Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nest.

Great posts. NS, I'm glad you tackled that exercise from G - I was going to get to it but you have such a way with words.

One thing I have had to train my sober self to do is to give in to the fun in the way I used to think I could only do with alcohol. In particular, I love dancing, but was always too self conscious to do it sober. Now I push myself past that insecurity, and get up on the dance floor. The music and movement serve to take me out of my reality on their own, without alcohol. There are many things I would only do when drunk that are better left undone, but there are many things I enjoy more now that I never thought I would.

As you all know, I had a crazy week. I am sure some people when home last night and sank into a bottle of wine. I am so happy I didn't. I did have some ice cream, but it was a manageable amount. I read my book and went to sleep early. Now I have a fresh perspective not clouded by a hangover (I was feeling hungover even after just two glasses of wine there at the end). Thank goodness.

LC - Sounds like a great holiday. I'm sorry about your dad, but glad you brought your computer with you to check in! I remember when you went away that first year I quit.

I actually am off to work on this windy Saturday - high fire danger in all of California today because it hasn't rained much at all and the winds are very strong. Very creepy feeling.

Happy SOBER Saturday. Really and truly, you don't "need" that drink.

Pav

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

Dancing was tough for me, too, Pav. Now I just DO IT and like knowing exactly what I did. No wondering the next day if I'd been more uninhibited than I'd like...

I sure hope the fires calm down and that you're not at all affected.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

I'll give it a try, G :smile::

- I will get a strong feeling of 'release' and relaxation for about an hour or 2
... which will be followed by hours (or days) of mindless drinking with feelings of remorse and regret instead of release and relaxation. Followed by having to quit again. Logical mind does the math and decides not to go there.
- I will listen to and enjoy some old feel good songs and enjoy it
... Logical mind knows that it is listening to the songs in a relaxed state that increases your enjoyment of it. While booze is admittedly the fast track to that state, there are other, healthier ways to get there.
- i will be in my own fun little dreamworld for a couple of hours
...2 hours just isn't worth the cost. Plus, will you gain even a couple hours? At this point, my logical mind tells me I will be feeling worried and guilty the moment I start drinking. I'm not convinced anything about it will be fun.
- I will be able to shut out reality for a couple of hours.,
...Your reality is yours and yours alone, created by what you are thinking about. Booze can shut down our conscious thoughts, effectively shutting out reality. Or, you can let go of the negative thoughts that make reality tough to bear - and that can be for life, not for a couple hours.

I'm so glad this is how you used to think, Mr G, but not anymore :hug:!

thanks Sugar babe. me too. Going great here.

GREAT job with G-man's exercise NS!

Yep, I'd go along with all of what you wrote. My main reaction when I read the reasons was:

a) the list of reasons not to drink is much longer
b) not really reasons at all, but illusions and propaganda pitched by an al brain trying to gain a foothold
c) the music can certainly be enjoyed without the al, and in fact, that is where the true enjoyment will come from
d) the overwhelming relief and gratitude that will be felt deeply the next morning when I realize I did NOT drink far outweighs any illusions my al brain so desperately wants me to believe.

I picture al as a shady salesman standing in a dark alley, calling out to me as I pass by on the adjacent street. "Pssst... hey, you wanna buy a watch?" al asks, opening the sides of his trenchcoat of course and trying to lure me in with all sorts of bright and shiny things that appear to be gold but are in fact nothing but tarnished goods and cheap imitations.

Sorry al, but I'm not falling for your ruses!

Shady salesman......love it Wags!

Dancing was tough for me, too, Pav. Now I just DO IT and like knowing exactly what I did. No wondering the next day if I'd been more uninhibited than I'd like...

That video has gone viral on you tube! :applause:

LC. Glad you can check in. I love your attitude too! Safe travels and happy holidays buddy.

We sure are lucky to have folks like Pav around. Anyone in her vicinity would have no choice but to flourish i say!

All very good here. I'm actually really enjoying looking at my thought processes and feelings etc. It's interesting and a little amusing. I might be starting to get it. i.e. able to detach myself from my thoughts/feelings and hit the pause button while i look at what's going on. have a beaut weekend all.

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

A video of me dancing would get about 3 views :egad:!

I listened to this earlier today, Mr G, and think it might be right up your alley:
What Buddhism Got Right About The Human Brain - The Ezra Klein Show (podcast)

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great posts, all!
Saw this on FB and it struck a chord:
E9098E3C-C458-42F4-93BB-0E77E62089EA.jpg

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters

Sure was nice to have a sunny day & no new snow falling
Still below freezing but pleasant with the sunshine.

