Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

LAV you are right!! And I thought I was there. This is one night and I would find myself right back in the same boat as I have several times before because nothing has changed. I’m just restless and bored.

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Kensho, one drink will never be enough, just let those thoughts go by.
Hi Lav, Ava, Lofe, everyone.well it’s my 4th sober Christmas, wow. I am so grateful to be sober. It is so nice to wake up everyday Un Hung Oh yeah baby!

Ava, sounds like your Christmas was great. I like that you got some nice prezzies, I did too. It’s sure nice to go home early and miss the drunk talk. Way to go girl!

Have an awesome holiday everyone and stay sober.

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

How are you feeling today, Kensho? What did you end up doing to get through the restlessness and boredom? I hope that annoying AV is giving you some peace now. It sucks when you feel like you've accepted and closed the door on alcohol and then the cravings come out of nowhere! I'm banking on it getting easier with the more time we have af.. and that each and every situation we "get through" adds to our inner resolve/commitment/strength. :hug:

Lav, sounds like a lovely, quiet Christmas for you! Did you do something special for the animal friends? Do your chickens lay eggs in the Winter? I heard that they stop during part of the year..?

Ava and Nar, lovely days for you, too! I'm also looking forward to ringing in the New Year! Especially because I feel like I'm "getting" this being sober way of life. I have learned a lot these past 7.5 weeks and am putting to use what has been sinking in these past 6 years. Finally! I'm very much a newbie, but I don't have any doubt that I'm on the right path..

Last night as I was going to bed I realised that I'm using sleep these days to escape.. whether it's a power nap, 30 minutes.. or my nightly sleep, I'm trying to focus on making it a substitute when I'm stressed, etc. I've been using some meditation techniques to calm myself into falling asleep and usually when I wake up I feel refreshed. And I'm loving it because I'm always relieved and happy upon awakening that I didn't drink! I know it isn't always possible to get a nap in.. and it's not for everyone.. but it's been helping me. Yesterday I snuck off for 40 minutes before going to my Dad's and it helped.
I was fortunate that the evening ended up being better than I'd anticipated.. yet another lesson in not stressing too much ahead of time! And in coming here to make a plan.. I'm sure that helped with my state of mind! While we were getting ready to sit down for dinner my Stepsister asked if I wanted a glass of champagne from the HUGE bottle they'd brought.. I said, no, I'm good. And she said, Yeah, you never really drink that much do you? not like your Dad and Todd (her Husband) I said, no, I don't. at least not any more! I said that I got a headache just from looking at wine (which was true last night!) and that my body couldn't handle it anymore.. Todd said, oh, i wish that were the case for me.. I said, yeah, it could be sometime soon. I've got a couple years on you. So they all drank a lot and as I watched them, I just felt happy not to want it or feel left out. I couldn't even see the point of it, just the few of us sitting around the living room.. How many times (1000's) did I sit alone in front of Netflix, drinking a bottle of wine and then going out to get more.? and why? I feel completely removed from that person. Not that I'll be getting complacent any time soon or ever.

Big hugs to everyone stopping or flying by today..xx

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

Byrdie - never hid empties in the toilet, but if we were “out” drinking (where we got a hotel room, anyway) - hubby and I were both drunk because it meant neither had to drive, so I guess I didn’t have to hide empties. And at home…well, he questioned me a few times, but honestly the man notices NOTHING so if I took the trash out from the night before to the curb he’d never know what was in there. And I got good at just buying new boxes of wine…oy.

Pav - I must remind myself of that - that the anxiety will go away eventually, just have to sit with it. But that’s mainly why I drink, too. Just to shut my brain down for a second.

Lav - I think about that often, actually! I didn’t start drinking until 16/17 and even then it was just occasionally on weekends because we had to acquire it somehow, which wasn’t always easy. Even in college I didn’t drink every night, but we partied hard on weekends. I just keep trying to remember back to being a kid when I feel like I didn’t NEED alcohol and keep that in the forefront of my brain.

LC - Congrats on 50! (Now 52 at the time of my post?) I’d do anything for a 40 minute nap!

Kensho - we didn’t go crazy this year either. My daughter had 6 gifts to open under the tree, all probably $10 or less each. But we knew she’d be getting SO MUCH CRAP from grandma/grandpa and aunts/uncles (and oh my did she) that we just felt like it wasn’t worth it. Honestly, she was most excited about the My Little Pony underwear she got anyway. Great job on not giving in when you wanted to!

