Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, all

MaryLou - Congratulations! I'm ready to be a granny, even though that's a LONG time away for me, I hope! (I have teenagers).

WAGs- 500 days!! Congratulations to you, too. You certainly HAVE been tested this year, and you've come out on top.

Moon - I understand your thoughts of wanting to be "normal." I wanted that, too. I still sometimes do. However, when I find my acceptance, and I think about how alcohol is glorified in our culture, I realize that a)there is no use in a pity party for myself - I can't drink, period and b)why would I want to, and why is drinking considered "normal?" So much better to have a picture frame and coffee!

I was looking at old pictures on my computer last night and found myself wistful about alcohol again. There were pictures of parties where the smile and ease were evident - taken BEFORE I had the inevitable one or five too many. I know that because I have anxiety right now, it is easier to romanticize drinking. I know from reading extensively that romanticizing booze is one of the steps of relapse which is why I am here reporting it. I know I'm not going to drink, but just want to cover all my bases...

Part of the anxiety is a personnel issue at work. Humans are so complicated. She is being passive aggressive which I can't stand. Come out and tell the truth and let's have it out - that's my motto. I like being direct and having hard conversations. She wields a lot of power with the other staff due to her status as someone who has been there longer than most, so her mood and behavior can affect the whole team. Maybe WD40 will fix her, too??

Thanks for letting me vent. I am overall so grateful to be sober through this and through the whole holiday season.

Happy Tuesday, nest.

Pav

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

500 days, Wags? WOW! Congrats! That’s amazing!!!!

Pav - the coffee thing! I swear I’m the only person in the world who hates coffee. Plus, I’m uber sensitive to caffeine, so any soda/tea/coffee after noon means I won’t sleep. Humans are complex creatures, for sure. I’m sorry you have someone passive aggressive at work. We have one of those, too. They can really get under your skin. You can try spraying her with WD40, but I can’t guarantee the cops won’t be called - lol.

I woke up in a better mood, once again grateful to not be hungover. I still struggle with slight morning sickness when I wake up, so it’s sort of like a hangover which sucks…but’s gone by the time I get to work. I really didn’t realize how much stress and anxiety is a trigger (although it should have been obvious) is for me. Definitely over the next 22 weeks will be working on how to handle stress in a healthy way - and one that does not involve compulsively organizing like screws and nails into their own containers. :-/

On my 3rd jar of salsa verde and going to get a 4th at lunch. I’ve never had it before and it’s so good.

100 days strong here.

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Have not been here for a while, stopping by to say hello, and share this link I found interesting.
YouTube

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

PAV, I can't stand passive aggressive either. It's so much easier to just put it all out there than try to have a guessing match. I feel the pain for you! I wondered if the full super moon had anything do to with our recent anxiety? I know you get the winter blues. Do you take vitamin D? I found that to work wonders for me this year because I have actually been taking enough - about 1000 per day through the summer and fall, and I'm going to up it now because I'm getting less daylight. Hang in there and vent away.

Wagmore - are you waggin' that tail more now that you've reached 500? Is that what your avatar name is about? Anyhow, 500 is an awesome number, big high five to you! Your growth and self-assurance are noticeable in your posts and I appreciate your input and sharing.

I made it through a hard night last night. Used the skills I learned before - the acceptance that sometimes we just feel bad. Period. And we breathe and do our best, and go to bed hopefully to wake up on a brighter side of the bed. And I feel better already. Did my morning stretches and I feel ready to tackle the day. I do wish it started later though; I would really pay a lot of money to not see 6am for a good long time

Have a good day everyone.

ADD: Moonking, YEA for 100 days! That's wonderful! Don't ever look back - you will never regret not drinking around the kiddos. But you will, for certain, need to hone those stress-relieving skills. Focus on moving forward. Alcohol will only spell wasted time for you now.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Mr. V.... If only here were an "I LOVE THAT VIDEO" button! I connected with her words so much, thank you bunches for sharing and nice to see you stop by!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Moon, congratulations on 100 days!! That is epic! You just don't see that everyday....sort of like this :llama: We are so proud of you! Keep up the great work, there is a big reward at the end of it all....self respect, confidence, good health, shiny hair, better skin and whiter teeth....bahahaha, well, maybe not whiter teeth. Hang in there for 200 days and you get a free can of WD40. WELL DONE!!! PP2

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Friends!

