Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Found it. Now I know that everything on the internet isnt true, but I have a hunch this isnt far off.
6A53B1CE-EFCB-46DD-B986-535C163A5F80.png

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in. 107 days. Wishing everyone a happy day!

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Here is another - happens to be or someone nearly my age.
Brain-Scan-2-300x196.png

You got my attention. I am listening to you all.
I spend time searching how to live life to its fullest and healthiest - alcohol is not a part of that equation. I don't want to waste my 40's. It helps a great deal to see what alcohol does to the brain, but also our energy fields. Byrdie I absolutely love that you put yourself in service. I've heard you say that a thousand times and have thought, "what a good person". But I get now how that can be a really effective coping mechanism. The thing is that I've never wanted to just "get through" life. I've always wanted to be the best I can be - and for the greater purpose of having more to share. I don't need something that shrivels my brain and rips holes in my energy fields. It doesn't matter what others think - I'm not going to do this to myself. I think what I have been searching for is an acceptance that I am ready for a more fulfilling life, no matter what that brings, or what that leaves behind. Most religions state that we are all here to live out a purpose - and I don't think we can do that with drugs and alcohol.

When I was 8 months AF, I began to realize that things were changing - mostly for the better. But I was becoming aware of my power and strength and boundaries and potential, and it scared me a little, because I feard what I might leave behind - like a ridiculously stressful career, a husband who doesn't like change, and a whole set of "ways" I had been doing things. When I really listen to myself - THIS - this alcohol free life - is my path. Not because I can't function when I drink, or because my life is falling apart if I drink - but because "sort of functioning" and "not falling apart" are not the same as "realizing one's full potential".

Whew! That was deep! I feel energized and set straight. Thank you all for (repeatedly) telling me what I need to hear. I am so grateful.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks for that Kensho!! Exactly the right frame of mind we need to be in! I also want to be that elderly healthy brain on the top..

p.s. couldn't open your attachment..?

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey just stopping in quickly. Kensho, I quit drinking right before I turned 50 and am so glad I did it. I read a post by someone here who was 70 and they said they wished they quit drinking when they were younger. I did not want to be that person. I did not want to turn 70 and still be a total wreck spending half my days being drunk or hungover.
Quitting now gives us more time to be sober.

Have a great day everyone.
xo

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Grateful for a clear head & the energy to do all that I had to do today
I remember very well struggling to get thru the pre-Christmas season.......no more of that!

LC, you are in a good place & we will be with you thru your whole trip - remember that
You will not let anyone interfere with your AF plan, right?

Byrdie, those brain scan are the scariest things to look at. Why would anyone purposely continue to kill precious brain cells once they've seen that???

Hello to everyone & wishing a safe & cozy night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - sounds like you've made a breakthrough, a different way of thinking about things. Settle in with this new way of framing your AF life (and your al life - what you're "losing") and see how it feels. Kudos for doing some hard reflection and work.

Byrdie & Lav - yep, those scans get my attention. Hard to even look at, and yet glad I saw it - I'll hold that in my mind if I'm ever tempted to drink again. Out of curiosity, I wonder whether the 90-y.o. at the top is/was a social drinker. In other words, I wonder if the damage is from sheer volume and/or regularity of al, or if it affects alkie brains differently. I'm thinking if they did scans (maybe PET scans? or similar?) of non-alkies and alkies to watch how ingesting 1-2 drinks immediately lights up various parts of the brain, I bet you'd see a difference in that way as well. Scary stuff all the way around.

Ava - how are you feeling since your accident? Have your headaches and neck pain gone away or are you still feeling the impacts (no pun intended)? Thinking of you. Out of curiosity, did you see the person coming before you got hit? Have you had any residual PTSD or similar? I was so badly affected from a psychological standpoint that I would almost have a panic attack when someone pulled up behind me in the days/weeks after my accident, especially if I couldn't perceive that they were slowing down. It still hasn't totally gone away, although my reaction is *much* milder now than at first. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get fully past that.


I am convinced that in my accident, I was hit by a driver who was impaired in some serious way. The circumstances of how I was hit make it all but impossible that this driver was just momentarily distracted. He was either drunk/under the influence of something, or he had fallen asleep. I don't even think texting or similar would have caused what he did. Because I don't really know, I'm choosing to assume he was drunk/impaired - this gives me the most leverage for sustaining my own quit, as it fuels my disdain for al, and it's still an almost daily reminder of how we can unintentionally change the course of someone else's life when we drink in a disordered way.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Kensho - who are these "friends" of yours who are pressuring you to drink? That doesn't sound like a stance a friend should take. If you were dieting would they forever be sticking cake in front of your nose? I don't think so. You take care of YOU, and find people to hang out with who support you and your personal decisions (that happen to be healthier). I'm glad you had a breakthrough - we're here for you!!!

Wags - sorry about your continued pain. Getting through that sober is a major accomplishment.

