Newbies Nest

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters,

I just realized that today is my 400th day sober! I don't count everyday like I did for the first 10 months but today I decided to check in on my days. Feeling very grateful.
Roobs

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi nesters,

I just realized that today is my 400th day sober! I don't count everyday like I did for the first 10 months but today I decided to check in on my days. Feeling very grateful.
Roobs

Roobstar! Holy pied pipers on panfried pancakes! 400 days......Wowza! Congratulations my friend.

:horn::sendflowers::balloons::bellydance:

[dill]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

was a bit stressed and could feel a case of the f***it's coming on out of nowhere. Came here and Lav, thank you for that!! ""Anyone who will be experiencing their first sober holiday season - look out. You are going to be absolutely amazed & proud of yourself. It will be an accomplishment & something you will remember fondly. May this be the first on many sober holidays to come. If I can do it I know you all can too! Make yourselves proud & stay close to the nest "" One more time for good measure!
I'm back at my Dad's for a day and I'm not used to having opened bottles of wine and liquor everywhere. For me it's easier when it's not around.. but I don't drink! They haven't asked me today if I want anything, which is great.. I used drink with them and then raid the hard stuff. Today I noticed I was checking out the cabinet and I'm not sure why. I remember last time I was here my Stepmom came out of our bedroom with a huge glass of brandy I'd hidden in an old rolltop desk.. she'd been looking for something. Of course I didn't admit to it being mine so she blamed it on a friend of my Dad's who'd been visiting a couple of weeks before. I remember the girls looking at us, witnessing the conversation. I never want to go back there again.
So I have some sort of fancy lime sparkling water, am getting ready to make dinner and will go to bed early to wake up Unhung and ready for a hike and a yummy coffee.. Sounds much better.

Kensho, glad you're prepared for your project! Good luck with that tomorrow..
Jane, forgot to say HI to you! I also love it when you pop in..

Big hugs to all of you and wishing you a nice Wednesday evening!
xx

What a sad memory, [MENTION=15430]lifechange[/MENTION]! I hope it fades away and disappears as the alcohol free years and memories add up. Some of those memories seem to stick tho and in that case they can be used as an "I never want to go back there" incentive! I have memories like that that just pop up out of nowhere.

[MENTION=8356]Lavande[/MENTION], Happy belated birthday! Sorry I missed the actual day. I don't read in the nest every day, just when I need an extra kick. This is a great thread and it has been around forever!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lifechange, I had my share of those 'almost outted' moments, too. One year we were traveling to my home town and staying in a hotel. I'd send my hubs out so I could sneak giant pours from my hidden vodka bottle in my suitcase. I also carried the little airplane bottles. This night, I took a couple in the bathroom with me and got my evening bath and polished off the bottles and put the empties in the toilet tank to dispose of the evidence. When I got out of the bathroom, hubs noticed the toilet was contantly running so he removed the lid and found my emplies floating on top and causing the flapper to be stuck in place. I was mortified, he asked me to come and look and of course, I denied knowing anythng about it...saying that it must have been the previous lodgers. What an awful feeling of shame. Those WEREN'T the days!
Lav, there's a good reason why you feel loved.....you ARE LOVED! There really is a sense of accomplishment when we tackle our first holiday sober...it has to be done, this may's well be the one.
One drink is NOT going to help. One DRUNK is not going to help....
Breaking the cycle of addiction WILL help.
Roobs, 400 day is EPIC!!!!! Thanks for letting us know!! Here's your banana! :llama:
Do whatever it takes to get thru THIS day AF. That's what I'm doing! Hugs to all, B

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi everyone.

Congrats Roobs on 400 days!

I’ve continued exercising and eating pretty well. Trying to get all the good stuff in while still indulging in what I want to around the holiday season. My mood seems to be improving even more and while I’m still not convinced I won’t go back on meds, it’s a pretty clear indicator that I *MIGHT* be able to do this without them. Vitamins sure do help, though! I’ve only ever taken vitamins when pregnant, but will probably continue them afterwards this time as I have no doubt that extra boost of them (especially vitamin D) does something good for my body. And I just plain suck at getting vegetables in. Next week for lunches I’m going to saute up some spinach, tomatoes, chicken and onions and put it over cauliflower rice to try and get more in.