Wags, congratulations on 500 days! I appreciate so very much your words of wisdom and support.. and your openness in sharing the highs and lows of your journey.. as you said, this year has been a very testing year.. Here's to some easier times. Big hugs and wishing you a lovely celebration.. bike ride, perhaps??

Pav, I also find it so difficult/stressful to deal with people who are acting passive aggressive.. and it depends so much on the person and the situation to know how to best handle it.. I hope you find a good way to do that. Great that you came here to vent.. and reminded us of one of the steps to relapse.. romanticizing the booze.

Moon, Congrats on 100 days! Well done! Are you eating chips or veggies or quesadillas with the salsa verde? or literally just drinking it? ha! we do funny things when we're pregnant!!

So I have a predicament. I have gone to a couple of aa meetings.. a sober sisters meeting and some meditation meetings. I have liked all of them.. especially the Sunday morning meditation which I'd like to continue going to. The women's meeting is Tuesday evenings from 815-915 and it's so difficult for me to get out the door at that time during the winter when it's so dark and cold. I feel like when I say that to the people, I'm making "excuses" not to go.. I don't really feel like getting a sponsor and doing the steps is my thing (though I only gave it half a try many years ago).. but I'd like to be able to go to the meetings if I need to.. Tomorrow afternoon I have an appt with a psychologist/therapist who can't see me herself, but who will talk to me for a bit and help me figure out what kind of therapy might help/be good for me and then recommend someone.. I thought of asking her take on it. I guess my problem with aa is that it seems like the people who do it feel it's the only way.. and maybe that's unfair to say, or inaccurate, but it's how it seems. And I haven't had the best track record staying sober, which is why I was thinking about going there.. I don't know. Maybe I'll just stick to the meditation meetings for now.. and then see. Doesn't seem anyone has a problemwith that thusfar.

ok- 10pm and I'm beat.. just bought some B vitamins which I hope will boost my energy levels! Usually does.. I've got some D I'll have to start again, too.. thanks for the reminder, Kensho.
Wishing you all a lovely MAE..
xx

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

30 days (LC), 100 days (Moon), 500 days (Wags), 4 years (Ava and Pav), 2500 days (Byrdie) --- Congratulations on achieving each and every one of them!

At the beginning, I counted days (because I was told to :wink and while it helped me stay accountable, I hated how slowly they seemed to add up and looked forward to the day when I'd be thinking in weeks and months instead. It was comforting to know that that would eventually happen. After awhile, I did escape the daily "awareness" but was very attuned to the 24th day each month and made a little charm to mark it. And you know what? I don't even notice those anymore unless something unusual happens on that date such as my original birthday, which also is on the 24th.

That is the good news - being a non-drinker becomes NORMAL LIFE! You won't be wasting your time acquiring, limiting, disposing, hiding, masking, lying, recovering, puking, crying, promising, and ultimately disappointing yourself again.

Someone wrote about wanting to BE "normal". There is no normal. It only seems like there is. Sometimes I want to be "normal" and eat whatever I want without messing up my blood sugar - look at all those normal people who eat junk all the time and are fine!! But... many of them actually are not. They just don't know that they are diabetic or pre-diabetic unless they measure it. And all those "normal" drinkers?? Everyone who knows me would have called me that - because that was all they saw. How many people do we look at now and define as normal drinkers who are living the same lie we were living? I suspect it is many more than estimated.

And... why would anyone think it is normal to drink poison? There is NO WAY alcohol would be allowed on the market today if it were a new product. There is no doubt that it is a risky, toxic, pro-carcinogenic substance.

So, I guess we can be "jealous" of the people we see who seem to be fine if they do (or don't) have the occasional drink (like my husband truly is). But guess what?? That drink doesn't give nearly the same reward to them as it did to us. Anyone who can take it or leave it doesn't mistakenly give it the value we did.

Before I became addicted, I was an apparently normal, fine if I do, fine if I don't kind of drinker. I liked the ritual and pseudo-sophistication and sort of liked the taste. I liked the slight mellowing from one glass. But if someone had told me I could never drink again, that would have been ok.