Happy Hump Day, everyone. I know we don't usually get political here, but I have to say that the results from Alabama have given me renewed energy this week.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone. I know I've taken up a lot of air time, but I want to share the conversation I just had with my husband. He bought tickets for a concert with the friends we used to party with a lot. He sensed hesitation from me, and I just decided to blurt it out. I said I dread that if I don't drink I'll feel pressure from you all to do it. I started crying and told him what my mom said to me and said that was how I expected someone who loves me to react - to encourage me to do what makes me happy and is the best for me. He admitted that he had made some comments in the past, but that he really didn't know what was going on with me fully. He said that a partner not drinking is not what makes or breaks a marriage, that it's a lack love and support that does, and that why hadn't I spilled my guts to him like this before? I told him it sucks going through this alone and that it's the hardest thing I've ever faced and that I hate wrestling with myself and that when our 12 yr. old was born, I started drinking 2-3 drinks nightly in secret and when that happens, a switch gets pushed that creates addiction that will never react the same again. He said he wants to support me in whatever I decide and that he loves me and is sorry he made me feel badly about this in the past. He said he wants me to be happy. Sniff. I couldn't have imagined a better response and I am so glad I decided to blurt it out. I told him it was the single hardest thing for me about quitting - not feeling like I had him on board - like I have been going it alone in a really difficult world. He validated that, acknowledging that every one of our friends and family drink and that it must be hard to be around that. He also said to ignore his dad - said his responses are really wrong. I think he really sensed my honesty and vulnerability and all I can say is - whew, I'm so grateful I put it all out there.

[Quit wining]

Re: Newbies Nest

Congratulations on finally having that convo with your husband Kensho! It sounds like it couldn’t have gone any better.

The feeling of being on our own is often one of the biggest challenges we face. Knowing that we have the support of those important to us makes the journey so much easier.

I’m glad your husband was so supportive, I hope your friends are too. As someone recently said, your non-drinking isn’t anyone’s concern! Good for you!

QW

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho - holy wow on that convo with your husband. So happy to hear he is on board with supporting you! I can't imagine the relief you must feel. Big hugs!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well done kensho on that convo with hubs. So glad to hear he's onboard and has heard you at last. Maaaaaaaaagnificent! Shine on my friend.

All good here. Throw in some self lovin' today K? K.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hope everyone's Humpday was good

Good for you Kensho, glad you finally received the validation you have been searching for & I hope it's a comfort for you.
Remember, you never need to explain your choice to be AF to anyone - none of their business

Never went above freezing all day & there's snow on the way for tonight, oh my.
My feathered friends don't seem to care, so that's good, ha ha! We have fires burning on two levels of the house to help out the heating system a bit, not bad.
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho!!!!! That's awesome you had such a great convo with your husband! Maybe it's for the best that you just blurted it out that way. Great job, and kudos to hubby too for stepping up and being supportive. It does sound like some of his previous reactions were at least in part due to now knowing what you were really dealing with. I'm so impressed that you really came clean, told him about the sneaking drinks, etc. Yay for all of this, and now you can look forward to enjoying the concert sober! :hug:

Lav - yep, we've got fires going here too - my favorite type of winter heart actually. Glad you're staying toasty warm, and that your chickens are too!

QW - it's been good to see you popping in so regularly lately!

Nar - glad to see you stopping by too!


Well, the holidays and the end of the year are fast approaching. Does anyone have anything fun planned? On my end, I'm mainly looking forward to the fun of having several days off from work. I'm self-employed and work about 50% from home, so I can't totally get "away" from my work but I do plan to close the door to my office and not set foot in there for at least a few days! So glad to be heading into the next few weeks sober - no need to worry about NYE parties and toasts and what-not. I don't drink!

Happy Thursday everyone!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters,

On my second cup of coffee and am just beginning to wake up on this cold and very windy/rainy morning..

Kensho, I am so happy to hear about the conversation with your Husband.. what a relief to have such a supportive and loving reaction from him.:hug:

I have had the experience this time, that in choosing to be completely honest with a few people who are very close to me, I have gained a lot of support. And strength in myself and in my quit because in saying my truth out loud I am in some way losing the shame and cementing my resolve. In hindsight, I feel like I wasn't really ready to quit before. I think that was probably the main reason I didn't completely open up to the girls before.. I always said that I didn't want to tell them "in case" I relapsed.. I didn't want them to be afraid or worried.. but having that mind set, relapse was basically already set up. Now I feel 100% sure that I don't ever want to drink again, that I am on the right path, that I am understanding more the "whys" of it all, not just intellectually, but in my bones I feel it and know it! But still,becoming and staying sober is work (all this forming new habits and new neural pathways!) and I shouldn't forget that. Yesterday I was so stressed (didn't need to be as I was prepared) getting everything ready for our trip and at the same time, my old habit of drinking to celebrate the end of work/beginning of vacation kicked in unexpectedly. It wasn't a big deal, because I don't drink! I do need to stay on my toes, though, and continue to pay close attention to what's going on. How's your internal landscape?, my Mom always asks.. Now I'm looking at it in a positive way.. finding new and so much better ways to live my life.! I don't think I've EVER been better packed.. I'm so darned organized!:happy2:

Now it's time to make brekkie and wake up the girls.. It will be strange to be in the same time zone as some of you!
Wishing everyone stopping in and flying by a great Thursday!!
Big fat hugs all around..xx