Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great way of looking at it, Kensho.. I always forget that.. looking at it as a sort of test makes it more interesting as well. Allows for a bit of distance if I take on a role of observer.

edit: we all had a great time and it wasn't uncomfortable or weird at all.. didn't need to be an observer as I felt fine in my skin and in my space AND I found out that when I'm relaxed I can improvise which tonight meant moving the table from the wall so that 6 could squeeze (for a very casual dinner!) around it while I still had a bit of space at the stove. I'd never have thought it'd be possible..

Pav, I hope you have a nice time tonight..

see you all tomorrow.
xx

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

G 100! Sounds like some kind of big beefy powerful hot new engine.....wait a minute! Yep, i suppose i DO have a new motor under the hood. Ok, reconditioned maybe. :happy2:

Thanks all for the congrats. It sure feels great to be sober. I noticed a difference in the way i look at around 90 days actually. A lot sharper. The adjusted lifestyle including daily workouts and eating more mindfully with more regular nutritious food/fuel has no doubt had a huge impact on my obvious better wellbeing, mentally, emotionally, physically. I still have a void or a hole in my soul that i feel i need to fill, but still, i am happy and i acknowledge all of this. Progress not perfection works well for me. I fully intend to maintain this sober living lark. I know and see that i can go anywhere, do anything, be anything when i let myself live like this. I'm learning to get out of my own way. Oh yeah! Let's git it pilgrims.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Byrd i am sending you hugs today, that is a massive burden to carry for you as a child. we all know it was not your fault but as a child we dont realise that. i know when my parents separated and everytime they saw each other they screamed and yelled, i always thought it was because of me not because they hated each other so very much. Sending you love and hugs.

A quiet couple of days at work, settling into a steady pace of work. i feel guilty as i am not as busy as i was in my old job but maybe this is how normal people work. the stress is zero so i am happy.

My sons friend hung himself the other day. He played soccer with him from the age of 5 and they stayed friends through all these years, he was 30. to see the raw grief and pain from his mothers and siblings posts on fb is heartbreaking and rips you apart. Why, why and why seems to be the question. They will never know but at the end of the day he died, he probably didnt realise the pain and hurt he would cause by doing this, he only thought that everyone would be better off without him. Obviously this is so not true, he only had to ask for help Nathan did but he didnt. Today the world has lost a beautiful smiling, seemingly happy 30 year old man that had so much to give. RIP Natey Nate.

Remember LC dont do anything you dont want to do that will trigger drinking thoughts.

Happy 100 days G, great work! x

take care x

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

So sorry to hear this Ava. A beautiful human has left his loved ones and this planet too early is my immediate reaction. You and your son take good care of yourselves.

Byrdy, big hugs to you my friend. :hug:

[paulywogg]

Re: Newbies Nest

Sorry Ava one of Brady's friends hung himself a few years back,,he was only 18,just be there for your son cuz I'm sure he's asking all the whys,what's,etc,there's a lot of confusion,anger,disbelief and even some guilt when someone we know commits suicide,it sucks like shit! Byrdie,big hugs to you too,I hope today was easier

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Sending out big hugs to Byrdie & Ava :hug: The sudden loss of a young life is so painful & can never be explained.
We lost our nephew when he was just 18 & just beginning his life too.

Very cold here on Lav-land, snow due to arrive overnight, swell. Sounds like the folks closer to the coast will see the most, I am OK with that.

LC, glad your dinner went well. Now do you realize that we tend to worry ahead about things that just never happen? I'm getting better about that with time

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Feeling restless tonight. That feeling if craving something but not sure what. I’m eating lots, putting AF drinks in hand, and looking forward to a quiet cup if my favorite tea when kids are in bed. Also focusing on how great a morning without hangover will be. Going to exercise in the am to release some energy. I don’t drink.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava, I'm so very sorry to hear of Nate's death.. His poor family and all of you, his dear friends. I'm glad you're able to be there for your son as he deals with the pain. I don't know what to say. Hugs and love to you.