We had a pretty good weekend. My family came down Friday and hubby brought out the wine, but only my mom drank. Two rather large glasses and I noticed a huge difference in her. She was more easily frustrated, exhausted, and just kind of sat there looking sad. I know the holidays are hard for her and she has a really taxing job, but I also know she’s not doing much to help herself. She’s up at 3am or 4am, but still has half a bottle to a bottle of wine a night and wonders why she’s so sick to her stomach every morning. She says it’s stress and maybe part of it is, but that wine ain’t helpin’.

But I just remember looking at her on Friday and wondering if that’s what I used to look like. It’s not pretty. I can’t describe my relationship with her. I love her, but I have a lot of resentment from my childhood and even adulthood. (I’m not convinced when your parents have a nasty divorce that it’s any easier when you’re an adult - especially when brought in as the moderator!)

Anyway, time spent at my in-laws was fantastic. Got my baby fill in with a new niece and my daughter and her cousins played amazingly well. Not a drop of alcohol in sight, so no pressure. It snowed those beautiful big, white fat snowflakes that stick so it was beautiful. Made for a slow drive home, but we made it.

Christmas day was just weird - I think because we were just on our own, which has never happened before. Instead of working around the house I decided to play with my kid and while she napped I snuggled up by the fire and caught up on some TV. Ate entirely too much - like had a headache from eating, I think!!

House is a mess, so I’ll spend this week cleaning it again as we’re hosting some more family this weekend. Always happy to host though, because it means no long drives. And definitely low key and no alcohol will be drank. Looking forward to the new year!

Glad everyone had sober and fantastic holidays!

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good afternoon, Nesters.
Got thru two neighborhood functions yesterday, I was the only non drinker (other than two youth), which is usually the case. Ive eaten so much OMG. Had trouble sleeping last night I was so full.
Moon, I got a headache, too, I ate so much, didnt know that was possible! It was good to see everyone, got home around 8:30. Hubs came home around 10.
One of the neighbors is an artist, she bought a GB house, too. She said it went fron her Bucket list, to her Feck-it list! Bahaha, I agree! I took mine over there to get it out of the house. Time to get serious about getting these 5 pounds off. Im applying the same principles as when I quit drinking, get the crap (candy and goodies) out of the house, that stuff starts talking! “Come on, just one! We’ll start the first of the year, who can lose weight THIS time of year?” Well, I can, if that is what I decide to do. So far today, so good!
Took down the Christmas decorations so they are all put away. Enjoying my day off binge watching NCIS.
Hope everyone had a great Christmas! Stay strong! Hugs t all, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Well it is the day after Christmas and I am glad I didn’t drink. I wanted to feel “different” than I was feeling - which was sort of sad and blah and irritated and depressed. I noticed feeling bad about myself for some reason. My cravings were pretty strong through the night. But I reached deep and realized that those feelings never last. I knew that I would regret drinking, and that I would end up in the same spot I keep arriving at, which is wanting to stop. It’s so confusing when part of the brain says you want something and the other knows you don’t need it. The trick is feeling yucky at times, and believing that the rational decisions I’ve made for my future are more likely valid over the short term pleasure seeking cravings. I ate probably 8 cookies, and some chocolate, and at one point in the night, I had a cup of tea, a sparkling water and a cider in front of me! I was glad to go to bed. And I noticed that by 10:00, my mom and step-dad poured out the half-glasses of wine they had left. I would not have done that - especially in the end… I would have probably emptied the glasses I found.

LC, good job with sticking to your quit too! I have never been a nap person, but I've read it's very heathy! Our brains use up all our immediate processing, and a nap allows it to recharge. When we use up the processing (phones and electronics use it faster than ever), and push through to reserves, it ages us and depletes our immune system. So enjoy your naps, especially if they make you feel good and not drink!

Moon, glad you had a nice time with your inlaws and little ones. I always find Christmas Day to be weird too. So much build-up and so many expectations - and so little of the world operating as usual. I’m always glad when it’s over!

Byrdie, me too on the stomach ache. I’ll be glad to get back to the usual diet! Enjoy your time off, you deserve it!

I’m glad to be back home. I plan to eat light, and get in the basement to sweat and stretch. That is the best medicine I have; I am thankful for my health.

Keep up the good work everyone.

