Very true words there, NS.. Yes, Hang in there, Hypernova. We're all here by your side!.:hug:
Enjoy your sunny day, Pav.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening, Nesters.
Ive been baking cookies all weekend. In two weeks, a friend of mine is coming over for a cookie decorating session. I enjoy our time together when we do it, but baking all these cookies is a job.
Greats posts, everyone. Heading in to Thanksgiving week, pull out every tool you’ve got, we’ve got triggers, family and stress, so lets lean on each other to get thru it sober. No problem is really solved hy drinking. Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday evening Nesters,

Windy & chilly still but that's OK. Grateful we didn't lose power for a change, ha ha!

Hyper, checking in here daily (several times/day in the beginning) was & still is my primary source of support.
My family all seemed to stare at me & pretty much danced around me during my first 6 months or so. I kind of let them know that I didn't want or need any lectures or unsolicited advice - they have no knowledge or experience in dealing with this beast. It's up to you to use MWO as much as you need to & feel free to message us if you feel the need. I think most members are kind & willing to share stories & experiences.

LC, my chickens are fine, they have no problem with the colder temps. I toss out some extra scratch grains for them in the late afternoon for a snack. The process of digesting those whole grains is supposed to help keep them warm overnight. I guess it works because I have never lost a hen to cold weather & their house is unheated, ha ha! Glad your daughter enjoyed her birthday & you had a good weekend. It's so nice to see our kids grow into wonderful human beings

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy Monday--

A two-day week for me, so nothing I can't face...

G - I love your attitude and spirit. Thanks for bringing that to us in the Nest.

NS - I'll check those books you. You might want to write one yourself one of these days...

Keep on keepin' on,
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good day, Nesters,

I've had to argue with myself a bit this afternoon.. looking for an escape and feeling off. But I realised it is mostly because I'm stressed about being Broke with a big, fat capital B. It's only temporary but quite stressful at this time of year. I know I need to take it easy, focus on things that aren't money related.. it's not that I can't pay the bills, there's just nothing for extras.. which I don't need many of.. it's just when I really can't. I'm acting a bit like a little kid. Might start stomping my feet.

So coming here always helps. Straight home and to MWO. There's no reason for me to leave the house again tonight and surely tomorrow I'll be feeling more balanced. right?

Byrdie, what kind of cookies are you making? Sugar cookies to frost? I have a friend coming tomorrow afternoon and I think I'll bake something.. though I'm a bit baked out from the weekend!

Pav, you lucky doggie with a 2 day week.. Ahja, Thanksgiving is Thursday. I forgot.. a lot of you are lucky ducks with a short work week!

I know it can also be very stressful with the family dynamics and so much drinking going on.. Hang tight everyone!! Let us not forget what happens to us, how it makes us feel when we drink.. It doesn't make anything easier or more bearable in the end.. it might seem to, in anticipation or for an hour.. but very soon everything is much worse.


Hi and hugs to you all!!
Off to escape in Netflix.. hope I can find something good to watch.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,

Things are better here. I went to the doctor and have lost too much weight, so I’m working on eating better. My appetite has slowly returned and I’m starting to sleep again.

I’m trying to let this go, but part of me worries that if I let it go, I’ll let my guard down and it will happen. If I keep thinking about it, keep it in the forefront of my mind and let it consume me, I know I will be doing all I can to keep it from happening again. If I leave it to the past, what if I’m not as diligent?

Again, thank you all for your kind words. I know nothing we do (short of putting our dog down) is 100%, but I think we’ve made steps in the right direction. I still have moments of panic, but I’m learning to move past those. I know there is nothing I can do about the past, I just hate having to worry about the future. I’m doing everything in my power to ensure we do not have another incident like this. Right now, the dog is always with me when I’m in the house, so I know where she is.

I tell you what though, in regards to drinking - not sure if this incident is my penance for all the stupid drunk things I’ve done and how lucky I am or what, but it’s going to be harder than I thought. I really, really wanted a glass of wine while relaxing the other night…of course opted for tea instead, but the craving was very strong. I’m trying to set my brain straight and really want to get to 1 year. I really thought being at home wouldn’t trigger it as much as going out, but I was apparently wrong on that front!!! Like Kensho, for awhile I’d probably be able to do 1 - but the rest of the night would be spent obsessing over more. It almost seems easier to just have none at all.