LC, glad to see you checking in. Maybe your non-drinking ways will impress your Dad enough that he considers doing the same.
Enjoy your time in sunny AZ

Pav, sorry you had to work today, hopefully it was peaceful.

Hello to Wags, NS, G, Byrdie & everyone checking in tonight.
Wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Oh man... such good stuff here. I have to run to dinner, but I especially love your thing NS about - achieving that state of shutting out reality by doing just that - without alcohol. I do cling to reality and to-do lists and stress and moments quite strongly - can't I just let it all go and choose a different experience? Sounds very enlightened, but I'd like to learn that. G's list is very much like mine so I really appreciate everyone's thoughts here.

Have a good one everyone,
Jenn

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I’m SO glad I did not drink tonight, not that I thought I would, but I wanted that escape earlier and on the way home, with a margarita husband in the back. I noticed the contrast so much. I was able to coherently talk with the kids, drive safely, plan the next day and just plain think. There are big consequences to shutting out reality. I really enjoyed being IN reality tonight.

Painting my daughter’s room tonight and tomorrow; a chore I do not care for... but glad it will be done. Looking forward to sound sleep tonight.

Sweet dreams.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Great posts yesterday.. I love the visual with the shady salesman, Wags.. Exactly! And the logical brain answers to the AV. It makes it ever more apparent to me that we have to be actively working on new ways of being in our realities. Each and every day.. so that when that AV pops in we are armed. That is what has failed me in the past.
Last night I planned the dinner, went shopping and came home to cook.. My old normal, for so many years, has been to start with a glass of wine at exactly this point.. I can't remember a time I haven't until last night.. and this one act, very consciously overcoming the strong urge to do just that has changed that little history. It was awesome to put myself first! Drinking wine together was a huge "bonding" time for my dad and me.. he's an aficionado (now past the breaking point, but still) and loves all of his wine clubs, blah blah blah.. He opened a special bottle last night and they had a glass.. my stepmom asked if I'd like one.. No, thank you, I'm not drinking.. Later my dad asked, you sure you don't just want to try this?.. No, I don't.. I didn't feel any pressure.. just a hint of disappointment. I let him tell me about the trip with his buds to the vineyard. I felt sad for him but then realised it isn't my place to do that.. he's not where I want to be when I'm 71.. but he seems more or less happy. And thankfully for us, doesn't start drinking before 5 and doesn't get sloppy drunk.. just falls asleep in front of the tv every night. Last night my youngest was looking very drowzy, sitting in his armchair around 830 (jetlag is kicking in for us!).. I said, honey, that's granddaddy's chair to fall asleep in! jokingly.. and he took it that way. I'm trying to focus on what we still have in common and can do together.

Pav, I'm with you.. loving to wake up Free! Every morning I thank god that I stuck by my plan!
NS and G.. That was great. When I read your list, G, of reasons to drink, I thought, "Is he crazy?.. giving up this amazing sober life for such reasons?".. but of course, (and very gratefully!) that's just my frame of mind now.. Just a few short weeks ago (though it seems like an eternity) I was drinking for those reasons and every other under the sun. I'm not about to take it for granted! I hope I'm prepared enough when the really crazy av comes out of nowhere.. I'm a bit scared of that because I know that in the past I have decided to drink for no reason at all.. I don't want to obsess, and I'm not.. but how to prepare for that? I guess to continue on, one day at a time.. building this "new" life.? Staying true to myself.. Is there anything I'm missing??

Kensho, good for you! What colour are you painting? Wish I was there to help, as that's the one part of renovating I really enjoy doing!

The girls and I went on a gorgeous afternoon hike yesterday.. we were all feeling a bit restless and exhausted so I bribed them with a starbucks afterwards to come with me (I'm into bribery at the moment!:happy2.. it lifted our spirits, brought the desert back into our bones..

Much love and strength to all you Nesters!! Everyone stopping or flying by.. For those of us having our first sober Christmas/Holiday season, let's stick together!! Let's figure out ahead of time where the sticky/difficult situations will be and make a plan to get through them.. or better yet, find a way to enjoy them!! For me that means, pulling back when necessary, disappearing to meditate or write in my book of gratitudes or listen to an inspiring song.. to pull myself back into MY truth. There is no situation that I can't "escape" from.. if I have to be a bit rude (or very rude) then so be it. Hopefully that won't be the case.
xx

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

I hope I'm prepared enough when the really crazy av comes out of nowhere.. I'm a bit scared of that because I know that in the past I have decided to drink for no reason at all.. I don't want to obsess, and I'm not.. but how to prepare for that? I guess to continue on, one day at a time.. building this "new" life.? Staying true to myself.. Is there anything I'm missing??

