Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Looking forward to having some quiet time this weekend to read some more. Running to dinner with family and friends. The truth is that I did drink a little this week and I decided to before I left. I was feeling weak and didn't want to face the music with husband and family. Observations: no one pushed me to drink; others were actually drinking less; I don't think anyone would have cared a bit if I had said no; I do not feel my life was in any way improved by those drinks. Period. I know I sound like a broken record, and I apologize for all of you at the receiving end. Point is that the only thing I gained from it was feeling like crap one morning. I am finding myself long for that "me" that was not a drinker. I intend to make a plan to quit for good - but I know I will need this plan because its when I'm busy in normal life, and have time to myself that I tend to do the unhealthy stuff regarding booze and I don't want to waste any more life.

I look forward to reading more.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning lovely Nesters,

Kensho, I think it's great that you keep posting here, no matter what. You are being up front and completely honest with yourself while trying to find Your way out again, and imo, that's more important (or as) than anything else. A plan is a good idea, maybe getting it down on paper.. figuring out what your Tools are for your daily practice. Maybe this is a dumb idea, but I wonder if you could just start without making a big deal out of it with your Husband? Give yourself a goal of a couple of weeks or 30 days (you don't have to tell anyone what you're doing) and for that time period, just sort of shrug off the offers to drink, "nah, I've got a stomach ache.. not really in the mood, need a clear mind tomorrow", whatever you can say so that it's not a "big deal".. I was just thinking that if you don't have the extra stress of having to fight about it, it might be easier to get some af time under your belt, build up your confidence/strength and then lay it on the line? :hug:

Byrdie, those cookies look amazing.. I like the kissy lips!:happy2: My daughter has dug out all of the cookie cutters so I'm afraid I've got a big job ahead of me on Tuesday.. Looking forward, though! Tis the season and all, right? Today we're baking a small chocolate buttermilk cake for a friend.. yums.

Lav, sounds like you're having nice Bday celebrations!

G-man, great posts!! I had to think of you yesterday as I finally began my "speed" meditation and yoga practice.. I set an alarm and did 10 minutes of each.. like you said, it's doable and not sooo painful. A little bit, since I've been such a sloth lately!

Ava, I'm so happy that you're happy with your new job.. it's about friggin' time. I know work can be stressful but it definitely isn't healthy when it's a constant case of misery. How nice that you can actually look forward to it! Glad to hear your son is on the mend.

Ok. Out for a run this freezing cold morning with a friend.. and then back to my cozy home!
Wishing everyone a peaceful and relaxing Sunday.
xx

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,

well the weekend is winding down here in NZ, and I'm exhausted, but not the usual tiredness from a weekend spent boozing, but rather from a very active weekend. Today I headed out to the beach to attempt to surf - no such luck but I did end up spending a couple of hours paddling around in the ocean which was good and put me in a very happy, calm place afterwards. I'm probably feeling the most normal I have in about a year, and I decided today that I'm definitely not going to drink at the work Xmas party next week - I want to continue feeling this good. Hope everyone else's weekends were as good!..

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - I'm not totally pain free unfortunately, and I might not ever be. That was my main concern about accepting what I felt was a low-ball settlement. I ultimately gave up and took their offer because it was clear I wouldn't get any further without hiring a lawyer, and that becomes significantly more complicated and stressful. But I have recovered enough to return to cycling, which is my number one favorite activity (and also my preferred transportation for lots of trips) so I will take that. Thanks for asking! Glad to hear you've been able to get out for some runs recently, and will look forward to hearing about how your speed yoga goes!

K1wibro - yay, I'm a cyclist too! So glad to hear you got out and started your weekend with a beautiful ride by the ocean. It really sets a different tone for the day (or days), doesn't it? I didn't have a physical calendar for "last drinks" days, but I sure set those types of deadlines in my head. I was always picking days with certain types of number dates because for some odd reason it seemed like that would make it easier (the first of the month being the best example, but often I'd choose the Monday after a holiday weekend, or some other day with what I thought was "significance" of some sort. In the end, I stopped drinking on a random Sunday because I literally just got sick of the whole thing. I'd have to go double check my date now, as I don't have it memorized - all that really matters to me is that: a) I STOPPED, b) it was almost 500 days ago (woohoo!), and c) I have no intentions of ever going back again.

Mr V - sorry to hear you had someone kinda in your face about not drinking. It's really none of anyone else's business. I always figure questions like that say more about the person asking than they do about me. Not that this person necessarily has a drinking problem, but if they ask stuff like that they clearly have some sort of problem

Byrdie - gorgeous cookies!!!

Kensho - keep coming back, keep reading and posting.