[Quit wining]

Re: Newbies Nest

I came down with a bad case of the feck-its Sunday evening when my son’s house was full of friends and family, most of whom were drinking far more than they should have. I did stay strong though and managed to avoid alcohol.

Many times when the urges were the strongest I thought about my friends here on MWO and that helped me immensely. Thank you for that support, I couldn’t have done it without you!

The thought of starting over and writing about it here was more than I was willing to do. It wasn’t easy but it was the right thing to do.

Today is Day 163.

QW

[NoSugar]

Re: Newbies Nest

The thought of starting over and writing about it here was more than I was willing to do. It wasn’t easy but it was the right thing to do. Today is Day 163.
QW

Congratulations, QW, you're on day 163, NOT day 2! A couple AF friends and I were just discussing the 2 critical elements of honesty and accountability- most of all with ourselves but also to our supporters. In the early days when I didn't trust or like myself enough to care what I thought, my people-pleasing problems actually were beneficial because I was horrified at the idea of letting down the people here who had helped me and seemed to believe in me. And, I had vowed to always be honest here - in a break from my real life which seemed to have become one big lie. I was afraid also that if I drank, I would just slither away from MWO and not admit the truth - one good reason to let a couple people meet the real me so they can help haul my sorry self back if I make a mistake! I feel very accountable to myself now but life can get tricky and I'm glad to have all the backup support I've found here. Thanks to all of you.

I feel completely removed from that person. Not that I'll be getting complacent any time soon or ever.

Doesn't that distance feel great, @lifechange? It is disconcerting, though, and hard to imagine that I'd done some of the things I'd done. It felt like I do watching a documentary about something like heroin addiction and not at all understanding how they can do the things they do. And to think that was ME sneaking around, guzzling wine straight from the box!! I felt ashamed and embarrassed but tried to focus on that being in the past and not to be repeated ever again.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

great post NS. i realised that if i could not be completely honest about my drinking while trying to become sober then i was still living a lie. god to admit i was a 2 bottle a day drinker on my way to 3 bottles was so embarrassing but i know that people on here got it and understood. I have a wonderful support network here and with my family and i know i would not be the only person i would hurt if i drank and i now know what i would lose if i did drink. there is never anything bad enough to get a case of the f#ck its with me. time away from al is a great healer.

QW great work on not drinking. I remember the case of the f#ck its and boy was it hard to get my sane brain working but thankfully it did. be very proud of yourself as it builds up your tools to use when other occasions like that pop up. Even now either dont put myself in any situation that will cause me anxiety with regards to drinking and although these are few and far between they sometimes happen.

LC i am such a napper. on weekends it is 3pm i nap or go and read and nap. i love napping, always have and always will. probably as i dont sleep well at night and so need a nap so i dont kill people in the afternoon. it is so good to hear you are having a great holiday sober, proud of you girl. when do you go home?

well today i am cleaning my pantry cupboard out. i am pretty sure there wont be a nuclear war in the near future and i only open my cupboard to get out the salt really so i am going to donate what i dont use to goodwill. how many cans of tomatoes does one need? i seem to hoard tinned tomatoes for some reason, crushed being a personal favourite. it is going to be a stinker here so i need to get it done sooner rather than later but i am procrastinating today as i have since i went on holidays.

Take care x

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I am very happy to read all of your posts, congrats to all for making the best decision - not to drink!!!
I remember how hard it was in the beginning but that hard work has paid off in so many wonderful ways. Wherever you are in your quits just keep moving forward & you'll have no regrets

QW, I am especially happy to read your post! Thinking about having to fess up on MWO scared the sh*t out of me too so I stayed on my plan, no matter what was going on.
Good for you!

Kensho, great that you avoided AL last evening. Using HALT always helped me realize that whatever it was that I was looking for couldn't be found in a bottle
-
I don't think I had an issue with overeating the past few days but I have been over-salted, ugh. Drinking lots of water & tea today to flush that stuff out.
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest.
It's still below freezing here LC so my hens are quickly going on hiatus. Yesterday 9 hens gave me 4 eggs. today only 2. They will get back to work soon enough.

Lav

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, Nest:

Missed checking in on Christmas. My dad is quite sick and going downhill, so we had a lot of weird times with him and my mom. Just everything odd and off. I felt pretty funky and depressed, like I always do, but more so. Kensho, I always feel funky and depressed on Christmas. The good news is that I never think any more that alcohol is the answer. I asked for help from my siblings, and I also got myself out for some outside exercise. That is actually what I crave now... Ultimately, we had a great day and I love seeing the nieces and nephews who I don't see much. Good food, a lot of laughs.