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,
it's been a few days since I last posted, and after a nice week full of exercise and being out in the good weather I unfortunately ended up drinking last night at work's Xmas do. I was adamant that I wouldn't, but we arrived at the restaurant early and everyone started placing drink orders straight away and without thinking about it I joined in and ordered a beer...that 1 beer led to a second one, then the food started coming out so I switched to wine which wasn't a good idea as there were waiters continuously going round the table and topping up everyones glass so not only do I have no idea how much I drank, but the temptation to continue drinking was there as there was always a full glass in front of me. After 4 hours of eating/drinking I decided to leave and unbelieveably got into my car and drove home! Even worse, I stopped off and bought a 6 pack of beer and drank it all when I got home...I woke up this morning to that familiar feeling of being hung over, anxious and disgusted with myself. It took me most of the day to get to feeling normal, but as soon as I had that temptation to drink again came back. After debating back on forth whether or not to drink, I left the house and headed for the bottle store, at the last minute I forced myself to walk past it and go home and eat something. I'm so glad I did as if I drank again tonight that would probably be me on another week-long bender. The thing that changed my mind at that last minute wasn't the bad night's sleep I'd have, or the rotten feeling in the morning or the disgust again, but the dark, bad vibe I got thinking about last night's drinking.
Years ago I read Guns n' Rose's guitarist Slash's autobiography and there's was a part in that where, in the height of his drug/drink addiction, David Bowie tried to intervene telling him:
"You are not in a good way....what you are doing to yourself is not good at all. You are at a very spiritual low point.' He paused for a moment. 'You are exposing yourself to the darker realms of your subconscious being. You are making yourself vulnerable to all kinds of negative energy."
That is exactly what I'm starting to feel - last night wasn't fun - even in a 'whoa that was f**ked up' way, but very dark and negative and it took me a long time to 'get myself back' today and that one reason was why I didn't want to drink again tonight.
I also think the work party thing is a big hurdle to overcome for someone in my position of addiction and trying to quit - I think if I'd had a couple of month's sobriety in me rather than 3 weeks I would have handled it better. All I can do now is start again...

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters,

a cold and snowy morning here.. but that wet snow, not the kind that sticks. I'm trying to brave it up to get outside.

Kiwi, good for you for pulling yourself together and getting right back into the mindset you need to be in. I'm really glad and proud of you for not giving in and drinking again today.. that temptation can be huge, especially with the awful feelings that you were having. But, as you know, by not drinking, you're taking control again and will already be feeling better tomorrow.. I think that as long as you learned something, which you did..that drinking is taking you to a dark and negative place, and that you didn't even have fun, but instead remorse and anxiety and disgust..it's not a loss. You are giving yourself proof of how much better life can be and is without alcohol. You CAN do this again! Lean on us for support!:hug:

Kensho, hope you're feeling better today. Exercise is a great idea! And focussing on how the next morning will be without a hangover is one of my best tools at the moment. I LOVE waking up unhung!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend..xx

ps Lav, so true with regards to not worrying ahead of time! Sometimes it's hard to know whether it's necessary to make a plan of action..? Yesterday I felt I should just get it out there.. something I haven't done in the past 'cause I think it's so boring. I feel a bit blahblahblah here at the moment.. writing out every peep. I just don't ever want to disappear again.. so I'm going full force in the other direction! ha!:happy2:

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi all,
the dark, bad vibe I got thinking about last night's drinking.
Years ago I read Guns n' Rose's guitarist Slash's autobiography and there's was a part in that where, in the height of his drug/drink addiction, David Bowie tried to intervene telling him:
"You are not in a good way....what you are doing to yourself is not good at all. You are at a very spiritual low point.' He paused for a moment. 'You are exposing yourself to the darker realms of your subconscious being. You are making yourself vulnerable to all kinds of negative energy."
That is exactly what I'm starting to feel - last night wasn't fun - even in a 'whoa that was f**ked up' way, but very dark and negative and it took me a long time to 'get myself back' today and that one reason was why I didn't want to drink again tonight.
..

