Newbies Nest

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kiwi start doing the things you like doing but slowly slowly. You will find friends and interests along the way. I was a stay at home drinker, me, myself and i. i did live with my son but i isolated. went to work, came home and drank. thought if i stopped drinking i would have nothing to do but we know that is wrong. there are not enough hours in the day. i always thought people talked shite when they said there was a life after drinking but there is and you have done 4 1/2 years of that prior to your relapse. You can do this, we are here to support you, i am not a AAer but there are always options for support. I threw myself into MWO 120%, i also watched a lot of youtube vids on alcoholism and movies. The sad truth is our bodies cannot handle the abuse we give it and it was a wake up call for me in that respect. You just need to right you and the rest will fall into place.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

K1, you gave yourself the advice I was going to give. If you leave that door open, even just a little, it is probably going to open more. If you accept you can't drink, and accept you won't drink, you can go about planning how to make that happen. My first advice is to have an exit strategy. It if becomes too much, just leave. Go get a pint of ice cream and download your guilty pleasure movie or show and take care of yourself. I quit on 12/2/13 - selected because I was in the midst of the worst hangover in my life (proving to myself that I was sliding toward physical addiction). But I was drinking that week because I had picked a date a couple of weeks prior and then decided that this event and that party were impossible to get through and impossible to enjoy without booze. Turns out to be incorrect! I love your resolve! You got this...

LC - That is so brave of you to have that conversation with your daughter. I have not talked directly to my kids. I've danced around the topic a bit, but need to be more direct. I know that I still feel shame and embarrassment, and I know that I shouldn't, but there it it. I so admire those of you who are loud and proud about being sober. I'm getting there...

Last night was a large, crowded party. I was on my way to leave when I started talking to some friends and we ended up in a circle talking and LAUGHING so much for another two hours. Parties, crowds and events actually can be fun without booze. What a revelation...

Off to get some errands done and put up a tree. Whoo hoo!

xo
Pav

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for the support Available - I think watching videos on alcoholism would be a good idea for me - I probably need a bit of a scare put into me. I think Friday night's antics are slowly catching up with my conscious - can't believe how reckless I was!

Pavati - good to hear about your quit. Again, after Friday it really was time to stop for good, but my dumb Dec 16th quit date was looming over everything making it impossible to think straight. I really was in a state last night over it until I finally decided I'd had enough and was going to quit right then. I've had a decent night's sleep (thanks to no AL), still feeling tired but together and looking forward to a constructive week...

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good job K bro. Have you read through our toolbox? Very useful reading that i reckon you'll find helpful. G

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box.html

Have a top week everyone.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

K1, Fridays used to be an awful hurdle for me. I may could make it thru the week but when Friday came around, I felt this sense of entitlement, and that I had made it X number or days and I deserved the reward of a drink. Finally, Lav told me that Friday was just another day. Simple words, but she was right. If I could make it thru a Tuesday, I could make it thru a Friday. It was just a mental thing I had built up in my own head. Once I took that power away from AL and gave it to myself, things became much easier. Congrats on starting today! You can do this, we will be right by your side. Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Feeling a little bit lost this morning.
Just not sure what I want to decide to be. I wasn’t enjoying myself last night. Felt really flat and bored. I ignored the voice to drink for several hours and finally gave in and had half a glass of wine. I just didn’t care and didn’t want to feel how I was feeling. And it was one half of a glass. It didn’t do much for me either way - it just was.

And so I am mad at myself for not following through with what I decided, and confused because half a glass - take or leave it - isn’t much. I mentioned to my husband that I felt yucky for eating all the things last night that don’t usually work well with me, and he said, “well, you have to eat those things sometimes… don’t end up like (person we know).” This person we know was extremely picky with food, for the purpose of being in perfect shape. The difference (I think) is that she did it for vanity reasons, whereas I choose foods based on how they make me feel. I got pissed and said “I will eat the way I choose to eat.”

