Newbies Nest

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Spending a bit of time this morning trying to catch up on everyone in the nest. When I'm working full time, I tend to be more of a lurker than a post-er.

Congratulations Gman and Moonking! 100 days is a beautiful strong number!! I can also feel the strength your building physically and emotionally as well. Keep up the good work.
:welldone::welldone::yay:

Moonking, I'm sorry your husband doesn't give you the feedback you need. My heart hurts for you and your anxiety level. know because I've been experiencing anxiety and it feels like my head is going to explode. Most of the time, I can talk myself down to a managble level. I know it will pass, I know I'm being slightly irrational. I also tell myself that it's rare that I will have 2 days in a row of feeling horrible. I believe I learned that little nugget from Byrdie.:happy2:
Maybe couples counseling would be a good idea so your husband understands that your anxiety is REAL and he can learn some tools to help you. I ran into a teacher yesterday Who mentioned she's gone to group sessions called "anxious parent, anxious child," I thought that sounded interesting. Exercise is always good medicine too. Hugs to you.

Byrdie, my heart goes out to you during this tough time of year. I'm so sorry.


K1, last year at my company party I was newly sober, and nervous about how I would handle not drinking. Thankfully there was a dance floor. Turns out, I like dancing sober and I think I'm actually better at it. Dancing allowed me to get away from the table and not worry about what I was would say when the server was taking drink orders. I mention this because there were many times I was a couple of weeks or months sober and I found myself in a situation similar to yours, sitting at the dinner table, everyone ordering drinks, thinking I wasn't going to drink and as soon as the server asked for my order, I ordered a drink WTH? In a reflexive second, I was sipping away thinking I could handle it and I wasn't so bad. I think part of the problem early on is that we haven't developed the muscle in new Neuro pathways to resist but the old familiar ones are still very strong. As soon as you take that drink, even before your meal hits the table, you're already planning to stop at the store on the way home to "for one more, because you deserve it." Last year I was able to dodge the bullet by dancing, I had an escape. If you can, have an escape plan in place, if you can't sometimes it's better to skip an event in early sobriety, get some ice cream, go work out or something. Take care of yourself first.

Happy sober Saturday nesters. Off to walk the dogs.
Roobs

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh dear, Ava I'm so sorry about your sons friend. Thinking of you.
Roobs

[Londoner]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just in the process of kicking caffeine. My word! The withdrawals are CRAZY. And it's really pushing the urge to need to drink tonight; I'll just pop an Antabuse as a safety measure.

But yah, beware of the effects of giving up another vice that we use to procrastinate, stimulate or cover emotions.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola Nesters!

Thanks Roobs. :happy2: All the best with kicking the caffeine Londoner. Dunno if i want to kick that just yet, but i've tackled sugar by reducing my daily input substantially these last months. You're nearing the ton brah!

Elsie, yep i went for a swim, or a refreshing dip really as the beach near me is a little murky with stormwater outfall from recent heavy rains, so i'll resume some laps pier to pier when water clears a little more. I like to see what critters are where.

Great to be sober on a crisp cool sunday summers morning.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Howdy Nesters. Nice sunny day here, like spring (it's winter)!

Roobs, I hear time and again and have experienced myself how dancing without alcohol is great. Our nervous systems are more in tune with reality and the movement is great for us! Glad you had a good night!

Kiwi, your story is not unsimilar (is that a word?) around these parts. It's knowing how things will likely turn out before having even one that is the ticket. You will get there - keep trying! NS is right. Posting affirms our plans and opens the door to advice that others here are so good at giving. Stick around!

Anyway, headed up to the mountain friends who have no reception, and who we have always drank around. Last time though, she mentioned she needed to drink less - so the party is not the same as it always was. Still some nostalgia, but I don't drink (right NS). SO I'll enjoy the clean air and try to get rid of this migraine. I'm getting really tired of them - once a week or 2 weeks. I wish I knew what triggered them.

Have a strong night!

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Snowy here today just as predicted. I think we'll be getting a few extra inches though - so much for weather predictions!

Kiwi, glad you got right back into the nest. Falling out of the nest is one thing but staying out is quite another. Good choice getting right back on plan!
I was terrified the first few months of my quit & pretty much stayed glued at home. Turning down a drink at that time would have been truly difficult. You will find it easier in the future, I promise

Kensho, glad you are thinking ahead & staying the course.
Sorry you are dealing with migraines, that's difficult.