Hellos and waves to everyone passing through the nest this fine Sunday!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I was one of those pests, too. I didn't have judgement, just so much curiosity. When? Why? HOW??? Of course, it was my own "subtle" way of finding out for myself if and when I could/should quit. Now when someone gets to be too questioning, I just assume they are curious about their own drinking. I talk about how great it is and how wonderful I feel and try to move on.

Ava - glad your son is getting better. I am with you - two holidays in a row is too much! I didn't go shopping on Friday, although I sort of did as I ordered some things online. My goal is to have this all done by the second week of December so I can enjoy the weekends without stress. We'll see if I'm successful...

Kiwi - sounds like a great weekend to me. I need to figure out how to get more exercise when it is winter here, but all of those outdoor activities are what appeal to me. I live in a very hilly place, so biking anywhere is a good workout. Sometimes TOO much so... Glad you've decided not to drink.

Kensho - glad you've come back. I could tell from your posts that you were planning to drink - or rather it seemed to me that that might be the case. I didn't know how to help you change your mind, or set off on the trip with resolve not to drink. Ultimately, you will find your own way out. We're here to help, so let us know if we can...

Byrdie - my son wants to make Christmas cookies this year! I am NOT a baker, but we'll give it a try. Do you use royal icing?

My quitting hobby was hiking. I know ALL of the trails around here like the back of my hand as I have meditated and socialized on them many, many times over the last four years. I can actually recall very early hikes and thoughts in specific spots.

I am making the final leftover, leftover, leftover turkey soup today, and look forward to some healthy meals this week - with no gravy or pie involved!

Hi to all you nesters I didn't mention by name. Thanks for being here...

xo
Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Nice Sunday here, relaxing and nursing a cold I picked up on my travels. It sounds like plenty of others here are relaxing also, and feeling grateful for being sober. I'm not sure why I was so intrigued by drinking again, or why I was feeling so fearful and stressed about telling others I was stopping again. I am feeling done with trying to keep it in my life. I miss me. No reason to run from it. And paying attention to drinkers during vacation, I just don't know what it did for them, or me. What's so special about drinking? It makes you feel like crap and tired and not with-it and irritable and unable to problem solve. I am losing my understanding of the allure.

G, you said it, that when you drink "nothing happens. I don't allow myself to fly, to shine." I guess I'm ready to experience sobriety again, for a good long time. I am relaxed right now of course, and the desire to escape will probably hit when the stress returns. But drinking for others - I realize how silly that is now.

LC, I will take your advice and stop without needing a big conversation. That's how I did it last time, and I gradually built back up my strength to defend my choices when confronted. Good plan.

Today is day 3. Thinking about my pitfalls, and how to overcome them. Stress - feeling overwhelmed and overloaded with work and cooking meals, and spending quality time with family and kids... and the holidays are coming. A few strategies I'll be using: 1. Simplify when I can, 2. Put me and sobriety first - stop and give myself what I need (the drapes can wait), 3. get enough sleep, 4. non-al drink in hand, 5. Remember why: I am happier and healthier not drinking, I am showing my children that drinking is not necessary, and most importantly, I am finding and being my best self without alcohol. Why struggle and stress and take on the world if I can only get as far as drunk? I'm meant to do more and be more. 6. Maybe I will look into ADD and ways to help my overloaded and sometimes chaotic brain, 7. Find time to move my body and meditate as often as possible.

I just got done telling my son this morning that success in life is not about figuring it all out right now, but rather noticing the doors of opportunity that open along the way, and walking through them. This is my next door.

I need you guys. I will hit hard patches, fuck-it moments and try to tell myself that my drinking wasn't bad enough to stop. But drinking is keeping me from being the me I am meant to be. Thanks for your continued support.

Byrdie, I love that you are becoming one of those people who "just don't drink and think nothing of it". Hopeful words there!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I had a very odd thing happen today. About two weeks ago I mentioned one of my chickens disappeared. Well, she suddenly showed up this morning, looking OK but grumpy & starving. I let her into the fenced yard with her 'sister chickens' but she wasn't well received. These birds have a serious pecking order & didn't seem happy to see her back. By the end of the day she was just gone again ~ poof! Ha ha, these birds are too much sometimes. She must be hiding out in the woods or something, who knows? Other than that my day was good & I made a delicious pot of mushroom soup, yum.

Glad to see everyone & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening, Nesters. Today is the last day of liesure, back to work tomorrow. Had a great day, I made some cookies for my niece’s wedding, so that was fun. Pav, I use fondant (Fondarific) not royal icing. I dont have any luck with royal icing, I think its a hateful substance, like chocolate (to be left to the professionals]. Fondant is fun and easy! Watch some YouTubes, its fast, too. You can pick up some cute decorations at Walmart and plop them right on top, badda bing! Here is today’s project. A45F5C31-B539-44DC-A119-0B868BAA69C1.jpg

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

" I guess I'm ready to experience sobriety again, for a good long time.