Well, I am probably need to spend time at my parents this week off - they need help cleaning and organizing stuff. I realized how it has gotten so disheveled over there this weekend - I feel sort of bad I didn't notice and help before. I'm glad I can help with this week off work, but I am also a bit resentful that that is what I will be doing on this week off. I know I owe it to them and I also feel grateful for everything they have done for me, and I am grateful I live close enough to help. I just am throwing a bit of a pity party for myself as well. Glad I can vent here!!

I am with you on getting the sugar out of my life! I am unwilling to try this week, though. When I am back at work it will be much easier.

Hope everyone is well.

xo
Pav

[Hypernova]

Re: Newbies Nest

when you completely close the door on AL those occasional 'thinking about having a drink' thoughts disappear, honestly! Once you make the commitment & get your subconscious to understand that you are serious the thoughts stop

Guess I haven't ever been able to find the door let alone close it. It's not because I want to drink b/c I truly believe I do not. What I would like is to feel 'better', whatever that means. Right now I am depressed I would guess. Always around this time of year life is heavier for me. Add the stress of dealing w/ a parent w/dementia & mostly having to make all decisions myself w/o support from other family who are MIA and I am not surprised. It is so sad & I am emotionally overwhelmed. I know form experience drinking will not change a thing. Made it through the season so far w/o alcohol. Amazing !! I never disclosed the fact that I work in the restaurant biz and that sometimes more booze passes through my hands in a day than I could drink in a week if I wanted to. Add to the fact that I will be out of town visiting with the Family of my SO next week and I think I am a train wreck coming around the corner. Day 50 today. Not feeling great & not looking for sympathy, just venting. Don't know where this leads but for now I am ODAT. best to all ~ hyper

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Just have a second to write, but wanted to congratulate you on 50 days af, Hyper. I'm sorry you're not feeling great.. even with all you've got on your plate, you're doing a great job sticking with ODAT and that's awesome. Do you have the support of your SO while you're visiting his family? We are here to support you! :hug:

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hyper great work on 50 days and please keep plodding along. As everyone says, it gets harder and harder when stopping and starting drinking again and again. Please think about what you would gain by drinking if you want a drink. there is absolutely nothing al will give you to make life better at the moment. My first year sober i found out my best friend had cancer and god i so wanted a drink to forget but then i thought that was a pretty selfish feeling when he was the one dealing with the disease. I was his support and his friend and i would not only be letting me down i would not be there fully for him when he needed me. I could not close that door on al completely in the early days but i fought each and every day to keep it closed until keeping that door shut got easier and easier with time. Give yourself time to feel better in yourself, try and get some help for your mum you cant do it alone. I know how frustrating the medical system is, i work in it but i do hope there is an organisation or your gp who can put you on the right path and who you could talk to. We are not superman, we cant do it alone, just like we cant stay sober in the early days by being alone. You need to look after you also. do you have to go away, can you talk to your SO and explain how you feel. I so want to send you a cyber hug and tell you i am thinking of you and we do understand some of what you are going through but al will not solve a single damn thing. Be proud of what you have achieved thus far, you are an amazing woman doing a wonderful job, never forget that but never forget that you need looking after also.

Please take care Hyper and vent away but pull all the grateful you can find to not drink.

[Guitarista]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yo Nesters near and not so far.

Congratulations Hyper on 50 booze free days! That is a massive achievement my friend. Keep it going no matter what, no matter who. That is easy to say i know, but life is life, and life will happen to us. Loved ones eventually get old, relationships change or end, people come and go. This is the ebb and flow of life whether we like it or not. We don't have to like it either. I suppose reality will be reality whether we are drinking or not. Either way, life will happen. I am trying to get comfortable with the discomfort and expectations of reality. You're doing a fab job.

Now, any kids reading, look away now.............Santa visited me as per usual around 4 a.m. xmas morning via the open bathroom window. And as per usual, he had a bottle of whisky that we'd share every year past as he stopped to rest the reindeers. I said, sorry mate, no boozing for G man this year. I'm off the grog. He looked at me with a huge beaming smile, paused, took a breath and said........It's about fkn time buddy! I'm drinking for medicinal purposes of course. Let's git it!

A couple of days off here. Oh yeah!