LC - This is the eternal question. From what I have read, watched and listened to, the way to be prepared is to follow what those successful sober people do. I read and re-read the stages of relapse so that I am aware of what I am feeling and can understand if I am headed toward a slippery slope. Romanticizing drinking? Emotional? Defensive? Not in contact with your sober community? Not practicing self care? These are all stages to pay attention to. A healthy fear of relapse has kept me vigilant. Check the tool box, cultivate a practice of gratitude and most importantly, ASK FOR HELP BEFORE YOU DRINK! (yes, I shouted that, sorry). You sound great, so I am confident you'll keep going...

I was all worked up about work and I took just 7 minutes to meditate yesterday and then I thought about my thinking. I realized I was all agitated by the behavior of others that I can't control. I was feeling incorrectly judged and a bit overwhelmed by everyone else's needs. I still haven't delved deeply into the thread about thinking (hah, can't remember the name right now), but I thought - these are just thoughts. This sounds rambling and crazy, but suffice to say that I took a chill pill and am feeling better today. Still a lot of work to do and relationships to iron out, but I really feel ok about it. Nothing else changed other than my thinking about it. All this I got from here, so thanks. [The Three Principles! Just looked it up]

Going to try baking cookies today with my son. Baking is NOT my forte, but he really wants to, so I'm game to try.

Happy SOBER Sunday.
Pav

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hola nesters!

Interesting Pav about the stages or warning signs for relapse. I was just thinking about my little daily practice of 6 mins. breathing/meditation, and once through a yoga set (sun salutations). These 2 basic practices i can handle. they are not daunting to me too much if i wake up grumpy etc. I still do them. It occurred to me re relapse, that if i was to stop doing this simple, easy daily practice of self care, then what's going on G man? It would be a red flag and relapse warning sign for sure. It would be a signal to myself that i don't really care about myself today, so fk it. That could be the door opening to more fk its! So my daily humble, simple daily practice has become a sort of buffer too. Another hidden bonus to daily self care practice. :thumbs:

The desert sounds fab LC! Love how you say you will just get away and meditate if feeling overwhelmed etc. Me too. Pause, breathe.

How's the painting going Kensho?

Have a bewdy y'all. Working today and that's ok. L8tr g8trs.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to read everyone's reports......making progress
I remember worrying about all of the holiday celebrations during that first year. How was I going to keep my quit safe? What if I didn't, on no!!! It turned out to be a lot easier than I imagined. Keeping count of my AF days was important to me & I just wasn't about to give up such & so many AF days just because it was Memorial day or July 4th or whatever. The bigger that number got the easier it got for me. My #1 goal was to never ever disappoint myself again (been there & done that for years). I guess I was 9 months into my quit when Christmas rolled around & I was surely not going to mess up then & I didn't. Try to think in terms of giving yourselves the best gift ever

Kensho, I really used to enjoy painting a room - not so much at this age & stage for me. Good luck!

Pav, I mixed up cookie dough for 5 different cookie doughs today, stored it in the fridge & will bake when the spirit moves me, ha ha!

Have a safe night in the nest one & all!

Lav

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning nesters

Well i will be so glad when the madness of xmas is over. I finally faced the shops yesterday and of course got lost and overwhelmed and anxious so by the time i found my car my knuckles were dragging along the ground from carrying my packages but i am now done with that craziness. i do find my anxiety goes up 100% with the thought of getting out there but i had my plan in place and off i went.

Sounding good LC, as long as we have a plan then how can we possibly drink. my plan each and every day is just not to drink, end of story. nothing is ever that bad to make me drink and as long as i am accountable to mwo and my support network then i will be fine. i always think of how i could possibly tell people on here that i have relapsed and imagine letting them down and especially myself after all the help and support i have received over the years. I will always protect my quit with my life, it is my first priority as without being sober i would not have a life. My mum likes her wine too, helps her to relax after a hard day. when she was down she asked me to buy her a bottle of wine and i said "no", i dont think she liked it but i listened to Lav's advice and stood my ground. Enjoy your time away, i look forward to you checking in.

Yes G, in the early days we need to give a lot of self care to ourselves, when al is not such a prominent part of our lives anymore we seem to lose that self care rule, i know i have along the way.

Pav, i had to change my thinking of others as i was really stressing myself out with work issues and at the end of the day what people do is their issue, how i deal with it is what makes it ok for me. I do know we have achieved so much in the 4 years sober.

My last day of work and then holidays until the 8th January, damn i am looking forward to doing nothing or stuff i want to do.

take care x

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well, it finally happened...