I ended up watching my grandsons for about 4 hours this evening, fun but busy!
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for everyone's kind words - it kinda sucks coming on here and admitting you've slipped up...again. Weirdly you guys are the only ones that know about it - I keep it pretty well hidden in real life!
I would have loved to have skipped the party altogether, but as it was a new job, I had to show my face and be involved. Next year will be different! Annoyingly I could've survived it AF, but of course I had no idea exactly what the evening was going to be like (and to be honest I was nervous as I'm no longer great in social situations with people I don't really know). It had been worrying and tormenting me for a long time and now I'm glad it's behind me - there are more work drinks this week and no doubt will be more the week after which is the last week of work for the year, but these drinks will be 5 o'clock drinks rather than an evening outing so I've got no problem blowing them off and leaving early.
The only other distraction to my sobriety is the 16th December coming up next weekend. I think I mentioned this date in a previous post - it will be a year since I made that fateful decision to drink at last year's work party after being sober for 4.5 years....Damn it! you think that after that mistake, I wouldn't go and repeat it again a year later, but I guess that's addiction for you. This year has actually been by far the worse for it, I've struggled with it like never before and I don't think at any point it was a fun as it once was. I know I'll be fine and sober this week - I can't/won't be hungover for work any more as it makes everything too hard and the job I now have, I just can't afford not to be 100% focused and clear-headed. Saturday though, well I'm not sure what will happen. I'd like to think that I won't drink but I also know how my brain works and the fact I've been thinking about this date for months and have made it the last possible milestone to stop drinking..well I might decide to finish how I started. I know that sounds completely crazy and ridiculous, but I guess I'm also being honest about how I behave/think. The weird thing is I am looking forward to this date more than any other at the moment and even wishing time to move me closer to it...
My only plan for the week is to not think/obsess about it and concentrate on work and hopefully it will pass...

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

K-bro - I think I understand at least some of what you're going through. I lost a ten year quit when I started drinking again in 2011, and it took 5 years before I got a solid quit under my belt again (this one, my final one!). I can see how Dec 16 is looming large on the horizon, and you've been thinking of it as your last and final drinking day. You've got a week - can you come up with a different way to mark the day? Some other way to spend it that still holds meaning and yet also is another day in your quit rather than the day before your next Day One?

You might have seen the posts recently about how thoughts are just that - they are not reality. If you know how your brain works, why not head it off at the pass or circumvent what you see coming with regard to that date? I totally get the desire to have a last binge or last hurrah or whatever - I tried that countless times thinking that "this time" will be different. Then of course it wasn't different. Why not just start now and have Dec 16 be a celebration of a week sober rather than the anniversary of drinking?

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

wagmor - 10 years! wow that sucks, scary how easy it is to relapse. I like your idea of finding something else to do on that day - I'm trying to figure out some ideas now, the main thing I think is to not be at home in the evening as that's the time I'd drink. The thing also is, the next day - the 17th - was also the day I originally quit back in 2012 so that's another thought that keeps creeping up. I'm making myself mentally sick going back and forth so my main focus is trying to get through the working week without thinking about it..

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters!

Kiwi, I can also understand the mental sickness you feel.. you're in a huge fight with yourself. I know I have spent so much time planning a quit date, but wanting to have that last hurrah. For me it never worked because as long as my mind was open for any sort of drinking any time, all bets were off. So there was never a great chance that I would stop the day after my last binge.. but that's me. I think NS mentioned a while back that some people have picked a quit date and have been successful with it.. I don't know if it's possible to use reverse psychology here..? But maybe you can try not to worry about Saturday now.. just tell yourself, ok, I might drink, let's see how I feel when I get there.. and work on making this a good week without alcohol.. you might not even feel like it when Saturday comes along. Maybe letting go of some of the mental stress could help.? I like Wag's plan the best, though.. Being into your quit by then, waking up in the morning with a clear head and celebrating the fact that you don't have to drink anymore..

G-man, murky water. I've had to get used to it living here 'cause it's all about swimming in lakes. But I still get the weeby jeebies sometimes.. I just try not to think about what's down there.. do you all have sharks around your area? Or any other creatures you really have to look out for? I'm off for a run this morning.. got my thermals ready!

Lav, I've told the chicken story so many times already.. how's the girl doing? Sounds like your weather is similar to ours.. brrrr..

How are you doing, Moon?
Nice to see you, Roobs!!

So today is my 48th birthday and I'm so happy to be going into this new year with a clear mind and much more confidence than I had 5 weeks ago! I wanted so much to have a bit of sobriety before this date, not to be wobbling around, unstable, unsure. I know that I'm on the right path.. after so much time veering off in the wrong direction, ramming my head into the wall over and over again.. I'm in the early days but I'm changing my life, doing it differently this time because I never want to go back to that hell again. That's what it was for me.. complete hell. Not one positive to me drinking alcohol and I can finally see and feel the truth. Last night my younger daughter (who turns 13 tomorrow) was sitting next to me while I was reading here.. she glanced over and saw AB's Canadian flag waving and "i'm feeling happy" above it. She asked me what it was, I told her it was the Canadian flag and AB and that he's happy, she asked me if I know him personally? I asked, "Honey, should I tell you what I'm doing?".. and I told her all about MWO and you lovely people here.. that I've known some of you for 6 years and that we are all in different stages of freeing ourselves from alcohol but all here to support eachother.. I told her how f****** difficult it was for me to stop.. she said, yeah, but you did stop now, right? and we talked about addictions of all sorts.. I think this was a big step and one that I had put off for a long time. I was always afraid of telling the girls the whole truth because I was afraid of what would then happen, how they would feel, what they would think, if I relapsed. In hindsight, I feel like I was always leaving a crack in the door.. that I wasn't 100% ready to quit for the long run.. NOW I am!
Geeze, I feel like I should knock on wood. Knock knock..

Wishing you all a lovely Sunday..xx

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

lifechange - thanks for the advice - it's wanting that last hurrah that's the problem - even though I know from experience that it'll be no more fun than any other time I've drank. I'm also aware that there is the risk of going too far with it and doing some damage or risking a hospital visit... The last couple of hours I've been stressing and agonising over drinking this Saturday, wanting it to hurry up, wishing it was already past etc etc....worrying about how I was even going to get through the week, at one point I even started thinking about going out and getting some alcohol tonight and just binging all week instead...
I'm glad to say that I stopped myself from going out to the shop, got some food into me instead and have been trying to change my thinking.

I've decided that's it - I'm f**king done with this shit. I'm going to stop now, today, this moment. I'm going to use all my thoughts and coping mechanisms I used the last time I quit, start to think, act and be healthy and simply, not ever drink again!

This Saturday I now am planning on having a nice special meal with a good quality ginger ale or sparkling apple juice and toast a massive F**K YOU to alcohol, this past year and the wasted time spent drinking, feeling unhappy and trapped.
I know it's not going to be easy, but I'm glad I've got someplace like this to turn to, and thank you to everyone that has replied or given me advice. I expect I'll be doing a lot of posting here next weekend!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

That sounds like a nice dinner plan.. you're right that it isn't always easy but making the decision definitely helps. You are taking your life back! I really think it helps to post here constantly, even if you feel like you're babbling! That's how I've been feeling lately, but NS so sweetly pointed out that that is ok! In fact it really helps! I always think back to Ava (who now has 4 years af), Lunatic Linda, as she called herself in the beginning, posted every peeps. You'll always get great support here so stick close by..
Do you have a support person you could have over for dinner on Saturday to toast with you?

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

evening nesters

LC hap hap happy birthday to you and your first sober birthday, proud of you and i love that you told your daughter about MWO. My children have known about this site for years and ask how certain people are and how they are doing. My SO knows about here and he gets told about how i could never have stopped drinking without the people here. this place and the people here keep me accountable each and every day. I wasnt called lunatic linda with my posting in the beginning for no reason and i would waffle on to myself most nights with no qualms whatsoever. I am sure i drove a lot of people nuts waking up to my wafflings but it helped me immensely in the early days. OUr minds are our own worst enemies in the beginning.

Kiwi, i was asked by NS to pick a date as i had bauked on about having a final quit date and was sounding like a broken record. always an excuse of why i could not stop until she pinned me down. i picked the 1st december 2013 and i am sure everyone thought "this aint going to happen" but it did and it has and it will continue to happen as long as i keep myself accountable. i have every tool in my arsenal to stay sober and fall backs as well. i read of relapses on here and it scares the hell out of me so each and every day i log on here, sometimes i post and sometimes not. I see people come and go, some come back to say they are doing great and more to say they have relapsed as they have become complacent. I cannot become complacent. i have a life now that i love, i have achieved so much and want more and i am happy. There is no point in "if and butting", us alkies will always find an excuse to drink, we will always justify and al will always win if we let it. Do it and you will have no regrets and the mind f#ck will end.

I had a work xmas party that i was supposed to go to last friday and i didnt go, i said i was but then an hour before i just thought to myself that why put myself through anxiety seeing my old workmates and smiling when i wanted to punch their lights out. I knew i would not drink at all but why even contemplate maybe a thought of "a drink would make this easier". i know what situations to place myself in but this has taken time. I listen to the oldies on here and i still do. They got me to where i am today and if i post that i need help they are my first "go to" people. Bryd, Lav and NS said they didnt go anywhere for months that would entice them to drink to take that pressure off them.

Today has been a good day, trying to organise mum to come for a visit but she cant decide on what day. going to see a screening of a documentary on cannabis that my son is in so a proud mother moment for me and a another week in the job that i am loving.

off to make dinner, take care x

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

That sounds like a nice dinner plan.. you're right that it isn't always easy but making the decision definitely helps. You are taking your life back! I really think it helps to post here constantly, even if you feel like you're babbling! That's how I've been feeling lately, but NS so sweetly pointed out that that is ok! In fact it really helps! I always think back to Ava (who now has 4 years af), Lunatic Linda, as she called herself in the beginning, posted every peeps. You'll always get great support here so stick close by..
Do you have a support person you could have over for dinner on Saturday to toast with you?

Thanks - I will post daily and make it part of my recovery this week...just went for a late evening walk by the harbour to get some fresh air and clear my head. Spent the whole time going over and over past mistakes and all the times I tried to quit. I guess I might be trying to put some order to everything, but I also know I think WAAAAY too much about things which can be a problem.
Unfortunately I don't have a support person - the only person that knows about my struggle is my sister, who has her own little thing with alcohol too, but not to the extent of mine. Her's is more acceptable as she's raising a young family and has the occasional glass or two of wine to wind down, whereas in comparison mine's reckless and binge-y...
...to be honest, a large part of my struggle this year with drinking comes from the fact that I live alone, all my old mates have families of their own so I barely see them, my family lives hours away, in fact the only people I see regularly are the people I work with and I'm still in the process of getting to know them so there's not much social interaction there really. The hardest part of the year was the 4 months I was unemployed, looking for work. Not only because of the financial strain, but not having a daily interaction with people. It was a lot of time spent completely on my own in the flat and after a while I was drinking daily to block it from my mind and not have to deal with it. Because of my previous relationship I also have really low self-esteem, I get waves of really low depression and worthlessness and I'm not completely happy with where I've ended up in my life - in my 40's, single and alone...the drinking was a coping mechanism, but really just another large addition to all my problems...
I'm determined now to clean myself up and get healthy again and start righting all the wrongs in my life...

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kiwi, i was asked by NS to pick a date as i had bauked on about having a final quit date and was sounding like a broken record. always an excuse of why i could not stop until she pinned me down. i picked the 1st december 2013 and i am sure everyone thought "this aint going to happen" but it did and it has and it will continue to happen as long as i keep myself accountable. i have every tool in my arsenal to stay sober and fall backs as well. i read of relapses on here and it scares the hell out of me so each and every day i log on here, sometimes i post and sometimes not. I see people come and go, some come back to say they are doing great and more to say they have relapsed as they have become complacent. I cannot become complacent. i have a life now that i love, i have achieved so much and want more and i am happy. There is no point in "if and butting", us alkies will always find an excuse to drink, we will always justify and al will always win if we let it. Do it and you will have no regrets and the mind f#ck will end.

Congratulations on your 4 years - everytime I read about someone's 4 or 5 year anniversary I kick myself thinking that that could've been me had I only continued.

Tonight I set a date for my quit - today! There was no way I could get through this week for my quit date of this Saturday - it was already doing my head in tonight going back and forth over it - hate to think how my week would've been! I was really like f**k this, I hate feeling like this, and I pushed any thought of drinking next Saturday out of my head and focused on feeling AF and how positive that makes me feel. As soon as I made my mind up, all the anxiety about Saturday disappeared and I started feeling like myself again. An evening walk in the fresh air has helped too, I'm now ready to call it a day and wake up tomorrow focused and ready for the week.
Night all!