G'day Kbro. Good to see you. I relate strongly to what you say and Dave say here. This is where i end up soon enough when back on the turps. Slash has been sober for probably around 10 years now. Vulnerable to all kinds of negative energy is spot on for me, and i think many here. I've learned that it's best for me to start my day always with some kind of self care and self awareness/reflection to check in with myself and make sure my heads screwed on right for the day ahead. Those negative headspaces can put us in mortal danger very easily and very quickly, as you say. Back on the horse mate. Hope sunday's an easy day for you.

Elsie, did u go for a jog?

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

No, G-man, not yet! And I don't think I will make it out for a run today..it's freezing cold, snow-rain and windy. Lame excuse, I know.. but I do have my Sunday 9 am run which I'll show up for come hell or high water! Today's looking like a bit of extra time on the mat.. How about you? Get some swimming in?

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Maybe facing your concerns by typing them out here is part of what helped you handle the dinner, LC. Anyway, I'm glad you had a nice evening and think your new approach to using this site is great :hug:.

What LC is doing, Kiwi, really engaging here, opening up, and risking being vulnerable is the main way on online forum can help people in my opinion. If you could make it a daily habit (or in the early days, many times a day), you're more likely to to have your goal of not drinking more alive in your consciousness, making you much less likely to fall into the trap you did. If you'd signed on before going and posted your plan, it might have helped you stick with it. Or, if you had expressed any concerns and seemed open to advice, I'm sure you'd have received some practical tips. We've all been to a first sober party. Anyway, it's hugely important that you didn't let one mistake explode into a binge. Hope you stick around and really USE this site the way it was designed to work. Welcome back!

Kensho, your simple "I don't drink" says everything. Enjoy your Saturday!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

NS - great advice, as usual

K-bro - good job on putting the brakes on what otherwise could've become a week-long drinking binge. That feeling of waking up and regretting my choices from the night before is a huge part of what helped me quit. Tap into that as best as you can, and analyze your plan so you can adjust and strengthen it for next time. And as NS suggested, many people have found it helpful to come here and post before heading into a tricky situation. Not only does it solidify your plan, you can often also get input and support, and there's the whole added benefit of human nature - we tend to stick more with commitments we make public. Regardless, jump right back in the nest and strap yourself in.

Kensho - hope you're having a relaxing weekend and that you shook off and/or found the root of the craving type of feeling from the other night.

LC - sounds like a successful dinner! Great job with your planning in advance and then your discovery that it was easier and more comfortable than anticipated. I think that is often the case. Of course our al brains try to set us up with reasons or excuses to drink, and that often involves conjuring up worst case scenarios and convincing us that they are inevitable. In reality, most things we dread turn out to be easier/smoother than we thought. Hope you get out for a run today! I'll be out biking on this very cold but sunny day for sure.

Ava - I'm so sorry to hear the news about your son's friend. That is heartbreaking. Suicide is so hard for those left behind. I wish you all comfort during this very difficult time, and I'm so glad you're sober and able to be there for your son. :hug:

Waves and hellos to Lav, Byrdie, Pav, Pauly, Moon, G-ster, and everyone else stopping by the nest today/tonight. Happy weekends to you all!

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Ava - so sorry about your son's friend. I can only imagine how difficult that would be. Hugs to you and your family. I am glad the new gig is good for you - you deserve it.

Kiwi - I am with everyone else - great that one night didn't turn into a long binge. Walking past that bottle shop helped build a sober muscle. One piece of advice I have is if you are not feeling strong DON'T go to that party/event/camping/whatever. This is the time to take care of yourself and not to put yourself in situations where your only defense is will power. As NS says, there are ways of developing a plan, but will power alone usually doesn't work (ask any dieter or would-be exerciser). Getting sober and staying sober requires a lot of effort and work, and setting yourself up for success. You have a team here on your side - use us. We believe in you!

LC - Glad it went well.

I skipped one party last night, and the other one was ok. We had a White Elephant exchange and I ended up with some nice coffee and tea, so not too bad. I ate too much and the food was only meh, but I'm going to give myself a pass on food for the next three weeks. I'm not going to balloon 10 pounds, but if eating cheese and chocolate gets me through the season, so be it.

Happy Saturday. I'm going to work so I can avoid working too late next week. I am actually excited to get in and clear my to do list to prepare for Monday.

Take care of yourselves.
Pav