But the point is that I can’t seem to operate in the gray. I seem happiest when I set personal expectations and meet them - but they are often very strict. I can’t seem to figure out what the best formula is for me, what those expectations are - or follow through with them when I do decide. And I am frustrated and mad at myself and blah and am just trying to get through this day.

Sorry for what I’m sure is a drag to read, and sorry for continuing to disappoints you all and myself. Just being honest and throwing it on the page. Maybe it’s just an off winter day.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Your thoughts are never a drag Kensho. Write away.

Why don't you simply listen to your inner self and follow your heart? I think we know what to do usually. Our inner voice is usually the truth. take care of yourself and hope you have an easy day.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Sunday evening Nesters,

Nice day today watching most of the snow melt
It was a bit early for us to have snow anyway. Had my daughter & her family here for dinner & a visit too, nice!

LC, my runaway chicken is doing just fine. She has been accepted back into the flock with a little help on my part
You would never know anything went on except for the green stripes on the front of her legs. We added them just to make it easier to keep an eye on her, ha ha!!
Glad you had a nice chat with your daughter. She's old enough to understand that sometimes people struggle but things can work out well in the end.
Happy Birthday to you!!!

Kiwi, congrats on your decision to make today your day 1 of your forever quit. You will never be sorry!

Kensho, I'm not sure why you want to keep testing yourself but it's your choice. I did the same thing for years, always hoping for a different outcome but there never was one for me.
Finding new & healthier ways to soothe your nerves, slow down your thinking, reward yourself, etc. are all part of the quitting process. There are dozens & dozens of tried & tested ideas in the Tool box.

I hope everyone has a safe & comfy night in the nest, hang in there!!

Lav

[Belle1210]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi! I am new here.. hope I am posting correctly. I am not a particularly heavy drinker but this weekend I hit rock bottom. When I do drink I almost always do until I blackout. I have done something that is s real life ruiner and feeling in a panicked state. I have been wanting to stop drinking for a while and come a fully family tree of alcoholics (99% of whom are now sober). I have always been close to doing something I couldn’t take back and now I’ve gone ahead and done the worst. It seems like this is a good place to start with a great deal of support.

[Quit wining]

Re: Newbies Nest

Welcome Belle!

Congrats on your decision to get help. Here you’ll find lots of folks at different stages of dealing with alcohol and you’ll find tons of information and support.

There is a link to the Tool Box - scroll up to Byrdlady and you’ll see it. There’s lots of resources there to help. And the best part of MWO is the people! No one judges, everyone is supportive.

Again, welcome Belle.

QW

[K1wiBro]

Re: Newbies Nest

K1, Fridays used to be an awful hurdle for me. I may could make it thru the week but when Friday came around, I felt this sense of entitlement, and that I had made it X number or days and I deserved the reward of a drink.

This is me to a T. You're right, Friday is just another day. The only difference is you ruin your weekend suffering from a hangover!

I even more glad I didn't drink last night- today was a real busy day, worked late then went for a long walk home. I still have things to do here at home now including dinner - no time to even think about drink!

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Evening nesters

Well a beautiful summer day today and a great day at work. I have put in for time off from next wednesday through to the new year so that will be a lovely break and the hospital is quiet until the end of january then it gets back into full swing. i have so much to do. cleaning out the SO's mums house has left me with so much extra stuff. i found a treasure of tuperware yesterday so now i need to clean the plastics cupboard. im now throwing in plastic and slamming the door to see who wins and normally it is the plastic containers.

Welcome Belle and yes you are in the right place to find support and a lot of non judgemental people here to help you. the blackouts were the start of the end of my drinking career. i got to the stage that after 3 drinks i would not remember, mind you my wine glass was as big a i could buy and plastic so i could not break it. I dont think there is any story that would shock us, we all have our stories and they all involve alcohol.