And I'm ok now knowing I can never drink again - and I feel a normal as any complicated and contradictory human being can. I'm glad that I've been the canary in the mineshaft and removed some pretty nasty things from my life. Maybe we all are actually the lucky ones.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

[MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION], The one rule you need to follow right now is not to drink. If going to a particular meeting promotes that, maybe it is good to go. But other than that, I wouldn't put pressure on yourself to meet expectations of others or any you arbitrarily put on yourself. I didn't make myself do anything besides my job and not drink for 3-4 months. I did a lot of things because I felt like it and feeling good made it easier not to drink. And I must admit, I kind of liked reducing all the "shoulds" in my life and have been careful about those I've let back in. Most of them were all big obligations that I came up with and then felt enslaved by. Keep taking good care of you, LC. xx, NS

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

I have to say I feel pretty lucky right now..

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for that, NS.. it was kindof feeling like a "should" which I know isn't good for me.:love:

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wagmore - are you waggin' that tail more now that you've reached 500? Is that what your avatar name is about? Anyhow, 500 is an awesome number, big high five to you! Your growth and self-assurance are noticeable in your posts and I appreciate your input and sharing.

Yes Kensho - that's exactly where my MWO name and pic come from! And I'm definitely wagging more after 500 days :yay:

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks to all for the congrats. 500 feels pretty good, I have to say. I honestly think I'd be in a very dark place right now if I had let this year turn me back to al.

Mr V - fantastic youtube video - thanks for sharing the link!

Pav - rut roh, passive aggressive is one of my least favorite human behaviors. I hope the situation resolves soon!

Moon - Congrats on your 100 days!!! I'm with you on the yes salsa verde and no coffee wagon - salsa is one of my "favorite foods" and coffee's never been of any interest to me. Glad to know there are two of us

LC - I agree about letting go of the "shoulds" as much as you can. I totally hear you about finding it hard to head out in the dark to go to an evening meeting - that would always be a challenge for me, but even more so during the winter. The problem with many groups such as certain AA gatherings is that they at least seem like people believe they are the only way to do this quit thing. And therein lies one of the beautiful things about MWO and that can be found in this site's very name - My Way Out, where we all get to determine the "My" that works for us. And we get to do it in good company. Just keep on taking care of LC, and all the rest of that stuff will fall into place or fall to the wayside, wherever it's meant to be.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

Oh Pav, my village idiot boss was passive aggressive, one minute so damn nice so he put me in that false sense of security and then BOOM. my anxiety was through the roof before i left there, now it is due to me being off work due to no fault of my own. Can you speak to someone about it and go higher up? i truly feel for you. i put in an informal complaint that was noted but if i wanted to formally complain i had to have evidence of bullying. how the hell do you have evidence when they are so sneaky and you are so anxious is what i want to know. i hope things work out for you but as you know drinking will not solve a single issue that is going on and i dont have any bricks at the moment :-)

Wags a huge hug on 500 days to you. You have been put through the wringer during this time and not drank, that is one massive achievement on your part. Congratulations.

LC i agree with NS not to put any pressure on yourself. As soon as we do that we feel anxious and stressed and we know where that leads. You and only you can do what is best for you. I dont do anything i dont have to do now and i made that decision when i stopped drinking. I am my priority and i do what i feel is best for me. Every day i keep plodding along in life and as long as i dont drink then life is great. If you feel you need to go to a meeting then go, if you feel you want to go to meditation then go, if you feel you need a counsellor then do it but do it because you want to.

Still not feeling the best so going back to the drs. did do a google and rest is basically the best remedy so i am going to grab on to that one. I do have a case of feeling guilty that i have started this new job and this accident happened but there is zero i can do about it except accept it for what it is. My health is way more important than a job.

take care x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

We are the lucky ones

Big CONGRATS to Wags on 500 & Moon on 100 AF days :welldone:
I love those big, monumental numbers because they make you feel powerful. Keep going ladies!!!

Pav, it turns out I have been married to a passive aggressive for the last 44 1/2 years! Yep, that's where my anxiety came from & my subsequent attempt to manage it with copious amounts of wine
I can't change him so I changed myself! My boundary walls are higher than ever & secured for any event now
I hope you can figure a way to deal with it at work, that's tough.

LC, I agree with NS & others - just do what you are comfortable doing right now. The expectations of others are not important in the big scheme of things.

I had a nice lunch out with several old work friends. We all get all so much better now that we are all retired, ha ha!!!
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav