Newbies Nest

[narilly]

Re: Newbies Nest

Moon, Belle, everyone, it is crazy how your brain tries to fool you into drinking again. One thing that I did was to write about 3 times when I drank and got out of control ( I had lots of stories to choose from). I put this in my notes on my iPhone and whenever I get the urge to drink or my brain tries to fool me into thinking that I can moderate I read the stories.
There are three stories and when I read them it takes me right back to how shitty it feels to lose control. It is a great reminder of why I don't drink.

Life, as far as a death sentence goes..I feel like drinking was a death sentence.

Grateful to be Un Hung on this glorious freezing Friday. I got up early and went swimming- inside of course It felt SO good.

Don't drink today.
xo

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Yes, you are right, NS.. I think I'm feeling that way now because it's taken me so long to get in the mind set I am now in. It was so hard. And it scares me to death to imagine what I would do, how I would ever get back here again. But.. having said that, this is my first time being sick while being sober.. Going into it af, not just stopping because I am sick.. and I am feeling particularly vulnerable/weak mentally because of it. Which is good to notice.
Yes, Nar, it was for me, too.. drinking was a death sentence!
Belle, strength to you these next days and hope you're feeling better soon.. nice that your Brother stopped drinking as well and that he's someone you can talk to.

[moonking]

Re: Newbies Nest

That's a really good idea, narilly. I, too, have so many stories to choose from. Eeeek...one in particular jumps into my mind and then suddenly a whole bunch have come flowing back. Mostly they were back in my college days or right after, when we were still young and carefree and I'd like to say I'd never let those specific situations happen again...but the only way from preventing them is to not drink.

I think I will write a few down and store those in my phone. Will be especially good when out with others and feeling lots of peer pressure.

[available]

Re: Newbies Nest

morning nesters

thanks for sharing on your relapse Belle. My brother died from al and when the fam went up for the funeral we were shitfaced. i was of the opinion in my small mind that i was not like him, i would never get to be like he was and i was so angry. drank like a fish, hangovers from hell and was sad and bitter. Why didnt he get help, why didnt he just give up al, well until i was going the same way and realised that stopping was probably an impossible dream for him. Its been ten years now and i still vividly remember not being there fully at his funeral

I am not terrified of relapsing now but i am vigilant if i go out anywhere where a crap load of al is flowing. Reading stories of relapses keeps me reminded of why i come onto mwo everyday and why i have a couple of af buddies to be accountable to daily. Sometimes i think i could manage withouth mwo but i look at the oldies and remind myself that they keep coming back day after day and keep sober so they are doing everything right and i kind of dont trust myself alone, that al part of my brain was a pretty coercive and powerful being.

Oh the winter colds, i dont miss those at the moment but i hope everyone feels better soon.

LC as NS says its not a death sentence as as more time goes on we have all those tools to deal with life that we blocked with al. as long as we are aware of our situations then there is nothing to really worry about. at 8 weeks sober i was as worried as hell that it was only a matter of time before i drank again but i kept on here and i listened and i learned from others. i still plod along each day as i always will and as long as i dont drink then it is a good day.

today for me is op shopping and going to visit the SO's aunty who is in a nursing home. will pick up some af drinks for new years eve in preparation for a quiet night at home.

take care x

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Lost my post. In The city at hotel and getting a migraine. Was feeling strong until that development. I have used tequila in the past to take that pain away, and I’m having thoughts. I need help with this tonight, I’m headed to the hot tub to see if that can offer relief.

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

I just talked to my friend and told her I am getting a migraine so I can’t drink or it will get worse. It’s her birthday celebration so she will care more about herself.

[Lavande]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Still freezing, Brrrrrrr!!!

Kensho, I never had migraines but as a retired nurse I can honestly tell you that tequila is not a recommended treatment. Don't listen to that BS voice.
Do you have a Rx med? If not, at least get yourself an OTC & stay away from AL.

LC, yes, my chickens love a bowl of warm oatmeal with a handful of dried cranberries or raisins tossed in too
I hope you are enjoying yourself despite the cold symptoms!

Belle, glad to see you checking in, stick with us

I also have a few extremely vivid memories tucked away that will keep me in line for the rest of my life, no kidding. The only fear I have now is not being able to stop again, so I'll never start again - simple as that!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Re: Newbies Nest

Thanks LAV. I’m doing ok.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hey, gang.
I feel the same, Lav, I know if I ever started again, Im not sure I could stop, so that keeps me on the straight and narrow. One glass isnt going to do me any good anyway. I have at least a dozen horrid memories to replay in my head to stop me in my tracks. Reliving them in my mind is bad enough, I never want to relive them in person. I finally came to an understanding with myself: I cannot control AL in any amount. And YES, I WAS that bad. That usuallly snaps me back to reality.
I hope the cold sufferers get better soon!
I propped up the economy today and did some shopping, had a nice time, hut didnt find what I was looking for. My feet hurt!
Hope everyone has an easy evening. Byrdie

[BelleGirl]

Re: Newbies Nest

Checkin-in. Feeling a bit weird. It's day 3. I remember feeling pretty euphoric in the early days of quitting during my first real quit. The new-found sobriety felt so good after a couple of days. But I don't feel that this time. It feels like day 303. Meh. Perhaps this is why it is harder to keep a quit on the 2nd or Nth attempt. Does this make any sense to anyone?

I'll be ok. Daughter and I are going to rent a movie to watch. Hubby is away packing up his mother and son is out with a friend who is a newly licensed driver (eeks!).

Wow, Ava...your fam shitfaced (love that term) at your brother's funeral. I'm so sorry...I can't imagine if I had to see my brother die like that. Something that we know can be prevented. I'm so grateful I still have my sober brother.

Kensho, I always thought gin or vodka were the magic medicines. Alas, they were not. So please stay away from that tequila. It will do more harm than good.

I also have many stories of drunken embarrassment that I could go back to.

Lav and Byrdie...thanks for being our nest "anchors". You two have so much wisdom, it is hard to believe you were ever in that dark place called AL.

[wagmor]

Re: Newbies Nest

Happy to say I seem to be fighting off the cold I felt coming on - yay for stronger immune systems! I don't feel 100% but I think I'm gonna squeak by without getting sick. That's good, cuz I only have 3 more days off and then I have 6 weeks of a very heavy work load. I actually got contacted by an elite training company who needed a trainer in my city to work with a new client of theirs. They found me online and reached out to see if I could take the gig. They tried to low-ball the hourly rate, but when I told them I'd have to decline cuz I normally charge double what they offered, they wrote back and offered me my regular rate! Another victory I owe to my quit - I could never EVER have built my biz to the point where I would be offered such an opportunity. Feeling pretty good about things right now.

Another work-related thing from this eve - I received a special delivery box I had to sign for. My S.O. went to the door and tried to send the courier away when we saw it was a box from a wine company. "Wine? No, you must have the wrong house." Nope, it was indeed for me - a thank you wine & cheese basket from a client I recently helped. Sigh... it's really a shame and a waste to be honest. I never was a wine drinker, so absolutely no temptation there. But the whole thing gets me thinking about how we assume that others drink and think nothing of expressing thanks via bottles of wine. I would've preferred a nice thank you card, or a gift card somewhere. But it's ok - it's the thought that counts, and I'll be sharing the basket contents with friends and neighbors over the new year weekend. They can have the wine - I personally will be celebrating Days 525-527 as we ring in the new year!


Belle - I think I know what you mean about not having the same lift in the early days of later quits. That would definitely make it harder to maintain the quits. Sorry to hear you're struggling with that. Hope you and your daughter enjoy your movie. If it's any good, please share the title - always looking for good recommendations.

Kensho - hope your migraine went away, and I'm sure tequila will not actually help. Bummer to have that happen on your trip to the city though.

Lav & Byrdie - I'm not sure I'd be able to stop again either, and that keeps me tight to my quit. The whole "one drink would never be enough" angle is important. I would never even WANT to have just one drink - there's literally no point for me. I know that about myself - a decision to drink is an acknowledged decision to have multiple drinks. So no, I don't drink. I also am enough of a "milestones" person that the thought of starting over on Day One instead of continuing the count upward also stops me. That isn't enough to be my only tool, but it's one of them for sure. For me, the most important tools are the "crisis" ones - the other ways of coping with stress, heartache, etc.

Nar - I might borrow your idea and write out a few of my stories as well. Unfortunately, I can't remember my worst ones because I was having blackouts in the days/weeks before my final quit. But I can remember the horrible feelings of withdrawal and my real fear that I might die. If I tap into that I'm transported immediately back, and that would certainly keep me in line.


Hope everyone has a good last weekend of 2017. Almost time to ring in the new year safe and sober! Do something that makes you feel proud of yourself when you wake up on Jan 1.

[Elvis]

Re: Newbies Nest

Good advice.

Have a great day everyone!

[Roobs]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hello everyone,
So happy to see everyone supporting each other and checking in.
Welcome back Belle, just keep one foot I front of the other. Keep it simple. You can do this.
Wags, congratulations on realizing your value and your boundaries. Now you can work without resentment because you didnt settle for less. Sobriety does wonders for the self esteem and confidence.
Kessho, caffeine and chocolate worked wonders for me when I thought I had a migraine. I can not really speak to a true migraine and I hope I never do.
LC, hope you're feeling better.

Hello to Pav,Ava,Lav, Byrdie,Gman,narilly, moon, and the rest of the coop. I'm Happily sober this holiday. There have been moments or fleeting romanticized thoughts of al but they have been so much easier to dismiss this year. I'm not nearly as stressed out or panicked about how to say no AL. I'm much more comfortable in my skin...most of the time. Much different from last year.
Happy New Year to everyone, let's crush 2018!!
Roobs

[lifechange]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi dear Nesters.
I love this place.

Belle, I hope you're feeling better today. It's great to have you back in the Nest.. I don't have any experience with long time sobriety so I can't really answer your question.. but I do know that for me there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason for the days I feel down. I have had to learn/am learning to take each day as it comes and make adjustments. It helped me a lot to follow what Ava said.. each day not drinking is a "good day".. so even the seemingly bad days aren't as bad as they could be!
Everyone is different, but for me it has helped this time not to count days. It has helped me to be in the mindset that this is a long, lifetime journey and I want to learn to enjoy/celebrate each day as a part of the whole.. so the individual day counting doesn't make so much sense..? Having said that, I do know my day 1 and I love to celebrate (with all of you!) my important milestones.

Kensho, how'd it go last night? Hope your migraine didn't stick around.. Good for you for coming straight here for support.

Pav, how are you doing?:hug:

Ava, thank you! "" as as more time goes on we have all those tools to deal with life that we blocked with al"".. this is inspiring to me, to know that each day is a building block and that I'm learning and making progress as long as I plod along. Some days are strong and full of realizations and learning new strategies and some days suck! But each day af makes us stronger.

Wags, Congratualations with the new job coming up! Good for you, knowing what your work is worth and sticking by your guns.. 2018 is going to be a good year! Somehow the way you said it, made me realize that I finally get the fact that it will NEVER (and very rarely ever was) just one drink for me either. I think that is the last lie to myself I had to face.. and it was/has been a difficult one (possibly the hardest) because it was my last "hope" of being a "normal" drinker to give up and let go of. "A decision to drink is an acknowledged decision to have multiple drinks".. that's the truth. And I'm never going back there.

Lav, funny that I eat the same breakfast as your chickens!! I wonder if they pick out the raisins first?

Hugs and strength to all of you stopping in or flying by. Hope everyone has a good Saturday..

[Pavati]

Re: Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

I think it is that "casual" relapse that scares me the most. If it were a strong urge I feel like I have a safety net in place and things to do to combat it. I have heard a number of stories about the person who wasn't even really thinking about drinking. That's why I keep a healthy fear of booze in my forefront. Like you, Narilly, I keep the memory of a few choice nights in my mind, and particularly how I was feeling the day I finally gave up for good. There was a sober blogger - One Crafty Mother - who was on the Bubble Hour, spoke at conferences, etc. She got breast cancer and her dad died, but she was feeling ok still. One day she was baking and went into the pantry, chugged a bottle of vanilla and was off to the races. In retrospect for her, all of the relapse signs were there - that's also why I keep that idea of the stages of relapse in my mind. If I start heading down that road, I can stop it on the way. I feel like Ava, too, like I could stop checking in here each day. But then I think - why? I have a great sober community here, and it has been successful so far. Why mess with it.

I hope you had a good night, Kensho. I know you've heard it from me before, but like Narilly, I like live music more sober. I don't have to spend my whole night in the bathroom or the beer line, and I can enjoy the music that feels more vibrant. I hope you solved your headache, faced those drinking friends, and enjoyed yourself.

Welcome back, Belle! Glad you're here.

Wags - Way to go! I know I have more confidence in my career and have ended up doing things I don't think I would have done before I quit. Feels good. Good luck with the new client.

Moon - I appreciate your honesty. I would say drinking a fifth of vodka is a pretty clear sign that booze is not for you...

There were some great posts - read them last night but now can't remember to respond to them. Hi to you nesters. I hope those of you in the cold are keeping warm. Narilly - I can't imagine thinking about swimming in that weather, although I'm sure it felt good. A friend of mine was at a wave pool in Vermont this weekend.

Happy SOBER Saturday,
Pav