Kiwi great work on deciding once and for all to take it one day at a time and not drink, you do sound relieved. I found once i accepted that i could not drink then i had no reason to beat myself up. of course i still did as i had a lot of guilt and shame attached to being an alcoholic but at the end of the day everyone has their vices and some do way more damage than others. Now i am who i am and i love me, my anxiety is pretty much nil and i carry no baggage from my drinking days, it was me then, its not me now.

I get to see my baby tomorrow, well he is 29 but still my baby. dinner and the documentary he is in, so i am pretty happy and proud, he has come so far from his ICE addiction over 4 years ago.

Take care x

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Ava, I wonder if having a big plastic glass is one of the signs of Alkie'ism? I had one, too! Glass was way too risky for the drinking I was doing, plastic it was!

Welcome aboard, Belle. We are so glad you found us! A whole lot of the recovery we do is letting go of the past. Quit Wining gave great advice, that link to the Tool Box is below. It's a NEW day and a NEW you!

Hope everyone has an easy week! Byrdie

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Belle - welcome to MWO and to the Nest! There is no right or wrong way to post. Sorry to hear you hit rock bottom. I think most of us can relate to that in one sense or another. Please feel free to look around and check out different threads. We're glad you're here!

Kiwi - Really glad to hear of your decision re this coming weekend. Come Sunday and next week, you're going to be so much happier to have a whole week under your belt. Will it be easy? Probably not, although it might turn out to be no big deal. I get the idea of wanting to not think about it, but honestly I think you'll have a much greater chance of success if you think about it enough to formulate a plan. As others have suggested, log in here and post like crazy. We've probably all done that at one time or another. It really helps! Keep us posted and let us know if we can help and/or support you.

LC - great to hear of the convo with your daughter. That takes courage and integrity, which you seem to have in spades these days! I always love reading your posts.

Kensho - sorry to hear about the half glass of wine. You definitely have sounded lately like you are searching for something, bot internally and externally. That must be difficult, and I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. Never worry about being a drag - we're here for you and appreciate your honesty.

Ava and Pav - great news from both of you about the recent parties, even though your decisions were different, it sounds like it all worked out for the best in both cases. Yay for sober laughing with friends Pav, and yay again for deciding not to go spend time with ex-colleagues you'd rather not see Ava. Two wins as far as I'm concerned. Would love to hear about the documentary Ava - the name, a summary, whatever you are up to sharing.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congrats on 100 days, G-man!! Woohoo! Your words are always very inspirational. I’m so happy you’e in a happy place and wish you all the best in filling your soul!

Byrdie, I’m so sorry about your brother. I can’t imagine.

Ava, sorry to hear about your son’s friend. I can understand it from both sides. A pain a parent should never have to go through. I had a friend/neighbor in middle school shoot himself. That’s probably the hardest funeral I’ve ever had to attend.

Still here, still keepin’ on. 106 days.

Not much to write, still in a pretty bad place mentally. Trying to get my thoughts together to talk to my husband but it can be hard. I feel removed from reality at the moment and I tend to play things down when not in the moment, so I’m struggling to find middle ground by getting it through his head how serious this is without him putting me in a mental hospital. Having dinner with a friend that I really want to cancel, but I also know she’ll help me put together my thoughts. I’m not very good at being vulnerable (except in an anonymous forum, I suppose!) so it’ll be tough. Talked to my OB and she gave me some good referrals on therapists, so I’ll be doing my Facebook/internet stalking of them soon.

On a positive note I found about 8 more projects to start at home to keep my mind busy. And I finally set a boundary with my mom that I’ve been trying to do for the last 6 years. It’s a sad boundary, but ultimately one that needed to be set for the sanity of my nuclear family. It will ultimately end in her missing out on grandkids’ birthdays/holidays, but that’s her choice.

Had only one fleeting thought this weekend about drinking and quickly put it out of my mind. Felt grateful once again to be sober and to be doing things sober. Kiddo has a cold, so lots of sober snuggles that I’m trying to hold onto.

And back to day 1 on the soda front. But I feel better when I don’t have it.

Shout out to everyone else!