I have an almost outed moment as well. (Well, there are a few.) In college when my husband and I were just dating, I used to claim that orange juice was my go-to drink when I was upset. (This, of course, because I could hide vodka in it very well.) We got in a fight one night and I drove to the liquor store and drank the entire juice bottle and vodka in my car. He found it the next day and I was adamant it was someone else’s. And I really didn’t think I had a problem back then. Yikes. So many cringeworthy moments to remember. Hoping those fade with time.

I so hope to keep this quit after the baby is here. I didn’t start drinking loads after my daughter was born right away - a glass of wine here or a beer here. It didn’t escalate until 6 months or so probably. I do very much have a memory of waking up in the middle of the night to feed her and wondering why I kept doing this to myself - getting up with an infant would be significantly easier without drinking.

Right now it’s “easy” to look to the future because I CAN’T drink, but will definitely need to take it one day at a time when I am able (but don’t want) to drink again. I will keep reminding myself, “What is one more day? Just one more day.” And, “You will never regret NOT drinking.”

You all have been amazing. Thank you for letting me vent and your continued support. Logging in every morning and reading each story solidifies my commitment to my quit. When May hits I will continue to need you more and more and will probably log in more frequently. So thank you to everyone.

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

Wags, I tend toward the depression AND the celebration this time of year. I drank with the excuse of feeling sad as well as happy. Add to it afraid, confident, proud, angry (and every other emotion). There was always an excuse. I'm sorry about your mom.

LC, is there any way you can stay somewhere else? I am a proponent of buying yourself something special to drink, especially around this time of year. I always balk at the cost of a fancy ginger beer or my favorite imported fizzy water. HOWEVER, it is a lot less, actually, than all the booze I drank. I don't do it all the time, but if I'm going someplace special, I treat myself. Go for it.

Way to go, Roobs! 400 is a nice round number.

Gettin' 'er done, Kensho.

I have had such a hard couple of weeks at work. Finding gratitude in it, I have actually found something in myself I didn't know I had, and I think I have been really good at my job navigating through the struggles with everyone. Of course I have made mistakes, but I have learned from those mistakes, and I think I have made a tough situation easier for a number of people. I get all of next week off, and I will really need it!

Happy SOBER Thursday.

Pav

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Roobs - CONGRATS on 400 days!!! That is stupendous my friend :yay: :sohappy:

Moon - that's what we're here for - well, for ourselves and for each other! I wonder what would happen if you re-framed your thoughts - instead of "I hope to keep this quit..." to somethine like, "I will keep this quit, and here's how I'll do it..."? I only say this because I know how pernicious al can be, and when there's a tiny crack in the door, al will find a way to wedge itself in. Truly the only way to maintain a quit is to protect it ferociously - to make drinking non-negotiable. This is work, for sure, but it is soooooo worth it! I think you will find it far easier to maintain if you start building your post-pregnancy plan now. Check out the tool box, bounce ideas off of us here, take the things that work for you personally, and discard the ones that don't (or tweak them). Hugs to you - you're doing a fantastic job!

Byrdie - what a horrible memory from your hotel trip. Yep, I bet we've all had our share of similar situations where we were "almost busted" or similar. Ugh, no more of those thank you! I hope you have some wonderful days off - should be starting today or tomorrow right?

Dill - good to see you!

LC - that's a bummer drinking memory for you too - aren't you so glad to know you aren't making any new ones this holiday season?

Kensho - congrats on getting the work done for your presentation. I hope yo're able to get some days off over the next week or so too!

G, Pav, Lav, Ava, NS, QW, and everyone else spending time in the nest today - hellos to all of you and best wishes for a fantastic winter solstice!!!

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yesterday was a bit of a roller coaster in Wag-land. I hope it's ok if I share a couple of ups and downs here.

The day started off in a very sad and sobering way. We live just 2 blocks off a major arterial roadway that has very heavy commuter traffic during rush hour. As people who commute by bicycle as much as we can, we are very cautious crossing this road even when our light turns green, as people in a hurry drive too fast and don't always obey signals. There are also a lot of people trying to walk across to get to bus stops or businesses on either side.