My holiday wish for you is that you decide to shut that door for good and enjoy the peace of mind that awaits on the other side. It is not defeat to move on and it doesn't reflect weakness. At this point, "surrender" is nothing more than awareness of our situations and common sense. Time spent worrying about whether to drink and how much is time lost. David Cassidy recently died of liver failure after an adulthood of addiction to alcohol and other drugs. According to his daughter, his last words were "So much wasted time".

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening check in here. Thank you NS. I am feeling relieved and hopeful, and happy to have an abundance of warmth and love to share with my children tonight, without alcohol.

Good night.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

Happy to be here on an Un-hung Monday! I always have to think of Nar when I say Un-hung.. How are you, Nar?

Lav, that is so crazy with the chicken coming back after so much time.. the poor girl. Chickens can be ruthless with their "order".. I've heard that often.

Sounding good, Kensho.. Getting in the right frame of mind has been the most important thing I've done. And even if we "know" what we have to do to get there, it still isn't easy..but you're doing it! The other thing that has really helped me a lot is, as you mentioned, leaving the drapes!, the vacuuming, the dishes, whatever.. my girls are a bit older than your kids.. but I told them, you know what? I clean when it bothers me (and my threshhold for "uncleanliness" has increased a bit!) and if that's not good enough, you know where the cleaning products are! It isn't disgusting at all in my home, but I realised there were a lot of things I obsessed about that noone else noticed anyway.. so doesn't matter when/if I do it. I've been surprised at how many little things I can let go.. I improvise a lot more now!:happy2:

Yesterday around noon I was watching a funny movie on Netflix (Morning Glory.. silly, but a sweet, easy movie) when a friend called and asked if I wanted to join her for a walk with her and her dog.. very spontaneous, as the friend who was supposed to meet her at 11 first called and said she'd be late (she'd had too much to drink the night before), there around 12, then called just before 12 to say she'd had to turn around and go home 'cause she was so sick.. I immediately said, Yes! I can come along! And had such a lovely walk/chat in a huge park that I never go to because it's quite far away..it was a beautiful, sunny late Autmn day, leaves still on the ground, though not so crunchy anymore! But still possible to kick up in the air.. This is a friend I cancelled on quite a few times in the past and it has been great to turn it all around. Now I'm actually acting like a Normal person! "Just" had to drop the f****** alcohol. Finally.

Have to run off to work.. Hi to everyone!!
Hope you all have a good day.. big fat hugs all around..
xx

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nesters

A lovely coolish day today and a wonderful day at work. 3 people commented on how happy i seemed and i am. going to work and enjoying it is novel.

I am also counting down to my 4th year sober and each and every milestone is something to celebrate for me. Its a good feeling to get down the track and count long milestones, i remember counting minutes, hours, days and weeks in the beginning, thinking i could never ever do this. how the hell did others get to years when i felt i could not make it to the end of the day. Those feelings have long gone and now i am at peace living without al. I dont need it and i certainly dont want it in my life. I have become happy inside and out, i have become that person that al destroyed again. I have mind peace and time away from al has given me that, i am very very lucky. As NS said give up al and find whats on the other side, i have found it and it is great.

i was talking to a friend at work about my anniversary and she asked how i did it and i told her about this site and logging on here drunk one night and that was in 2011, how i read the stories and thought to myself "i was so not a bad as people on here" and how it took me two more years before i stopped and now i know i am/was as bad as others, i just had a different story. I just had to put in the hard work, stop justifying why and accept i had to stop and be grateful for being alive each and every day.

LC i love going for a walk now if i can get motivated! Never could i walk with a hangover and i would say to myself that i would walk later when i felt better but by then i was planning my next drink.

Oh Lav that poor chicken, i hope she comes home again.

take care, off to make some dinner x

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

LC - what a lovely time it sounds like you had with your friend, and all the more sweet because of the role al played (and didn't play) in the whole story. Fantastic! It is truly amazing how much we miss when we drink, much like the quote NS mentioned from David Cassidy. Great job LC!

Lav - that is very strange with your chicken. I was so glad to hear that she had returned, then sad to see she's gone again, although I guess it sounds like nature at work to a certain extent.