You are right, NS - if this dog thing has taught me anything though, it’s that I would have felt even worse had I been drinking when it happened. Sure, might have been easier to deal with the aftermath WITH drinking, but I don’t ever want to cause pain like that for someone else or myself again. And if I caused pain due to drinking, I’d never forgive myself. All the more reason to stay sober. And, yeah, I definitely failed your quiz, lol!

I like your approach, G. I’m going to keep that in mind for my cravings. “Sit with it and let it wrap around me, look it in the ey, analyze/evaluate and though/feeling…and hopefully move on.” Love it.

Kensho - you are absolutely right about your in-laws, it’s dumb to make someone else feel bad for not drinking. The ONLY time I’ve ever witnessed someone making another feel bad for not drinking (myself included!) is because that person knows deep down they drink too much and don’t want to be the only one. My in-laws don’t drink (or very, very rarely do) and when someone says “no” at their house, they shrug and offer something else - coffee, tea, water, soda and move on. My family is another beast - they sound a bit more like your in-laws. I’m so sorry your husband said you are weak. You are not weak, in fact, quite the opposite. I’d argue it takes a ridiculous amount of strength to quit. My husband seems to feel the same way about my anxiety that yours does about your drinking - he’d prefer I just get over it and he doesn’t understand it. It’s very hard to want the one person you are sharing your life with to just understand and support you when they don’t. I know that pain and I’m so sorry you are dealing with it. Hope you get that sunshine!!

LC - You sound like you have a great daughter on your hands. My wish for mine is the same, I hope she doesn’t follow in my footsteps in regards to drinking, anxiety, insecurities, etc as well. I hope she’s like her dad in that respect. But we can’t drink here ’til we’re 21 - although that doesn’t stop most of us!!

Man, I promise one day I won’t have ridiculously long posts. It’s cold and rainy and gross where I am, which means nothing can get done outside. And I feel like I have so much more to do, I hate leaving my projects unfinished. Might just have to brave the cold. Otherwise, getting some much needed stuff done to the inside of the house.

After Thanksgiving, I’ll be on my own for three days - no husband, no kiddo, no pup. Just me and the other dog. This would normally mean binge-town at my house. Not an option with alcohol, so I think I’ll be going binge-town on some Netflix, hot chocolate, and loads of cleaning. I’ve organized a list of cabinets and drawers and shelves to organize while hubs is out of town. He’s a “keeper” in the sense that he’ll look at a piece of random plastic and think, “I might eventually need this.” Whereas I tend to throw it all away…so this must be done while he’s out of town. I’d never throw anything of “use” (i.e. screws, tools, etc) away, but who needs receipts from 10 years ago????? Fingers crossed to this day he has yet to ask where anything is! I’m nervous about my time alone, I won’t drink for sure, but things can get dicey when I’m in my own head too much. Might need to schedule a dinner out with friends.

Day 85. Could not have made it this far without you, my friends.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

I like the long posts!
LC, you can take the practical approach here - you can't afford to drink right now :harhar:. I know money problems really aren't funny at all (so please take this in the spirit it was meant) but even with the boxed swil I was drinking there at the end, it really added up!! You have more cash now than you would have if you'd been drinking these last several weeks so give yourself a pat on the back (or a little treat) :hug:.