Yesterday morning, a woman pedestrian was trying to cross this road about a block past our street, and was hit by a car and killed. There is a marked and lighted ped x-ing close to where she was crossing, but it's unclear whether she was using it. The first sign that something was wrong was the heavy stream of traffic obviously re-routing itself through our neighborhood. We took our pup for a walk to see what was up, even though we already had a pretty good guess. Gradually, news and rumors started to emerge, and we learned the basic facts of the situation.

This hit me rather hard. This year of 2017 has felt full of reminders that life can turn on a dime and change in unexpectedly bad ways. I know all too well what it's like to leave your house for the day with no notion whatsoever that things are about to go very badly. When we learned what happened, I was overcome with sadness for the pedestrian and the driver, regardless of fault.

It also felt like a big reminder of how our actions can impact others in dreadful ways. I don't know that al was involved in yesterday's incident, but drinking is just one of many choices we make where the consequences can be dire. There are enough possible accidents out there waiting to happen even when we're fully conscientious - why add to that by willfully and knowingly compromising our judgement and behavior by drinking?

Later yesterday morning, I had an appt to see the eye Dr. I haven't had an eye exam in more than 15 years, so I was a little nervous - not so much for my eyes themselves, but for all the other health issues they are now able to detect through the eyes. My vision in general is pretty good - I wear rx glasses only to drive (distance vision) and sometimes for movies. I wear rx sunglasses most of the time, but can function pretty well without them. So my nervousness was that somehow my eyes would betray an underlying health issue that reflected the poor care I'd taken of my health during my drinking years.

As I rode my bike to my appt, I felt tears coming on. Now, granted, I'm nearing menopause so my hormones are a bit topsy turvy and I sometimes cry easily for no reason at all. But yesterday, I was feeling the sorrow of the pedestrian accident, and I was also feeling my own residual fatigue of having so many medical appts from the months after my car accident. I reached a point back in Sept where I simply dreaded each and every appt (I had several each week for almost 6 months), even though the appts were generally pleasant and were actually helping me.

The highlights of the day came during the eye Dr appt. First, although my distance vision has changed slightly and we'll be adjusting my rx, my near vision is still perfect and I do not need bi-focals or readers or anything like that. I only ordered new sunglasses since that's what I live in 90% of the time, and I think the new ones look pretty cool if I do say so myself :victorious:

I also was delighted, again, to be able to check the "NO" box on the intake health form when it asked if I drink. That always feels so good.

Finally, my eyes revealed that I am in excellent health! What a relief that was. And the Dr, who I met for the first time yesterday, could not have been nicer. I was able to tell him a bit about my car accident and the residual anxiety/fatigue I have regarding healthcare appts. He was very compassionate and truly listened to my feelings. It was such a positive experience I know I won't be reluctant to go see him again when I need to.

Sorry for such a long post. Thanks for listening.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

What an emotional day Wags! It's very sobering to see fatal accidents. I hate knowing someone lost their life, and am reminded how precious life is. Awesome on the eye appt.. If eyes are the windows to the soul, that is good news for you!

Yea for the work victories PAV. I know I don't experience those "growth moments" when I'm drinking - good reminder that "we have the power all along" to tackle new and often challenging things. We just have to dig in, buckle up, and give it our all. Awesome!

My husband used to notice when I slowly drained bottles in our basement bar - so I was caught there. But the thing that has mortified me the most is when my, now 8 yr old, daughter recently said that she remembers me going into my office closet and drinking from bottles I kept in there. She was probably 6 when that last happened - and I don't recall her ever walking up on me because I was so careful about hiding my intake. She's said this matter of fact right in front of the whole family! Goes to show you that kids know much, much more than we give them credit for. And I'll tell you - THAT is not the type of memory I want her to keep of me. Here's to creating many more sober memories to replace that one.

I managed to format my drawings - took more time than I thought. I finished and sent them to print at 1:30am. Feeling tired, but glad I completed them. At some point really late - like 12:45 or so - my drawing program bumped me out, and the mouse ended up highlighting one (of 25) documents on my desktop, titled "What Self Care Really Means." I felt like someone or something was trying to tell me that this late behavior is what has gotten me into trouble in the past, and to go to bed. It was really impressive that that document began to open without me doing anything - my desktop is really cluttered so for it to land there did not land lightly on me. I gave a thank you to the universe and finished the minimum without perfecting things.

We have snow! On the solstice! Celebrating the shortest day here today - because tomorrow is a step in a better direction. I am thrilled to be here, and so happy to be alcohol free. I think I may go ahead and get that tattoo of Kensho now - I am certain that this is my path forward.

Hugs to all!

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Wowza Kensho! The solstice upon us AND self care highlighted before your very Wags like cool and healthy trend setting eyes! The universe does seem to send out such messages now and then and that is a bewdy.

Congrats on your cool new shades Wags! Sorry to hear of the woman pedestrian. Yes, life can turn on a dime at any time. Life is precious and short, something i'm still trying to get through my thick head despite daily evidence.

Pav, your colleagues are lucky to have an ex boozer around who has turned their life around and has the insight and smarts to be grateful for it. Take an extra week off lady!

Keep up the gr8 work Kingy!

Working today, so best git cracking. L8tr g8trs.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checking in again because I feel the urge to.

Wags, I'm sorry you had such a rollercoaster of a day. I will never forget driving on vacation with a boyfriend at the time, only to see a horrific accident happen on the other side of the highway with fatalities. Shook us both up pretty good. Life is so, so precious. That crack in the door for alcohol to come back into my life is still there. I feel like I can't lie to myself (or to you all) that I've officially closed that door. I have perused the tool box. There is something there that makes me scared to completely let go, although I'm not sure what that is. All the evidence points to the fact that my whole life will be better without alcohol - better friend, employee, partner, mom...but there is definitely something there that's hard to give up. Maybe just pure fear of the unknown. Maybe it's not truly believing I can do it. I don't want to live in this limbo forever, so I need to get cracking on some work.

Pav - last night I bought myself some sparkling white grape juice as a treat on Christmas and New Years (and I just had to taste it last night of course!) It was nice to have something fun and bubbly and still go to bed sober. I'm trying hard to get on the sparkling water bandwagon, but it is just not my thing. I feel like I've tried every flavor and nope, just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Oh, Kensho - I've always heard that kids hear/see more than we think. My daughter is still in toddlerhood, but I know my actions/emotions while drinking have affected her. Right now I think back to the moments I probably had too much and then had to care for her. What if she would have needed to go to the hospital? Or what if I would have fallen asleep in the chair with her? So many what-ifs. Just recently I had to change her bedsheets in the middle of the night. After she was settled back in I went back to bed and had one of my crazy, panic ridden thoughts about getting the bed sheets on good enough. I was scared that maybe they'd come off the mattress and suffocate her. But I was quickly able to remind myself that nope, I very much remember putting the sheets on AND checking them. Because I was SOBER. What a relief to fall asleep with peace of mind.

OK - needed a break from my project and from my newsfeed. Looking forward to a relaxing 3 day weekend and visiting with my in-laws, who never disappoint in the hilarity department. I never know what a visit from/to them will bring, but it always involves lots of laughter and I'm very lucky for that. And lots and lots of cousins to play with, which means this mommy gets to sit on the couch and eat noodles and turkey until she explodes.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Jane, hope you are well and Merry Christmas to you and your family. xx

Happy 400 days Roobs,

LC, i think at this time of year we need to pull all of our grateful out of us. I remember my first christmas i had a bad case of the deprived's. Why couldnt i be a normal drinker, what if i had just one, i could start again after xmas, every excuse got me going but i realised that none of the excuses was good enough for me to have a drink. I had been ok for the previous 24 days so why did i feel the need on the 25th day to drink. there is no excuse good enough in the world to drink for an alcoholic. I have bought all my af drinks and am building myself up for the occasion. My mother is going so god knows what she will throw into the works but i will be able to make it through another year.

Moon, i agree with Pav and wags, you need to close the door completely on drinking or when bubs is born you will drink, maybe not at the start but when sleep deprivation and the stress of running a household becomes intense there is always the fallback to having that one drink to de-stress as you deserve it. You can do this, your strength is building each and every day with regards to al but if we leave that door open an inch for al he will wander back in and open the door. Your children are a perfect reason to shut that door completely as if you do drink again they will see far more in time as your drinking will only get worse and worse as time goes on. we cannot moderate, its not a word alcoholics can use. i never thought i could stop drinking completely 4 years ago but i took each day as it came, plodding along, being on here and getting my life back on track. it takes time to heal from al. i figure i drank heavily for ten plus years so if it takes me ten years to completely heal then that is fine by me. i never ever want to go back to my drinking days.