I had my first MWO Newbie's Nest dream last night. When I woke this morning I had the very clear recollection that I'd had the dream, but I couldn't grasp many of the details. We were all together somewhere (not a drinking party of course) and having conversation much like we do here. It was maybe like a reunion of sorts - with all of us in on the same convo. It was really fun. I seem to recall one of you others having this type of dream awhile back - maybe Kensho or Pav, was it one of you? Anyway, thanks everyone for showing up in my dream. It was great getting to chat with all of you :congratulatory:

Things are pretty good in my neck of the woods. My schedule is starting to ease up and I'll have a light load for the next two weeks or so. I love what I do, but I'm also ready for the break. Actually, ready to start a new year and leave this one behind.


LC - congrats on getting past that traditional glass of wine! Yes, you changed history with that choice - congrats to you on staying the course. Sounds like a wonderful hike as well, for you and your girls. Hope the rest of your family visit (or visits, plural, I think you said?) goes just as well.

Kensho - really glad to hear you didn't drink that night either. Hope the room painting went smoothly and quickly!

G, Pav, NS and others - love the discussion about thoughts and meditation and just being present with ourselves. Such a useful tool! One I need to learn more about and put into practice on a more regular basis.

Ava - congrats on surviving the shopping adventure. You're braver than I am. I think I spent about 30 minutes in shops and then scurried home to do the rest of my shopping online. I just hate the crowds and the level of rudeness that seems to increase this time of year. Hope you get to really enjoy your upcoming days off work.

Lav - tuck in and stay warm!

Waves and hellos to everyone stopping by the nest today. Monday here we come!!!

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

I love it when you shout at me, Pav!:happy2: Actually, it's the first time, but the message is so important and one I've not always followed through on.. as you all know. Yes, being very familiar with the warning signs, in close touch with how I'm feeling and with you all every day.. and making sure to do the couple of things I've made a daily "recovery" habit of doing.. I think you're right about that, G-man! I do want to add in a couple more specifically "self care" acts into my routine.. I still don't have the meditation down to a regular activity and I know that would be very good for me.. but until then, it's helping just to do it when I think of it and as an escape. I totally relate to your 7 minutes of meditation in a time of stress, Pav.. and the 3P's! How'd the baking go with your son?

Lav, thinking of sobriety as a gift I'm giving myself is a wonderful way to look at it.. always! but especially this time of year. I struggle with the monster consumerism/expectations this time of year.. and because I'm not a part of the church, it's hard (but not impossible!) to find sense sometimes. I love to give gifts that are useful or have meaning..and I haven't ever been very good at treating myself. So this is the perfect gift I can give myself..

Wags, what a nice dream! I had one a long time ago and I can't remember anything except the very warm feeling I had.. there were faces to go along with the names. It stuck with me for a long time. Here's to some time off!! What are your plans over the holidays? Will you travel somewhere or stay put and cozy? I'm with you on leaving last year behind! One to let go of.. I'm still not completely there, but definitely on my way..

Ava, had to laugh at the image of knuckles dragging on the ground. You do have a way with words!! What are your holiday plans? Will you be spending time with your Mom? Surely with the kids? I hope your SO is able to let go of some of the grief he's feeling.. I can imagine it must be very difficult, the first Christmas after a loved one passes. And then, of course for those of you supporters. :hug:

I am realizing, being of fully present mind that some of my familial relationships have changed. Last night my sister came over with her long time SO and her grown boys.. We are very close in theory.. there is a deep bond and love. But we don't have anything to talk about.. or we didn't last night. I hope that when we have some time alone it will be possible to get below the surface. I have to find my place in the group conversations.. I think that because I have been focussing almost all of my brain power on addiction, finding my way out, work and the girls, I haven't put much energy into thinking about politics or other current issues.. so probably I'M the one that doesn't have much to say.. I'm going to try to ask more questions (yesterday I couldn't even think of any questions to ask!).. sometimes when I'm stressed I go into brain freeze mode. I'm not very good at improvising in group situations and I panic. And then I start to think that I'm stupid or an egomaniac, with no interests for anything or anyone else. In reality that isn't the case and I must remember that.. Pull myself into the present and focus on the task. I will have many more opportunities to practice these next days! It helps me immensely to have you all in my court!! I think that coming here and being able to share with you all is my Number ONE Tool at the moment. To hear about how you are doing/feeling/handling things.. knowing that I'm not alone.
In the end, I will be back at home, in my usual routine, with 4 more weeks of sobriety! I will be stronger.

Wishing you all a great beginning to the week.. Monday, monday!
YouTube

xx