And Moon, I am pretty sure you won't become complacent about your dog. You had a traumatic experience and learned from it. You won't forget it just because you're not obsessing about it. Worrying is a way of pretending we've got control - like, if we worry about it enough, it won't happen or (in my case), if I worry about and dread something happening, I won't be so disappointed when/if it does. I've been guilty of doing that throughout my life - staying low so I didn't have too far to fall. Most of the things I spent my time dreading didn't come to pass so I felt all the bad stuff and missed out on some good feelings. Other things that it didn't occur to me to worry about did, like my husband almost dying. Would my worrying about a thin, athletic, youngish man have made it so he wouldn't have had a heart attack? Nope, and instead I would have spent all those years fretting and probably driving him crazy. We've got to all do the best we can, put reasonable systems in place to prevent whatever concerns us, and try to go about the business of enjoying our lives. xx

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

You are so right, NS! And I did think about that today.. I thought, ok, maybe I could afford one beer, which is actually what I wanted (turned out I was hungry and thirsty, too) but that would've easily turned into many more which would have caused me to get into debt and real stress and a case of the GSR's to boot.. and I KNOW I wouldn't have stopped with today (as my brain was trying to convince me would be the case). So. NO. and anyway, I don't drink.

Moon, I also really like the long posts! Especially when I'm spending so much time here.. I think it's one of the best things we can do, one of our most useful tools. We get to release some of the "stuff" going on inside, which can be such a relief, and bounce it off others.. if someone has been there or in a similar situation, they can offer words of advice or comfort.. and others can read and not feel so alone.. I truly appreciate every single word posted here in the Nest. Even if I don't have a direct response, I always take something away..and it's so nice to get to know you all better.xx

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, glad you are here.

Moon, what would 1 glass of wine do? Lead to two, three, four glasses, right? One glass is never enough! I mean seriously, have any of us been satisfied with one glass? NEVER

That's right Life, you don't drink so why would you even go there.

I have been sober 3.5 years now and I am really proud of it. At first I was a bit sheepish about telling people because I thought they would judge me and they would say "ya right, she quite drinking, how long will that last?' Now I say "I don't drink " and I am proud to say it.
I am grateful every day I wake up UN Hung. Omg my hangovers were the worst.

And NS, you definitely should write a book. Thanks for the recommendations.

Have a great sober Monday.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Everyone sounds good, that makes me happy
I was able to get out & pick up all the food & other necessities needed for Thanksgiving today. Oh boy am I ever glad I went today & not waited longer because the stores are packed!!! Although I would say most people were smiling & friendly & that's nice. I'm not a fan of angry crowds, haha!
The wine & spirits store right next to the supermarket was also quite busy. I noticed that as I drove right past the place. I haven't stepped foot in that store for 8 1/2+ years!

Moon, my grandmother was a massive worrier & I think it rubbed off on me. I had to finally take steps to radically change my thinking, learn how to keep myself in the present to stay sane, geez. My anxiety slowly decreased the further I got away from AL too so I am sure you will experience much the same. Great job on your 85 AF days!

Narilly, I love hearing myself say the same thing - I don't drink. The words flow freely with great honestly & integrity

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all, it's been a while since I posted here. Unfortunately I fell back into drinking again, and have spent the last week doing such. I finally made an effort to not have a drink after work, instead I ate straight away (usually if I fill myself with food I don't end up drinking). I then forced myself to get outside on my bike for an hour as the sun was setting. I'm now back home and feeling great after some exercise, but that fear of returning to the bottle is there. It's coming up to a year (Dec 16th) since I first drank after 4 1/2 years of sobriety. I really want to call it quits for good now, but my dumb alcoholic brain is saying 'you've still got a few weeks before then of drinking'. I wish it was the 16th now! It's also not the easiest time of year to quit with all the work Xmas parties and work winding down...

[Jude58]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome back! there is never an "easy" time to quit. I would probably be saying the same thing if my liver hadn't gone all wonky on me. I have only been sober going on 3 months, but I had originally quit for 9 years. Most days back then I didn't even think about alcohol, it just wasn't a part of my life any longer. Then one day....WHAM, someone offered me a glass of wine and I took it. I figured that I could handle one small glass of wine, right? Turns out it was stronger than me, and shortly thereafter I was back to drinking full time. (and then some) Eight years later (3 months ago) I quit again, hopefully for the rest of my life) Never want to go back to those days....
It has helped me to read and post here as it kind of stabilizes and calms me to know that there are folks out there who actually give a damn. Try not to look at being AF as a loss, you are taking back your freedom. As so many have said before me, just take it one day at a time. If you look too far into the future, you'll be overwhelmed...one minute, one hour, one day. You can do this!

Jude