Wags, that is awful about the pedestrian being killed and so close to xmas also but happy days your eyes are holding up even if the rest of you is packing it in. Menopause is a wonderful adventure isnt it? as if we have not been put through enough over the years and now this. Someone mowed down some people in melbourne city yesterday injuring a lot of people. it is so sad at this time of year and so many "whys".

Byrd you just keep on impressing me with how inventive you were when you drank. You never cease to amaze me with your stories then and more so now. xx

Yesterday was two years since my friend Robert died. Damn i wish he was here but i had a sad and happy day remembering the good times we spent together. Today will be spent trying not to strangle the SO and buying food for xmas day before the weekend starts. Tis the season to be jolly!

Take care x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow, that's a lot of posts over the last 24 hrs to catch up with, ha ha! Glad to see so many folks checking in & working their plans

Dill, hello & thank you for the BD wishes. It's true, the nest was started up right as I was joining MWO - a long time ago & they haven't gotten rid of me yet

Roobs, CONGRATS on your 400 AF days, yay!!!

Wags, very sorry to hear about that accident, that's just awful, poor woman. I still have memories of being a little girl, sitting in the back of my parent's car & seeing the car in front of us leave the road, hit a utility pole & the driver was electrocuted. You just don't forget things like that.
Glad to hear you had a good check up with the eye doc, stay healthy!

Kensho, Pav, Moonking & everyone working hard - schedule some downtime for yourselves so you can be relaxed for the holiday - if possible

LC, you are doing just fine, stay with us! The past is the past & we need to let all that go, right?

Ava, I think we will all remember Robert & all that you did for him for a long time. You were a very good friend indeed.

Hello to everyone I've missed & wishing a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Great posts!

TGIF! We have an easy day planned. Looking forward to it...

No ticket to Boozeville here!

xo
Pav

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters..

Congrats on 400 days, Roobs! Hope you did something nice yesterday to celebrate.. Celebrating milestones is big in my book..

Wags, I'm so sorry to hear about that poor woman being killed.. and all of the other people who will be affected by it for the rest of their lives.:hug: It was interesting to hear about the eye exam. I didn't know they could tell so much about overall health. I will have to make an appt. when I'm home. I hope you have some good days off, Wags. I'm with you on getting into 2018. You know, a woman at work told me that this has been a very difficult year for many, many people. She said their were solid (?) astrological reasons for it.. I was running out the door so she didn't have time to tell me the details, but she said 2018 is meant to be much better. Let's see.

Ava, I have fond memories of your Robert.. thank you for mentioning him to remind us. And thank you for your support.
I am pulling out the gratitude! Back at my Mom's for the next 2 weeks.. I do feel a difference being here. More calm.
I'm not worried about drinking at my Dad's, but I do notice that the pull is there and I will be hyper aware of it each time I go over. Christmas day will be the next time. They have brought in yummy AF drinks and "get it" that I'm not drinking. I am thankful for that.. at least there's no pressure from the outside!

Moon, good for you coming here when you get the urge to do so! I like reading your posts, hearing about how you're going through the process, finding your way. I do agree with the others, that it will be necessary to shut that door tight. And I hope you're able to do that during your pregnancy.. Do you have a solid plan for what you will do if you're hit hard with postpartum depression? I think it's very important to spell that out, for your husband as well while you're feeling good and fit.. because if it happens you most likely won't be in any frame of mind to deal with it logically. At least that's been my experience. You're doing such a great job, Moon..

Kensho, the comment your daughter is a good one to remember. Not to lament over, but not to forget. I was talking to my youngest the other day about drinking.. she said that found beer bottles in her room a couple of times. I outwardly cringed and asked her what she did with them? she said she brought them to me.. which I don't remember. Yuck.
I don't know why it took so long for me to stop drinking. But definitely better NOW than never!, right? I could have gone on longer, merely existing. I prefer being fully here.. even if it sucks sometimes. Like you all promised, those feelings and thoughts do pass and it is getting easier to "get through" it the more often I do it.

Time to do some laundry and make breakfast!
see you all in a bit. xx