Kensho - glad you had such a wonderful eve with your family

Ava - really fantastic to hear you so happy with your work situation. You've earned it, and I'm glad it is turning out to be every bit as much of an improvement as you had hoped and anticipated. Coming up on 4 years is spectacular as well. It sure is different to be well into a quit now vs those first days (hours), weeks and months, isn't it? I can remember it took a lot of energy and I spent a lot of time thinking about al (or about how to get through until bedtime without al, or through the next "x" hours) early in my quit, and now I generally don't think about it at all. Can't wait to celebrate 4 years with you (and Pav, right?)

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

So I had this weird thought yesterday, and I don't recall what triggered it, but I'm pretty sure I was on here reading through posts. I was trying to picture what it would be like if aliens landed in the midst of us and how they might perceive things re al. My imagined story had them completely befuddled about the role that this liquid poison plays in society (and indeed in many societies/cultures around the world). I saw them chatting amongst themselves in bewilderment as they watched us convince each other to drink this poison, the lies we perpetuated about how "fun" it was to drink it, and yet the parallel dark underbelly of it ruining lives left and right. I thought it would be terribly hard for these aliens to understand why people would intentionally take small or large doses of poison. Like seriously, if you traveled to another country where they had some substance you'd never heard of or tried (or maybe one that you had heard of but also knew was commonly considered a poison), but the local practice was to consume it. What would you think if you saw it having ALL of the effects that al does - would you even dare try it? What if you went abroad and discovered that bleach is a common social lubricant? Or anti-freeze? Or similar?

I think that the aliens would conclude that there is very little intelligent life here and move on to check out other galaxies.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all!

90 something days (left my phone at home so I can’t check my app and I’m too lazy to count.) 3 months, wowzers!

Read every post - lots to catch up on. Good reads, everyone keep strong.

As for me, Thanksgiving was just down right harder than I expected. It seems that the situations I envisioned being “easy” turned out to be much harder. Thanksgiving day was just a small get together with my dad, but since the fence building has commenced, I was charged with dinner. (Successful, but mostly from boxes because i am a horrendous cook and I do not enjoy it.) Had I been able to drink, I would have been drunk drunk drunk drunk by 4pm. Always had to have a drink while cooking. Especially on the holidays - a special occasion so you can start earlier, right?

Woke up Friday eternally grateful for not being hungover, as we had a party at my mom’s house to go to. Would have been miserable hungover. That morning, getting ready, I was so happy to have a “good” excuse not to drink that day. I always, always over drank with my family and ended up saying/doing something stupid and feeling guilty the next day. And I slept awful that night at my mom’s and so I was again, eternally grateful for being un-hung in the morning. Felt bad enough not getting enough sleep, adding a hangover would have meant spending the rest of the day irritated and sickly. Someone brought non-alcoholic wine and I had a few sips but was ultimately uninterested in an entire glass. Opted for water the entire night instead. And lots of pie.

We worked on the fence most of the weekend, thankfully it’s almost done. But home projects = beer. My husband happily consumed about 3 beers in an 8 hour day, whereas I would have downed the entire 12 pack. Definitely had to remind myself how much better I feel sober and how much I would not have accomplished if I had been drinking. During one man tasks for the fence I stomped around in the woods and made walking trails on our property. This has been only to-do list for a long time, but I’ve never done it. Had I been drinking, it still wouldn’t be started (still not done - but progress made!) It felt so good to get out and get some exercise and not have a looming headache.

I realized I have a long way to go after feeling like this. I tried to repeat the mantra: “I don’t drink, I don’t drink, I don’t drink” but it was met quickly with, “You CAN drink next holiday season!” and other useless, stupid thoughts like: “Just switch to liquor, you’ll be fine” or “If you really put your mind to it, you can just have one or two.” Massive eye roll to my brain.

I am finding it’s hard to sit still now that I don’t drink. I’m constantly thinking of things I could be doing instead of enjoying the moment and relaxing. More to work on.

Holidays for me always come with guilt that I’m not spending enough time with family, which is probably why alcohol was always so prevalent. After spending the night at my mom’s, I realized we just can’t do that anymore. With two dogs and a toddler it was too hard. Everyone else left around 10pm, I’m not sure why we couldn’t have as well (after all, we had a sober driver!) We all slept terrible and got home later than we wanted the next day. 10 hours in one day should be enough, right?? I don’t know why I feel like this, yet another thing to work on getting over. I think some of it stems from the fact that I don’t want to put my husband out or him have a bad time and I can’t read him when we’re around my family. I suppose the best course of action for future events is to just have a plan. Get there by X time. Leave by X time. I think maybe a lot of it is just that the way we do holidays now is not the same as the way we did holidays when I was a kid and I’m somehow expecting that, which is ridiculous because we’re not in the same situation.

Anyway, another long post from moonking.

Wags (not Pav, sorry!) - I think they would definitely check out other galaxies. So many things wrong with our society. Yeesh.